One cannot exist on Twilight alone

To Catherine Hardwicke, Chris Weitz, David Slade & whoever has the horrific job of making Renesmee come to life on the big screen,

A Warning not to mess with Twihards:

Moon: Can you EFFING believe David Slade and the props department for Eclipse? I mean, do they think we’re blind or something?! That Volvo is CHARCOAL! CHARCOAL!!
UC: I know, I mean.. that’s almost as bad as if Harry Clearwater had famous SHRIMP FRY or something
Moon: Or Newton’s ran a SHOE store and not an outfitters. Helllloooo we’re fans- We’re the readers. We’re gonna know this stuff!
UC: Do they think we’re Vampire Diaries fans or something? Ugh

Guys- learn from Cathy the Cougar’s mistakes. There were soooo many inconsistencies between Twilight the book and Twilight the movie.

  • In the book, Bella’s first day at Forks High School is on January 19. In the film, her first day is in March. This is a MAJOR issue. MAJOR problems could happen because of the different dates. I can’t think of any right now, but I know it’s a MAJOR big deal.
  • Cabinet color fail. But love the 'stache

    Cabinet color fail. But love the ‘stache

    Bella’s mom painted the kitchen cabinets YELLOW to bring ‘sunshine’ to Forks. The cabinets in the movie were WHITE. WHITE! What would it cost? Like $3.00 paint them yellow? You could’ve made Rob eat what craft services made for 3-4 days and cut his hot pocket budget back to make up for the lost $3.00.

  • And in the movie when Bella entered Biology class and talked to Eric about getting her playlist for prom, she started to walk then pauses to look across the room towards Edward. In this shot the Armadillo is not on the shelf, and only what looks like a piece of paper is hanging there. Then the Armadillo appears on the shelf only after she has sat down at her desk and Edward moves the microscope towards Bella saying “Ladies first”. What is WRONG with you? Did you remember the Armadillo and then FORGET the armadillo? What? Are yo- NO! NO! How, I don’t even know what you’re say- How Ho- Whadya whayda you talking about, yo- want me to go away- I, I, I can’t, I can’t I I can’t just leave – I just don’t even know what to say….
  • And I was extremely offended by Bella’s outfit in the movie when she goes to meet the Cullens for the first time.  Jeans, a green top & a jacket? How do you think Old Navy felt when they saw that? They stocked up on khaki skirts in every store expecting to sell out because girls would want to look like Bella from the movie. They didn’t even sell one (oh wait- Cathy the Cougar bought one because she felt bad) Old Navy ended up donating them all to some orphanage in Russia. Those poor Russian girls (and boys)… walking around in mid-nineties styles.
  • When Bella sees Jacob at the prom in the movie, he hasn’t grown significantly like in the book. Why!? WHY would you do that to us Cathy the Cougar? Did you not read the book? Jacob is supposed to grow! Jacob is a WEREWOLF! Werewolves aren’t small little baby boys. WHY!?
  • Speaking of the prom, WHERE were the rest of the Cullen kids? This is a BIG DEAL that they weren’t there! A BIG DEAL.

Chris, David, poor chap who will have to make a fake baby look real, we’re fasting & praying that you do better than SHE did…… And to YOU, David Slade…. how dare you make the Volvo CHARCOAL. Chris… I better not find out that you make the Newton Outfitters employee vest YELLOW instead of Orange.

High expectations,
UnintendedChoice

How we really feel after the jump Continue…

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Monday Funnies: Cuz nothing's funnier than laughing at Twilight

Dear Twilight,

I’m so glad we can laugh at your expense. Cuz Lord knows that the list is growing of reasons why I need to laugh: Pics surfaced of Robsten having an intense argument at the Kings of Leon concert about who would have the most grease if they wrung their hair into a measuring cup; when writing about how I was scarred because I accidentally clicked on the snail & dragon penis‘ 3 times on Friday, I accidentally clicked on them another 3 times; I forgot Bella & Edward’s anniversary; I went to three cupcake places yesterday and all three were closed; Plus Cam Gigandet’s 27th birthday was yesterday, and I was really pissed cuz my “Important Twi dates” calendar had it wrong and listed his birthday as today, and then I realized instead of being pissed that I missed it I should just be embarrassed that I have an “Important Twi-dates” calendar. So, I need these laughs:

MondayFunny

After the jump- a little bonus Monday Funny: Continue…

136 Commented


How do people know I like Twilight?

