Breaking It Down: It’s so obvious! Marsten, Nachos and English men

Man Up with Kristen Stewart...

Dear Kristen,

We just read your GQ article… yea, we were around when it came out a few days ago but it was simply too late to read and break down cause these things take forever. You understand. So of course after this thing trended (srsly?!) we knew we needed to break it down. So here we are…

Also, we feel it necessary to tell you and everyone else we were in the middle of a convo on Obama reelection chances, Mitt Romney and Rick Perry. Cause we care about stuff… then this convo happened…

The One where they still don’t get it but she looks good

I'm going to fwd her the groupon for laser hair removal

UC: we gotta break down Kstew right?
Moon: yea i was just about to say we need to do that…  i need to read it
Moon: im trying to find a link to this crap
UC: go to or something
Moon: How about  Fierce Bitch Stew?
Moon: yes lets read and then talk
UC: okay godspeed
Moon: srsly
Moon: woah… this shit is long
UC: ugh good opener…like.. well written! ciao bella
omg the description of the mexican place… really? “each beer comes with a basket of salty chips & salsa” ugh. it’s a mexcian restaurant
UC: there’s that prepubescent line again- do they do NO research? the majority of twilight fans are NOT teeny bopper girls!  those girls were 7 when the books came out!
Moon: No, because by doing research and they’d be forced to realize we’re not all little kids and then they’d be forced to consider that maybe this thing it’s not  so bad/childish/dumb and they’d have to rethink their preconceived notions they’ve been fed by the cynical media.
Moon: Sorry, that was a mouthful.
UC: i like the photoshoot a lot.. i think it’s one of her best
Moon: yea she does look great!! I want those suits she’s wearing. .. and dude this person is a super krisbian
UC: the author?
Moon: yes, seems that way

Ohhh heeeey... maybe he's english?!

UC: i like how she knows her bodyguard was named HBG…
i feel like it’s a male author, but i have no idea.. probably not.. but i’m reading it like it is
Moon: yea i think its a gay guy… ok back to reading cause i dont know about HBG
UC: oh haha
Moon: whats that mean?
UC: hottie bodyguard… i dind’t know either but i’ve seen it
Moon: i thought they called him agent security blanket. shows how much we know of the krisbian world
UC: i just realized this is the UK version of glamour & that’s why there are misspellings!! i was like “man.. editor missed a bunch”
UC: “Twilight is catnip for those young innocent girls” … out of all the young innocent girls i know who have read it- and i know many- no one has latched on to it like we have or our friends. even KRISTEN doesn’t get it. i feel even MORE alone.. as an adult…
Moon: ks doesnt even get it but I guess that’s like a lot of people who just don’t have that personality type to really get INTO something or enjoy it without caring so much what everyone thinks.
UC: that’s what I was saying!!!  young girls have short attention spans.. they will freak out when the movie comes out again, but they (few) care in between
Moon: “They asked me to do silly things, and I wasn’t a silly kid.” imagine that

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The well-rounded Twilight Fan

Dear Twilight fandom,

This is the story of how to be a well-rounded Twilight fan.  It IS possible that your husbands, significant others, moms, dad, kids, etc. can be “proud” of you, despite your obsessing over “just a book about Vampires” (who has had someone in their life refer to it as that before? I have, I have!) Moon & I, through reading your letters and amazing emails, have discovered the key to maintaining a healthy, balanced life, while never really leaving the Twilight world.

By using the suggestions described by the following stories, we feel you will emerge a better, fuller, more whole, smarter, sexier, well-rounded person. (Or at least well-rounded in the 5 areas we consider to be most important in life: Music, Parties, Film, Fun and Art.)

Enjoy a snippet of each of these important life areas, brought to you by something Twilight related, below:


Raise your hand if you’ve heard music related to the Twilight saga that sucks. ME. So you can imagine my surprise when one of our readers, Brodie-Ann, sent us “Twilight Wishes and Vampires Kisses” in the form of a song from her band Felinedown that not only DOESN’T suck but is ACTUALLY quite good! Here is her explanation of the song:

This song, Push, is based on New Moon from Bella’s perspective. I created it really as a gift for Stephanie – to thank her for Twilight and all our characters she has really inspired me both personally and as a song writer.

Go ahead, listen! And let Brodie-Ann know what you think in the comments!

Click the image to listen to the music!

Click the image to listen to the music!


Remember RhoJo and her amazing friends who created the amazing Twilight Drinking Game for a DVD release party that included instructions like: take a drink every time Bella stumbles, falls or stutters? Well, she sent us pictures of the amazing party she threw for her and her friends.

They all wore uniforms of course

They all wore uniforms of course

Pocket Edward really enjoys the vampire shots

Pocket Edward really enjoys the vampire shots

Notice their attention to detail with even the drink that Cardboard Edward prefers

Notice their attention to detail with even the drink that Cardboard Edward prefers

Read about how to be well-rounded in Film, Fun and Art after the jump!


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