My Book Edward is hotter than the Movie Edward

Please refer to LTR for all the excuses why Moon & I didn’t write this LTT today!

Dear LTT-ers,

UC and I were emailing the other day (for those of you who don’t remember, we met at college in real life, lost track of each other when she transferred, and reconnected on LTT—and believe it or not, most of our emailing is NOT about Twilight), and she suggested I give you all my take on something Twilight- related that is a little outside-of-the-norm here on LTT:

When I read the Twilight books, I never picture Rob as Edward. In fact, book-Edward—my book-Edward, anyway—is WAY hotter than Rob.

You don't think I look like EDWARD!??

I know, how can that be, right?

Don’t hate me, but I have to admit, I don’t find Rob all that attractive. In fact, I think I am one of the few women who is Team Edward all the way, but thinks that Taylor Lautner is drool-worthy—even if he is way too young for me and I’m very happily married—and Rob Pattinson is just so-so.

I was actually surprised to find that I thought Rob was more attractive after I saw an interview of him— when he wasn’t trying to project his version of who Edward is. I thought his British accent dreamy, his self-deprecating sense of humor endearing, and thought that he would have been one of those guys I wanted to be best friends with in high school…and might have even crushed on once or twice. But he’s just not Edward Cullen.

By way of an explanation that will make sense to all of you who are already thinking I’m crazy, please realize that I read A LOT. Before my daughter was born, I easily made it through three of four books a week at times. Now I make it through only one or two, but that’s still way above the norm. And when I read, I’m usually creating a whole movie in my head.

So since I’ve envisioned this whole alternate reality in vivid detail, when books are made into movies, I go in with low expectations. The directors, actors, casting people, etc. never do things entirely the way I would have, and someone or something is almost always off for me in a way that makes me prefer my own version so much more. (No one has ever cast Mr. Wickham, Mr. Darcy, or Elizabeth Bennet to my satisfaction and don’t get me started on the ways in which the Harry Potter movies mutilated the Harry-
Voldemort face-offs in Goblet of Fire and Deathly Hallows Part 2). There are the times when something is just perfect—Blake Lively as Bridget Vreeland/America Ferrara as Carmen Lowell (Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants), Judi Dench as Lady Catherine, Rosamund Pike as Jane Bennet, Winona Ryder as Jo March with Christian Bale (swoon!) as Teddy Lawrence—but those are the exceptions for me.

He had (some of) us at Ray-Bans

When I read Twilight and it captured my obsessive tendencies in a way few series do, I knew that I would find the movies a disaster. There was just no way that I was going to find any mere human actor to measure up to the perfect vampire of Stephenie Meyer’s creation that I had brought to life in my head.

When I saw Rob (both in pictures before-hand and then in the first movie), some of my disappointment had to do with looks, but most of it was something else. Book-Edward is just a bit lighter than Rob’s depiction of Edward—yes, he’s conflicted, depressed, constantly repressing his appetites (carnal and otherwise), but he’s not so constantly brooding. He makes jokes—he laughs with Bella and Alice—he has mood swings that would make a 13-year-old girl get whiplash. And there’s just a bit of arrogance to him
that I didn’t catch in Rob’s portrayal most of the time—but the sexy type of arrogance (not the oh-my- gosh-shut-up-I-want-to-kill-you kind). And somehow, I don’t get the sense that Rob is a hidden turn-of-the-20th-century gentleman. I can picture my book Edward in coat tails, longish hair, and a white gloves (a la Leonardo DiCaprio in Titanic), but I can’t quite make that mental picture of Rob compute with sex appeal.

The main reason I’m not a Rob-hater (and I’m not, I promise), is that I don’t know who I’d cast instead. I liked Stephenie’s pick (Henry Cavill in the event you can’t remember back that far and don’t have a weird memory for minutiae like I do). Three of my favorite oh-goodness-he’s-so-hot actors are Dean Cain, a younger Christian Bale, and Tom Welling (yeah, I have a Superman fetish, let’s move on). But the first two are way too old and Tom Welling is just nothing like Edward… he’ll always be Clark Kent,
anyway. I think if you had to back me into a corner, I might go for Ian Somerhalder (I’ve never watched Vampire Diaries and am basing this on my love of him from the WB’s summer show Young Americans that almost no one has ever heard of and his days as Boone of Lost) Matt Czuchry, or Justin Hartley. But any of them would have to dye his hair a dark reddish-brown with a few blonde highlights—not that dirty blonde color they’ve dyed Rob’s hair for the movies. And I’m not sure any of the three of them would really capture the essence of the character in my head. I think my perfect vampire is just like any author’s character—an impossible, wish-fulfillment figment of imagination.

