News Dump: The one with a lotta Sundance and a lotta Renesmee

Double feature now showing!

Dear LTT-ers,

It’s time to catch up on the news that only needs a sentences worth of discussion. Yes, it’s time for another News Dump! So put on your Bella jacket and mittens cause there’s a whole lotta Sundance!

  • In between holding still for the screenings, Elizabeth talked about Kristen and Mackenzie. Don’t bother watching, it’s everything you expect: “Kristen scared me!” and “She looks like their child!” Boom, saved you 4 minutes!
  • Apparently it must be a Holy Trinity week of filming cause Charlie Bewley is ALSO at Sundance and he dropped this awesome gem when asked about Renesmee:

“I imagine if Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart had a kid it’d be like this grungy…awkward and shy kind of thing,” jokes Charlie Bewley, who plays Demetri in the vampire movie franchise.

Dare to NAIR ladies

  • I’m sure it’s a BIG DEAL that artist Richard Phillips included Rob, Kristen and Dakota on his “Most Wanted” list and created pop images of them but I’m not so sure the girls appreciate the weird shadows on their upper lips that look oddly like mustaches.
  • WHO wasn’t at Sundance? Chaske Spencer ALSO dropped by the gifting suites to debut his new hair and announce he joined Fall Out Boy and will be quitting BD and touring this spring with the band. Then he bequeathed the role of Sam back to Solomon Trimble who clocked out at Home Depot and jumped on Cathi Hardi’s private jet for Sundance. Free shiz it free shiz however you get it.
  • Bella’s house was pulled out of storage (a Vancouver Twimom’s garage) and reconstructed over the last few days. It looks more like a Sears Siding commercial or the AFTER tornado view of Dorothy’s house in Kansas than the home of the Swans.

Things that are important to note from this video:
1. Jackson’s Jasper hair is back. The REAL Jasper hair. Like Twilight Jasper hair. We may need to get a muffin basket together for the BD hair folks
2. The 100 Monkey have a REAL, ACTUAL Tour bus???
3. In 5 years Jackson may be on Dancing with the Stars… or Dancing with the hands-y fans.
4. Who does Jackson give HJ’s to regularly at MTV that the 100 Monkeys keep showing up on this MTV videos?
5. Jackson seems to have dropped the totally over the top accent plus side mouth talking thing a bit. He must read LTT. *Hi Jacky!*
6. That one dude totally wishes he was Jackson. Sorry dude jumping around in the back who’s name I don’t know. Enjoy it while it lasts!
7. Does Jackson have one suitcase fully devoted to his WEIRD hat collection?

  • If you weren’t scared about bringing Breaking Dawn to the big screen you will be after you see this fan art I dug up over at Twifans. WOAH. Someone hold me.
  • BREAKING NEWS: Still no new set pictures or actual evidence that they’re doing anything in Baton Rouge. SHOCKING.

Off to the gifting suites… I mean Sundance!
Themoonisdown

Srsly how are 100 Monkeys still being featured on MTVonline on the regular? I don’t get it.I was mean about Liz’s fivehead but for reals, side sweep, am I right? What say you?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

214 Commented


The Crystal Ball of Twilight – What does the future hold?

In the year 2000000000

Dear Twilight,

I was just reading this lovely Hollywood Reporter post yesterday about your movie studio, Summit’s money woes in trying to get their business refinanced. Now, of course we don’t know anything about how this all works and how money is made and spent and financiers but UC and I got to talking after I sent her the link. She asked me if, after all this Twilight stuff, after all it’s success, after all the clams it made and after all the stuff we went through, if I could imagine if Summit folded. I honestly laughed thinking it might just be the best ending for this whole thing. Of course I don’t wish any ill will and hope they keep on making shiz, but it made me laugh and also made me think about the future of the rest of the cast, people involved and Stephenie herself . Our conversation made me think of one of my favorite Conan O’Brien skits called “In the Year 2000” where he and a guest would dress up in weird futuristic space capes and talk about what will happen in the future while they held flashlights pointed at their chin. Amazing. Of course.

So let’s fast forward to the year 2000 and see what happens after Summit folds and Twilight the movies are no more…

Rob quits acting and moves into into a hovel with TomStu where they form a Jackson Rathbone/100 Monkey’s-esque performance troupe and tour the country side of small eastern block european countries. They are begged by the Russian government to be specimens in a body odor experiment

Kristen moves to the the way west valleto take over her mom’s wolf hybrid breeding business with her life partner

After being dumped by every goodie two shoes in Hollywood, Taylor Lautner vows to a life of celibacy and becomes the Christian Tom Cruise

Catherine Hardwicke is finally blackballed from every major media outlet after continuing to rant on about the Robsten audition tape long after no gave a crapsten anymore. She moves to Puerto Vallerta to meet some groovy Mexican beach bums and films her passion project: a documentary about the creator of the Margarita

Stephenie Meyer lets loose and bares her shoulders while on a weekend wine tasting trip WITH US to Napa. Oh yes, she starts drinking. Who wouldn’t after all this?

