Buttcrack Santa Gifts

Dear LTTers-

Have you noticed that this year it is getting harder and harder to find Buttcrack Santa gifts? I was at Hot Topic the other day (a sentence I never thought I would ever say OR think OR type!), trying to find the perfect Buttcrack Santa gift for my sister and I kept coming up with dead ends! There was just nothing I felt was worth dishing out $30 or even $14.99 for! Good Twilight gifts are becoming harder and harder to find!

Buttcrack Santa first made his appearance at Christmas of 2009. Being avid LTT readers, my sister and I both got the giggles (yes we are 26 and 29 and we still get the giggles) when she found one of “those little bottles” in her stocking with a tag “To: Team Seth, Love: Buttcrack Santa.” Our parents and husbands stared at us blankly, waiting for an explanation. There really wasn’t a good one. We both looked at each other, turned to our judgemental group and said “its a Twilight thing, you wouldn’t understand.” And with that, the Buttcrack Santa tradition was born.

But, Buttcrack Santa gifts aren’t just for the winter holidays! This special breed of Santa can make an appearance any time of year. Buttcrack Santa made an appearance in June, right before Eclipse came out and delivered me a wonderful Eclipse watching package- complete with LTT shirt, my own jorts, a replica Bella ring and other Twilight nic-nacs! Then, last Christmas I received a wonderful “Team Jacob” t-shirt, which from the looks of the orange price tag, Santa got a very good deal on!

Unfortunately, BCS was too drunk to remember my sister’s gift last year. So this year, I am bound and determined to find the best possible BCS gift for her. This search has been hard though! The stores aren’t stocking Twilight stickers, candy and key chains like they used to! Even Barnes and Noble let me down. So, my quest drove me to the Internet, where I found some real gems.

For example, did you know that for a mere $39.99 you could be a proud owner of this set of sparkling Twilight title themed Christmas ornaments?

Or, if Breaking Dawn was your favorite, you could receive these “honeymoon” themed ornaments from Buttcrack Santa this year! Now, these seem pretty easy to make, but I couldn’t quite bring myself to go to the craft store and buy a bag of fake white feathers, so my search continued.

Buttcrack Santa gifts don’t have to be holiday themed either! In fact, they are better if they are something you can use year round- like a bracelet or other fun item for your house. A good bracelet at Hot Topic can cost you anywhere upedward (see what I did there?) of $14.99, but on etsy you can find so many other varieties! Like this “Edward” handmade beaded bracelet!

Or this replica of Bella’s graduation present!

I prefer my BCS gifts to be a little more subtle however, which is why I bypassed all the wonderful creations on etsy and hopped on over to my local 5 Below. This was my last ditch effort to find the perfect Twilight gift before I hit up Michael’s to buy some feathers and a silver paint pen. Thankfully I hit the very small jackpot there, but I can’t share what I bought or Team Seth will know her gift ahead of time! I will say this: the gift is a small token of Twilight love and vampire appreciation and cost below $5 (hence the name) which is absolutely perfect for BCS’s budget. These gifts don’t have to be big or expensive, just something to give us a little reminder of the joint love of something that gave us many laughs and good times together and some great inside jokes. Buttcrack Santa is the little bit of Twilight holiday spirit in all of us LTTers.

I hope the spirit of Buttcrack Santa has inspired all of you to start your own BCS gift exchange! And although good Twilight gifts are becoming fewer and farther between, I can only hope this tradition with my sister continues for years to come!

Happy Holidays and Little Bottles to All and to all a good night!
-“Rachel B”

Rachel is right! We used to find SO many GREAT (ahem) “Buttcrack Santa” gifts every year- Etsy was FULL of the best, and now…. they are SO few & far between! I mean, there is the “Harry’s World Famous Fish Fry” Moon sent me for our 3 year anniversary (for real), but nothing Buttcrack Santa would REALLY be proud of. Have YOU seen anything?

