Breaking Dawn, can we just not and say we did?

Dear Breaking Dawn producers-

Can we just NOT and say we did? Or actually we don’t even have to say we did. Let’s just use some sort of flashback or dream sequence and call it a day. What am I asking that we avoid you ask? The birth scene… yup, I’m just gonna ask that we don’t. I was just reading an interview with Wyck Godrey, producer of the Twilight franchise where he explained that he wife was an OB-GYN and that they may need her on set to make sure Edward is making the proper incision for an “oral c-section.” SERIOUSLY? Let’s just not. Please? As if I didn’t already take enough flack for the scene in the book and various other Twilight shenanigans that need explaining to civilians. I just can’t shoulder this one. I’m sorry. I’ll explain sparkling vampires, hot and cold body temperatures, celebacy, mind reading, vegetarian vampirism, bad wigs and anything else about Twilight but I just can’t handle explaining why Edward is tearing into Bella’s womb on a 60 foot screen at midnight.

Can I offer some suggestions or even ideas for how to get around this one so you’ll have more time to focus on how you’re going to make Jacob imprinting on Renesmee NOT weird for the outsider? Oh and nice job side stepping the Jared and Claire imprinting business in Eclipse. Don’t think we didn’t notice!

But anyhooozle, maybe since the story is told from Bella’s perspective we can go inside her mind again a la Twilight the movie after she was biten by James and Edward sucked the venom out. We saw a very abstract, beautiful montage of scenes from the movie, future, past, present, scenery, etc all set to music (sung by Robert Pattinson… oh heeeeey!). Just a thought and then we could see Renesemee lifted up Simba on Pride Rock style and CUT TO BLACK, end of Breaking Dawn Part 1, meet us back here in 2012 same Cullen time, same Cullen channel. OR we see Jacob headed down to kill off the demon spawn yet he’s oddly drawn to her and he doesn’t know why and then BOOM CUT. Multiple options people! I’ve thought about this a lot. Clearly.

Then of course, because I love the idea, let’s make part 2 of Breaking Dawn in 3-D because really it’s just a cool idea. Think about how Stephenie Meyer describes Bella’s first moments as a vampire. She sees light reflection off particles in the air, everyone looks so much different and more beautiful… imagine when she takes that first leap off a rock and over the creek behind the Cullen house IN 3D! It’s like we can experience Bella’s new vampirism right along with her. Sure 3D the cool thing to do in movies now and it can be hella lame but it works right along with the story line. LET’S DO THIS!

True luv

And theeeeeennn there’s that whole Jacob imprinting on Renesmee business. We all know you’re gonna get slaughtered in the critiques for it, we know there’s gonna be jokes EVERYWHERE about it. Let’s just take this next few years to ACCEPT IT NOW. But can I suggest a few things? The way Stephenie describes their imprinting is just so interesting and beautiful…

“Everything inside me came undone as I stared at the tiny porcelain face of the half-vampire, half-human baby. All the lines that held me to my life were sliced apart in swift cuts, like clipping the strings to a bunch of balloons. Everything that made me who I was – my love for the dead girl upstairs, my love for my father, my loyalty to my new pack, the love for my other brothers, my hatred for my enemies, my home, my name, my self – disconnected from me in that second – snip, snip, snip – and floated up into space. I was not left drifting. A new string held me where I was.

The gravity of the earth no longer tied me to the place where I stood. It was the baby girl in the blond vampire’s arms that held me here now. Renesmee.”

Jacob Black, Breaking Dawn, Chapter 18, p.360

Yup, pretty much how I see it

So can we just preserve what little personal pride we’re going to have left when all the vultures and civilians start making this the joke on all the late night chat shows and SNL. Can we do another Bella montage type idea but instead with Jacob where as he’s imprinting we see an OLDER, GROWN UP version of Renesmee and not a kid strapped to Taylor Lautner in a Baby Bjorn! PLEASE! Please.

So producers can we just take these ideas or some other phenominal one you have that does NOT include an on call OB-GYN for authenticity’s sake in the “oral cesarian” and run with them? Please? Cause I really don’t want to have to say you did, when you didn’t have to.

The Lock-NESS-blog-monster, 

What ideas do you have to make some of the Breaking Dawn moment a little more palletable for the movie go-ing audience. What can we do for the people who just DON’T KNOW?
Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

198 Commented

News on Breaking Dawn Production aka NO news on Breaking Dawn Production!

