Jackson Rathbone- he does highschool boy well..

Dear Jackson,

It’s been awhile since we’ve had a chat (approximately one year on Sunday, actually) and I miss hearing your southern drawl. In fact, now that I think about it- I haven’t really heard that drawl in an entire year- the last time I saw you on screen in Eclipse (well, except for the one other time I saw Eclipse in July and then when the DVD first came out (yes I’ve only seen it 3 times.. Shhh))

Anyway, I’m so used to poking fun of whatever you have going on- namely your catfish look & 100 Monkeys. So imagine my surprise when I hear you have a new web series (airing on Facebook? Really? We’re there now?) & I watched the trailer and… well, it doesn’t look that bad

I’m into the action/crime show thing. Maybe this is a little too ‘shoot-em-up-machine-gun-style’ for me (I tend to like my violence more with serial killer types. Or Vampires), but it’s got the young, high school “I really want to impress this girl” thing going on that is pretty intriguing. Plus you look so cute as a high school boy! Your dorkiness is so charming. I want to give you a towel when you get dunked in the toilet & scream at the bullies that you could kick their asses!

Watching you play a teenage boy again gave me a flash back to when I FIRST saw you on The OC… and that quickly turned into a timeline of your career in my mind- and mostly, a timeline of your hair. So without further ado:

You were born in Singapore to parents who were most likely Missionaries because once after a super duper sleuth & successful online stalking venture*, Moon found out your parents knew Kellan’s parents & then found out the name of Kellan’s home church & we put two and two (plus some political contributions we found from one of your families) together and figured out we’re pretty sure Kellan’s home church supported your family when they were in the mission field.

Your given first name is actually Monroe (FUN NEW FACT I JUST LEARNED) and you are approximately 1.5 years younger than me.

You first rose to fame (although it’s like your 5th IMDB entry) through 2 episodes as a ‘throw-away’ character on The OC. But you weren’t throw-away to me. I was that obsessed with The OC that I actually remembered your role when it was announced you would be Jasper Hale!

And dannggg you play a cute teenage boy (I think you were a teenage boy here!)

At one point you looked like a Dirty—- [TIME OUT for a full confession to say that I was going to say you looked like a "Dirty Sanchez" which is what I think of when I see that picture. But it didn't sound quite right so I decided to look it up & WHOA- that's not what I meant. So I thought maybe I meant "Dirty Sancho?" But turns out WHOA I definitely didn't mean that. So basically what I'm trying to say is: You look like a really nice guy who probably drives a motorcycle & has a GED, is respectful to woman and maybe just maybe has some relatives in Mexico??? I'm just trying to be PC here….. you know how good I am at that**]

Then one day you landed the role of Jasper Hale- newly minted vegetarian vampire- and strutted your stuff into the mobile home make-up trailer that doubled as Catherine Hardi’s “Home away from home” where she slept every night during filming ready to put on your blonde wig- since you read that Jasper Hale was blonde. But instead they gave you a perm & dumped a bunch of powder on your hair:

Shortly thereafter, I see THE MAN in the flesh for the first time (and am also scarred for forever by my first and only experience with The 100 Monkeys) You’re sweaty but danggg you’re cute:

Then you freak the sh*t out of all of us by looking prettier than any girl I know as Amanda Jackson on an episode of Criminal Minds:

I’m still not convinced that this is a secret female twin of yours that your parents keep locked in the basement, with a Bible.

And just when we thought Jasper’s look couldn’t get any worse than the baby powder & perm, you got a wig (I think? I hope!!?). And it WAS worse:

Which FORCED me to ask you if we were going to see Jasper in a “Red Mullet” wig in Eclipse

(I can’t do it. I can’t watch myself in this again to find out where exactly I ask you that. However, I did just decide I miss that dress. I’m pretty sure it’s in my sister’s closet. I think it’s because I borrowed it from her, but still. I’d like it back)

THANKFULLY, we didn’t have a red mullet (although I DO see tinges of Red. I’ll take credit for that (despite the fact it was done filming long before I thought of it) although this look is a little “drowned rat” for my liking….I know, I know. I’m hard to please:

And now we’re back to present day & your role in Aim High. And, surprisingly, I have little complaints. I mean zero. You’re back to playing that cute high-school boy a la The OC & it WORKS!

You do dorky, high school boy well!

We’ve been through so much together. I’ve said some mean honest things about the way you look & your terrible, horrible band- but I’m glad we’re in this place one year after you first got to see me make these horrible faces in person:

Click for ultimate "WTF were you thinking, UC" moments

Maybe I’ll see you on Facebook!,

UnintendedChoice

*We’re about 57% serious about all of this. 100% serious about the fact that we online stalked that hard.
**I LOVE Mexico. I am still Facebook friends with approximately 5 friends I made in Mexico when I was 16 and went there on a missions trip. Yep- I did missions work- Kellan & Jackson– we can swap stories!