You know who sells the PERFECT “Buttcrack Santa” gifts? (I bet you’ll never guess) We do. In the LTT/LTR Store. Stock up for the Holidays. All of them!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

43 Commented


Questions for Stephenie about Breaking Dawn

Warning: You’re gonna want to pick up Breaking Dawn again after this next letter

Dear Stephenie and LTT readers,

Today’s letter is going to be one in which I let you in on a poorly-kept secret around the “Plane” household. I have read the Twilight saga WAY too many times. No such thing, you might think, right? Well, wait until you see all the questions I have for Stephenie in the unlikely event that I’m ever lucky enough to meet her. I keep hoping to somehow wrangle that meeting somehow, someday…but I somehow doubt it’ll happen…so I’ll drive all of you crazy with my questions instead:

Questions I Had After Reading the Initial Saga (Approximately 5,000 Times):

What do you MEAN there are wolves?

How, at the end of Breaking Dawn, do Aro and the rest of the Volturi not know about the Quileute werewolves until they see them at the conflict? At the end of New Moon, Alice touched hands with Aro and he read all her thoughts. Bella had told Alice about Jacob, their friendship, and his genetic inheritance. So wouldn’t Aro already know about them when the Volturi head into clearing to face off with the Cullens ?

I loved Jacob’s narration for part 2 of BD. And I was glad to get back to Bella’s so I could experience her conversion. However, why wasn’t there a part 4 of BD? When the Volturi threat came, I think you should have switched perspectives again and written that whole episode from Edward’s point of view. Because, you know, we all love him and want to be in his head. Plus, knowing what everyone was thinking (and not just Bella) during that last battle would have been great. Also, I would have loved to see through his eyes his transformation from eternal pessimist to optimist. But would that have ruined possible future plot lines?

How can Jacob, Sam, Quil, and Embry not ask their parents about Embry’s heritage? Seriously, if I thought my father had cheated on my mother, I’d have to ask…even if I didn’t want to know.

Yeah! What about ME? We could get married on a FRIDAY

Would one of the Quileute werewolves have imprinted on Rebecca Black if she’d been around? If so, who? And if she were to show up, already married, and imprinting happened, how would that play out?

If Jasper is basically a part of the Cullen family because of Alice, and the “vegetarian” lifestyle wasn’t really his first choice, what would he choose if the Cullens weren’t around and he and Alice weren’t with them? Would the emotional climate of the humans he killed be enough to finally turn him or would he be happy enough once he had Alice that it wouldn’t matter?

Edward doesn't want ME?

Was Tanya a bit like Rosalie in that she wanted Edward simply because he didn’t want her? Or were her feelings for him potentially serious? Would she have fallen for him if he’d returned her affection? I mean, this is Edward.

What is Jane’s deal with Aro? If it weren’t for Chelsea, would she stay with the Volturi? Is it just Chelsea that binds her to Aro? She seems to be so infatuated with Aro that she worships him (in a rather sick way) and that makes me wonder whether it’s all Chelsea or not… but she’d be a rather terrifying loose cannon, so I think she’s better off with Aro.

If Renesmee has the mental abilities of someone much older than either her actual age or her physical-looking age, what does she make of the strange imprinting thing? Is she developed enough to think it’s creepy that this 16-year-old guy is head-over-heels for a baby?

I LOVE Leah, and really, really want to read book half-narrated by her…and hope that in it, she and Nessie become friends, she finds love, and stays sarcastic. Promise one thing, though, please? Please don’t make Leah imprint on Jake and Nessie’s super-human, one quarter human, one quarter vamp, and half werewolf son, ok? And for that matter, promise she won’t imprint on Sam and Emily’s son either. Please? Because that would be too contrived…and just plain icky.

Are you reeling from the amount of minutiae my head is capable of dredging up? Shocked anyone would spend this much time obsessing over details of a fantasy world? Annoyed that you now have MORE nagging questions? I think it’s only fair that you now riddle me (well, us) with yours. What do you want to know?

And Stephenie, you know you want to guest-post and answer all these questions, don’t you? Please!
Love,
The Plane Friend

Um, didn’t you forget the most important question of ALL, Plane Friend? HOW did all of this get by Charlie, the police officer, with NO QUESTIONS ASKED? I get it- Jake shifted (wait.. is that what we call it in Twi?) in front of him & it creeped him out so he decided to let it slide, but WHAT? COME ON!? It’ll be interesting to see if that’s believable on screen!!!

