Twilosophy: Is any guy ever an “Edward?” or are they all “Jacobs?”

Dear LTT-ers and Twilosophy majors,

For the last few years since we’ve started LTT and LTR and since reading the books, podcasting with the guys and whatnot I’ve had this thought roaming around my twi-addled brain but never felt ready to tackle it… then recently both Chris Weitz and Stephenie Meyer spoke about the very thing I had been wondering… are there really any “Edwards” out there or are they all actually “Jacobs?”

Recently, a Christ Weitz follower tweeted him asking if he was Team Jacob or Team Edward and this was his response:

This guy's a "jacob?" *swoon*

I am a Jacob. So that has to be my team, by default. Except really, honestly, I’m team Bella.
@chrisweitz
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First I loved him more because he self identifies as a “Jacob” but it got me to thinking since most guys I know have said they’re a “Jacob” and most ladies say they married a “Jacob” IS ANYONE ever an Edward? Has any guy self identified as an “Edward?” And has anyone every really gotten their “Edward?” An “Edward” being the seemingly unattainable, hot, sorta-pretty-much perfect guy who you think would never give you the time of day.

Yup, definitely a Jacob

After being in this “world” for many years I would say that a majority of married Twilight lovers would say they married their “Jacob.” Many of our fellow bloggers and even Stephenie herself has said this. She mentioned that marrying Pancho was like marrying her Jacob.  Stephenie also had this to say about Rob and Taylor in her recent interview with USA Today…

On working with Pattinson and Lautner: “Rob is more like Jacob than Edward. He’s goofy, he’s funny, he doesn’t take much seriously. But he can turn Edward on like that (she snaps her fingers) when he needs to be Edward. Taylor’s who we hang out with most. He’s a lot like fun, happy Jacob.” – Stephenie Meyer in USA Today

Wait, this guys a Jacob??

It’s ok, Rob/Edward fans, you can peel yourself off the floor now and let’s come to terms with the fact that Rob is not and never was Edward. Not that UC and I ever thought that because we’ve pretty much pegged him as a super nerd from day one yet it keeps bringing up the question: If these guys are all “Jacobs” then are all men out there really Jacobs? Or can some of them beEdwards and then become Jacobs?

Furthermore (oh big transitional words!) if most guys end up being Jacobs than what does that say about the Twilight story and Bella and Edward’s relationship? Is it really the stuff of fantasy because there are no “Edwards” in real life? And if that’s true have we finally found the reason why Twilight is so popular, because it’s a fantasy in every sense of the word?

That's a whole lotta Jacobs right there

So do I have an Edward to look forward to or should I just stop ignoring the Jacobs of my life and realize that though he may not sparkle he’s pretty darn fabulous and he might also be able to fix that weird squeaky sound my cars been making.

Here’s to the Jacobs!
Themoonisdown

Thoughts? Who’s married/dated/engaged to their Jacob? Do you think any guy is every REALLY an Edward? Are all men Jacobs at the end of the day?

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140 Commented


Red Riding Hood or Twilight or just plain awesomely awful? I can’t decide

(Total spoilers ahead if you really wanted to see Red Riding Hood unspoiled)

Director of Twilight you say???

Dear Catherine Hardwicke,

Sooooo I saw your latest movie Red Riding Hood on Saturday and let me just say WOW. And then I’m going to follow that with WHAT WERE YOU THINKING???!!!!!?!?! My friend and I decided to hit up a matinee of Red Riding Hood based on an interesting trailer and our love for cute boys in fantasy type films. We smuggled in some Haribo and Diet Cokes and it was ON. The opening credits rolled and we both turned to each other and said “what movie are we watching?” Cause the opening sequence could have been lost footage from the first Twilight film, all that was missing was that Black Ghosts song and Charlie picking Bella up in the squad car. BUUTTT what do you know ol Charlie I mean… whatever Billy Burke’s character’s name is was THE DAD! Anyway, so you love a good overhead helicopter shot of snowy woods on mountain tops, I can understand that and really the Twilight rip off aren’t the issue. When we’re only 5 minutes into a film and the audience is openly laughing out loud at what’s supposed to be a dramatic movie, you know something has gone horribly wrong. The last time I saw a movie where people laughed out loud like this was Crossroads with Britney Spears in the early 2000′s. Yikes! And yet again we turned to each other but this time it was my pal saying “this is really awful, isn’t it?” Um, yea pal it is AWESOMELY AWFUL! We’re talking Syfy Channel level of awesomely awful! It was like we were watching The Village meets Ring of Nibelungs meets Twilight.
.

Say it! Out Loud! SAY IT: Fairey Tale!

