Interview With The Were/Shifter Part 1 : La Push Edition

Dear Twilight,

Call us matchmakers, call us comedians, call us heroes, call us all of the above, we’ll take whatever you call us (as long as it’s not “Krisbian” ba-dum-ching), but our favorite “role” on LTT is one of enabler- that’s right, even though you wrote a letter for LTT submission back in May or June and haven’t heard back from us yet (because that’s how far behind we are on emails- Summer emailing #fail), we LOVE when you catch the LTT letter-writing spirit & send us the goods. We love that you’ve wasted as much time as we have doing “normal” things like stalking obscure members of the Twilight cast, watching countless fan-made videos & laughing your ass off at 2nd embarrassing people, things and events. And we love when you meet an LTT BFF, start up a blog & share your amazingness with everyone here.

That’s exactly what LTT friends Stacey & Stacey (who met on LTT) did. Today, on Stacey vs. Stacey, they delve into a rarely discussed topic- Jacob & his furry friends:

Vampires, vampires, vampires. It’s like the Supe version of the Brady Bunch. Instead of Marcia and Jan, it’s Edward and Jacob or Bill and Alcide. I can just hear Jacob say, “Edward, Edward, Edward!” Stomps his feet and goes off to pout. These poor puppies get absolutely no play, well a little bit but not like the vamps. So we, the Staceys thought to ourselves, hey let’s help these boys out and give them a say. Taking a page from Anne Rice’s Interview with the Vampire, we will be doing (fake) sit downs with the boys in two parts. First for our LTT friends, we will dive deep (very deep) into the Quilute Wolf pack. Part 2 on [our blog] Talksupe will focus on our furry friends featured on True Blood and Vampire Diaries. These are our transcribed notes: Location 1: Picnic Area. La Push Beach, Forks, Washington

EastCoast Stacey (aka EC): Brrr…it’s chilly out here.
WestCoast Stacey
(Snowwhitedrifted aka SWD): No wonder Bella is always in flannel.
EC: Where the hell are your shirts? It’s like 40 degrees out here * background grumbles *
I get that you’re hot, but seriously it’s just polite to put on clothes when women are around.

SWD: No kidding, hey I think I see “Twin Peaks”. *snickers*
EC: First question, it doesn’t seem to hurt you when you phase. How does it feel?
Jacob: Did you bring food?
EC: Umm…no…Let me check in my bag. Half a bag of Skittles, some Altoids…oh, a Ziploc bag full of GOLDFISH crackers. There you go boys.

SWD: *thinks* that’s such the mom purse snack selection

EC: Hi Leah. *Leah walks off briskly with snacks* Where is she going with the Goldfish?

Paul: Stealing them. Girl, you better bring those back.

EC: Wait…why isn’t Leah wearing a shirt either? Is this a nudist colony?

SWD: Like I said above…
EC: Alright…back to my question. Is this phasing thing actually painless? I watch George on BBC America’s BEING HUMAN and it looks like it hurts! (Honestly, check it out people! The British do it best!)

Jacob: That’s a British Show. I hate British guys. They’re skinny, pale, dress like girls, steal your women… Nope, haven’t seen it. I like watching SPEED and ESPN.
SWD: *says under breath* … and of course the NatGeo channel.
EC: Jacob, I need to ask you about this imprint thing.

*Embry and Jared giggle *
EC: Oh. Hi there, Jared. How you doin’?
Sam: No. If you remember, we signed a contract that you would not ask about Bella’s baby. That question is off the table.
EC: Are you a lawyer, now?

SWD: It’s cool, Stace, J.Jenks gave us the go ahead.

EC: Fine. Good try, Sam. Just calm down. We know what happens when wolf out inappropriately. You know…Emily. I have Charlie’s number on speed dial. Quil? You and the two-year old? Claire?
Quil: Umm…Yeah.
EC: If it was my daughter, I would have a baseball bat with your name on it.
SWD: no kidding.. or scissors.. snip snip.

Quil: I can see that. Do you ladies have boyfriends?
EC: What? We’re both married, to men who wear shirts.

SWD: I make mine wear a black tee so he looks like… nevermind.
EC: Somedays, I make mine wear his gray peacoat. I tell him it makes him look preppy, but really he looks like Ed…
Jacob: Seriously?!? * growls *
Quil: Well Claire and I will be married in sixteen years. I need some companionship. You two are MILFS, and I can tell you like the pecs. *wiggles them*, I’m a vir…never mind.
SWD: I don’t teach.

*Embry and Jared giggle *
EC: Hi Jared! * throws Skittle on the ground * Could you bend over and pick up for me?
Seth: Guys I’ve got to go. My mom just texted me. I have to cut the ribbon to the new Fish Fry on Route 55. Can somebody take me? *scuffs foot sadly* ….or I could hitch hike.
Paul: Hitch hike.