What questions do YOU have about Breaking Dawn?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

82 Commented


A letter to the Cullens, Corner shop owners:

From time to time I forget about the Cullens. In a world of Rob and Robsten and Taysten and Big Daddy, it’s easy to forget we actually liked the Cullens first. But this letter reminded me today of those vampires we all fell for so very long ago:

Dear Cullen family,

Every once in a while I drive by your corner market and deli. I know it’s yours because

  1. you named it after yourself.
  2. I think you probably have a little entrepreneurial spirit in you.
  3. It makes perfect sense that you’d move from Forks to Portland Oregon – stay where the weather suits you… and
  4. You like to keep a low profile and what’s lower than a corner grocery in a somewhat seedy part of town?

What I’ve been wondering is who’s minding the store? (No, I’ve never stopped in to see. I’m not sure about the neighborhood and, more importantly, how would I explain my reaction to my daughters and husband if Edward happened to be behind the counter? I’m just pretending that my husband doesn’t think I’m crazy already.)

I went through each person in your family, debating on who I’m most likely to run into:

Run the family business? No way! I'm too busy being a Doctor & having very unfortunate hair

Carlisle – Well obviously, no.  I mean you’re busy as a Dr. I’d be more likely to run into you at my job at the hospital (oh please, please come sauntering through my door in your white lab coat a la Twilight!)

Esme – There’s no way. As you can see, the building has no architectural integrity to it whatsoever. If you ever got close to it I’m sure it would be much more aesthetically pleasing. I mean, there are bars on the windows and the paint on the sign is chipping away!

Jasper – While you would be helpful in soothing the minds of all the potential armed robbers that come waltzing through the doors I think that trying to control all of those out of control emotions would eventually overwhelm you. Then we’d have a highly trained soldier with a nervous breakdown who also happens to like to snack on human blood on our hands. Low profile gone. Why don’t you stay away from that store Jasper, just a friendly suggestion.

You should have SEEN the customer's outfits today, Bella. There was flannel & pull-overs and... oh... you would've fit right in...

Alice – Well, you could definitely have everyone’s purchases bagged and ready for them when they walked through the door but I think that having to face all of those poorly dressed customers would drive you crazy. So there, you and Jasper both gone crazy – I think we’ve established that neither one of you should get anywhere near that place.

Edward – Oh how I wish you were tending the store, Edward. But then again, maybe not. I might be embarrassed to have you see what I’m purchasing and, since you can read minds, there’s no way I could sneak that emergency pack of tampons in with the random gum, milk and motor oil I’m piling on the counter to distract you. Plus, I just don’t think you could hold it together with all of the customers coming in and out with their mundane and pedestrian thoughts assaulting you all day. You’d definitely lose your cool and toss one out the front door.

Bella – Well, to put it simply, if Edward wasn’t there you’re certainly not going to be there! Not that I can blame you.  Plus, you’ve already worked retail at Newton’s Outfitters so I think you’ve put in your customer service time. Whew, you dodged a bullet!

Rosalie – Are you kidding? There’s no way in hell you’d be caught dead working retail at Barneys, much less some disgusting little corner store that serves the sweaty and uncouth masses. I don’t even know why you’re on this list of considerations!

I give them one look at these abs and the customers buy extra cans of Spam!

Emmet – Yep, it’s totally you, isn’t it? You’re gregarious and big. Perfect for laughing and joking so that the gawkers become repeat customers and the potential robbers are scared away since they know you’d totally kick their ass. You’ve probably made friends with half the locals by this time, haven’t you? In fact, you’re probably having so much fun that someone needs to keep you in line. Oh! So Rosalie is there! Sorry Rose. That’s what happens when you fall for a big goof. Just stay in the back and don’t rip out anyone’s throat ok? You’ll have to move on in a few more years and hopefully it’ll just fade into a bad memory.

Well, I’ve figured it out…Now I just have to figure out how to hold it together when I make an impromptu visit and not blow your cover.

Thinking about what kind of sandwich I might order from the deli,

Sarah

Of COURSE I googled this place and of COURSE they have a Yelp page & turns out Sarah was wrong about all of the above. According to one reviewer, the guy running the place is “an over-reacting Asian.” I’m guessing college didn’t work out for Eric Yorkie & The Cullen’s hired him to run their family biz. BIG Thumbs up to the first person who writes a Cullen’s Corner Yelp Review and mentions THE Cullens!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

30 Commented


“Is Edward Gay?” And other things Guys say about Twilight…

I’m back from a business trip to Kansas City (Did I even tell you I was gone?) and Operarose shares a hilarious story with us today!