So what do you think? Am I crazy, or is your book-Edward different than Rob too? Let the debating (and hating, probably!) begin.

Love,
The Plane Friend

When The Plane Friend told me her feelings about Rob as Edward I assured her she would NOT get hate (then took it back because I’ve been hated for much, much less). But I know that while this topic is NOT allowed on LTR, many LTT readers do not have the love for Rob that some of us do! So today let’s hear from YOU! Who would YOU have liked to have seen cast as Edward?

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93 Commented


True Confession…Sometimes We Like To Pretend Twilight Is Like True Blood

Have I thanked you lately for all the letters you’ve sent so I could have a break while Moon is away (speaking of Moon- she leaves Switzerland where she is prancing around with the Von Trapps to fly HOME TODAY! Destination LAX around 8 Pm!). I’ve even taken a break from making my “I miss Moon” pictures. It’s okay. I’ll make up for it soon. I think. Today The Two Stacey’s entertain us (with a letter I confess I barely understand but know MANY of you will love!)

Dear Twilight,

East Coast Stacey: We, the two Staceys, were enchanted by you from the very first time Bella sighed, “Edward is like a Greek God.” Or something like that, because after the twentieth time you hear things like “carved out of marble”or about “human moments”, there’s a tendency to tune things out. (Hey Bella, couldn’t you just tell Edward you have to go to the bathroom? It isn’t like you have to say, “Dude, I need to pee.” ) Here’s the thing… you aren’t the only thing we love. You might have figured this out, since we KNOW Stephenie, your creator, is reading Talk Supe.
West Coast Stacey/SWD: Dream on, EC.
EC: Fine. Probably not. But I CAN pretend. Since I am pretending, she’s reading for the love of that Ian Somerhalder. (Don’t we all, girl, don’t we all.) Getting back on topic, we have a deep affection for other vampire books and films/television programs. Actually, only the romantic ones, since we only like our vampires pretty and swoony.
West Coast Stacey/SWD: Can we even compare adult HBO content to PG YA? That’s like comparing STARZ Spartacus with X-Men. Apples. Oranges. Me thinks.

Who wins in this fang off?

EC: That is why we need to tell you that sometimes, most likely after watching True Blood late at night, we like to re imagine you as a True Blood/Sookie Stackhouse Book Series. We don’t imagine sticking a family of hillbilly inbred werepanthers in Forks, but instead…
SWD: Oh I do!
EC: Of course you do. Maybe it’s only me that doesn’t imagine werepanthers trying to get all frisky with Jacob and the wolf boy or putting Pam (she’s a vampire that makes James look like a choirboy) in charge of the Cullen Family Christmas. Instead, we can’t help thinking what if Twilight was written for a more MATURE audience. And yes, I know there’s FanFiction for that, but hear us out! Here are the reasons why…

Disclaimer: You might not know who some of these people are if you don’t watch True Blood. We will be happy to help, just ask! We are like Carlisle, helping school Bella about vampire life. Only without Carlisle’s disturbing love of jaunty scarves.

We Are Adults and Independent Women:

Vamp Bait

EC: I love a teen romance as much as the next thirty something female. Those flicks/books that bring back memories of first kisses and stolen looks across the quad are terrific. However, unlike the young girls reading Twilight, I know what happens beyond that point. Is it all posies, kittens and rainbows? No way! I need real angst and a tough Bella to dish it out. Sure Ed left her in New Moon, but to go into a depressed spiral and tune out for several months is extreme. Not to mention throw herself over a darn cliff! Seriously? Girl needs her head examined. That’s why I imagine Bella taking on some Sookie qualities. Sookie has PLENTY of faults, but she’s mostly a spitfire. Bill lied to her and she let him have it. Does Sookie wallow in pity? A little bit, but she has many other suitors ready to pop in his place. Variety is the spice of life. And no, Jacob and his raging testosterone do not count in my head. To have a great romantic wolf/vampire triangle you need an Alcide type, not a Jacob. I bet Alcide would look smashing in a pair of jorts. Just sayin’.
SWD: Sookie’s a twenty-something telepathic bar maid. You don’t serve Pete’s Wicked Ale to drunk werewolves without picking up some life skills.