EC: Never mind we’ll take him. Mean puppies.

SWD: I have a carseat.

Love,

EastCoast & WestCoast: Staceys

Even though it still takes us forever to respond, we STILL love your letter submissions! Keep sending them in! And make sure to check out the Stacey’s Talk Supe especially in the next few days so you don’t miss Part TWO of the interview!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

62 Commented


Jacob & Bella: It's On

Dear Twihards,

I know that when you saw this picture today you said, “oh UC & Moon have got to Break that Down Vanity Fair style.” Duh. Of course we did.  And welcome Kristin, our fab forum mod & viagra spammer killer to today’s Breaking it down:

jakeandbella

Moon: OH. MY. GOD
UC
: what!? is this your first time seeing this picture?
Moon
: this pic!! no AGAIN. it’s my second time. It’s like almost a little much
Kristin
: it was my first time.
Moon
: VIRGIN- Relax! Breathe! Do what feels right, Kristin

Kristin: well he looks pissed
UC
: Well, he has a hard on
Kristin
: and she looks half dead
UC
: and he can’t do ANYTHING about it. And in her defense…. she is half dead…
Kristin
: and he totally has blue balls.
Moon
: Omg- I’m just staring
Kristin
: he’s like. “damnit Bella, I wanted to have to rip your shirt off and administer CPR!”
Moon
: like how’d they make a near drowning SEXY?

UC: I e-mailed The Quad earlier today and said this, “Can we speculate what’s going on during this image? cuz I don’t believe the book described a scene quite this sexy when Jake saves Bells, so what do we think? Took a lil’ shower together? Jacob is too tall to scrub his feet so Bella helped him out?’ Cuz it def seems a little more ‘sexytime in the shower’ than ‘i just saved your life from a vampire standing over you while you were drowning in the cold water’
UC
: EastFriend responded “He had his 1st wet dream about her, forcing him to take a cold shower. Bella stepped in to wash his back.
Or…
They were getting their Gene Kelly on. Just singin’ & dancin’ in the rain. Then Bella slipped & fell, of course, so Jake had to rescue her. It was a poignant moment, hence the serious expressions on their faces.
See? I can be dirty & clean! It’s a gift. Seeing both the sexy & pure sides of the same situation. ”

Kristin: Bella looks kind of “whaa just happened”- very damsel in distress. Makes me want to punch her. just a little.
Moon
: DO THAT NOW. DO HIM. Edward left your ass. DO IT
Moon
: dude bella & Edward are on WAY more than “a break”
Kristin
: she can blame it on the “near death experience” !
Moon
: he has to forgive you
Kristin
: I always have sex after I almost die.
Moon
: oh ‘oops he saved me and his tongue ended up in my mouth. ‘ OOPS. All i can imagine is a drops of water coming off his hair and hitting her
UC
: her ears look big
Moon
: such a hot visual
UC
: so do his muscles
Moon
: his nose looks big- look at his MOOBS

Kristen gets real honest after the jump Continue…

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Should Breaking Dawn be turned into a movie?

bdawnDear Summit,

It’s us again. Writing you for the second time this week. Don’t run away in fear- this time we’re not here to criticize. The big news this weekend is that the new website you launched- The World of Twilight- has a ‘coming soon’ link for Breaking Dawn. This is BIG. We’ve heard many of the actors say they’re signed on for the 4th installment of the series, but so far you’ve been mum on whether or not you’re going ahead with the highly anticipated and highly controversial movie.

I’m gonna be honest- there are a few huge issues with turning that book into a movie, and I’m not convinced that it’s going to translate very well onto film. I’ve been racking my brain trying to come up with a way you could market the film considering some of the problems I’ve foreseen. I came up with a few teasers you could use- see if you think any of them would work:

  • S-I-C-K-N-A-S-T

    S-I-C-K-N-A-S-T

    Breaking Dawn- the story of how a half-vampire baby bites its way out of its mother’s womb while its vampire father kills the mother by biting all over her bloody body.

  • Breaking Dawn- watch the magic of the movie makers as they create a believable baby using CGI who can communicate through touch. We promise it’ll be the most believable and the least cheesy CGI baby you’ve ever seen.
  • Breaking Dawn- A movie that will surly have Robsten lovers orgasming in their theater seats as they finally get to see Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart, a couple they desperately want to be their real-life Bella & Edward, do it. A lot.
  • Breaking Dawn- Watch as a teenage boy falls for a little girl. No! Not like that! We promise, even Chris Hansen would like this movie!

