We have a Twilight Virgin Winner!!

(get a cup of coffee or a diet coke and settle in for this one!)

Dear LTT readers and once upon a time twi virgins,

We have a winner! And well a runner up winner!!! It was SO difficult for us to choose from all the wonderful stories, emails, aim convos and ESSAYS you all sent in. But in the end it came down to Heidi’s story about her Twilight reading husband deflowering an old lady assistant to the judge at his work in the US DISTRICT COURT! Ok, that sounds wrong… we’ll just let our virgin winner Heidi share her story… Take it away Heidi!
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A LITTLE BACKGROUND:

By this time, I had already read the series (multiple times) and loved it.  The following emails pertain to my HUSBAND losing his Twilight virginity while simultaneously taking someone else’s.  He was working as a clerk for a judge in a U.S. District Court.  He was so obsessed with the books at the time that he was shamelessly carrying them around the judge’s chambers so that he could read them during breaks.  One day, the book caught the eye of the 50+ year old judge’s assistant (who up until this point hated my husband).  So, doing what any good Twilight fan would do, he lent her the books.  The assistant loved the first book and fueled by her obsession pumped my husband for more Twilight info.  He was grateful that this woman, who previously seemed to hate him, now loved him and pumped me for more Twilight info to give her.
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THE FIRST EMAILS:
Subject: Fwd: Twilight blogs
From: Heidi
Date: Thu, Apr 23, 2009 at 4:12 AM
To: Husband

Hi Honey,

You asked for more Twilight stuff for ___Old Lady Assistant___, here it is.  This is the list of my favorite Twilight or Rob-themed blogs that I sent to Jessica when I got her obsessed.  You need to forward these to ___Old Lady Assistant___so that she knows she is far from alone in her Twilight and robsession.  All women of every age love him!  You know you have a boy-crush on him too.  Admit it!

Love You!
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———- Forwarded message ———-
From: Heidi
Date: 2009/3/29
Subject: Twilight blogs
To: Jessica
http://www.twilightlexicon.com/

http://www.newmoonmovie.org/

http://www.robsessedpattinson.com/

http://www.twicrackaddict.blogspot.com/

http://www.laurensbite.blogspot.com/

http://www.hisgoldeneyes.com/

http://letterstotwilight.wordpress.com/ *

http://letterstorob.wordpress.com/ *

 

(Heidi Note – How embarrassing for me.  This was the point of my obsession where I read all of these blogs every day. My husband knows it and I am apparently not ashamed to admit it.  Don’t judge.  * and pink denotes the only blogs I will currently ADMIT to reading.)
———-
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From: Heidi ______
Date: Thu, Apr 23, 2009 at 4:17 AM
To: Husband

Oh, and here is just a taste of what she can find on these websites.  Good luck getting work done now.  Ha!

(Heidi Note: Here he plays shy with his own feelings and forwards my messages along without additional  commentary.Keep in mind this is his first time taking another person’s Twilight virginity)

——— Forwarded message ———-
From: Husband
Date: Thu, Apr 23, 2009 at 3:22 PM
To: _Old Lady Assistant@_.uscourts.gov
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THE NEXT MORNING:

My husband walks into the judge’s chambers and is accosted by the judge’s assistant.  She makes him change her computer desktop (remember she is over 50, which makes it less surprising, but not less embarrassing, that she could not do this herself) to the above image of GQ Rob.  My husband obliges and then she spends the rest of the day giggling and showing it off to others.  My husband is now her enabler (everybody needs one) and best friend and the worst enemy of the other men in the chambers.
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THE NEXT MONDAY:
From: _Old Lady Assistant@_.uscourts.gov
Date: Mon, Apr 27, 2009 at 4:26 PM
To: Husband

well, i did it again!!! hardly slept last night (started reading the third book installment (eclipse) around 3:00pm yesterday at our cabin, then went home and continued reading it until 4:10am this morning!!!!  talk about sleep-deprived!!!!

i enjoyed the book, much more than the second one (new moon).  i still don’t like jacob, however.  can’t wait to start the 4th one tonight.

by the way, i saw the movie over the weekend.  embarrassingly enough, i saw it three times — my niece and my daughter now think i should be committed and/or in a straightjacket — what can i say?  still love edward and bella together; i’m also starting to love alice and the rest of the clan, but don’t like the wolves, especially you know who!!!

thanks again for getting me hooked on twilight.  i’ll let you know how i feel about the fourth book.

again, it was good having you in chambers (not because you got me hooked in twilight, mind you); hope you keep in touch and stop by whenever you are in the neighborhood.  regards.