Love…Big Girl Style:

Sookie's Suitors vs. Bella's Boyfriends

EC: Edward. I just typed his name and I can hear the collective swooning of at least ½ of the LTT readers and a chorus of moaning over at LTR. (Well as long as Edward is being played by the sweet Mr.Pattinson. If you even mentioned another cute actor playing a vampire, there just might be a mutiny. Note to self: nix the Somerhalder/Pattinson comparison letter.) Unfortunately ladies, the only lusty bloke in Twilight is a hormonal teenager with abnormal hair growth. That’s right, leader of the wolf pack, Jacob.
Where does that leave Edward? Blocking the advances of poor pent up Bella at every turn! Maybe, that’s what’s wrong with her self-esteem. Real nice, Edward
SWD: Admittedly, I was over Edward in New Moon. Not necessarily Team Jacob, but def not Team Emo Vamp.
EC: This is where the example of True Blood (or even Vampire Diaries) comes into play. Would Eric leave Sookie in a lurch? Would Jason (Sookie’s hot brother. Who by the way is A LOT like Xavier Samuel (Riley), so you should love him!) stop loving the female population of Bon Temps? No way! That’s why I like to play out that scene in the Isle of Esme, so differently in my head. Yes, there’s FanFiction for that too. But that’s way too rough for this girl! Actually, after watching this week’s True Blood episode with Eric…and Sookie… in the forest… I know now that Bella’s and Edward’s meadow could have been used for much more than trying to figure out what the clouds look like and how pretty the flowers smell.
SWD: Outside lovin? No way, the sparkle peen needs sheets. To quote Jack Dawson, Edward’s “more of an indoor girl…”

Sookie’s House of Style:

Sam's shirts are always a perfect choice

EC: Nevermind. They are both pretty terrible. (I’ll make an exception for the wardrobe for movie, Twilight. Rob looked pretty nice in that peacoat. )
The wolf pack could just set up shop in Louisiana and get job’s working on the road crew. Actually, book Edward’s sleeveless white button down would be a perfect addition to the nightlife at Merlotte’s Bar and Grill. However, the beige sweater and khaki’s might get him beat up or a date with Lafayette.
SWD: Lafayette wouldn’t go for the khaki’s but he does appreciate the sparkle.
EC: You know what would be great…a Sam’s Shirt. Edward could rock that! Let’s hope my daydreams keep him out of book Eric’s mesh tank tops and pink lycra. It makes me shudder just thinking about it.

EC: What about the ladies? We have book worm Bella and slutty Sookie, as our heroines. I like to re imagine a nice in between, which is following the example of how the ladies in Vampire Diaries dress.
SWD: Actually, I’m liking Sookie’s mini-hoodies and sexy, girl jorts this season.
EC: True! A nice fashion compromise of comfort and style for the girls of BonTemps! The ladies from Forks need this too! Alice needs to get on that! Except her clothes are dated too! What to do, what to do… Sam’s shirts: Ladies edition. If you have to button down, make it a cute fitted one!

It’s All About Your Friends!

Would Bella wear her own hoodie?

EC: Friends make the world go around and Bella doesn’t have many. Friends that one would help out in a jam or let them confide inner most feelings.
SWD: … help you bury a dead hooker in Vegas, those types of friends.
EC: Not whine, like Bella does, when they want to help her get pretty for her man. (Poor Alice).
SWD: Note to Bella, when someone offers you a makeover, take it, it means you need it. Haven’t you seen Tyra’s “Ambush Makeover” shows?
EC: I do have a feeling that Bella might push Angela under a bus, if Edward needed her to. That’s just a shame. Then again, Twilight reflects Bella’s world…which means all Edward with a healthy dollop of Jacob thrown in. We really don’t get to know fully about the other characters. That’s where the imagination comes in.