Breaking Dawn Letters To twilightDear Breaking Dawn,

My husband is perhaps the only person in the universe who does not know what’s between your covers. I know you might be surprised that there’s someone out there whose heart isn’t palpitating in anticipation of the impending magicness of the Robst-I mean, Bella and Edward wedding and subsequent deflowering that results in a precious birth scene followed by the “Sequence In Which Taylor Lautner’s Career Will Likely End,” but as a PhD student in industrial engineering, Mr. Operarose is far more likely to have his nose buried in a book on Pierce-Smith Converting than the tale on Bella Converting into an Anorexic Vampire.

That’s not to say he’s a complete Twilight virgin. Mr. Operarose was introduced to Twiworld back in 2009, accompanying me to New Moon when the only people in the world I felt “safe” seeing it with were busy. To my shock, a few days later he requested to watch Twilight and later insisted we go see Eclipse together in theaters.

Although he’s far from being a unicorn, it’s safe to say that he’s interested in seeing this Twilight experience through. So, it’s a given that we’re going to see Breaking Dawn together in November. However, he has not yet seen the Breaking Dawn Part 1 trailer and I have never told him what happens in the book. Over dinner tonight, I confessed that I wasn’t looking forward to the movie this time around. Naturally, he wondered why.

“There’s a part in it that not a lot of us are looking forward to,” I said (and by us, he knew who I meant because I’ve told him about LTT) “It’s not going to translate well on-screen.”

Mr. Operarose pushed me further.

“What is it? Does Edward turn out to be gay”

As if I hadn’t heard that one before.

Breaking Dawn White Trash

Bet Mr. Operarose will NEVER guess this one

I decided to have a little fun and see if he could really guess the outcome. He’d successfully guessed the major points of the ending of the Harry Potter series before the release of Deathly Hallows Pt. 1&2, despite having never read the books. But it’s one thing to determine that Snape is good, quite another thing to predict the birth of Renesmee.

He took up the challenge, and grew serious. “I think the Volturi want Edward and Edward is going to consider joining them.”

Not a bad guess – and not a bad plot idea. “You’re sort of on to something,” I said. “That’s a little bit of part of the story, but not the main thing most of us are concerned about. There’s something major that happens to Bella and Edward.”

I told him they got married and honeymoon in Brazil.

“So something happens in Brazil,” he said.

“Yes.”

“Is Bella kidnapped by Columbian drug dealers?” he joked.

I shook my head. “I wish.”

I said Jacob would still be a big part of the story and gets a happy ending despite not having ended up with Bella.

“He ends up falling in love! So Jacob gets himself a little girlfriend,” he mused.

“Little being the key word.” I was getting worried, suddenly, not so sure I want to get into it after all. Thoughts of sippy cup blood and Chris Hansen chasing after Jacob were ruining my perfectly good macaroni and cheese dinner.

“A magical creature?” he continued.

“Sort of…”

“Jacob is gay!”

There it is again, universal straight male “I don’t know what to say” reaction to anything Twilight.

“A little GIRL friend is more accurate,” I said, trying to steer him back on course.

He starts to get really off track then, going on about how on their honeymoon, Edward will come over to where we are living now (which happens to be in South America, not too far from Brazil) and I will fight Bella for Edward. Before the conversation goes way off into a territory which usually involves me mud wrestling Bella (it may or may not have gone there before), I recap, and let him know that Jacob’s story gets brought in LATER, after SOMETHING happens to Bella and Edward on their honeymoon.

Jacob Black and Renesmee

Yep. This is about right

“Jacob falls in love with a vampire?”

“Pretty close.”

“But he falls in love with something much smaller? That’s bad.”

He’s so astute. “You have no idea,” I tell him.

“Is it a bird? A ghost? An Ewok? A short hunchback that is bald?”

“That may have been much better, for on-screen purposes at least…”

“So it’s not quite a vampire, it’s much smaller. Is it a bat?” He asks, joking again.

By then I felt a bit like an anthropologist, studying what people predicted would happen to Bella and Edward “BBD” (Before Breaking Dawn).” If Mr. Operarose, who is normally incredibly observant and extremely intelligent, can’t predict the absurdity that is Renesmee, then I decided that I should probably just let it be a surprise for him in November.