Dear Twilight,

I might be a little paranoid.  My Facebook quote has said for awhile:

Sometimes I go into a store, and try to be as casual as possible… but I just have this major fear that… they know…

twilight-book-coverI do! I fear that when I’m browsing the books at Target, not even LOOKING for Twi-stuff, everyone STARES at me when my eye catches the black cover of one of the books. When I’m in line at the checkout counter at the grocery store, and I casually pick up the latest Cosmo mag to see if they’re still trying to convince people that guys like hot/cold “down there” (they don’t…) and I notice a teeny tiny pic of Rob, I feel like people hear my heart skip a beat and STARE. I’m paranoid. Clearly

A friend recently wrote on my facebook wall, “UC! I haven’t talked to you in forever. I’m reading the Twilight books by Stephenie Meyer (you know they’re a new fan when they give you too much info as if you wouldn’t know what series they were talking about) and my husband told me about your blog! I LOVE it!” Okay #1) How the H does your husband know about my little secret blog? #2) NOT ON MY FACEBOOK WALL! I know I act all uber open & passionate about Twilight on LTT & LTR, but I do not talk about it in person. It kills me not to correct someone when they call him “Robert Patterson” or say the series takes place in “Forks, Oregon,” but I don’t do it. I’m smoothe, I’m cool… I’m not outing myself for Twilight.

Recently Moon & I received an e-mail from a wonderful LTT/LTR reader named “K.” It said:

You found me on facebook!?  What?! I kinda felt like you guys do when people randomly mention your blog to you and you panic that people know.  I don’t mind reading hilarious blogs and sharing hot, goofy, or hilarious pics and other such things to people I’ve never met but share the same infatuation, but I need to salvage my dignity and reputation as a sane human being by pretending I don’t know what people are talking about when they mention sparkling men or naughty dumpster fantasies.

I’m the kind of person, that when asked if I’ve read/like Twilight, I respond, “yeah, I read the books a while ago (also last week) and thought they were pretty good.” Minor downplaying, you know, just so I’m still credible in the eyes of the rest of the human race.

Anyways, so I’m sure you can imagine my momentary dilemma when I got this friend request: to-be-friend or not-to-be-friend. As tempting as it was, I just had to click ignore.

So, I guess this is just my letter to you, apologizing for being that kid in high school who would myspace all weekend but pretend they’ve never seen you before come math class monday morning.

Anywho, I love you both though I’ll never publicly admit it. <3 K

We weren’t hurt! I would never be friends with us on Facebook if I wasn’t actually us. (Actually, neither one of us ARE friends with LTT on facebook… ha!)

Every ticket comes with a free pair of earplugs

Every ticket comes with a free pair of earplugs

So, I’ve been thinking about why I won’t “out” myself and really confess to my “real” world how big of a fan I am. Besides the obvious reasons of the crazy fan-girl lusty moments I have over Robert Pattinson, I think it’s because Twilight isn’t “okay” for adults to like. Don’t get me wrong- WE think it’s ‘okay’ because we GET IT. But I’d say the majority of people judge it as young adult/teenage-nonsense/MTV garbage. We’ve all read the interviews with Stephenie- she never set out to write Young Adult fiction…. I’m gonna argue that I don’t think she did write young adult fiction. I just think that’s the genre her publisher put her in.

Crap. Darn that Little brown bear. Or little Bear Brown… Whatever… Darn Steph’s publishing company for making me live a secret life. And while I’m ‘darning’ people (yes, I say darning, please love it), Darn Robert Pattinson for being so damn hot and making me get so lusty online that I have to hide in this virtual bubble where I spent the majority of my time. So much time that often when I come out of my bubble into the ‘real’ world I answer people by saying “That’s Normal,” introducing myself as “UC,” referring so often to my friend “Moon” in Los Angeles that I joke people must think we’re becoming “fake lesbians.” Yes, I get strange looks.

Maybe it’s not such a crazy idea to think that people are staring at me….Maybe I’m not as normal as I think…..

Nah, “That’s Normal”
UnintendedChoice

Be Normal in The Forum
Lust over Rob on LTR
Read more Twilosophy here

So what is it? Why do most of us hide our obsession from our ‘real’ lives!?