The Twilight similarities could go on for days beyond the opening title sequence and Billy Burke being the Dad to the insane amount of close ups of the eyes to the werewolf looking like a first draft of the New Moon wolves to the MEADOW scene with Amanda Seyfried and Edward #2 (he was second in line for Edward after Rob!) to the love triangle to the “say it out loud” part to werewolves to the “specially abled kid.” Ok, so there wasn’t a specially abled kid in Twilight, unless you consider BooBoo/Seth special.
.
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Now why don't you try acting more like ME this time...

I won’t even go into the REALLY awkwardly sexual town dance sequence (that I’ve since reenacted twice for friends) but that’s about the moment I had an epiphany. Red Riding Hood is really the film adaptation of your cougar lady Ren. Faire Harlequin romance novel fan fic you wrote on vacation last year. Cause who really has names like Valerie and Cesaire and Henry and Suzette and Claude if they’re not in a Fanfic or Soap Opera? After I realized THAT it all made sense… the main character was a blond who gets it on with a guy who was almost Edward who has a dad who wakes up in a pile of his own vomit and has a slutty mom. It was YOUR version of Twilight with YOU as the main character… only sadly you are less Aman anda Seyfried and more a younger version of the Grandma. (sad trombone)
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Don't worry Cathi... I mean grandma it's only FREEZING COLD SNOWING outside

Now my only other question remains: is there a lurid audition tape of Shiloh Fernandez and Amanda Seyfriend (Amandiloh? Shiman?) you’re going to hold over theirs heads, refer to and pull out anytime you do press for movies other than Red Riding Hood in the future?

Yup, I thought so.

Still LOL-ing,
Themoonisdown
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Follow the cut for more questions and observations from Red Riding Hood. I really just couldn’t fit all the awesome into one post
Continue…

93 Commented


It’s the small things – scenes in Twilight

(our lil UC is sicko so bear with me while I double post in her absence)

Dear Twilight movie franchise (yes, all of you),

The other night at the Iron & Wine concert I had a moment. I won’t even say I was a fan long before the song was in Twi but WHATEVER, I HAD A MOMENT. Sam Beam sang “Flightless Bird” mostly a capella as his encore and I’d be lying if I wasn’t mentally whisked away to that gazebo at the prom with Bella and Edward dancing under the twinkling lights. Of all the song and scene pairing I think that is by far the one I link together the most and really just one of my favorite scenes. And (of course) that got me to thinking what about my other favorite scenes. What will I smile and think about long after all the movies have been released and we’ve been put out to the blogging pasture?

I kinda think it’s gonna be more about the little moments to me… Bella’s feet on Edward’s feet in the prom scene or maybe…


After being confronted by a curious Bella about his eye color and wondering whether he got contacts, Edward awkardly mumbles and turns around to leave down the hallway. Way to totally draw attention to it dude! But then we wouldn’t have the arms holding the jacket or the BACK in that tshirt. Yes, this is a great moment.


Not in the book but definitely one of my faves little moments in Eclipse features Edward bro-ing up with Jacob after the kiss and Papa Swan having to step in.

From UC’s sick bed she tells me that this is one of her faves…

Jacob and Bella’s “it’s not a lifestyle choice” walk on First Beach at La Push. Jacob (Taylor) looks about 20 years older thus making us not feel so bad for crushing him as much as we do.

There are about a billion little moments in the Twilight movies that make me smile, make me laugh and make me sigh. Can’t it just be November already and the wait will be over so we can begin finding our new favorite little moments in Breaking Dawn? Ugh, the unfairness of it all.

Ohhh and before we go I have one more favorite little moment…… follow the cut

Continue…

230 Commented


Twilosophy of Sad Endings

Dear Twilight and your readers,

On the heels of a the season finale of Dexter last night I got to thinking about sad endings and how no one’s immune to them even vampires and werewolves and their human friends. We all know how the Twilight saga ends and whether Bella ends up with who you want or how it all happens it’s not without it’s sad moments much like Dexter. He loses her

Jacob and Bella – *sigh* I know most of you ladies are Team Edward but can we please have a moment for what could have been for Bella and Jacob. If it wasn’t for that blasted Mercedes in the rear view mirror and maybe a few more months they could have ended up together in a relationship that started as friends and grew to much more. I think I *sigh* for Jacob because we’ve all been the second choice at some point and that’s painful. We know the outcome is for the best but it doesn’t make it any less of a sad ending.

Edward leaves Bella – duh.

They're NOT bears... or happy endings

Harry Clearwater dies – While Bella’s off being an emo teenager and cliff jumping for attention poor Harry Clearwater is having a fat heart attack which leaves Sue without a husband (cue Charlie), Charlie without a BFF and Leah and Seth without a Dad not to mention the tribe without one of it’s leaders. But really no kid should lose their parent especially when they’re going through crazy stuff like turning into a werewolf because of their anger control issues and not to mention a little something called the werewolf gene. We love ya Clearwater family!

