Breaking it down: Preparing for the wedding and butchering meat

Dear LTT-ers,

There are some new stills from Breaking Dawn out, so you KNOW we were all over those like a Twifan on an Edward pillow. So here we go…
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You're so frugal Alice! You got both our shoes at the BOGO sale at Payless!

The one with THE Shoes
Moon: so it looks like most of these are like wedding planning type pics
UC: i don’t care WHAT designer they are.. they’re hideous
and so are Alice’s
Moon: clearly alice has already been at work because now bella’s wearing skin tight jeans and a pleather jacket from forever 21
 UC: right.. Good job Alice.. we’re getting her there
Moon: the shoes look vintage or just a bit worn
UC: just an odd heel. (bellas)
Moon: like alice took esme’s vintage original early 1900s wedding shoes and added some rhinestone appliqués from michaels to the top
Moon: bellas shoes are like the classier version of when people make their own wedding flip flops, only alice probably used swarovski on those shoes.
UC: I think Bella is saying “I get what you’re saying, Al.. the rhinestones are nice and all, but I really don’t understand why I can’t wear my smelly ol’ Chucks… No one will be able to SEE under my dress anyway.. and anything bad smelling on me just smells good to Edward anyway- so it doesn’st matter that they smell like I’ve warm them while damp since 10th grade”
Moon: do you think bella has to lie down to zip those jeans up? cause daaaamn gina
UC: THose are jeans? I thought that was body paint
 Moon: same diff… twilight brand jeans/jeggings/body paint coming to a hot topic near you. SYNERGY!
Moon:  look at alice’s hair line in the back, so is that a weird shadow or did the wig not fit right and they had to photoshop her REAL hair out???
UC:  hahahah you’re right.. WORST shadow.. or photoshopped hair.  I just.. don’t get Alice’s outfit… BLACK tights? alice would for sure be wearing tights with some sort of design on them and not that soccer mom “top” that covers birthing hips
Moon: i think its more the witchy-librarian shoes she wearing for me… sale at the Port Angeles Kohls yall!
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Belllaaa!! I just met a girl named BELLLAA!!

The with the musical!
Moon: do you think bella took edward to the “bad” part of town (graffiti!) to threaten him with his life if he shoved cake in her face?? cause i would/will SO do that. shes like if theres any cake near my face you will be the 108 yr old vampire virgin
UC: Yes. I also think they could have possibly gone to a dinner theater where they were performing West Side Story & their lucky numbers were pulled to come on stage & dance with the performers.

Does this mean we have to suck the blood of the Jets?

Moon: DUDE so weird how theres a big twilight/west side story connection
UC: what there is?
Moon: how many times have we mentioned it? and its been in that Rob photoshoot
UC: hahaha you’re right
 Moon: bella is going her best “in america” and edward is 100% antone
UC: So true!
Moon: even wearing the same outfit!!!
<—— Look!! —–
UC: hahahahah
Moon: make that belt bella’s wearing red and BOOM
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Follow the jump cause we keep going and it’s Friday and you want a laugh! Duh.
Continue…

52 Commented


Twilosophy of Sad Endings

Dear Twilight and your readers,

On the heels of a the season finale of Dexter last night I got to thinking about sad endings and how no one’s immune to them even vampires and werewolves and their human friends. We all know how the Twilight saga ends and whether Bella ends up with who you want or how it all happens it’s not without it’s sad moments much like Dexter. He loses her

Jacob and Bella – *sigh* I know most of you ladies are Team Edward but can we please have a moment for what could have been for Bella and Jacob. If it wasn’t for that blasted Mercedes in the rear view mirror and maybe a few more months they could have ended up together in a relationship that started as friends and grew to much more. I think I *sigh* for Jacob because we’ve all been the second choice at some point and that’s painful. We know the outcome is for the best but it doesn’t make it any less of a sad ending.

Edward leaves Bella – duh.

