Dear Twilighters, Twihards & LTTers,
Have you felt out of the loop? Summer has been busy, Eclipse left the theater long ago (did it? I have no idea) and Robsten drama is sooooo yesterday’s news no one even cares to talk about them anymore. Well, to my surprise, when I did a little research for today’s letter, I found that, in fact, there is stuff still going on in the fandom. And some of it isn’t boring! Let’s jump right to it:
Ashley Greene films movie called L.O.L. in Paris with Miley Cyrus
I guess this film is about 2 girls who start a sexy girl “Happy Hands” club. I mean what else could it mean when Ashley Greene makes jazz hands while showing off the top of her bra? In other news, Ashley Greene is making awesome career choices. L.O.L.? Miley Cyrus? Seriously? Maybe she just signed on because it’s in Paris & she really wanted an almond croissant. I could understand that.
Rami Malek is cast as Benjamin in Breaking Dawn
And we all scramble to dust off our Breaking Dawn books to remember who in the H Benjamin is so we could sound intelligent when discussing the latest Twi-news around the dinner table. Can’t remember who borrowed your BD book (seriously. who has mine?) I’ll help you out: Benjamin is from the Egyptian coven & is the vampire with the ability to influence the elements: fire, water, earth & air. Oh yeah… him! That’s what I said when I first found out who he was. I was in a sarcastic tone because seriously. I barely remember him. I guess it’s time to re-read Breaking Dawn (seriously!? WHO HAS MY BOOK!?)
Upon further research from the Twilight Saga Wiki, it looks like Ben was created by Amun who is extremely overprotective of him and terrified of the idea of him joining another coven. Sounds like Amun wants Ben for a lover if you ask me. But it turns out Ben already has a lover: Tia. Tia, of course, means “Aunt” in Spanish. So Ben’s lover is his aunt, and Amun, his creator wants him in the Biblical sense. Things get freaky over there across the Nile!
The Twidom tries to kill me
PopSugar: Gossip Girl’s hot! We all love it.
Ed Westwick: Maybe if I had vampire teeth.
PopSugar: Maybe you need to play a vampire with that other hot Brit.
Ed Westwick: We should play brothers. Me and Rob Pattinson should play brothers.
PopSugar: In Breaking Dawn?
Ed Westwick: Is that the next one? I’ll put the call in. Let’s do it.
And I start begging Stephenie Meyer to “suddenly” remember that Edward Cullen had a brother who was “saved” from Spanish influenza by another vampire family so Ed Westwick could be in this role & my British fantasies could come true. Well, I guess I need to also have her introduce me to the two Brits and leave me alone with them in a hotel room for a couple hours. Fingers crossed.
An adorable little girl is rumored to be up for the role of Renesemee
And then we start praying even HARDER. The demon-baby spawn of Bella & Edward not only chews her way out of Bella’s womb, is imprinted on by a grown man, but is a child old enough to attend Kindergarten!? HOW DO THEY THINK THIS IS GOING TO WORK? RENESEMEE WILL NOT MAKE ANY FRIENDS IN SCHOOL. SHE WILL BE THE WEIRD LITTLE GIRL WHO TOUCHES THE OTHER KIDS FACES & HAS NO DESIRE TO PLAY WITH DOLLS BUT REALLY REALLY LIKES JOHNNY JR.S DOG THAT HE BRINGS FOR SHOW-AND-TELL. LIKE CREEPILY LOVES IT. SHE ACTUALLY LETS HIM OFF HIS LEASH DURING RECESS & RIDES HIM AROUND THE PLAYGROUND. THEN ANOTHER DOG- OR SOMETHING THAT LOOKS LIKE A DOG- SHOWS UP AND GETS UPSET. A DOG FIGHT ENSUES. THE WEIRD KINDERGARTNER CHEERS ON THE SECOND DOG. HE WINS. JOHNNY JUNIOR WATCHES HIS BELOVED COCKER-SPANIEL, POOCHIE, GET EATEN ALIVE BY A BIGGER DOG. AND RENESMEE IS THE YOUNGEST GIRL TO BE THROWN INTO JUVENILE DETENTION. THIS IS A PROBLEM. I DON’T KNOW WHY I’M SCREAMING. BUT IT FEELS APPROPRIATE.
That’s all your Twilight news, brought to you by LTT, always a reliable source!
Thanks to Breaking Dawn Movie for always having the best news (and lots of good pictures too!)
Tags: , Ashley Greene, Benjamin, Breaking Dawn, Breaking Dawn the Movie, Ed Westwick, Edward, Happy Hands Club, L.O.L., miley cyrus, Rami Malek, Renesmee, Twilight News