The supporting characters can flesh out a story like nothing else. There are so many great starts to the other cast, but sometimes you need a funny character to bring it all together. Twilight needs a Lafayette or a Jason! Sure we have Emmett, but the poor guy has almost no backstory and he needs some more dirty jokes. Add in whole chapters just for Garrett to add screen time for Lee Pace and fantasy time for his female fans. Also in True Blood you get more interaction between characters that aren’t related to the main couples. I need more Alice and Jasper! There little interaction in Eclipse wasn’t enough! Does Rosalie EVEN like Emmett? I need to see them in another light! Does Esme do anything else, but fret about her “children” and decorate the house for the millionth time? I would love Esme to try and have coffee with Renee. As Renee is trying to sell Esme Avon… Tupperware… Maybe the ever useful Pampered Chef. It’s the house ware choice for the vampire mom who has literally everything.
SWD: I see Renee as more of a MARK peddler.
EC: Just like Ashley! I bet now that she’s living with Kellan, she likes to make him look pretty with her free samples!

Washing Blood Out of Sippy Cups is Not Fun

EC: Last time I checked, vampires are, for all intents and purposes, dead. Handsome, but dead. For this reason, I pretend that Bella’s pregnancy never happened. Do you see a little baby crawling around Bill Compton’s mansion and playing with his Civil War memorabilia? No. One accidental dropping of a Compton family heirloom and that poor baby is in T.R.O.U.B.L.E! It would even be worse with Jasper in the house. Can you imagine Res..emm.ahh..ee, I have no idea, getting a boo boo on her knee? Jasper couldn’t handle a tiny paper cut! Of course, demon baby drinks blood. That’s so gross. Ignore that…it WOULD work if Twilight was True Blood! Bring on the gore!
SWD: vampires don’t sire teacup humans. It’s in the vamp bi- laws.

Sometimes it’s Fun to be Scared

Full length man-wolf demin of Jacob Jorts??

EC: True Blood is creepy. It’s creepy to the point that I put a pillow over my head to hide from the ickiness. But if I am reading or watching something about vampires I want to be able to hide my head and cuddle up to my loved one. I do swoon over the love affair of Edward and Bella, but sometimes I wish there more of a reason to be afraid for them. Sometimes, I need more than chick lit starring sparkly vampires. There were plenty of opportunities to bring in the fear, but it always stopped a little short. I wanted to peek through my fingers and see at least one character be torn to shreds. Not shatter into pieces like if I dropped a dish. Is Esme going to clean up the carnage from an epic battle with a dust buster? I thought you were supposed to burn them?

That’s why I reimagine a more fitting death for the bad guys…I actually I don’t. It’s too gross and I can’t cover my eyes when it’s all playing out in my head. #wimp

When Breaking Dawn comes to the theaters, we know that we have to remember that it’s going to be PG-13. That the young’uns are going to get there first glimpse of headboard and feathers, which will lead to their mothers having a lot of explaining to do.
SWD: Yeah, explaining disappointment.
EC: Explanations that will occur only after their mothers finish their squealing over Edward’s muscular back and the moonlight swim.

Thank goodness for a summer of True Blood (and Vampire Diaries in the fall) to give us our adult fix and some fun ideas for a Twilight that could have been.

-EC Stacey and WC Stacey (SWD)

Read more from The Two Stacey’s at Talk Supe

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35 Commented


A love hate relationship with Summit

I’m back from vacation- Moon is now in Switzerland for a few days- her last stop before returning HOME to ME (well, back to L.A. but only 2,500 miles from me) but I’m still on this little “blog break” mostly because I can’t really function until Moon is home to discuss THIS with me OMG! Don’t worry- I found a REALLY OLD letter submitted last year (see I really do hang on to them all!) that I should have posted. Oh plus a video- so don’t miss that below!

Dear Summit,

I have a love-hate relationship with you. I’m getting worried that it is going to turn into a hate-hate relationship sooner rather than later. Why is this so, you ask? Is it because you replaced my beloved Victoria with Opie’s daughter for New Moon? Could it be all those rumors, once circulating but now thankfully resolved, that it might happen again with Emmett and Alice? Eh, maybe. I think my real problem with our relationship is that you aren’t enough of a tease (I know, I know, stick with me here).