They're NOT bears... or happy endings

Harry Clearwater dies – While Bella’s off being an emo teenager and cliff jumping for attention poor Harry Clearwater is having a fat heart attack which leaves Sue without a husband (cue Charlie), Charlie without a BFF and Leah and Seth without a Dad not to mention the tribe without one of it’s leaders. But really no kid should lose their parent especially when they’re going through crazy stuff like turning into a werewolf because of their anger control issues and not to mention a little something called the werewolf gene. We love ya Clearwater family!

The Leah, Sam and Emily love triangle – What a mess this one is. Thanks a lot to the magic of imprinting Leah loses her boyfriend to HER COUSIN (oh no she’s DIDN’T!) and Emily gets her face all mangled because Sam didn’t know WTF was happening to him. THEN Leah is forced to run patrols around the Cullen house in a cruel twist of fate Leah becomes a werewolf herself and has to hear ALL of Sam’s dirty boy thoughts about Emily AND THEN because Jacob refuses to leave Bella and eventually Renesmee she has to run what seems like 50 chapters worth of patrols around the Cullen house meaning she has to eat rare meat. OH THE HUMANITY!

Obviously these girls lost a bet

Mike Newton – No one’s Team Mike Newton, even though he could get your 15% off on those rad hiking boots at Newton Outfitters. Let’s all have a moment for Mike. We’ve definitely all been the Jacob where it just didn’t work out but what about never even leaving the bench.

And of course, poor Buttcrack Santa. The guy seemed like a recovering alcoholic who loved bringing joy to Children in the Forks area during Christmas and how is he repaid? By getting offed in the the dingy boat marina by some bored nomadic vampires with meth face (James).

Charlie and Renee – We’ll never know what really happened with Charlie and Renee since this isn’t their story but we do know it’s tragic that Charlie would lose his daughter to a flaky Mom who got bored of living in Forks. Sure, it’s not the glamourous metropolis that Phoenix, Arizona is but you’re married to the copstache, the built in Halloween costume possibilities are reason enough to stay. Let alone your DAUGHTER.

Oh sad moments… you make me sadder. But that’s part of the charm of Twilight and why we love it, right? Who can’t identify with sad moments? As for that Dexter finale???? EPIC SAD FACE.

:(
Themoonisdown

What other sad moments did I miss? Did you watch the Dexter finale? Will you hold me?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

174 Commented


Denali Coven is cast and The Ice Truck Killer strikes again!

Don't tell anyone Dexter but I'm going to be in Breaking Dawn and when they're not looking, I'm going to kill them all!

Dear Breaking Dawn (I still can’t believe I’m writing to you now. WOW, we’ve come a long way),

BUT ANYWAY…

When casting news about the Denali clan hit the nets yesterday I had one response: THE ICE TRUCK KILLER is Eleazar?! And who the hale is Eleazar again?

Yes, for those of you who haven’t seen Dexter Season 1 I just spoiled it for you but seriously, if you haven’t seen it before you should. So of course I couldn’t remember who the heck Eleazar was and I thought if he’s been played by The Ice Truck Killer aka Christian Camargo than Eleazar must be a real creep, cause TITK (yup, we need an acronym already) is a total creep sandwich to the max. I’m going to spend the entire movie wondering if Deb will get away this time or if Dexter will figure out that Vampire’s don’t leave blood spatter patterns you can decifer. Ok, you all might just want to go ahead and add Season 1 of Dexter to your Netflix queue now because I will be referring to him as The Ice Truck Killer/Brian for the rest of eternity. Sorry Christian Camargo. Oh and welcome!

As far as the other folks, here’s who I care about…

This is the chick who makes a move on Edward in Midnight Sun... RIGHT

MyAnna Buring – Tanya

Ok, is it just me or does she look like a cat woman? This casting must sting a bit for AnnaLynn since she’s had the look cornered for the last year. Poor thing, have Kellan get you a mammogram to make up for losing this part. Google also says she was in something called “Lesbian Vampire Killers.” Now, if Bill Condon liked the ladies I’d day he might have been doing some in depth “research” before the casting but since he likes the fellas, I’m gonna have to say Rob and TomStu had a hand in this one.