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Letters to Twilight: Mid-year Progress report

LTT/LTR Mid year progress report

LTT/LTR Mid year progress report

Dear Faithful Readers and Newbies-

Before we break to celebrate this fair country’s independence day tomorrow, we must first look at where we’ve come from. And by we, of course I mean us here at Letters to Twilight, not the United States. It’s time to check in on the state of our of New Year’s Resolutions! Remember when we promised to do stuff back on January 1st in the name of this blog? For those of you who are new to these fair blogs, UC and I made resolutions that we’re striving to keep and now that we’re halfway through the year of 2009 we felt it was time to reassess our promises and goals. Cause like any good accountability partner we want to be fully transparent with our successes and our stumbling blocks.

So how did we do? Will we be rewarded with special hugs from Kellan, Jackson & Justin Chong? Let’s see…


welcomesign

Freaks coming to a town near you!

In 2009 we promised to…

1. Make a pilgrimage to Forks, WA and maybe drag along some pals to terrorize this lovely town.

Reality: We’re still waiting for the city of Forks to sent us a hand engraved invitation to visit them along with keys to the city, renaming First Beach after us (UC and Moon Memorial Beach or Letters to a Beach would work) and finally for the Quilieute tribe to name us honorary members and give us native names. Since this hasn’t happened yet we’re going to put this in the lose category and look for a new travel agent.

UC/Moon: 0          People who want us to fail: 1

2. Bring you coverage and live ‘Letters’ from the red carpet premiere of New Moon… are you listening Summit Entertainment marketing dept?! You need us, we’re professionals! Seriously, email us.

Reality: Well, since the premiere isn’t till November 20, 2009 we still have time to make this happen. Are you listening SUMMIT?! We’re ready, willing and able (that’s what she said) to provide our “services” on the red carpet! But to our credit, we have live tweeted/blogged or attended various events including the Oscars, the DVD release, AND live blogged the MTV Movie Awards with our pals for over 50,000 people!

UC/Moon: .5          People who want us to fail: 1.5

100monkeysny

you call this music?! why yes, I'll torture myself for your reading pleasure!

3. Torture your eyes and ears with as many 100 Monkeys videos as we can find/take/make.

Reality: Not ONLY did we do this we even organized groups of people to see Jackson and the 100 Monkeys live! And while there, dirty-danced with the Bananager! To add to that we’ve also organized and seen Sam Bradley concerts as well and have Bobby Long shows coming up so BOOYAH! In fact, I think we deserve and extra point for this one and we’ll get it because we make the rules!

UC/Moon: 1.5          People who want us to fail: 1.5

(tie ball game!)

4. Convince Stephenie Meyers to finish Midnight Sun in a timely fashion (like by Feb. 1st or something)

Reality: Stephenie Meyer stopped talking our phone calls after we called her as Rob Pattinson’s assistants and asked her if he dazzled her. Frequently. Apparently, we do not. Much to her chagrin.

UC/Moon: 1.5          People who want us to fail: 2.5

5. Make Kristen Stewart aka Sour Puss smile at least 3-4 times by our hilarious commentaries.

As a matter of fact, I think Kristen Stewart has smiled more times in the last 7 months since we’ve been around then she has in her entire life.

We threw the best online Birthday Party a 19 yr old could ask for
The BFF James look alike fell in love with her and created Haiku’s in her honor
We uncovered her not so secret life partner
We role played her working relationships with both Emile Hirsch AND Rob Pattinson

UC/Moon: 2.5          People who want us to fail: 2.5

6. Bring you even more shirtless pictures of Kellan while making inappropriate comparisons between him and that hot guy from your youth group who was nice to everyone.

Reality: We provide the shirtless Kellan pictures like it’s our job! Case closed!

UC/Moon: 3.5          People who want us to fail: 2.5

premier

Us, New Moon premiere!

7. Start to v-log occasionally (UnintendedChoice might even perform a hit like “All I want for Christmas is a Twilight Calendar” live on video)

Reality: Yes, indeed we have embarrassed ourselves via video in the name of this blog multiple times and plan to continue doing so, as long as cameras exist as well as our stupid ideas!

Mini Edwards Meadow
DVD Release
Kiss Me!

alicehottopic

More girls! More Alice!