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54 Commented


Shiz happens: I catch up on Twilight stuff

Dear LTTers,

Dudes, So much happened while I was away… I was off having tea with the Queen and Clare (they have tea together every Tuesday. DUH), trying to rescue the lost squirrel in TomStu’s beard, trying to figure out which dumb picture Jackson would tweet of himself next and then the second I got back Ron Ron and Tay Tay decided to make out on national tv… so really I’m just now catching up. This is what I found out happened while I was away…

  • Kristen Stewart ‘s facial paralysis was miraculously healed and she is now able to use her smiling muscles. Miracles happen folks! In our time! See: nearly every picture from the last week.
  • Jackson filmed a movie in the state that birthed me called Cowgirls and Angels. So this is either a FanFic turned film or it’s a p0rn, right?

I dare you not to

  • I’m not ashamed to say that I Googled the Cullen’s address 420 Woodcroft Ave Forks, WA (420, heh) and can report back that some vampire trickery is afoot because Google says to try again later because it’s having trouble loading it. UH HUH!!!! RIGHT! WHAT aren’t they telling us?!!?! I need door-to-door directions to the Cullen’s stat! We’re onto you Cullens!

JACKson of hearts… GETS IT??!! GET IT?!

  • Jackson got beat up by a pack of wild monkeys while I was gone. They were pissed off he was disgracing the sacred a name of the monkey species with his bands music. They also thought him holding a “JACK” of hearts cards was super cheese ball. So they showed him who’s boss

Some Shiz Never Changes:

Kellan runs around the city of Los Angeles topless

Awwww Kellan thanks for making me feel like I didn’t miss too much and it was a pleasant surprise to come back and see Kristen at least acting like she was enjoying herself a bit more. And yes, I did have tea with the Queen and Clare… in totally unrelated news my mom and sister-in-law have asked me to stop calling them The Queen and Clare. Party poopers.

Moon is back ALLLRRIIIGHT! (sung to the tune of Backstreet’s Back)
Themoonisdown

Are you happy I’m back? I’m happy to be back… and it’s nice to see all the fun comments and new commenters we got from the break down of the trailer. Welcome! What else happened whilst I was gone? Has anyone seen Jackson “perform” recently… should I stop being so harsh? No. Ok.

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152 Commented


Breaking it down: Lime green, helicopters and Twilight rick rolling

Dear LTT-ers,

Some pictures from the Breaking Dawn set of honeymoon reshoots in the Virgin (ahem) Islands this weekend have finally made their way onto the interwebs in all their lime green and water socked glory. We break it down…
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The one where Walmart sells Krisbian brand bikinis
UC: new love making pictures
Moon: oh lawd
UC: so Bella would never wear a lime green bikini
Moon: i was thinking the same thing. i mean really? lime green?
UC: Alice must’ve run out of time… Ran to Walmart & grabbed something from last season when packing
Moon: right who wears lime green? and WTF is going on here:

UC: well in real life she’s supposed to look “naked” but in LTT life I like to think that Kristen is making a fashion statement
Moon: is the green bikini just taped on? like her boobs are so amazing clothes just cling to them, they have to be close to the queen at all times? so i guess we can safely say the green bikini is a krisbian brand
UC: hahaha i think that’s a safe guess
.

The one where we don’t comment but we do:
Moon: presented without comment (yet):

UC: exactly what i was thinking….. classing it up in St. Thomas what wahtttt!
Moon: right. playing the sweet virginal sad bella. smoke it up. i’m not trying to make a judgment call on smoking but come on. i have many friends who do and i will occasionally partake of a clove ciggie but i dont know….. its like tons of kids look up to you, you know. as much as you like it or not. and we know she doesnt like it
UC: it’s gross. I’ve done it. I still do sometimes when I’m drinking & am making stupid decisions and it’s gross. Note to kids: DON’T SMOKE JUST BECAUSE KSTEW DOES
Moon: bella and edward dont like it when you smoke, kids. it makes them cry * cue “the more you know” music *
.