Girls gotten some mad hate on the interwebs already. I wonder if this is how Rob felt when it was announced he was Edward. Or maybe more accurately, I wonder if this is how Clare felt since Rob was probably too busy being drunk to care what 20 (it was only 20 back then) Twilight nerds on the internet thought of him.

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Oh hey, I'm Brooke... I mean the slut who darted Ryan Gosling... no wait, I'm Kate

Casey LeBow – Kate

Besides having a striking resemblance to a one BrookeLockart (but with blond hair) this girl is rumored to have been Ryan Gosling’s spring fling and for that we want to give her a high five but we’re too blinded by our own jealous rage to do it. I’m sure she understands.

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Samantha the American Girl Doll – Renesmee

Seriously, this is Renesmee

SIKE! (i wish). Word on the street is that Mackenzie Foy has been cast as Renesmee but I’m sure Summit has something up their sleeve to roll out the love child of Edward and Bella. So we’ll wait till we get the word from them before we come up with some more random shiz about her! But seriously, Samantha the American Doll, am I right?

I gotta say I’m excited to see how this all plays out what with the cat woman making the moves on Edward and BrookeLockart sneaking her way into the movie and them agreeing that Renesmee can only be played by a doll in a little hat and agreeing with us that BD needed a little action so they brought over the Ice Truck Killer from Dexter to make things interesting. Who wouldn’t watch this movie?!

412 Days!

Themoonisdown

For your googling pleasure here’s the rest: Carmen: Mia Maestro and Maggie Grace as Irina

SOOOOOoooooo feels like we’re finally heating up again in the twidom… slowly, they don’t want us to boil over before filming even begins, but what do you think??!! Agree/Disagree? Sad AnnaLynn got passed over as Tanya the catlady?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

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Praying and Fasting: For a better New Moon

new-moon-poster-kristen-stewartDear intelligent LTT readers who know better than to love a Young Adult novel & its poorly made movie adaptation but love it anyway,

Comic Con is over. We saw the new clip. We’ve seen the new pictures. The official website is up, and so New Moon time is ON.  It’s time we start our “Fasting & Praying for a better New Moon” which is a phrase we borrowed from our friend Lula who is doing a similar concept with her Twi-pals.

You’ve heard us say it countless times- We love Stephenie Meyer & the world she created. We love Robert Pattinson’s portrayal of Edward & (some of us) love Kristen as Bella, but a LOT about Twilight the movie just plain BLEW.  Buttcrack Santa? Thank you Melissa Rosenberg for writing him in because he’s my favorite character to make fun of, but really? Oh gosh, you’ve all read our blog- I don’t need to keep going- you know what we hated about the movie.

I saw Twilight 5 times in the theaters and have watched the DVD 3 times now (once with the commentary- I know! That’s nothing) and each time I watch it the more embarrassed I am that I spent over $50 at the movie theaters (plus all the money I spent on popcorn- b/c I can’t see a movie without out- seriously. Even if I just had popcorn for dinner, I’d still get popcorn in the theater)

