My Geek Thing Is Valuable! Your Geek Thing Is Stupid and Worthless!

I’m on vacation, which means that this letter was drafted up after lots of tropical drinks (but filled with lots of love) so I apologize for all the errors you might come across, if any! This is a reprint from LTT reader Marble from something she wrote for Twilighters.org. Enjoy!

Dear Twilight,

aDORKable

Recently I was discussing with another parent if it was time to show our young daughters Star Wars (Answer: YES). Also in question, and very brief debate: Episode IV first, right? (Answer: OBVIOUSLY). I share this to establish my minimal Geek Cred. I am not a huge nerd, but I had a hold at the comics store for Season 8 Buffy comics, I’ve seen the director’s cut of Blade Runner, I know that the even-numbered Star Trek movies are better. I love Simon Pegg, Kevin Smith, and David Tennant, and I quote the Holy Grail almost reflexively. So I submit to you this:

Twilight is, or can be, the Girl Version of geeking out.

Now, before everyone piles on here, No, not all girls like Twilight. Yes, lots of girls like shooty games and can fix your wi fi. I am not saying “Twilight is exactly like Star Wars let’s do a side by side comparison of the two”. Although I will say this: haters say Twilight is a terrible movie. We can debate the merits all day, but you know what? Star Wars, as a film, is crap. Seriously. And do you want to talk about Ewoks? No, you don’t. What it has is a great story. Millions of fans will tell you they both do.

Let the nerdrage begin.

What I am saying is that people geek out about Twilight, in a big way. Note the long lines at ComicCon this year, and every year there is Twilight stuff. It’s true some of those people just go to scream “I Love You, ROB!”, faint, and go home. But some of those people stay to see Peter Jackson and grab some new manga. At the start of ComicCon there were a few tweets going around from fanboys saying they are sick of TwiFans “ruining” the con, and why do they (we) get so hysterical. Listen, let’s talk about going overboard about something while you sew on a custom made cosplay outfit, shall we? For some people, shrieking like a lunatic or being on a “Team” is their version of spending valuable time and money learning the Star Spangled Banner in Klingon. Deal with it.
I am also saying this: every kind of pop culture that is geared towards girls is nearly always devalued and not considered serious work. I am not trying to out anybody as a misogynist; I am simply highlighting a subtle yet insidious worldview. Screaming teenagers are somehow not as authentic as the serious dudes who know all Nirvana’s deep cuts. As Chally Kacelnik said, in an article for Bitch Magazine, “Accusations of silliness and inconsequentiality are, of course, some of the most insidious tools in the patriarchy’s toolbox.

Men historically have been the arbiters of what is “good” and “bad” in Western culture, yet women gain more control of finances every day. Is the vitriol a hidden fear reaction? Or some sort of neanderthal response to Edward Cullen as top competitor for female attention?

I will end by saying this: we’re all geeks. Anyone who is not a geek about something is probably not very interesting. Don’t devalue my obsession just because mine sparkles.

Love,
MarbleNutSlut

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

46 Commented


Defending Twilight

TwilosophyDear Twilight,

I want you to know that I still love you, even though we really haven’t seen much of each other lately.
The other day at work, I was surfing the net like you do when there is nothing to do. I saw a random headline about what to do now that Harry Potter is over and so I clicked it. The post suggested many other series one could look into to fill the HP void, with a list of “Pros” and “Cons” for each suggestion. Of course you were in there, but I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that you’re only included because of all the success (ie money) the movies have had, and not because the writer thinks you are a legitimate story worth anyone’s time. Here’s why:

This is the part where Edward put Bella in a choke hold because talked to Mike Newton

Under the “Con” for Twilight: “the films portray a physically, emotionally abusive relationship in an overwhelmingly positive light. Also, the story involves a hulking teenage werewolf romantically bonding with a baby. Gross.” [I've bolded the part that inspired this letter.]

First of all, lol at the Jake/Renesmee reference – we won’t even go there. Then I was like, “Hold on, What?” I re-read to make sure I saw it correctly. Then I sat there going, “Physical abuse? What’s he talking about? Bella having to beg Edward for another go? Or wait, is this about the headboard?” It’s been nearly 3 years since my single reading of the books, so I even emailed TeamSeth to make sure that I wasn’t forgetting something. “Not unless you count the baby” she said.

