Breaking Down the Breaking Dawn Trailer! Rageward, Breeds and Awkwardness!

Dear Breaking Dawn and Bill Condon and Stephenie and LTT-ers,

OMG!!! I just got so excited, apparently it took a well timed and well cut trailer to get me back in this game but I’m here baby and we’re ready to break this Breaking Dawn trailer down!

So put me in coach and LET’S DO THIS! (sorry,wrong movie)…

The One Where They Can NEVER Get It Right…
Moon
: myelloooo runaways and eclipse are on tv right no. fyi
UC: orgasm. kristen gasm
Moon: oh nakey jakey….. ok anyway! so lets do this
UC: okay LET’s and i’m druhnk like runk! so sorry in advnace
Moon: ok go… AH it goes so quick in the beginning!
UC: is it suposed to sound like crap ? and just be FLASHES of images?
Moon: fun note/trivia: there is ALWAYS a beach/water in the opening shot
UC: ALWAYS

We look awful!

Moon: ok freeze it at :11 we HAVE to talk about carlisle’s awful hair. i mean WTF is going on?
UC: it’s falling out” early on-set vampire baldness?
Moon: even the ice truck killer behind him wants to kill that wig
UC: it’s fake HAHAHAHAH forgot about him
Moon: its like HOW do they ef up the hair EVERY TIME???!!! EVERY.TIME.
UC: EVERY TIME. the wig people must be OLD
Moon: like im pretty sure jasper has had diff hair color and style EVERY time
UC: yeah- NOT consistent with the book
Moon: alice looks like a soccer mom with a van
UC: hahahahahahhaahahaahah and Emmett looks like a Ken doll. Rosalie looks… the best! & Esme looks the same
Moon: i mean its supposed to be short and spikey not “i just cut orange slices for the soccer game” short

Bella: "FML!"

UC: and then there are the playboy bunnies behind them. Where’s Hef?
Moon: aawwwwwww, the girls next door showed up for the big day! aka the bitch edward ran off to in midnight sun
UC: Are they the denalis?
UC: They’re hot
Moon: yea the girls next door are the denali’s
UC: no wonder Bella was jealous
Moon: for realzzzzzz. thats like miss january, feburary and march coming to your wedding

I feel ill....

The One Where Cedric Got The Flu
UC: Are the girls, Alice, Rosealie and Esme not IN the wedding?
UC: I don’t know how I feel about this.. did that not happen in the book?
Moon: i guess not… i read it once, remember?
UC: haha okay

Moon: ok so we can see sleeves on the dress
UC: Besides looking like she stayed up for an all-nighter learning her “better for worse” lines.. Kristen looks GORGEOUS. Rob… ugh….
Moon: right kristen looks great. rob looks like cedric. the hair is SO awful
UC: Cedric with the flu. SO awful
Moon: like i said on twitter a few days ago HOW in the world do you make rob look bad??!! its like a summitt super power or something
UC: Yeah they are the ONLY ones. them at that photographer who shot Rob as a

I've still got that Snapple Cap

pre-teen in his boxers. they are the only ones
Moon: if they wanted him to look gross they could have just let him wear what he wore to set that day, or whatever he’s currently wearing in london RIGHT NOW
UC:
exactly
Moon:“as long as we both shall live” HALF SMILE. the edwad half smile!!! finally some stuff from the books
UC: FINALL Y. they remember we liked those first

Follow the jump because things get awkward, weird, inappropriate and everything else you’d expect from us
Continue…

184 Commented


“Is Edward Gay?” And other things Guys say about Twilight…

I’m back from a business trip to Kansas City (Did I even tell you I was gone?) and Operarose shares a hilarious story with us today!

Breaking Dawn Letters To twilightDear Breaking Dawn,

My husband is perhaps the only person in the universe who does not know what’s between your covers. I know you might be surprised that there’s someone out there whose heart isn’t palpitating in anticipation of the impending magicness of the Robst-I mean, Bella and Edward wedding and subsequent deflowering that results in a precious birth scene followed by the “Sequence In Which Taylor Lautner’s Career Will Likely End,” but as a PhD student in industrial engineering, Mr. Operarose is far more likely to have his nose buried in a book on Pierce-Smith Converting than the tale on Bella Converting into an Anorexic Vampire.

That’s not to say he’s a complete Twilight virgin. Mr. Operarose was introduced to Twiworld back in 2009, accompanying me to New Moon when the only people in the world I felt “safe” seeing it with were busy. To my shock, a few days later he requested to watch Twilight and later insisted we go see Eclipse together in theaters.

