New Moon: The Hits and the Misses, Moon’s review part 1

The claw is in the details

Dear New Moon, LTT-ers and anyone ever in the world involved with this,

After seeing New Moon for the third time (obviously I’m not a true fan as my viewing number is not in the teens at this point) I think I can safely start to review the film with a discerning eye. I’m finally past the freak out/totally in awe/blinded by the abs stage and ready to give this a whirl and put my thoughts on virtual paper.

I think the key phrase for New Moon is: “The devil’s in the details” and Chris Weitz must have made a deal with the devil, like Rob did, because he nails it. From the very first shot of Bella waking up next to the tattered copy of Romeo and Juliet with the cover that looks an awful lot like Voltera, I knew we were in for a great ride courtesy of someone who “got it.”

While on the whole I think New Moon is light years ahead of Twilight in terms of the overall product and as my brother (in the industry and knows a thing or two) says Twilight looks like “student film” where they cut a lot of corners by being lazy instead of creative whereas New Moon is actually a total product with a vision and a pay off. New Moon is definitely not without it’s faults, and you know us here at LTT we love a good fumble (Buttcrack Santa, Spider Monkey?) so…

Let’s examine some of the hits and misses of New Moon the movie…

This scene kills me EVERY time

Jacob/Taylor Lautner
This guy actually showed up and ACTED! He had emotions, they were complex and interesting. He emoted with his face and body and didn’t rely solely on blinking, stuttering or squinting to show how much pain you’re feeling to even be near your “la tua cantante.” Did I really just use that phrase? Apparently so. Just imagine it said in Aro/Micheal Sheen’s creepo voice. Not only did he emote well he made the audience laugh. Of the three times I’ve seen it men in the audience seem to react the best to Jacob, laughing at his jokes and generally just relating. My favorite line of his? “Don’t get me upset, this will get very ugly!” Bra-freakin-vo Taylor Lautner! Big Daddy, take this kid out for a McRib but hurry they’re only back for a limited time!

Let’s see who can run the slowest and dazzle the mostest!! AND GO!

Future Bella as a vampire/Edward sequence
The slow-mo running, the khaki Anne of Avonlea outfits, the SLOW MOTION running?! Cheese with a capitol C. I get the reason behind the slow-mo which is better than Cathi’s half assed special effects way of making them run super fast but all 3 times I’ve seen it (yes, including opening night) people laughed.

More hits and misses more biker gangs more LSD trips more awesomeness after the cut!


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No words… ok, maybe just a few

Spring Break 97 yall!!!!

Spring Break 97 y'all!!!!

Dear Kristen-

I’m starting to feel like your sponsor these days with all the letters we’ve sent you about your stoner ways… but seriously a POT LEAF BIKINI?? Really, what on God’s green earth are you thinking? This is like one step BELOW a Corona bikini. And all this time I thought THAT thing was the pinnacle of white trash. You have proven me wrong. Well played.

But to quote someone who I think you’ll agree with me is wise beyond her years, I’d like to share this thought with you…

How old are you, Kristen? 19 in April?…” Well my birthday’s in May and as someone older can I please give you some advice? It is one thing to spark up a doobie and get laced at a party, but it is quite another to be fried all day.”

Ah yes, wiser words have never been spoken. And seriously Kristen you’re taking it to another level of LAME with all this bong and pot bikini madness. I half expect to tune into VH1 and see you on Sober House/Celeb Rehab. By all means, enjoy whatever you want to do in your off time, I could seriously care less, but don’t freaking advertise it. I know people who have ‘good times’ but don’t walk around in a shirt that says “I SMOKE WEED, DUH!” This makes you look like the kinda girl who would hang out with my roomate’s weird, stoner boyfriend and watch South Park all day. I just don’t get it.

Oh and tell that meth-face next to you to use some sunscreener. geez.


Picture from Egotastic!

*Update* Sent this to myguyfriend since he spoke so eloquently about her over at LTR and he had this to say:

“ha, that dude she with looks like tommy lee and kid rock put their piles of shit together after a 7 night bender and he was the product”

Thinking of incorporating  KStew’s rockin’ bikini into a valentines poem or graphic? Well, DO IT! Check out our v-tines contest deets here!

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