Obviously you can see the problems I’m talking about. Breaking Dawn is a love story marketed to teenage girls, not a horror flick with scenes bloodier than Saw 1-8 combined (there are 8 of them now, right?)  Renesmee is a very special baby and while I believe Stephenie beautifully portrays her abilities on page, there is no way in hale that that will translate into a movie without being incredibly cheesy and/or very fake.

isleesmeWhat I foresee with Robsten finally getting it on on screen could be disastrous.  Picture my first viewing of Twilight the movie. I was sitting next to this little chubby 10 year old wearing a Team Jacob shirt. I said, “Why are you Team Jacob?” And she answered, “Cuz he’s the best.” And then I bitch-slapped that lil chubster. But then I felt really bad cuz she confessed that Hot Topic only had smalls left in the Team Edward shirts. This was in November of 2008- the passion for the franchise was there, but nothing like it is now. And Breaking Dawn won’t be released until, what? Maybe February 2011? There will be absolute chaos in movie theatres across the country when Non-Robsteners yell out “Her boobs are small” when Bella first takes off her clothes in the moonlight or “That should’ve been Ashley Greene!” as Edward starts to break the headboard in the bedroom. Robsteners will go crazy. Breaking headboards and ripping pillows will be nothing compared to what the movie theatres will look like after the fight is over.

And when Jacob imprints on Renesmee? It doesn’t matter that it’s not sexual and is just a “big brother” kind of thing- every one knows that Jake is a teenage boy and thinking about the day his ‘lil Nessie grows up. And Chris Hansen ain’t down with that.

But you’re movie makers. And you’re in the business to make money. And no matter how bloody, cheesy, barf-me cuz it’s Robsten, and pedofilial the movie ends up being, fans are gonna crowd the theaters, camp out for the premiere & scream for joy when Edward loses his virginity finally. So you’ll make the movie, regardless.

Here are a few suggestions I have to hopefully help Breaking Dawn not suck.

  • Fade to Black: Stephenie Meyers did it and you can too- but just choose a different scene to fade from. Kristen can clutch her fake baby bump, stutter and blink & attempt to feign pain- she faints- it goes black. We see through her eyes…then black…hear her breathing…black…see a baby being held over her head…black…and then taken away by Rosalie…And then the camera pans to Edward who is working to change Bella. But instead of a horror bloodbath scene and Edward injecting a huge needle into Bella’s heart, we see his face, diligently working on his beloved….then black….

    TWILIGHTLOVE

    "We are family. I got my half vampire baby and me"

  • Rob, Rob and more Rob: Obviously Isle Esme is the most anticipation part of Breaking Dawn the movie. If you thought fans went crazy at the sight of shirtless Edward in New Moon, just wait until they see Sexytimes Edward. Suggestion to please all crowds- lots and lots of Robert Pattinson. Sure, show Kristen’s face once just so we know Edward didn’t grab the housemaid to warm up, but then show nothing but Rob- his back, his side, his arms, his ass (would this ensure an “R” rating? Cuz I’d love to see Breaking Dawn without a 10 year old next to me) his face, his lips- Rob, Rob and more Rob…
  • The Olsen Twins: All I know is that a CGI baby won’t work. But I know the Olsen twins would. Those girls are experts on winning over the world with their baby-ways…. hire them, they’ll figure out how to train a newborn baby how to act- and if they can’t they probably have a factory in some third world country that can come up with some alternative.
  • Jake, Renesmee and Quil

    Jake, Renesmee and Quil

    No imprinting: Yes, I know… it’s powerful- Jacob imprints on the woman he love’s baby. I get it. It’s special, blah blah blah.. but it also works better on paper than it will on screen. I just can’t see Taylor Lautner looking longingly at a small child like he’s going to be her big brother but also knowing that someday they’ll get it on. It doesn’t matter how much coaching Big Daddy Lautner gives him (“Just gaze at her like I gaze at the oven while your mom has double fudge chocolate chip brownies baking- you want them now, but it’ll be worth the wait.”) so sure- hint at the fact that someday Jake & Nessie will end up together, but leave out the messy, creepy imprinting on a child crap.

It won’t be perfect, it will have to deter from the book slightly, but from the gazillions Stephenie has been making so far, I think she’ll be fine with it (To be doubly sure, just invite her to view the Isle Esme filming- one look at Robert Pattinson naked eating feathers will cure any anger she has towards you for messing with her book)

Looking forward to seeing Kristen & the child cast as Renesmee catch their first CGI deer,
UnintendedChoice

Just an FYI- I loved Breaking Dawn, didn’t have a problem with Renesmee, Jacob imprinting or a bit of Isle Esme (duh) But I want to keep the book in my mind- I don’t want to see it on the big screen. Although I have a feeling I’m not going to get my way….

Do you think it could work? Breaking Dawn on the big screen?

all images found on Google images- well, except for the Bella’s Womb one. That’s a craft I made last night. Just for fun.

Go make your own creepy craft & post to The Forum
Moonpie brings you Rob Rob and MORE Rob over on LTR

120 Commented


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