Breaking It Down: It’s so obvious! Marsten, Nachos and English men

Man Up with Kristen Stewart...

Dear Kristen,

We just read your GQ article… yea, we were around when it came out a few days ago but it was simply too late to read and break down cause these things take forever. You understand. So of course after this thing trended (srsly?!) we knew we needed to break it down. So here we are…

Also, we feel it necessary to tell you and everyone else we were in the middle of a convo on Obama reelection chances, Mitt Romney and Rick Perry. Cause we care about stuff… then this convo happened…

The One where they still don’t get it but she looks good

I'm going to fwd her the groupon for laser hair removal

UC: we gotta break down Kstew right?
Moon: yea i was just about to say we need to do that…  i need to read it
Moon: im trying to find a link to this crap
UC: go to or something
Moon: How about  Fierce Bitch Stew?
Moon: yes lets read and then talk
UC: okay godspeed
Moon: srsly
Moon: woah… this shit is long
UC: ugh good opener…like.. well written! ciao bella
omg the description of the mexican place… really? “each beer comes with a basket of salty chips & salsa” ugh. it’s a mexcian restaurant
UC: there’s that prepubescent line again- do they do NO research? the majority of twilight fans are NOT teeny bopper girls!  those girls were 7 when the books came out!
Moon: No, because by doing research and they’d be forced to realize we’re not all little kids and then they’d be forced to consider that maybe this thing it’s not  so bad/childish/dumb and they’d have to rethink their preconceived notions they’ve been fed by the cynical media.
Moon: Sorry, that was a mouthful.
UC: i like the photoshoot a lot.. i think it’s one of her best
Moon: yea she does look great!! I want those suits she’s wearing. .. and dude this person is a super krisbian
UC: the author?
Moon: yes, seems that way

Ohhh heeeey... maybe he's english?!

UC: i like how she knows her bodyguard was named HBG…
i feel like it’s a male author, but i have no idea.. probably not.. but i’m reading it like it is
Moon: yea i think its a gay guy… ok back to reading cause i dont know about HBG
UC: oh haha
Moon: whats that mean?
UC: hottie bodyguard… i dind’t know either but i’ve seen it
Moon: i thought they called him agent security blanket. shows how much we know of the krisbian world
UC: i just realized this is the UK version of glamour & that’s why there are misspellings!! i was like “man.. editor missed a bunch”
UC: “Twilight is catnip for those young innocent girls” … out of all the young innocent girls i know who have read it- and i know many- no one has latched on to it like we have or our friends. even KRISTEN doesn’t get it. i feel even MORE alone.. as an adult…
Moon: ks doesnt even get it but I guess that’s like a lot of people who just don’t have that personality type to really get INTO something or enjoy it without caring so much what everyone thinks.
UC: that’s what I was saying!!!  young girls have short attention spans.. they will freak out when the movie comes out again, but they (few) care in between
Moon: “They asked me to do silly things, and I wasn’t a silly kid.” imagine that

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166 Commented

French New Moon to be noticably sexier!

Dear Non-French speaking LTT-ers,

The trailer for New Moon in French was recently released and I’m sad to say our version pales in comparision. No, no there are no new scenes or added dialogue or anything that’s noticably different from the English language version. In fact nothing’s different beside the fact that the dialogue is in French.

Now I don’t know if this is just an American thing or what but shiz like English accents and boys who speak hot languages like French are automitcally sexier than their average no accent having male counterparts even if they’re the biggest nerds to walk the planet. Case in point: that Rob Pattinson guy.

UC and I watched the French trailer together (surprise, we do nothing alone. Not even pee. I call her on the phone on my way to the bathroom) and we have to say we’re thouroughly impressed with this French version. Imagine the time and effort it took them to not only learn French but also film the movie TWICE in English and French! And even more amazing is the fact that even though French isn’t their first language it’s delievered better than their English language version!

Ok, ok we kid… it’s Sunday and we’re extra silly on Sundays so here’s what we really said when discussing the French trailer and as you’ll see we derail at the end… as all our conversations do. Oops

moon: So what about this French version of the New Moon trailer? Thoughts?
uc: oh yes… it’s HOT. why does it sound so hot!?
moon: Jheycaaaob NOOO (thats my french voice online)
moon: its all the breathy voices and french words
moon: you know the real french dude who does edwards lines is really a fat old balding creepy French dude
uc: hahahaha seriously
uc: telling all the ladies at the bar that he’s the sexy french voice of edward cullen
moon: thats his pick up line when in actuality he looks like amanDUH’s husband
uc: YES!!!! he sooo does! it IS amanduh’s husabnd
uc: she’s banking on his success to launch her carrer
moon: she wants to be the french bella. but french bella is actually cathy hardwicke’s grandma
uc: hahahaha
uc: did you SEE the black tshirt pics moon?
uc: so freaking hot
  the Vneck!
  the ARMS!?
  a slight TAN!?
  the BUTTONS?
  oh yeah
moon: YES! the v neck
 the pants the button fly
moon: i really want to rip the buttons open
moon: wait, what were we talking about?

Enjoy French Edward!

Don’t forget our special place just for Rob goodness
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