Ashley Greene will become the next Jennifer Aniston complete with wildly popular tv series, a string of movies where she plays the same character (herself), a failed marriage to Joe Jonas/Kellan Lutz/whoever and spends her days jetting to Mexico thinking about her cats and “the one that got away” (Spoiler: Jackson Rathbone).

Tips welcome!

Jackson Rathbone runs away to join the circus as a one-man-band after he learns that Ashley Greene (aka “The one that got away) is marrying Joe Jonas/Kellan Lutz/Whoever.

Justin Chon becomes the biggest movie star in the world!

Big Daddy – After becoming a contestant on The Biggest Loser and getting his butt kicked by new trainer and LTT reader Olivia he becomes the Subway/Jared-esque spokesperson for McDonalds new GRILLED fish sandwich.

Solomon Trimble – Yea, I just don’t think I can make a manager at the Home Depot joke. He ran away to Puerto Vallerta with Cathi to be her pool boy / key grip / Margarite pour-er.

Xavier Samuel will still be hot.

Dakota Fanning will win her 239th consecutive Homecoming Queen title even thought she will have graduted decades prior.

So what started out as an innocent convo about what the hale is happening with this refinancing turned into something we just had to share. Because really WHAT will they be doing after Twilight is all over… your guess is as good as ours!

In the year two thouuuuusaaaaaand!
Themoonisdown

66 Commented


Stop the presses: some mini letters to some Twilight people

Land of no cameras!

Dear Baton Rouge,

OMG stop the presses and hand me my heart meds because apparently there IS one person in Baton Rouge with a camera!!!!! I know this is shocking for you all too since no one’s seen an outsider since the town was established hundreds of years ago and so of course new fangeled technology like a camera must be frightening. But come here, I’ll hold you while we get over our surprise and shock and fear.

Sure it may be Jackson Rathbone with a fan near a See’s Candy Store but STILL it is SOMETHING! This gives me hope for your city and that maybe this little fan moment is a turning point. Maybe Jackson and his weird hat and Jasper-esque jacket (you are not on set Jacky!) broke down the walls for everyone to start snapping those shutters and maybe we’ll just be in a deluge of pictures till they leave… Or maybe I’m entranced by Jackson’s awkward facial expression in this picture and Vancouver and their paps will wipe the floor with your silly town.

xoxo,
Moon

PS I still love you Baton Rouge, but hire some girl scouts with cameras or out of work mall Santas to take some pictures.

Who’s ready for some premarrital counseling?!

Dear Kellan,

OK, SOMEONE call up Beyonce cause someone put a ring on it! Fess up Kellan, was it AnnaLynn? Was she tired of dodging in and out of that shady no-tell motel in Studio City or did you finally throw the ultimatum down: If she didn’t watch the entire McGee & Me series with you, it was done-zo, am I right?

No? It’s for a new film you’re in? Damn….
xoxo,
Moon

Dear Nikki and Kristen,

WAIT HOLD THE PHONE, someone grab my meds (again) are the fake lesbians back on?!!!!

You, Nikki Reed were quoted in something called Zink, talking about going to a party…
“I went with Kristen [Stewart, her Twilight co-star], who happens to be, like, my best friend now…”

Wait, squeeze me one second. Happens to be your best friend now? Operative word being “NOW.” Did we bury the hatchet ladies? Is this why the Fake Lesbian section in the LTT merch store mysteriously sold out? I gotta say I’m happy for you gals and for the fodder you HOPEFULLY will give us: sharing clothes, fights over ugly Nike’s, hand-in-hand jaunts through Vancouver, shopping trips where Taylor holds you purses while you’re in the dressing room! Or will it be smoothies and working out like you and Elizabeth Reaser in Vancouver during Eclipse filming, now? And this brings up another question, “What about Elizabeth?!” This is a bittersweet happiness. I am glad you two love birds are back together again.

xoxo,
Moon

As you can see there’s been some surprising news in the Twidom. What’s the best? A actual picture from Baton Rouge, Kellan with a ring or the FL’s back together again or whatever they are…

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

71 Commented


Dares for Stephenie Meyer

I’m too busy, LTT

Dear Stephenie Meyer,

In keeping with our refusal to admit you’re too busy being a producer on the set of a hit film for the next 6 months to read LTT every day like you used to, we’d like to continue to pretend we have any influence over your life at all. Cool? Cool.