This is the part where Edward bites Bella because she talked back

Ok, so Twilight, here’s the thing. Some people don’t like you. Some people even hate you. This is not new; we all know this. I can’t speak for anyone else, but personally, I don’t care if someone doesn’t like you. They can call you stupid, lame, childish, ridiculous, whatever. They are entitled to their opinions, even if they’ve never met you. We can’t control what other people think of us. I’m not going to argue with them or try to change their minds. I don’t feel like I need to stand up for your story; you can take care of yourself. But Twilight, this really kind of pissed me off. I mean, I can overlook the emotional abuse claim, because I think one could make a case for it and have a real discussion/debate on that subject. I’m not saying that Edward & Bella’s relationship is perfect or that it should be held up on a pedestal – this is a work of fiction after all. But to say that the story essentially glorifies a physically abusive relationship is not only completely false, but borderline slanderous; and ignorant…which I pointed out in the comments, in the most sane, tweedy, normal way possible. (I guess I was inspired by Moon’s Facebook comment.) Last I checked, I had 7 thumbs-down and no thumbs-up. I mean, I really can’t understand why someone would even say that. You’d think that a seemingly semi-professional blogger would take the time to make sure he actually knows what he’s talking about before callously making a rather serious (IMO) accusation about a popular story. I’m not even touching on what that would mean (if the allegations were true) about all the people, women especially, who love the story. I’m just trying to point out that it’s a false claim.

Twilight, I can’t promise that I’m always going to be around. Eventually, we will drift apart. It happens. But I can promise you that I will remember our time together fondly and will reminisce with others who also love you. And apparently, I will also be there to defend you, but only when you really need it.

I got your back,
Luludee

So what the hell WAS this guy talking about? Do you find yourself standing up for Twilight? Does Twilight really need us to defend it? Do people run away screaming when you do?

I still miss Moon, in case you were wondering:

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

53 Commented


Breaking Dawn changes to make quick while no-one’s looking………..

Dear Twilight,

It’s only been a few days since my last letter to you but I feel the need to contact you again as a matter of some urgency regarding the pending release of Breaking Dawn/headboard parts one and two.

I know it’s all wrapped up. I know everyone has gone home, wardrobes have been returned shop-soiled to Gap and Bella’s wig has been returned to world famous pubic hair wig makers ‘Tufty Mufftys’. This letter isn’t directed at the acting crew or even Bill Condon. This is for the group of people who edit the films. I need you to do me a huge favour. When Bill’s not looking, I need you to forget EVERYTHING you were told by smug Scummit executives who’ve never actually read twilight and sneak back in and re-edit the movies using the following criteria (and/or CGI):

Quickly put in MORE of the following:

More of this. Much, Much more

1.Watch the original Twilight again and check out the scene when Edward jumps onto Bella’s truck (this is not a euphemism). He jumped down nonchalantly and pinged her bodywork into place (nor was that). It worked because he looked kind of cool in a not-trying kind of way. That was more like book-Edward. He was fun and playful. Put lots of that stuff in because he’s the one we actually liked and the sole reason we all turned out for the 2nd and 3rd movies and became laughing stocks.

2. Edward’s self-conscious strutting from car to truck in New Moon with resplendent indie/rock backing track. Include more of this, particularly in plaid shirts but not in slow motion because it’s embarrassing when I’m watching with my husband. You could re-do the wedding ceremony and have Edward walking down the aisle towards Bella and Charlie instead of the other way round as a DVD extra.

Just... no!

3. Normal contact lenses. Cathy H = bang on the money. Chris and David = comedy Halloween contacts that even the disturbingly low-hairlined Jessica would notice in the canteen. When Mrs Meyer said gold she meant a subtle yellowy-brown tone not luminous neon yellow like Michael Jackson’s in the Thriller video. Photoshop the eyes if they’ve got it wrong………again.

4. More Headboards. Enough said. If possible combine more headboards with more groaning sounds and more back muscles we never knew he had. You could always skip Breaking Dawn part 2 and just put out a 2 hour film of Edward visiting Dreams the bedstore and trashing every divan. It would be much more interesting and the same audience would still queue overnight to cop an eyeful of that magicness.

5. Bella falling over. It was funny and it happens A LOT in the books which if anyone on the team had actually bothered to read, you would know this. I’d quite like to see her fall off the bed mid-shag and headbutt the wall like I do after 10 vodka’s but hey that’s just me.

Like this except... less Disney-like

6. Fast driving at night with the lights off. Was Cathy the only one who remembered that bit? Forget the faux-fight scenes as you’d impress more guys with a few 100mph handbrake turns in a sporty volvo than Esme trying to look vaguely menacing whilst mum-punching a new born in slacks.

7. Insert the moonlit scene with Edward in the ocean. I’ve seen the trailer and Summit appear to have missed the second best scene in the book. Put the moon behind him. Make him look all marbelly and lovely and WET. You don’t have to add Bella, in fact just place a black sillouette where she would be with a ‘insert your face here’ tag on it as that’s what we’ll all be doing in our heads because we’re NORMAL.

