Oh Big Daddy Lautner… what have you DONE?

Dear Big Daddy,

When I saw the headline:

“Taylor Lautner Dropped by Publicist Due to Demanding Dad” source

Don't look at me like that. What? WHAT?

I laughed. I cried with delight. I moaned “MOON WHY ARE YOU IN EUROPE” before e-mailing it to her knowing that I’d only be depressed after reading her auto-response again reminding me she’s out of the country.


That’s almost as bad as if Rob were to mention he read LTT “for laughs” along with Stephenie Meyer every morning on set & Moon wasn’t around to tell. ALMOST. (Moon did respond shortly after I emailed saying, “Big daddy’s a diva????!!!! I’m even more in love.”

But turns out I don’t have to say anything, because Michael K from Dlisted, once again, said it all: (make sure you read his entire post because this is just a sampling of the brilliance)

Taylor Lautner’s publicist is f*cking done with him professionally and it isn’t because of a gay scandal or anything like that. It’s because Taylor’s father is the second coming of Kit Culkin wrapped in White Oprah and incubated inside of an episode of Toddlers & Tiaras. Basically, Taylor’s father is the stage dad from the ninth circle of Hell and his (ex)publicist isn’t about to go to jail for double slapping a grown man’s basement chin.

Judging by that picture, Daddy Lautner looks like a for real twat wart who will huff at you when you take too long at the sundae bar at Sizzler. But he should still learn from the Kit Culkins and Jaid Barrymores before him…. Seriously. But Taylor’s publicist really should’ve seen this coming. Never trust a stage dad who looks like the pile of Chet from Weird Science.

(Click that last link & Die)

I’m sure Moon & I will have more to say, but for now I’ll say this: Big Daddy you were OURS. You were OUR bundle of laughs. You were ours ALONE to love. And now you’ve gone & done something to get you in the rest of the public eye!? How could you DO that to us!?

(oh & also how could you do that to your son!)

Always yours,

Do you believe the rumor? Did you see this one coming? Next trip to the Olive Garden is gonna be A-W-K-W-A-R-D for the family! The kitchen better start preparing now- they’re gonna run out of breadsticks! I bet the Lautner boys will start to throw them at each other!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

46 Commented

Where’s Daniel "Big Daddy" Lautner?

Dear Taylor,

Where the HALE is your dad?! Every time a new photo of you comes out of you at an airport or running around town I hold my breath as I scroll through each image just waiting to see Bid Daddy’s face among them. Preferably off to the side, holding a to-go box wearing an XXXL polo shirt and some dad pants but alas he’s no where to be found. He’s been missing in action for weeks, maybe even a month since we last saw the man we’ve all come to know and love and refer to affectionately as Big Daddy.


Hmmmm filet o fish

Where could be be? Did he get stuck in Rob’s old hotel room jail cell? Was Summit jealous of the coverage Big Daddy was getting from paps so they threw him in the same cell Rob was in for almost a month? Is Big Daddy jealous of Taylor Swift and all the face time she’s been getting with YOU? I mean, you took her to Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse and didn’t take Big Daddy? That’s blasphemy! They serve red meat there! I would be hurt too. I’ve even started searching every McDonald’s in the Los Angeles area looking for a cuddly dad in a corner self soothing with a Filet-o-Fish while you’re out on the town with the other half of Swiftner, but he’s no where to be found! It’s as if he never existed! Tell him to stop taking Edward’s words so literally. I can’t take this anymore!

And now you’re off gallivanting through foreign countries with KStew with NO parental guidance? Is Big Daddy sitting at home in his easy chair when the newscaster says “It’s 10PM do you know when your children are?” and NOT KNOW where you are?! I shudder to think.

I’m worried Taylor! Please tell me Daniel “Big Daddy” Lautner is ok.

It’s 10PM do you know where your Big Daddy is?

Oh and Dear Kristen,

Nice outfits! No, I’m serious, I swear!


Thank god for press tours! Oh and wanna share shoes?

<3 sometimes,

What say you? is Big Daddy MIA? Where is he? And do you heart or hate KStew’s look in Mexico?

Find Big Daddy at The Forum
Rob’s doing something over at LTR
November’s a crazy month TV wise, Jena has put together a handy dandy viewing guide over the at forum! Set your DVR’s now!

181 Commented

What a difference a year makes – Taylor Lautner then and now!

One of these things is not like the other

One of these things is not like the other

Dear Taylor, (have I ever written JUST you?)

It seems like just yesterday that you were that little kid who played Jacob Black with the bad wig in Twilight. The same dude who looked like a nerd on the red carpet at the Twilight premiere with your popped collar and bad sonic-the-hedgehog hair. But boy, how times have changed. It doesn’t seem like a day goes by without some picture hitting the interwebs of you looking like a hot piece. Now I know we already border on the possibly inappropriate with you but we’re the same age as the chicks on your movie set, so no harm no foul, right? And well we’re moving to Georgia till February when all this is legal, anyway so don’t worry, Chris Hansen is alright with it. I asked.

The other day I was sending UC OLD pictures of you and we were laughing our faces off at dorky you were and then I started sending over some new ones and it struck me: MY what a difference a year makes… from popped collars to soaked suits in the pool, you’ve come a long way Taylor. And since I can’t get enough of charts and turning normal business tools into tools of “mass Twilight shenanigans,” I present you with the “Then and Now: Taylor Lautner, what a difference a year makes” time line…

Click to enlarge, it's HUGE (that's what she said)

Click to enlarge, it's HUGE (that's what she said)

Your life in a timeline… I especially enjoy the glimpse into the future circa 2049… I bet it’s like looking into a mirror for Big Daddy. So if you’re keeping track you can print this out to add to your Twilight business documents folder. You know the one next to that folder you keep your fanfic in at work. Yup, that one.

Take the cut for a little treat

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