We just want you to pretend like we don’t know you once admitted to reading LTT and we’ll all act normal. We’ll just continue making you laugh, making fun of something you poured your heart into (that we love almost as much as you do) and we won’t try to influence you at all to get the Breaking Dawn we want. (PUT RAY-BANS ON ROB) It’s more important for you to stay focused on Isle Esme right now so that we all get the most perfect Honeymoon possible (MAKE THE SEX SCENE LIKE THE NOTEBOOK). And then once you’re back in Louisiana on set, focusing on how not to creep the audience out with a half-vampire baby chewing its way out of Kristen’s tummy (PUT EDWARD BACK IN THE CAFETERIA) There are no subliminal messages here. There’s nothing were trying to say in between the lines. We’re offering nothing more than encouragement from the LTT family. (MAKE THE WOLFPACK CALL THEM ‘JORTS’)

But just in case you are bored on set or looking for something to do with your assistant with the cool sweater, Meghan, we’ve come up with a list of activities to pass the time- or maybe we can call them dares. You MADE these actors’ careers- the least you can do is have a little fun with them!

We dare you one day to wear a knot in your tee-shirt for a full day of shooting. Never even look twice when Kristen glares at you for stealing her style. Around lunchtime, on the day he’s visiting the set, ask Big Daddy if the local Olive Garden offers take out & if he knows their number by heart.

We dare you to call Rob, Ron at least 3 times one day. And don’t even be afraid to use the LTT water bottle we gave you back in June. How about next week you work “Tweed serious” into a conversation with Bill Condon. And sigh & shake your head every time you see the girl playing Renesemee, while muttering “Not a newborn child. How hard is it to get a newborn around here?”

We dare you to bring out the Mormon Bible & try to convert Kellan. Or ask him to be accountability partners. Try to see if he wants to start a Wednesday AM Bible Study by the breakfast trailer. I’m sure there’s another gaffer on set who reads the Good Word. Or if you’re really feeling daring, tell Jackson you really dig the 100 Monkeys. Ask about their upcoming album. And try to keep a straight face. Or ask Jackson if he’s heard that catering is serving catfish on Thursday night for dinner.

We dare you to say to Ashley Greene, “You’re dating Joe Jonas, right? But he has a purity ring…*blank stare.* And one day when you’re around Taylor Lautner, we dare you to put on headphones and sing outlaid to “Back to December” by Taylor Swift off key & really loudly.

And on the day the wolfpack is due to shoot their first scene, show up wearing jorts & name one of the pups “The Situation.” Give no explanation. Just start calling him “Sitch” and ask him if he’s found out if any of the new girl hires are DTF.

And while you’re shooting Isle Esme, how about for one day, we dare you to refer to Rob & Kristen as one person: Robsten. For example: “What time is Robsten due to set?” or “Robsten- they’re ready for you!” or “Robsten, I really feel like you need a little more passion in this scene” and “Robsten, you should shake the bed more.”

And while you’re way too busy to be reading LTT patiently waiting for the next LTT to be posted, try not to laugh when you see the wolfpack run around in their shorts, think of a fish with whiskers when you see Jackson on set, get at least one Taylor Swift song stuck in your head every time you’re around Taylor Lautner or crave endless breadsticks when Taylor’s family is around. We dare you.

Love,
UnintendedChoice (and Brookelockart who helped out tremendously with the dares!)

6 months filming is a LONG time! What other stuff should we dare Stephenie Meyer to do while on set!?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

160 Commented


Breaking it Down: JoeAshley??

Dear UC & Moon,

I have been a fan of your blogs for almost two years now. You ladies are AMAZING!!! Although, I hate to admit, I am a total fan fail. I don’t comment on posts, I tried to join the forum but that only lasted 3 days (Fuck Me Fridays should come with a warning label-but I did manage to score Buttcrack Santa status in those few short days), and I have only emailed you twice during our relationship together (if I remember correctly, I actually admitted to you I sexually harassed my boss…please don’t talk to his lawyer if he calls). But I credit you with so much in my real life – I found a place where I could go to escape when I needed to take a break from RL, by reading (lurking) your sites I found the strength and courage to make a HUGE move this year professionally and personally, and you have ALWAYS allowed me to start each and every day with a smile (well until you pulled that “we are only posting 3 or 4 times a week shizz). In my eyes, everything you ladies do is FABULOUS and you are Blog Goddesses!!!

Until now…..

I am disappointed in you. There I’ve said it. I feel like the little girl who has held her daddy up on a pedestal and then at the age of 13 attends a junior high Alcohol and Drug Awareness program only to come away with the realization that daddy is always in a good mood for a reason.