More after the jump! Continue…

74 Commented


Why I won’t read Breaking Dawn again

Day 1 of Moon’s Epic Adventure to Africa, and I’m ALREADY reaching into the goodie bag for a letter written by one of YOU! Thanks to everyone who has written one so far- I will email you all back this weekend, but please continue to send them in to us! I need all the help I can get!

Just say No

Dear Breaking Dawn,

I’ve decided I’m not re-reading you before seeing your movie Part 1 (November 18! Insert Twi-nerd countdown of the days here!). From least to most important, here are three reasons I know for sure that this is the best course for me:

1) I retain trivia absurdly well, and there’s not that much to remember in the first half anyway. Correct me if I’m wrong, but here’s my summary from memory: Beller’s parents don’t freak that she’s engaged; she gets a tank-proof car; she and Edward get hitched; they go to Isle Esme and skinny dip; FEATHERS!; Edward beats himself up and cock-blocks his wife by making her run all over the island and scuba dive; Bella has freaky dreams about the Volturi and demon babies and eats a lot of eggs; they have sex again after Bella has a dirty dream and it makes her cry and since he doesn’t kill her he decides they can finally enjoy their honeymoon; BELLER’S PREGNANT!; Edward freaks out and hates himself; Rosalie loves babies enough to suddenly love Bella; Bella’s in love with little “Eddie Jr.;” Sam and wolves freak out; Jake, Seth and Leah run the perimeter; Edward hates himself; Jake runs perimeter; Edward hates himself; Jake runs perimeter; Edward hates himself; Jake runs perimeter; Bella drinks blood; emergency C-section; baby name nobody can remember how to spell; Bella gets turned; Jake imprints. That looks like a long sentence, but it’s about 400 pages of book.

2) The more recently I’ve read the book, the more likely I am to be disappointed by the movie. It’ll be way more fun if I’m not freaking out that the wedding flowers aren’t exactly as described in the book. Better to have it a year and a half out of mind.

3) I’m afraid I’ll get pregnant if I read it.

Edward's Fault!

I’d best explain that last one. Unlike some fictional characters who will remain nameless, I do understand how babies are made and how birth control works. But I’ve read Breaking Dawn all the way through exactly twice, and I have two children. I lost my Twi-ginity in a classic all-four-books-plus-Midnight Sun I’m-trying-to-put-it-down-but-can’t thank-goodness-the-friend-loaning-them-to-me-is-only-two-blocks-away haze the first two weeks of January ’09. And had my first baby mid-October. You do the math.

After that initial binge I walked away. Ashamed of myself for loving such a cheesy YA novel so much, for letting it eat two weeks of my life. Like that cheerleader on Secret Life of the American Teenager who loses her V-card, loves it, and then her dad dies and she hates herself because she thinks it’s punishment for her sin. Umm… yeah… I may have wasted a week the summer I was pregnant watching the whole first season of that on Hulu… Pop culture marketed to 14 year-olds is obviously a weakness… In any case, I didn’t read any Twi again for more than a year.

So I had Baby #1, got lost in the haze of dealing with a newborn, and read NOTHING for six months. Then one day in the spring of last year I was in the kids’ section of TJ Maxx looking for deals on baby clothes, and there was Twilight on the shelf with Goodnight Moon (this marketing is a whole ‘nother letter in itself). I had the baby routine down pat by this point, but was still a bit sleep deprived and needed something to entertain myself without using too many brain cells. Perfect!

If my initial read-through was pure lust, the second time I read Twilight I fell in love. Went back to TJ Maxx and grabbed New Moon and Eclipse as fast as I could. But Breaking Dawn was still not out in paperback, and my husband’s mocking would never end if I sprang for the hardcover, despite the fact that he loves the books in spite of himself. So I pre-ordered the paperback and went to read Stephenie’s website. And then I found LTT. And here I am, same as almost every day for the 16 months. (I also may or may not have found a Fic that was all of Breaking Dawn from Edward’s perspective to tide me over…)

After last summer’s vacation I was just getting back into the swing of everyday life when Breaking Dawn landed on my doorstep, just when I’d forgotten that it was coming. That was the first week of August, and I spent all my time not chasing a crawling baby reveling in the fantastic fun of the crazy plot. I found out I was pregnant the second week of August.

Yes, I realize the timing means I can’t exactly blame getting pregnant on the book the second time around, but the two things are totally tied together in my mind. Especially since Breaking Dawn is a totally wacky book for a pregnant lady to have at the forefront of her mind and I got to constantly compare my symptoms to Beller’s. (More on this later.) So maybe I’ll reread you before Part 2 arrives. By then my baby will be a year and a half old and I could be ready to get pregnant again. And there’s no way I’m going to be able to keep all those new vampires are without a refresher.