Think back with me to pre-November 2008. I was a senior in college and psyched out of my mind to be going to a midnight premiere in my little college town for Twilight. Fast forward to pre-November 2009. The small little college town theater was now showcasing New Moon on all 12 of its screens, tickets were available two weeks before the midnight show, and Nordstrom had an entire clothing line devoted to this phenom. What happened in that one year span of time? Oh, right. You sold out to that dirty little tramp we all like to call: mainstream media.

Just when I thought I might be able to keep a nerdy little obsession between myself and a few close friends, you blew the lid of my secret like Big Daddy losing the brown paper bag he was using to try to hide his Filet-o-Fish from Taylor in. The only thing I can think of to bring on the sudden onslaught of fans is the fact that you refused to heed our advice and wear your purity ring at all times. Because of this, I’m pretty sure I saw half of New Moon & Eclipse before they were out. What is that about? I understand your need to “sell tickets”, but come on! Seriously? That 10 second teaser of Edward and Bella kissing was enough to keep me drooling for more! And now, it seems, you are about to do that very same thing to me with Breaking Dawn. It started out small. Just a trailer here and there. A still shot from the set. A tweet from our resident little person. But now that everyone’s starting to run the promotion gamut, it seems like there is something new to watch every time I log in to LTT. That is just not cool. I know there are those out there who are probably going to disagree with me and give me crap for this, but I really just want to experience that cinematic magic that is slowly but surely being choked to death by the desire to make money. Believe me, I understand the desire to make and/or have money (anyone else jobless out there? Holla!), but could you, just once, think about those of us who want a little surprise in our lives and not give us 50 trailers, 500 interviews, and 1000 set stills to choose from? I’ve already seen every trailer, clip, still shot, and interview out there and I’m pretty sure I’m gonna be good with those till November. So, please, for the sake of all that is good and right in the world, save a me a little somethin’ somethin’ to look forward to (TWSS). Thank you. *steps down off soapbox*

I-think-I-may-still-love-you-but-I’m-not-sure,
SarahG

Oh Sarah…. I know how you feel. I’ve had the rants, myself & am doing my best to say “pure” even though Summit & the rest of the Media CLEARLY doesn’t want me to. I need SOMETHING to look forward to in November- I want my Breaking Dawn experience to be like my first Twilight viewing- SO new!!!

But until then…. I’ll watch fan-made videos because we all know they are so much better than anything the professionals release!!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

46 Commented


Breaking Dawn Calendar: Breaking Point

Dear LTT,

I have to say Summit has just gone too far.  The new Breaking Dawn 2012 16-month (why?) calendar is probably the most insulting-to-the-fans merchandise they have ever put out.  Not only is the cover a total Photoshop job, but the pictures inside of our lovely vamps are HORRIBLE.  These are beautiful, beautiful, actors, people, how can they make them look so ugh ugh ugly?  And the second thing, this is supposed to be a Breaking Dawn calendar, but it’s just headshots, no clips or indication that they came from a movie. They couldn’t wait to sell this before they had access to a few stills?  It’s nowhere near 2012 yet.  It just screams cheap subcontractor.  A cheap subcontractor who never saw any of the Twilight movies.   I probably wouldn’t have bought one anyway, but still, I’m a little peeved for the rest of the fandom.

Well, if they can do a cheap Photoshop hatchet job, I think I’m entitled to do the same.  My Photoshop skills are no better than theirs, but apparently that makes no difference.  I can make it more interesting, more relevant, more fun!  Last week I sent Moon and UC my first effort which you may have seen, the Star Trek Calendar:

Yes, I know they kind of look like bobbleheads (or the Thunderbirds from the 60s—check that out on YouTube!)  But I couldn’t stop there.  I was egged on by a few other faithful readers here, so I spent my workweek getting nothing done, but I did get some satisfaction, maybe revenge, and I’d like to share:

Who knew they made werewolf Smurfs, vampire Smurfs, and Smurfs getting married!  At least there’s a wedding theme here, which is more than I can say for the original!  And the werewolf Smurf is wearing jorts.