The one where it’s actually Kristen

Moon: this is actually how i picture kristen… they should just sub out the lime green for the pot-kini. save that 20 bucks they spent at target and the wardrobe budget will now equals 56 dollars total
wig budget = free from the party city leftover bin after halloween going out of business sale
UC: hahahhahahahahaha. that’s a funny picture. please photoshop pot leaves onto that. maybe add a hat
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The one where Rob is a tech nerd
Moon: in other news: rob is a super nerd and brings his ipad to the beach

Moon: i wonder if he has a team edward cover for it?
UC: I wonder if he has an LTT cover (Link- i think cafe press has them)! he has “Big in Japan”
Moon: cause he is… after a really big meal of ramen. gives you the bloat.
.

The one where we gas up the helicopter

Moon: do you think that dude behind him just saw the robsten-copter circling overhead?
UC: hahahahah Yes. With fans attaching their parachutes.. ready to jump. ON Rob
Moon: robsteners and the paps rented boats for s. america so maybe they upped their game for the Caribbean and took to the air? they just tell the pilot to circle while they throw out handfuls of glitter on the holy couple. “rainbows of love” as they call it
UC: The actually rip off pieces of a bear skin rug & use it as confetti showering it upon their heads
Moon: They have some poor PA scurry around the set snatching up the pieces to fashion into a full size one because you can’t waste bearskin AND they forgot their travel size for the trip.
.

I need a full table setting for 12


The one with the real royal couple
Moon: now that they’ve “outted themselves” (heh) they have to figure out a way to upstage the REAL royal couple, Kate and William’s wedding this weekend. do you think some kissing photo will just MAGICALLY leak saturday morning? just to remind the public who REALLY matters and to stop pulling attention away from the magicness
UC: I think there will be a pregnancy rumor… maybe a photo of Bella with child on the cover of a mag
Moon: or some “mysterious” twitter
.

Our lovely Stephanie on the BD set

The one where we finally figure it out:
Moon: do you think rob went crabbing after the shoot in his wet suit and water socks, or did he hit up the water slide?
*time passes*
Moon: OH MAN! i think i know why that bikini is ugly lime green!!!
UC: GREEN SCREEN!!!
Moon: green screen color!!! they can replace it with whatever they want
UC: it just hit me too!
UC: smart….. (shhh don’t tell them i said that) what do you think she’ll be wearing? a little mermaid costume?
Moon: the potkini… they lost it after spring break 1993
UC: Will they CGI in some big beautiful bouncing breasts?
Moon: i just threw up
Moon: maybe her boobs will phase into wolves? she gets “THO” and BOOM wolves!
UC: they’re going to put her into a wolf bikini. just another FU to jake. gift from Edward. obviously

The one where I do some Twilight rick-rolling

Still too easy

Moon: oh and what about this one http://static.newmoonmovie.org/bdm/images/2011/04/ijsqf.jpg
First thoughts!
UC: hahahahaha
UC: First…. I had no idea who that was. Second, I wanted to get our my tweezers & pluck that unibrow. 3rd I laughed b/c it’s Jason playing a fake violin i mean non-existent violin. 4th I remembered the awfulness of the 100 monkeys and how serious he’s taking it
Moon: jason? who the heck is jason? and you call yourself the SUPERFAN… tsk tsk
UC: 5th I questioned… is that really jackson. I mean Jackson!!!
Moon: he really wanted that as his avi he tweeted it was his fave pic
UC: omg
Moon: i tweeted back and said “too easy.” I mean come on! you’re just asking for my mock and ridicule
UC: tweet him something we’ve made
hahaha
Moon: the facial hair is the catfish phase. this must have been last yr was this his subtle cry to be cast in WFE. then ron came by and took that role from him too. oh the humanity
Moon: he looks like a huge tool
UC: HUGE tool

Seriously, it’s too easy Jackson. I mean come on now. But is anyone else a little sad that this is it. This is the end of filming……. UC hold me!!!!!

It’s not the end… (it sorta is),
Themoonisdown

Did you wish it was the potkini? Do you think that Kristen/Rob/Taylor etc are role models to younger kids? Should they at least put on a more wholesome public front? Are you sad this is the beginning of the end?

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130 Commented


Twilight News Dump – The Of Course edition

We’re crazy bro!!!

Dear LTT-ers,

Since there’s nothing HUGE happening (besides the filming of Breaking Dawn) and tons of tiny little things happening AND because when I realize that some of you great readers only come here for I news, I thought it might be nice to have a news dump.

OF course Jackson would be wearing red pants and a top hat in a picture for something called the “Liquid Zoo” album and tour… of which I will not be purchasing OR attending. Love you Jacky! PS 40 cities?? REALLY?? OF COURSE!

Of course the day AFTER BrookeLockart shows up to The Grove in LA from outta town, Ashley Greene would make an appearance there. OF COURSE!

