Saturday Morning LTT Delight! It's Twilight, Bitch!

Dea LTT girls-

By now UC and I have been arrested for lewd and indecent acts  (ripping our clothes off and throwing ourselves at Rob) in a public venue (borders) or have abducted Rob and will never be seen or heard from again… If anyone has bail money or a connection at US customs or Dateline NBC hit us up. Otherwise we loved you and our time together was magical please send mail in care of Big Bertha’s Bitches: Moon and UC at the California State Pen.

Just in case, I thought I’d leave you lovely pals with my newest favoritest video find (besides the Rob one)… I describe this one as Girl Talk (hit both those links up, trust me you will thank me!) meets Twilight. ENJOY!

XO-
Themoonisdown (aka bertha’s new ho)

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Buttcrack Werewolf – 4 Letters in 1

Pics and stories at JustJaredJR and LaineyGossip

Letter One

Dear Taylor-

Besides lookin like a total pimp… I’m worried about you! If these girls are trying to make you the new partner in their fake lesbian relationship please RUN AWAY. Run far, far away. Next thing you know you’re going to be standing outside a liquor store with KStew while Nikki Reed is inside buying you guys booze and cigarettes.

Oh wait, that already happened. Way to be totally high school Nikki Reed, keepin’ it classy!

Then they’re gonna drag you back to the hotel and you’ll get lit off one Zima and end up playing 7 minutes in Heaven with Kellan while the girls laugh from outside the closet.

Trust me it’s a slippery slope, tell those bitches to keep themselves warm next time. You have Wolfgirl to think of now!

Don’t make me call your Dad!!

Love your matchmaker,
Themoonisdown

 

Letter Two

Dear NReed-

Seriously girl? Seriously?? Buying alcohol for two underage kids? Woooooow is all I have to say. Now this isn’t my first time to the rodeo but COME ON don’t be so freaking public about it. Do what normal people do: ORDER that shiz to your hotel room and charge it back to the studio.

DUH.
Themoonisdown

Letter Three

Dear Kristen-

Now, hun I’m sure you guys are trying to “bond” before shooting starts. Trying to get the whole Bella/Jacob chemistry thing going and I totes love ya for it cause I ain’t gonna lie it’s terribly cute… but can ya tell your BFF to stay home or go bug Robbie or something? This is starting to look like some weird codependent relationship.

Trying to like you, I really am!
Themoonisdown

PS where’s Oregano?

 

Letter Four

Dear Creepy Photographer who took this pic-

This is hilarious.

Please come to my house to show me more of these. Also bring the iced tea and Dateline crew!

Thanks!
Themoonisdown

 

PS who’s freaking PUMPED about the motorcycle scenes after seeing Taylor in those biking pics?? He’s TOTALLY Jacob!

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My name's Chris Hanson and you're on Dateline NBC…

Which way to the gunshow?

Which way to the gunshow?

Dear Taylor-

By now we’ve all read at least 4586969 times that you are OFFICIALLY back as Jacob Black for New Moon. Team Jacob can now officially squeal with joy, and the rest of us can put that whole icky Michael Capon thing behind us. Whew.

Access Hollywood just recently talked to you and asked all the ‘hard hitting questions’ we wanted to know, and I have to say, Taylor, I totally have a new found respect for you. You are one of the only cast members who can intelligently talk about the books, the movies and everything in between and not get freaked out by the fangirls too much. You take it all in stride and you’re 16!!! I can’t say the same for some other train wreck interviews we’ve had to endure during the Twilight press tour. Ahem KStew, AHEM.

[clearspring_widget title=”Access Hollywood Embeddable Video” wid=”482a0d55893fbe3f” pid=”496bf957d3aad336″ width=”400″ height=”400″ domain=”widgets.accesshollywood.com”]

The only other thing I can say after watching this interview is I totally felt 2nd hand embarrassed when the weird creepy interviewer guy said “how many inches around is that?” and then asked you if you had a “sixer” going on! And made you lift up your shirt! Uh? EW.  I looked over my shoulder to make sure Chris Hanson wasn’t going to jump out and surprise me with the Dateline film crew cause it felt so skeezy. But I do have to say uh, WOW. You are ripped for a 16 yr old, and now I feel weird.

this reminds me, I need to do my laundry

this reminds me, I need to do my laundry

And back to normal stuff… your hair looks about a billion times better than the previous spiky/ed hardy wearing WeHo douchebag hair you were sporting before. Bravo! Now if only we can talk about the heinous wig they made you wear in Twilight. As one of the Atlanta housewives would say, it was beyond “low budget.”

But dear, as much as I’m giving you props right now after you said:

“Jacob’s in, Edward is out”

I laughed because Edward will NEVER have to compete with you.

Even though your new man-body will make Edward look like a nerdboy.

Much loves and glad you’re back!
Me (themoonisdown)

Previous: Wolfpack Pride
Access Hollywood

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