The Leah, Sam and Emily love triangle – What a mess this one is. Thanks a lot to the magic of imprinting Leah loses her boyfriend to HER COUSIN (oh no she’s DIDN’T!) and Emily gets her face all mangled because Sam didn’t know WTF was happening to him. THEN Leah is forced to run patrols around the Cullen house in a cruel twist of fate Leah becomes a werewolf herself and has to hear ALL of Sam’s dirty boy thoughts about Emily AND THEN because Jacob refuses to leave Bella and eventually Renesmee she has to run what seems like 50 chapters worth of patrols around the Cullen house meaning she has to eat rare meat. OH THE HUMANITY!

Obviously these girls lost a bet

Mike Newton – No one’s Team Mike Newton, even though he could get your 15% off on those rad hiking boots at Newton Outfitters. Let’s all have a moment for Mike. We’ve definitely all been the Jacob where it just didn’t work out but what about never even leaving the bench.

And of course, poor Buttcrack Santa. The guy seemed like a recovering alcoholic who loved bringing joy to Children in the Forks area during Christmas and how is he repaid? By getting offed in the the dingy boat marina by some bored nomadic vampires with meth face (James).

Charlie and Renee – We’ll never know what really happened with Charlie and Renee since this isn’t their story but we do know it’s tragic that Charlie would lose his daughter to a flaky Mom who got bored of living in Forks. Sure, it’s not the glamourous metropolis that Phoenix, Arizona is but you’re married to the copstache, the built in Halloween costume possibilities are reason enough to stay. Let alone your DAUGHTER.

Oh sad moments… you make me sadder. But that’s part of the charm of Twilight and why we love it, right? Who can’t identify with sad moments? As for that Dexter finale???? EPIC SAD FACE.

:(
Themoonisdown

What other sad moments did I miss? Did you watch the Dexter finale? Will you hold me?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

174 Commented


It’s Eclipse DVD time and I’ve got a party for you!

(*moon note: sorry for the delay in posting! major interwebz outage in LA last night that put a kink in my writing schedule. but never fear i am here! enjoy your weekend and your DVDs!!)

It all begins with a choice! Or something...

Dearest LTT-ers,

It’s that time of the year again. A new DVD is being released and we’re forced to decided between 3248235482 versions when all we want are deleted scenes (x rated extended leg hitch scene), the real commentary (Rob and Kristen talking about how much they read us), a making of docu, and a preview of BD… but since we won’t get those I’ll leave you to decide between all the choices. My choice? The Target one, I heard there’s a picture in picture option on the Robsten commentary and I want to feel like I’m sitting in the middle of a king size water bed with Rob and Kristen as we drink coco and enjoy a few laughs. What’s better than feeling the motion in Robsten’s ocean while hearing them talk about the magicness they found in catering one day. Finally, those catering people remembered to Fed Ex In-n-Out for the cast and how they teased Taylor with the meat patties. The hilarity I tell ya! Clearly, this will all happen while watching the Eclipse DVD by myself!

So now you’ve figured out which DVD to buy (the water bed one) but you need to figure out which place to celebrate! Seems that Walmart is having ‘parties’ all over the US and Blockbuster on Larchmont in LA is hosting Tinsel and some trivia but if fantasizing about Riley in the garden section with a toothless bumpkin isn’t your idea of a good Friday night or you don’t live in shi-shi Larchmont in LA then why don’t you host your own event? That’s what I’ll be doing. It’s called the “Adult women celebrate a 17 year old vampire they never tell their real life friends about so they gather with their internet friends to oogle said boy vampire and get drunk because that’s normal party.” Sounds like fun, right? Sounds like every day to me.

We’ve seen what the Twimoms can do with a party when left to their own devices, See: The Oprah show. If you’re here we know you don’t have a red bathrug cum red carpet in your basement or even have a shirt with a cast member’s face on it, or have dipped Team Jacob/Edward specific strawberries. We’re all “adults” here so I’ll give you step by step instructions for an LTT/LTR approved Eclipse party…

Eclipse DVD parties RULE!

Run to the nearest liquor store and stock up on booze (boxed wine for folks like Jane Trigs, cheap champagne for people like The Font, whatever’s on sale for UC), get some crackers and cheese and a chocolate bar at the TJ’s nearest you, buy whatever DVD you want, put on some sweatpants, eat the cheese and make inappropriate noises whenever a male cast member comes on screen. Fast forward through the women. Presto! Instant party!

You’re Welcome!
Themoonisdown

So what are your plans for the DVD? Throwing an LTT approved party? Going to Wally World? Opening your mailbox and taking out the DVD? Spill it!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

87 Commented


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