Rob and Kristen go to Couple’s Counseling… and we seek therapy

Dear Rob and Kristen,

Sometimes we get funny DM’s, like unintentionally funny DM’s especially from a funny lil site called Gossip Cop that has made it their mission to debunk celeb rumors and for whatever reason (read: traffic) they love them some Robsten. So when I got the following message:

GossipCop Feb 16, 12:55pm
CLAIM: Rob and Kristen “have entered couples counseling” ➙ http://gossipcop.com/melkq

And of course I immediately fwd-ed it to UC and said “we have to role play this!” Cause we’re not above acting the fool for this site and if that means doing a little Rob/Kristen roleplay then we’re down, cause it’s not like we haven’t done it before! So we started but then as schedules would have it UC has to leave so I was in the lurch who could I ask to role play Rob and Kristen in couple’s counseling with and not seem like a total looney tune? BROOKELOCKART that’s who! Because when you have the following convo…

Moon: hi, wanna role play rob and kristen in couples counseling with me?
Brooke: Haha sure hold on
Moon: ok  for your refrence when you’re ready the post
Brooke: okay, I haven’t roll played R and K before… so bare with me
Moon: ahaha… its weird but just BE them hahaha
Brooke: so I’ll be K i’ll let my inner kbitch out
Moon: ok, here we go… safeword if you need to ;)

after ALL that you KNOW you have a good friend if they’re willing to do the following with you…

.

A suit and cocktail dress? Wow, this is some classy counseling

Therapist: So Rob you called me to set up with appointment and it’s great you’re being proactive about your relationship, but let’s start with kristen… why dont you tell me why we’re here
Kristen: We are here because he can’t live in the moment. I am in the here and now. Rob’s caught up in the yet to be and he’s holding out sex.
Rob: But kristen, I just want us to be exclusive and committed and you cant seem to give me that i just want to tell the world about us! why won’t you let me?!
Kristen: I don’t need to justify what I may or may not feel to the world i bake you loquat pies, isn’t that enough?
Rob: but if you’re not officially with Rob you could be with anyone! you could leave me for someone else
Kristen: Who would I be dating? We’ve been filming all this time.
Rob: Michael Oregano… there’s HISTORY a Jonas brother! TAYLOR LAUTNER you guys are close!
Kristen: See, Dr. Therapist, THIS is why we are here. this is ridiculous. The only Jonas Brother left is like 15 and if I’m going that young I might as well snag the Biebs. I don’t conform to what society tells us relationships are supposed to be.
Therapist: what’s this i hear about a Tom Sturridge? is he an interloper?
Rob: NO NO!!! he’s my friend he’s been there forever. He lets me show more PDA with him than Kristen does! Maybe I should be worried about Tom and Kristen they were shooting a movie together
Kristen: Tom’s fun. He’s less serious then some people I know.

Rob: SERIOUS?! ME?! i’m JUMPING ROB for pete’s sake whats not fun about me?!
Kristen: GAH. UGH. *bitchface*
Rob: i wear the same shirt every day! i play a vampire, i joke about body odor to strangers! I’M FUN! I’m giving you all the fun you can handle! And i havent even gotten the board games out yet!
Kristen: Rob, you won’t leave my side. You upset my director in Montreal. How am I supposed to be taken as serious when you live up my ass?
Rob: NO I DIDNT!!! he was just jealous of my beasite boys shirt and besides it was “MOANtreal” if i remember correctly… if i can please you in the bedroom why wont you let me in public?
Kristen: chuckles
Rob: you let Oregano please you in public, in VANCOUVER!
Kristen: I was high.
Therapist: Yes, kristen why dont you like PDA?
Kristen: It’s not that I don’t like PDA, But .. well, fine… sometimes there are small pieces of hot pocket left in Rob’s teeth after lunch and.. just… ew
Rob: WHAT?! i brought us to couples counseling because you don’t like broccoli cheese? I thought you liked 3 cheese pizza!i stick with you when you wear that same shirt every day
Kristen: that is so different- i do not wear it in my MOUTH

We learn what Rob’s love languages are and whether he’s really ready to get married after the jump
Continue…

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