We recently got this email from an LTT reader

Dear Melissa Rosenberg,

Twilight was a joke movie. I love Twilight and have seen it 800,000 times because (of Rob) of my love for the books, but to be honest, it’s a really terrible, second-hand embarrassing movie. The first time I watched it, I had not read the books yet, and I walked out. Of course, after I read the books I went back and watched it 3 more times in theaters. I had been contemplating whether New Moon would be just as…lame for lack of better words, or would it actually live up to it’s explosive hype? Of course, it doesn’t matter, it will still make bazillions in the box office, Twihards around the world, including myself, will watch it multiple times in theaters. But with the AMAZING trailer and all the set videos and visit reports, will the movie end up being an actual good movie that humans beyond the Twiworld would be able to enjoy? I have been pondering this question for awhile, and I had high hopes, because of new direction, a bigger budget, and Rob. But then I remembered. Yes, the director has been replaced (love the coug, but my, my was the directing terrible), and the stunts and make up will actually look professional this time around, but I’m sorry, the worst part about the movie was…THE SCRIPT. It was all your fault. Well not all, but you play a big role in why Twilight was unintentionally hilarious. The dialogue was SO incredibly cheesedick. Come on, “How you likin’ da rain grrrrrrrrl?” It’s not ‘hip’ to talk like that anymore. Nor was it ever. “Any cold…wet…thing…” Really? REALLY? You couldn’t come up with something better to respond to how ‘shez likin da rain?’ And why does Edward HAVE to show Bella he’s sparkly after she says it…OUTLOUD (that made Edward sound like a douche btw). Oh dear, MelMel, you really butchered it. See, because of you, not only do Twihards get made fun of for liking the books, but they are REALLY looked down upon for liking the movie. You should be ashamed of yourself. I really, really hope you watched Twilight yourself, realized how much you assraped the script, and wrote a less parody-like screenplay for New Moon. Stop smokin’ da herb grrrrrrl. Thanks.

Love,
me.

MelMel: At fault? Or another victim of Cathy Hardy's wacky ways?

MelMel: At fault? Or another victim of Cathy Hardy's wacky ways?

So I have to ask. Was it the script? I think that was a huge contributing factor.  So our first prayer & first object of fasting is for “MelMel,” as the email writer called her, to step it up a notch & lay off the ‘suck’ with the New Moon script.

I think she can do it. I mean, she’s got a pretty impressive resume up on imdb. She wrote for Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman for gosh sakes! I wanted to do Sully before I even knew what ‘doing’ meant. But seriously, she’s written for The OC, which like it or love it, is a brilliantly written show, and she is currently a writer for Dexter. I’ve only seen a few episodes and they’re creepily awesome, but it’s one of Moon’s favorite shows and she agrees that the writing is very creative & well-done.

So she’s obviously experienced, although those 3 shows I mentioned (yes, I wasn’t kidding about Dr. Quinn) are all TV shows, and I understand the process is different for TV versus film. Moon argues that she thinks ‘the cougar” (aka Hardy- Catherine Hardwicke) may have had a lot to do with botching the script & added some of those cheeseball lines we all cringe to hear. Admit it- the first month or two you made excuses for those lame lines like “LA Push it’s… La Push” and “Purple’s cool” saying they were “cute” and ‘just a few high school kids playing around.” But by now, we’re over making excuses- we admit it- those lines sucked big time. Did “MelMel” write them in? Or was it Hardy’s fault?

I don’t know and I doubt we ever will.  All I know is that it’s Monday night at 9:51 pm and I just had myself a cupcake (of course), a glass of wine (fine 4 glasses), half a bag of pirate’s booty, some pasta, shrimp fried rice & an apple because my fast starts tomorrow and I’m not going to eat much from now until November.  And I’m holding my eyes opened in preparation for them being closed in a three and 1/2 month prayer that MelMel figured out a way to best write the script so that Chris Weitz can represent those empty pages with just the names of the months listed when Bella is barely surviving visually and beautifully so that not a single sound is heard in any theater across the globe on November 20 other than the sound of heart-broken, sobbing Unicorns & women.

Only 114 more days until I can eat again,
UnintendedChoice

What do you think? Did Melissa Rosenberg have a lot to do with Twilight’s issues? Are you worried about her involvement with New Moon?

Fun Fact: I drafted this post days ago, and when I went into it last night to do a final edit & schedule for today, I noticed I called the screenwriter: Melissa ROBsenberg

Moon loves Rob. And wrote him something special on LTR
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