Old Lady Assistant
Judicial Assistant to the Honorable no name judge
U.S. District Court

(Heidi Note: Haha, does this count as my husband “sleeping his way to the top?”)
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THE OUTCOMES:
I ended up inviting this judge’s assistant to my New Moon Movie Release Party where she won the Twilight Trivia game (and those questions I wrote were HARD) and also won the Jane “Pain” Staring Contest.  She was a riot.  My husband ended up getting a glowing recommendation letter from the judge this woman works for and we can’t help but think it has something to do with him taking her Twilight virginity.
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Tschus,
Heidi

So readers as you can see Heidi and her DOUBLE virgin story of hilarity with her newbie Husband and newbie Old Lady Judge’s Assistant just had to win cause we loved it so much! Give Heidi a big congrats on her LTT/LTR TShirt of her choice and stay tuned for the runner up’s story!
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Business Time!
The first 12 weeks of the Resolutionary [Weight Loss/Healthy Living] Challenge 2011 going on in Rob’s Flat in The Forum ended last week. TwilightCAT was the winner! CONGRATS TwilightCAT!! Round #2 starts Monday April 4thLearn about it here!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

 

65 Commented


Is Twilight a Chick Flick?

Dearr LTT-ers, Frequently we open the mail bag to bring you letters from our readers. Today’s letter is from K who argues that Twilight is a chick flick and should NOT be watched by watched or the books read by guys. Read her letter and tell us what you think. XO-Moon

dvdcover

For ladies only?

Dear UC and Moon,

Due to a recent development in my love life (thank goodness, right? I was getting a little bored with a lack of one) I think I’ve come to a realization, and that is this:  I don’t want to date a unicorn.  :o  *gasp!*  I know, right?!

We adore our beloved unicorns.  We encourage them.  We create them (to the best of our abilities).  So why on earth wouldn’t I want my new interest to become one?
Lets face it:  Twilight is a chick flick.  Movie and books both.  There’s absolutely no arguing against that.  I don’t care how many wired stunts, mirror crashing action, and buttcrack santa jokes you throw in there; it’s still one of the biggest chick flicks ever.  I’ve heard so many people try and argue this point and fight against, but truth is truth.  So without further adieu, I give you my stance.
You know it’s a chick flick when:
  • it’s a love story
  • the fan base is undeniably, predominantly female and has a “tween” rep
  • you here shrieks of glee when the title flashes across the screen
  • the lead male is frequently referred to as “beautiful” on and off screen
  • it inspires products like lip gloss and shimmer powder
  • the lead male sparkles
  • the lead female is fully clothed for over 95% of the movie.
  • there’s a prom scene and no one dies (so close bella)
  • the subjects discussed between characters include dresses, boobs, characters’ relationship status’, and the swim team’s peens.
  • the dialogue includes words and terms like “irrevocably”, “matriculate”, “masochistic”, “Debussy”, and “spidermonkey”.
  • there’s more silent, awkward turtle, moments then there is action
  • the only weapons are mind powers which do not translate visually.
  • fans constantly fight over who’s the dreamiest
  • it takes place in a forest setting and there’s no sign of elves, dwarves, or an extra-terrestrial fought by a commando who states “If it bleeds, you can kill it.”
And lets face it, as far as chick flicks go, this one is unconditionally and irrevocably one of the chick-iest of them all.  Which brings me back to why I would never date a unicorn.  Girls always talk about how they want a sensitive guy, who’s not afraid to show his emotions, or cry.  Fine, good, be sweet and adorable and cry when your puppy gets hit by a car, but for the love of all that is good and right in this world, do not run out of the room in horror when a spider is spotted and do NOT like Twilight.
Dear all future boyfriends….

 

Follow the cut to see what boyfriends should NOT do!
Continue…

178 Commented


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