Besides, I realized just in time that I maybe shouldn’t risk him deciding not to go with me to Breaking Dawn. I don’t have anyone else to see it with (my social circle is small since we just moved here, and I’d rather not risk making it smaller by coming out of the Twicloset).

Breaking Dawn Scares meTo conclude our conversation aka my “BBD anthropology” research, I asked him how he wanted Bella and Edward’s story to end.

“I’d like it if we saw Edward trying to react to the Volturi’s attempts to take him in. It should be revealed that the Volturi are in conflict with a group of vampires who are challenging their power in the vampire world. The rival group should rise up and then there would be a Cold War situation between them.”

Duly impressed, I told him that he might just like Breaking Dawn after all… part 2, that is.

-Operarose

Have you had to explain the err more interesting parts of Breaking Dawn to a guy? I’m pretty sure I STILL haven’t told Mr. Choice what happens!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

68 Commented


It’s time for New LTT & Breaking Dawn FASHION

Dear LTT,

All right LTT ladies!! It’s time for you guys to come up with new t-shirts for us that we can wear to the breaking dawn part 1
premiere. Come on. Where have ya’ll been? It’s time for new designs!! Wait, Moon’s was in Africa doing good deeds? That’s a good excuse, but I know UC isn’t doing anything but trying to get us to vote for her hot tubs or something (don’t worry, I clicked the link and voted for something I have absolutely no clue about! That was for you UC!) So, no excuses! And I think to speed the process up a bit at LTT, you guys should hold a design contest for the ladies and unicorns of LTT (god knows they’ve leaked us enough material to work with)!

So to start us off, here are a few of my own completely unoriginal gems (ALL stolen from LTT jokes of course):

  • a Pier One store with a truck out front that says “Isle Esme bound” (you guys hit the nail on the head with that one)
  •  “STOP – TWIST – IMPRINT“ in “Leghitch – Imprint– Hunt” style
  • *Seriously* –> And we ALL want: “Headboard 2011” with cartooned-Rob-arms breaking that sucker down
  • Finally, can I just get that pic of TomStu (you know THAT pic –furrystu) on a t-shirt…maybe with some unemployment stats under it?

Anyway, this is my humble suggestion for how we can be most fashionable going into Breaking Dawn Season

Love you guys!
HowToBe

Great idea, HowToBe! While I love the designs we have in the LTT/LTR store, I think we could use some new ones to freshen it up a bit (Is our designer listening!?) First, I have to apologize for using the f word in both picture captions so far. I blame that on still being tipsy from our Hurricane Irene party yesterday where we just drank away our hurricane fears (which amounted to a lot of beer bottles loose in the street) But anyway, Here are a few ideas I’m adding to the mix:

  • PROUD KRISBIAN using this picture (why? WHY does that exist!)
  • “Real or Not Real” on the front with “ROBSTEN?” written on the back. I think combining the Twilight & Hunger Games fandoms guarantees more sales, don’t you?
  • “Isn’t this thing over yet?”
  • LTT: Promoting Birth Control since “Fade to Black”
  • JUST SAY NO (to combining your mom’s names to come up with a new one)
  • I heard that sports teams always have t-shirts printed up ahead of winning (or losing) a super bowl/word series from a friend who loves sports so we should make sure to have a ton of the following pre-printed for the END of Breaking Dawn and the eventual Robsten break-up OR wedding: “Told you so” for the Nonsten Team and “True love, bitches” for Robsteners
  • Breaking Dawn, subtitle: The Incredible, Edible, Egg

What do you think? Should any of the above be on new LTT/LTR T-shirts & merch?

Speaking of merch, we still have stuff from that “box of Crap” Stephenie Meyer sent us last year and I’d really like to get it out of my closet. So how about you come up with good merch ideas in the comments today & we’ll pick a few favorites to send prizes to! Good luck. May Buttcrack Santa (RIP) be with you always.

Love,
UnintendedChoice

As I was writing about I had the BRILLIANT idea of “Fade to Sad” which of course we already BRILLIANTLY thought of (Or Stacey, our designer did) and I’m pretty sure this is the design we gave Stephenie. So funny. Why I don’t own this iPhone cover yet, I don’t know. Fade to Sad

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

56 Commented


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