Bea

I LOVE Bea’s story & wonder HOW MANY OTHERS like it there are out there! Especially because…. wasn’t Bella one of the top baby names in the US in recent years!?

PS: The adorable 15 year old sister of an LTT reader is trying to win Taylor Swift tickets! She promises she will bring her lifesize Jacob cutout in a crazy outfit to do a Back to December dance with her! Vote for her here!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

81 Commented


Time to admit our Breaking Dawn Fears

Today’s letter is brought to you by Bunty

Dear Breaking Dawn,

Okay I’ll come clean. I’m scared.

There I’ve said it. It’s the twilight-sticker-emblazoned-2nd-hand-embarrassing-elephant-in-the-room that no-one wants to mention. No I’m not referring to the prospect of Summit trying to make the shirtless one with the high-armed comedy run imprinting on a newborn baby seem normal to film critics in the way it is to us. No I’m not talking about how they can find enough interesting stuff to fill out part 2 with what is basically going to be a 2 hour film about vampires coming over to stay for a few days and then lots of vampires stood in a field glaring at each other before agreeing to go home after all. Oh no I’m talking about something much more important.

I’m talking about Edward’s clothes.

Is this the Cullens?

Now first let me make something clear. Stephanie’s knowledge of what hip and thin American teens wear was clearly wide of the mark in the books, even to my British sensibilities. I remember reading twilight and reeling (I say reeling – I mean climbing off the washing machine mid-spin cycle) at the mention of the white leather jacket and sleeveless shirts. Vampires are supposed to have lived through the 1980′s new romantic fashion era but aren’t supposed to dress like they play bass for a Duran Duran tribute act on a weekend. Given the dodgy material to work from therefore, Cathy the cougar was bang on the money when she came up with the Twilight wardrobe for our favourite sparkly one. People with anemia look brilliant in blue. People who aren’t people anymore and not technically anemic as they’re dead because they’re a vampire without blood full stop (but have a scrotum full of sperm apparently and the ability to have an erection without blood – are you following?) look brilliant in blue. Think classic tweed, think well-cut suits, handmade Italian shirts, basic wardrobe staples like a black t-shirt, plain denims. You’ve lived through every bad fashion era but are wise enough to recognise the best bits and tailor them to fit your 17 year old body in the current era. Marvelous. Thank you Cathy, job done, back on the washing machine we all hopped.

Good job Cathy. Must've put down the cougarita that day...

This is why women buy more clothes for men than men do. We’re good at it. We know what makes a man look mean and moody because we think about it all day long because we’re normal. Chris Weitz and David Slade – we love you, we do really but there is a reason your mom took you shopping instead of your dad. You just haven’t got ‘it’. Take New Moon for example, now I appreciate what you did with Edward wearing the same suit from Bella’s birthday party to getting his nips out in Italy. That was quite moving but his suit was crap frankly and the history teacher footwear looked like something Dick-the-dad would wear. I won’t even mention the three quarter length frockcoat from the dream sequence and knitwear/jacket combo in the proposal scene (I just did). In Eclipse you felt the need to dress him in a colour which can only normally found on white bra’s that have been through the wash too often. I believe it’s referred to as chewing gum white. This only served to highlight his pastiness rather than his marble-white lovely bits. Just because it’s sold by Gap and for some reason everyone in wardrobe thinks Edward would like Gap that doesn’t mean it’s not shite. I know you have to buff up the funny-running one with tight black t-shirts but please remember that they will stand next to each other in many scenes and that one will make the other look like he’s welfare dependent and overly fond of vitamin-deficient tinned goods.

A scene from a Duran Duran hit video?

Bill Condon you are giving me nightmares. I hope the stills released were a spoof and featured clothing superimposed from a 1987 Gap advert. What the hell is that stripy sweater he appears to be wearing in the honeymoon scene? A sweater, chinos and bare feet? Are we back on the whole Duran Duran trip again? Shove a straw boater on him and tell him to channel John Taylor? And the blue Rio shirt? You’ve tried to copy the Twilight blue shirt but you’ve made him look like a motivational speaker at an accountancy convention. I won’t even mention the comedy wedding morning suit (I just did). Morning suits were designed to be worn with silk cravats not bow ties.

Scaring women isn’t nice. You’re ruining it for me. Stop it. Now.

Lots of love,

Bunty xx

After the jump view a special Friday surprise that needs no commentary at all: Continue…

94 Commented


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