UC/Moon: 4.5    People who want us to fail: 2.5

8. Actually start featuring more Twilight girls on this site! We love you Ashley Greene and Alice and Anna Kendrick and Angela and sometimes Kristen Stewart! Enough with these boys, girl power!

Reality: We’ve pledged our life long love, bff-ness and asked Ashley to be our lesbian life partner, as well as Christian Serratos, Anna Kendrick, Elizabeth Reaser, Rachelle Lafevre. Seriously girls, we LOVE you.

UC/Moon: 5.5    People who want us to fail: 2.5

Well, look at that! Our LTT mid-year review says UC/Moon are ahead of the people who want us to fail (you know like the hater that one time called us losers and asked how many bowls of ice cream we eat a day. ‘sniff) We always have some areas to work on, of course- the two main being the New Moon premiere & convincing Stephenie to finish Midnight Sun- but we have a plan. It’s simple. We’ll just go to the New Moon premiere & convince her to finish it. Done and done!

Justin Chong here we come,
UnintendedChoice & theMoonisdown

Since it’s a holiday weekend in the US, you won’t see us around much- we’ll check in from time to time to approve new comments, but don’t fret if your comment seems to have gotten lost- we’ll get it up there, it just might take a lil’ bit! Enjoy your holiday!

Play in The Forum (if UC remembers to start the new thread in Rob’s flat- she’s on her own this weekend- yikes!)

See how well we’ve kept our LTR resolutions over at LettersToRob


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The Inevitable New Merchandise for New Moon

Dear Twi-hards,

With the release of New Moon fast approaching (146 days!), it was only a matter of time before the machine started rolling out new merchandise for fans to buy. After all Hot Topic almost single handedly saved the economy back in February. And we really can’t be losing anymore mall stores. Where else will I find my neon green tutu’s, Mario Brothers shirts and gothic parasols?  I mean, there goes my whole wardrobe, right? But never fear we’re just now getting a glimpse of the goodies to come that might just save the entire United States economy. Fingers crossed.

shirt

WOOOOOWWW just in case you wanted to go hunting and be camouflaged but also show how much you love Twilight, we have this lovely shirt. To our country friends, this will look nice while you’re out hunting deer with Jethro and the boys and if you’re lucky enough you’ll be wearing this on the next season of Red Neck Weddings!

NMdeskcalendar
Don’t you hate it when you’re at work and just about to close the BIG deal and can’t remember what date it is? I know I do! But after I get this handy little desk calender I can look confidently at the client and say, why yes it IS exactly one month and 3 days till my life is complete and New Moon comes out October 17th! Thank God I had this calendar or we couldn’t have made this million dollar deal! Great doing business with you!

barbiedolls
So Barbie Bella and Ken Edward dolls are like the complete antithesis of Malibu Barbie and Ken. Instead of tans they have pale, sparkly skin. Instead of the pink corvette Bella has the broke down beater truck. Instead of skin bearing bikini’s and swim trunks it’s coverage from head to toe. And instead of a Dream House on the beaches of Malibu, it’s a middle class house in rainy Forks, Washington. My only question is: what about the Bob Mackie designed raincoats and the Quielute addition to the “Barbies Around the World” collection? Mattel, you totally dropped the ball on this one!

nmlipvenom
Lip Venom, guys really? I remember this stuff from like Seventeen Magazine in the 90s. It was supposed to plump up your lips to give it that “bee stung” look. The whole concept is off, first of all who wants to be stung when putting on lip gloss? And not surprisingly the product failed and went away. But now that Vampires are the hip thing, why not trot this little diddy out again but with a new spin: Plump your lips up with the venom of a vampire! Close your eyes, dream a little dream, click your heels together and say “there’s no place like Forks” and wait for the magic of the venom to turn you into an immortal. Then you and Edward can be together forever, cause we know that’s what you dream about. Seriously, we know. We watched the movie.

When are we gonna get a Jacob action figure? Or a temporary vampire bite tattoo? Or an official Charlie Swan stick on Mustache?

Would you buy any of this?
Themoonisdown

Don’t forget to vote in the Wanna Tappa Vampa (our fake sorority) and the Twi Sisterhood’s PORN OFF! EVERY VOTE COUNTS!! Yes we can!

Read our review of Rob in The Bad Mother’s Handbook at LTR
Chat about it in The Forum!

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