Of course at the Breaking Dawn wrap party the cast took turns riding a teeeeny tiny motorcycle that Taylor brought. I bet Big Daddy was sad. OF COURSE!

Of course Robert Pattinson is going to be on 10546546 TV Shows to promote Water for Elephants! And of course you know they’re gonna ask about Twilight and of course they’re gonna ask about you know who and OF COURSE we (meaning Jena) have you covered on the DVR alerts page.

Of course the pie guy slash the guy from The Fall talks to us Twi fans and makes me more excited to see him as Garrett whoever that is. I hope Garrett is a pie maker.

Of course Carlisle Cullen would land at #2 on the Forbes list of most wealthy fictional characters and OF COURSE his cover would be blown because they list his stocks in blood and his “daughter” Alice’s penchant for seeing the futre. GOOD JOB fake Forbes, now they have to move again! OF COURSE! #respectthecullens

Of course we all thought the Official Twilight Illustrated Guide was never coming out so OF COURSE you are really confused when it showed up in your mail today but OF COURSE you ordered it back in 2008. If you didn’t you can get it here

Of coure Catherine Hardwicke talks about Twilight and Rob while doing promo for her OTHER (laughable, LIT-TRALLY) movie. And OF COURSE we roll our eyes. SHOW US THE TAPE! Shut up or put up! Or whatever the saying is.

So of course now you’re all caught up on all the news that doesn’t matter and of course all we really want are some legal OFFICIAL stills or maybe a teensy clip from Breaking Dawn but we’ll solider on and pray that November 18 comes faster than it already is.

Happy Hump Day!
Themoonisdown

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121 Commented


News Dump: Video Explosion, a boyband & our favorite DILF is back!

Dear LTT-ers,

Since things have finally heated up on the Twilight front aka they went back to Vancouver where the own cameras there’s been a deluge of pictures and info and whatnot that we’re just trying to keep up on! Just trying to stay afloat with all of Rob’s nonsense has made this a full time job of alligator wrangling and pondering the deeper meaning of his Vanity Fair interview. Is he joking? Is he sad? What kind of dog IS Martin? There is A LOT going on in Rob world but it’s time to tackle the other folks so let’s take a look at what’s going on in Twiland (kinda like Disneyland minus the churros and general happiness).

Ain’t no lie baby…
The Wolfpack has been longing for the late 90s and the days of boybands like NSYNC, BackStreet Boys and whoever else lived in Florida at that time and met a fat man named Lou. They decided in their spare time to work on their harmonies and found out they were so amazing they formed their very own boyband called 108 Degrees!
That’s the boys on their way to record their soon-to-be hit singles “Bite Bite Bite” and “Imprinting On Your Heart.” Oh, and that’s their manager… Gil “Lou” Birmingham. Looks like Vancouver is the new Orlando.
.

Then I watched the trailer for Kellan’s new film: Love, Wedding, Marriage

Dude forget Robsten on the bearskin rug give me Kellan on Mandy Moore or give me death. DAYUM. That thing should come with a warning label. Dang. When does this come out?
.

What a sport this guy is…

Accepting his Razzie awards for both Last Airbender AND his portrayal of Jasper. But does it seem to anyone else the mini stroke has affected his mouth again with the marble mouth/southern sorta accent/side talking thing? Also I’m totally crossing my fingers for Nikki Reed to direct a 100 Monkey’s music video. Just ponder the possibilities of that for a few minutes this Friday…
.

 

And the last bit of news that deserves to be talked about but DEFINITELY not the least is… CHRIS WEITZ has joined twitter!

HeckYea I’m following!

I know, take a moment……………… yes, it’s true our favorite director from the Twilight saga has come back to us with a vengeance tweeting about everything, being in Argentina, his CUTE CUTE CUTE kid, answering questions and even responding to our own forum mod JodieO and and78 (those bitches!). Ok, clearly I’m jealous because he hasn’t responded to me and I even foresake ROBERT PATTINSON and his weird alligator magazine cover to tweet Chris instead. BUT WHATEVER I forgive him when he says he’s more like a Mike Welch or Gran and then tweets weird ass pictures of cats. And the mustard pants who could EVER EVER EVER forget the mustard pants? They will go down in Twiforklore and maybe have their own special wing of the Twilight Hall of Fame someday.
.

So enough of my slobbering all over Chris Weitz how about we beg the wolfpack to sing some New Kids on the block for us?

TGIF!
Themoonisdown

Be honest did you tweet naughty things to Chris Weitz (i did!!!)? Are Jackson’s multiple voice personalities started to worry you? Will you catch 108 Degrees when they tour? Does anyone other than me know who Lou Pearlman is?!

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64 Commented


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