Jimmy Fallon is SUCH a Twilight fanboy!

Nouget-about-it!

Dear Jimmy Fallon,

First off I heart your show! If anyone had to take the late night spot of my beloved Conan, I’m glad its you. While your hair doesn’t stand up to the fabulous red heights of CoCo’s beautiful soft serve ice cream cone of a hairdo, your humor does. I cant tell you how many times me and my friends yell out “BOTHERED” on a daily basis or “hungerectomy” (when you get your hunger removed, naturally) or “snacklish” (I learned my first word in Snacklish: it’s BOTHERED!) and beg everyone we know to visit Robertisbothered.com just so they can participate in the awesomeness of “pumpkins are dumb fat squashes!” Now, we originally thought you were jumping on the Twilight/Rob bandwagon because it’s the (sorta, if you’re a major nerd like us) hip thing right now and heck, if we’re all honest anything Twilight will get you mad viewers.

But I was so wrong.

but really what's it like being with EDWARD CULLEN?! Does he really sparkle?

You didn’t make Robertisbothered.com or have Taylor and Kristen on your show just because you wanted viewers. You did it cause you’re SUCH A FANBOY!!! It’s alright to admit it, I watched your interviews with both Kristen and Taylor and I could see it in your eyes. You had the look of a Twimom who’d been standing in line at a Hot Topic for 10 days just to get the new Jacob doll or to get your DVD signed by Bob the Electrician #3 on the film. Trust me, I’m a seasoned professional Twilight outer, I can see this stuff a mile away.  So when you started acting all nervous and dorky (more than usual) around Kristen I knew you had it BAD. You talked about the good stuff like Bon Iver (though KStew didn’t know the backstory) and you had her throw footballs at plates (aka what the UC & Moon’s talk show would consist of) I just wished you had freaked her and Taylor out with some super creepo detailed fan questions such as:

  • “So have you thought about how you’re going to act out a half human, half vampire baby is eating its way out of your uterus?
  • Seriously, fade to black?! Don’t you agree Kristen, Stephenie Meyer is such a cock block there?!
  • Taylor, you’re gonna imprint on a newborn baby, don’t you find it funny that after protecting you for the last year, Chris Hansen is gonna be chasing after YOU now?! Cause I’m dying thinking of the irony here.
  • So what’s Buttcrack Santa really like!? SPILL!

Read the rest and watch some videos of awesomeness after the cut

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A Haiku for KStew

KStew someone loves you!

KStew someone loves you!

Dear Kristen-

As you know, this past weekend Moon & I were together in LA with my husband and his best friend (the bff).  We dragged their butts all over LA and made them sit in the back of the 2 door car Moon drives. We loved every minute of our girl-power.

We were shocked on Saturday night because they agreed to watch Twilight with us if we promised to stop at the liquor store first. Many beers, gin & tonics and champagne toasts later, we started the movie. The bff was actually excited to see the movie because “that hot indie chick from Into the Wild is in it.” (Don’t worry- we didn’t tell him you’re a fake lesbian)

Ya know that part when James jumps onto the boat right before the bad vamps kill Buttcrack Santa? Well, Waylon asks “Who are you?” and James appears.  My husband announced that the bff looks like James.  And he’s right. We rewound that part and had a lot of laughs imagining the bff answering Waylon’s fearful “Who are you” with his name instead. It was funny. Believe us.

After the movie ended we asked what the guys thought, and the bff declared: “I’m going to write Kristen a haiku.” [Just a little FYI- the bff is an artist- a songwriter, a poet, (and apparently a wandering vampire) and he likes to respond to text messages in haiku. So this wasn't a very strange declaration (well, it's a little strange b/c no one ever thought anyone would write you a haiku, and well, okay. It's also strange because.. who writes haikus?)] And he wrote one. On the spot. He’s that good.

He'll 'track' you down girl

He'll 'track' you down girl

A vampire I’m not
But in love with you I am
(Edward is a tool)

The bff actually sent us a bunch of haikus to choose from, and we thought we’d share one per week. We’re so cruel to you half the time (you deserve it) that we thought we’d show you something nice written by your friendly neighborhood nomad vampire male fan.

Hugs & Haikus,
UC, Moon & the Bff

*Do you have the hots for the bff? Wanna hear more from the creator of the amazing haiku? Well, check out his band because we love them and promised him TONS of new fans in exchange for plastering his face on a Twilight blog. No seriously, they’re good. You can say you knew him when he was “just a guy writing haikus” Far Beyond Frail

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We're 2nd hand embarrassed v3

Dear Crazy Insane Twilight Fangirl-

Get a freaking grip. You are the reason why a lot of us feel ashamed about liking this series, or have to preface any declaration of Twi-love with “but I’m normal” or “seriously, it’s a really great series” or “it’s not JUST about vampires.” You losing your shit after finishing Breaking Dawn isn’t helping the cause any.

The fact that you’re all snot faced and unintelligible for like half the video is mind blowing… did you really think your friends at school wouldn’t see this? Or people like us?! We’re sooooo 2nd hand embarrassed right now.

Please seek mental help… or a good tissue company like Kleenex

Love (i guess)
Me (themoonisdown)

If you dare…  watch her follow up video titled “Still crying two hours after Breaking Dawn” after the jump

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A Unicorn Sighting v2.0

"Edward's only human, Bella. He's going to react like any other boy." — Angela Weber

"Edward's only human, Bella. He's going to react like any other boy." — Angela Weber

Dear Unicorn-Man-Reading-Eclipse in Terminal 4, Sky Harbor Airport-

What chapter where you on when I first spotted you? And who is that woman hanging over your shoulder reading? She looked like either your mom or a weird girlfriend you met on Eharmony.com who’s making you read the Twilight Series to prove your love. Is it wrong I wanted to join you and ask questions?? Maybe we should start an airport book club?

So either airports are Unicorns* favorite hiding places or this is the same dude that Christapie saw last week on her flight! Only this time I saw a man reading ECLIPSE! And as irony/luck would have it I was on the phone with UnintendedChoice! We were discussing having just seen Twilight for the 4th and 5th time when I turned to my right and saw my first Twilight related Unicorn. I started whispering to UnintendedChoice, “OMG there’s a Unicorn here reading Eclipse!!! I have to take a picture!! I wonder what chapter he’s on?”

So dear Unicorns wherever we may find you… don’t fear us or our camera phones… we’re really just interested in what you think of this vampire love story and if you’re as obssessed as we are.

Love and questions,
Me (themoonisdown)

PS Sorry for the crappy quality of this cameraphone pic… i turned the flash off and had to zoom in

*A Unicorn is a term we use to refer to mythical creatures… meaning people we’ve only heard exist but have never seen in real life, i.e.: a man reading Twilight/A male Twilight fan*

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