Dear Twilight and well, Breaking Dawn I suppose…

Today two posts came out referencing news behind the production of Breaking Dawn. While a few months ago we all thought making BD was a foregone conclusion and Summit was just waiting for New Moon to shatter box office records to make it official it’s been almost a month and a half since New Moon’s release and still no announcement. Since news on the twi front has been about as sparse as smiles at a KStew photoshoot, so any sort of news to come out will indefinitely make waves. But after reading both posts from the bitchtastic Ted C and a dude in his mom’s basement in North East Philly we learn… exactly… NOTHING. Why yes, it’s like a Robsten rumor… a lot of drama, a lot of words, a lot of retweets, a lot of “maybe’s” but no actual substance or truth. Someone at the LA Times spoke with producer Wyck Godrey and got this bit of totally evasive information regarding the splitting of BD into two films  “…If it’s not organic, I don’t think it will be done, and if it is, it will be…” Wow, heavy.

Breaking Dawn = tons more creepy images made by fans!

So we still don’t know if it will be made into two films (please say yes), whether Summit will hire geneticists to create a human vampire hybrid in their lair of doom (aka studio offices in Santa Monica) to play Renesmee, whether Taylor Lautner will in fact act out imprinting on a newborn baby, if Nikki Reed and KStew can patch up their differences long enough to play convincing as frenemies on screen, will Jacob and Leah spend 3/4ths of the movie running around the perimeter of the Cullen’s house “on patrol” thus reenacting the most boring parts of BD, will there be a behind the scene documentary on the making of Isle Esme which features all the “fade to black” scenes they cut out?

Sooooo many questions and ZERO answers.

Find out what we DO know about Breaking Dawn after the jump

240 Commented

Newest Twilight Saga Cast Members: Moon and UC. Why not?!

Dear Eclipse/Breaking Dawn Casting Directors, David Slade and whatever director ends up getting saddled with BD,

With all the news about the recent casting announcements and rumors swirling regarding who’s going to play who I’d like to formally toss my hat into the ring. Yes, I Moon Last Name Withheld would like to be in your movie(s). Besides the obvious: I don’t have an agent, a manager, a resume, a head shot or any serious acting skills beyond a couple school and church productions (oh and a very amazing video about wearing your seat belt shot for our 9th grade Safety Ed class), why not me? And why not UC while we’re at it? Remember when she begged to be Emily then Tanya? Come on!

You’ve recently cast Leah who wears a scarf over her boobs, some kid named BOO BOO for goodness sake and about every slut with a head shot around the world is starting a rumor that she will be Tanya. And now some chick from Germany who won a reality show contest is going to play Vera, Rosalie’s friend. So why not us? Here’s my pitch:

We can do slutty! Sorta.

We can do slutty! Sorta.

We’re random unknowns with questionable skills, so we fit in with the folks you’ve already cast. We can wear scarved around our awesome racks and come up with an odd name for ourselves. How about Moon-Moon and UC baby? And I’m sure if given the chance we’d kick ass on a reality show, especially a reality show where the prize is a role in a Twi-movie. Our confessionals/Diary room footage would be worth it alone!

For the studio and production: A plus for the marketing side is that we even have a couple followers who might be interested if we actually made it into a twi film! We could rally our total rad troops to spread the word about how great Volturi gaurd #4 and Random Witness #23 are! And really, choosing us as your newest cast members would be a savings since we’re already pale,  so there’s no need for make up to airbrush on us, and no need for wigs since we have luscious locks and a coupon to the costume supply shop if one of us gets attacked by a random girl with a mullet and a pair of scissors. Heck, you could pay us in kisses from Rob and gift cards to Pink Berry.

Our joint headshot

Our joint headshot

So won’t you find it in your heart and scripts to cast us as Hiker who gets killed and friend of Leah #2?

After all there are no small parts only small actors!

See what good times UC has cooking over at Letters to Rob
Post your acting resume and run lines at the forum!

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2nd Hand Embarrassment – I Kissed Your Mom, Bella Swan

Dear LTT-ers

Wow just WOW there’s so much 2nd hand Embarrassment in this video I don’t know where to start. I just want to turn it off or look away but these videos are like car crashes you just can’t stop staring in horror at the tangled mess. First off I think someone owes Katy Perry an apology for totally screwing over her song “I Kissed A Girl” cause OF COURSE they changed it to “I Kissed Your Mom” with a Jacob and Bella theme and then added in all kinds of terrible fan art.
Witness the offenses…

Yes, if you couldn’t tell this toddler on a motorbike cruising her way through what is obviously Forks, Washington is supposed to be Bella. Nothing says MILF like a bug eyed-anime eyed kid on a Little Tykes trike.

And OF COURSE what embarrassing picture video montage even remotely featuring Jacob is complete without this super creepy totally photoshopped picture. How long has this gross pic been floating around and people are STILL using it. Nice painted on wig, dude.

And I’ve saved the best part of the video for last…

I don’t know about you all but this is totally how I pictured the imprinting scene going down, complete with heart eyeballs and wolftail! Seriously??!! Come on people! Actually this might belong in Monday Funnies.

Make it stop!!

I kissed your mom and I liked it, her cougar lips invited… her hungry eyes, her quivering thighs… (wtf!)

Check out the rest of our 2nd hand embarrassment

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