Allow me to explain. I feel as though you have missed an opportunity to break-it down. I have totally been cheated of a breaking it down post!!! Perhaps, Rob’s shenanigans have had you overwhelmed and busy (Road Trip, London, and the beard-yep he’s been a busy boy *insert sarcasm link here*). Well, since you ladies have had your hands full and completely overlooked the most important news in the TwiFandom since Nikki caught a VD from Paris (I know it is true because you ladies would never spread untrue or disparaging remarks about Lady Reed- yep *insert sarcasm link* again), I will take over and break it down myself cause my daddy always told me if you want something done you have to do it yourself. Yep, he said this every time my mom came home from the grocery store without a case of Michelob.

Breaking It Down (kinda) – JoeAshley

A JoBro couldn’t possibly know how to handle this!!!

I had heard rumblings of Ashley Green being wooed by Joe Jonas (seriously?). Like so many others I dismissed this as just another Perez Hilton ecstasy induced delusion.

Then a picture was released of the two of them actually together. I decided this definitely needed further investigation so I immediately went the experts – LTT. If there was any truth to these nasty rumors about Ashley, the fab duo of UC and Moon would surely have a post about it. NOTHING. So I dismissed this as just a business luncheon between Ms. Green and Mr. Jonas to discuss their upcoming movie “Camp Rock 7” in which Ashley will be starring as the camp counselor in charge of body paintings.

 

Then a week later yet another pic was posted of Ashley attending a JoBro concert?? This from the same girl who attended the Kings of Leon concert??? I was so confused and out of sorts that I again sought the wisdom of the pros at LTT. And once again…NADA. So I rationalized – she was just in town with nothing/no one better to do so she decided attending would be a good way to build a great working relation with her soon-to-be costar.

Just when I thought this whole thing was over and done and the day glow paint on my daughter’s homemade “Camp Rock 7″ tee was dry (don’t judge-those HotTopic shirts are expensive and I’m a single mom on a budget), THE KISS HAPPENED (I mean it kinda looked like a kiss). I thought to myself that this could NOT be happening! I mean this is the same girl that played Tonsil Hockey with CHASE “EFF ME HARD” CRAWFORD and apparently came[out] on top. Now she is sharing chaste pecks with Joe “Eyebrow” Jonas? These things just don’t exist…not in my world.

And again, I went to LTT expecting a complete, honest, and accurate breakdown of the events. SILENCE!!! Once again the goddesses had let me down by not breaking down. And again I was forced to come up with my own convoluted excuse of what was going on with our girl Ashley. I decided that Ashley is so smoking hot that she was going to prove that she can nail anyone anywhere (cause that’s what I would do if I were her). She wanted to be the one to strip Joe of that purity ring. She was going to deflower this 22 year old virgin and then wear a t-shirt saying “Yeah I tapped that”.

Just when I thought I couldn’t take any more in this the Joashley saga, something appeared like a gift from the paparazzi gods (since the goddesses from LTT weren’t delivering the goods). With this one picture, the explanation I had so long been searching for (and did I mention, unable to find on LTT??) was revealed to me…..

Ashley, my Ashley, has crossed over to the dark side….she has been brainwashed by Disney. In her new Disney contract, it states they will employ any means necessary to clean up her image. Thus, implementing project “Extreme Makeover-Slutty Image Edition”. Purity ring wearing, non-manscaping, boyfriend? Check. Disney Starlet BFF? Check, Check.

Ash…is that you baby???

So there you have it. Cause I know EVERYONE is anxiously awaiting the scoop (yeah another *insert sarcasm button* required). Even Jackson is so confused he doesn’t know rather to wind his butt or scratch his watch….

Ash…is that you baby???

Whew…I’m glad that is finally done! So I forgive you this time, UC and Moon. I know I shouldn’t expect you to be in all places at all times. I shouldn’t hold you on the pedestal that I do….after all there is a WHOLE LOTTA booze down here to share. I love you guys!!!!!

TicketGirl

To TicketGirl, all our precious LTT readers, Ashley, Joe Jonas & Miley Cyrus: We need to ask your forgiveness. We forgot the cardinal rule of breaking-it-down blogging: Never ever EVER let an opportunity go by when you could make fun of the hook-ups between Twilight stars & Disney virgins. We have no excuse. We know there isn’t much we can say to make it better. We just hope you forgive us so we can move forward. We vow to never make that mistake again. In fact, we’re going to start praying for a Kellan & Demi Lovato hook up. Or Kellan and that boy from Sonny with a Chance- we’ll take either.

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

1 Commented


Previous Entries Next Entries

Creative Commons License


This work is licensed under a Creative Commons
Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0
United States License
.

LTT Privacy Policy



Sponsored by