 

There was a request for a meat patty outfit for Taylor a la Gaga, so I obliged.  I apologize to you vegetarians out there:

so here it is, and I Gaga-fied everyone!  16 months of meat!  Rob’s not wearing meat, you say?  Oh, but he is wearing a spandex unitard and he IS meat.

And, lastly:

When I was surfing for images to steal use, I found out there was a movie of Wuthering Heights starring Ralph Fiennes and Juliette Binoche.  Rob worked with Ralph Fiennes as Cedric and Voldemort, and is working with Juliette Binoche in Cosmopolis.  Small world.  OK, I admit I don’t know who Taylor is supposed to be here, but let’s just say he’s the bad brother or the wimpy guy Catherine married?

You know I could keep this up forever, but I feel a little happier now and maybe I can get some real work done.  And on the plus side, my Photoshop skills did improve a bit, and I can put that on my resume because I’ll be looking for new job soon.  And feel free to download these, print out, and glue over the cover of your calendar copy.  You’re welcome.

The Old One

Update on Moon: She finally got to an internet connection this past weekend & poked me on Facebook- so I know she’s okay. She also seemed to get a kick out of all those “Countdown for Moon in Africa” pictures I’m  making (I’ve posed them on her FB wall) And I haven’t forgotten- has it REALLY been 15 days? AY! Get home Moon!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

28 Commented


Advice for any situation…Straight from Twilight

Day 3 of my vacation & today you’re going to be entertained by The Plane Friend (you remember her- we went to the same college but met on a plane ride home from college & reconnected HERE on LTT!) I still miss Moon & got word from her yesterday that she’s wonderful, safe in Africa & loving her time! More when I return!

Dear LTT readers,

I was driving in the car, bored out of my mind (because my toddler wanted to listen to kiddie music and not my audiobook), and I got to thinking. What if, instead of Dear Abby or Dear _______ (Insert newspaper/blogging advice columnist here), there was a Dear Twilight? Can you imagine the great (read: horrific) advice you could get if every answer to a write-in had to come from the Twilight saga?

 

For example:

This is how you get your boyfriend back....

Dear Twilight,

My boyfriend broke up with me and I don’t know how to get him back.

Desperate Daria

Dear Desperate Daria,

Well, you should, of course, find the nearest hot guy on a local reservation, become best friends, make him run around in a wolf costume (or phase into a werewolf if you can figure out some pretty amazing science crap), jump off a cliff, and fly to Italy—if you’ve made it that far without ending up in a psych ward or dead. That’ll make you ex come crawling back.

Love,

New Moon

 

OR:

College? What's college?

Dear Twilight,

I can’t decide what college to go to. There are so many great ones. Which should I choose?

Confused in Columbus

Dear Confused in Columbus,

Well, forget college! Get married and pregnant at 18. It worked for Beller and Edward.

Love,

Breaking Dawn

 

OR:

Dear Twilight,

My car broke down on the highway. Help!

Stranded in Boulder

Dear Stranded in Boulder,

As long as it’s not a sunny day, call Rosalie…and Emmet to be her jack. If you’re not on good terms with the vamps, call Jacob, but be ready to bank roll the project yourself.

Love,

Twilight

 

OR:

Dear Twilight,

My husband and I are trying to sort through the options available to us to expand our family. What do you suggest?

Childless in Chattanooga

Dear Childless in Chattanooga,

Bella believes in having kids the old-fashioned way—even if it kills you or necessitates a vampire conversion. Esme thinks adoption is the way to go. Rosalie suggests kidnapping.

Love,

The Cullens

 

OR:

Dear Twilight,

I don’t know what to name my baby. Please help!

Mystified Mom-to-Be

Dear Mystified Mom-to-Be,

Bella says you should take the names of the babies two grandmothers, smash ‘em together, and create a new name. Even if you end up with something no one can possibly pronounce or spell. Like Karicia (Karen & Patricia), Gloron (Gloria & Sharon), Marothy (Mary & Dorothy). You get the idea. Edward says you should let your wife pick, even if she’s insane, because you feel so guilty for knocking her up in the first place. Renesmee says you should completely ignore her parents.

Love,

The Cullens

 

The possibilities are just endless. So what do you think, LTT-ers? What other great (horrific) advice could we get from our beloved books?

The Plane Friend

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44 Commented

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