Although he’s far from being a unicorn, it’s safe to say that he’s interested in seeing this Twilight experience through. So, it’s a given that we’re going to see Breaking Dawn together in November. However, he has not yet seen the Breaking Dawn Part 1 trailer and I have never told him what happens in the book. Over dinner tonight, I confessed that I wasn’t looking forward to the movie this time around. Naturally, he wondered why.

“There’s a part in it that not a lot of us are looking forward to,” I said (and by us, he knew who I meant because I’ve told him about LTT) “It’s not going to translate well on-screen.”

Mr. Operarose pushed me further.

“What is it? Does Edward turn out to be gay”

As if I hadn’t heard that one before.

Breaking Dawn White Trash

Bet Mr. Operarose will NEVER guess this one

I decided to have a little fun and see if he could really guess the outcome. He’d successfully guessed the major points of the ending of the Harry Potter series before the release of Deathly Hallows Pt. 1&2, despite having never read the books. But it’s one thing to determine that Snape is good, quite another thing to predict the birth of Renesmee.

He took up the challenge, and grew serious. “I think the Volturi want Edward and Edward is going to consider joining them.”

Not a bad guess – and not a bad plot idea. “You’re sort of on to something,” I said. “That’s a little bit of part of the story, but not the main thing most of us are concerned about. There’s something major that happens to Bella and Edward.”

I told him they got married and honeymoon in Brazil.

“So something happens in Brazil,” he said.

“Yes.”

“Is Bella kidnapped by Columbian drug dealers?” he joked.

I shook my head. “I wish.”

I said Jacob would still be a big part of the story and gets a happy ending despite not having ended up with Bella.

“He ends up falling in love! So Jacob gets himself a little girlfriend,” he mused.

“Little being the key word.” I was getting worried, suddenly, not so sure I want to get into it after all. Thoughts of sippy cup blood and Chris Hansen chasing after Jacob were ruining my perfectly good macaroni and cheese dinner.

“A magical creature?” he continued.

“Sort of…”

“Jacob is gay!”

There it is again, universal straight male “I don’t know what to say” reaction to anything Twilight.

“A little GIRL friend is more accurate,” I said, trying to steer him back on course.

He starts to get really off track then, going on about how on their honeymoon, Edward will come over to where we are living now (which happens to be in South America, not too far from Brazil) and I will fight Bella for Edward. Before the conversation goes way off into a territory which usually involves me mud wrestling Bella (it may or may not have gone there before), I recap, and let him know that Jacob’s story gets brought in LATER, after SOMETHING happens to Bella and Edward on their honeymoon.

Jacob Black and Renesmee

Yep. This is about right

“Jacob falls in love with a vampire?”

“Pretty close.”

“But he falls in love with something much smaller? That’s bad.”

He’s so astute. “You have no idea,” I tell him.

“Is it a bird? A ghost? An Ewok? A short hunchback that is bald?”

“That may have been much better, for on-screen purposes at least…”

“So it’s not quite a vampire, it’s much smaller. Is it a bat?” He asks, joking again.

By then I felt a bit like an anthropologist, studying what people predicted would happen to Bella and Edward “BBD” (Before Breaking Dawn).” If Mr. Operarose, who is normally incredibly observant and extremely intelligent, can’t predict the absurdity that is Renesmee, then I decided that I should probably just let it be a surprise for him in November.

Besides, I realized just in time that I maybe shouldn’t risk him deciding not to go with me to Breaking Dawn. I don’t have anyone else to see it with (my social circle is small since we just moved here, and I’d rather not risk making it smaller by coming out of the Twicloset).

Breaking Dawn Scares meTo conclude our conversation aka my “BBD anthropology” research, I asked him how he wanted Bella and Edward’s story to end.

“I’d like it if we saw Edward trying to react to the Volturi’s attempts to take him in. It should be revealed that the Volturi are in conflict with a group of vampires who are challenging their power in the vampire world. The rival group should rise up and then there would be a Cold War situation between them.”

Duly impressed, I told him that he might just like Breaking Dawn after all… part 2, that is.

-Operarose

Have you had to explain the err more interesting parts of Breaking Dawn to a guy? I’m pretty sure I STILL haven’t told Mr. Choice what happens!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

68 Commented


Breaking Dawn… business cards!?

Dear Twilight,

A few weeks ago USA Today featured the Breaking Dawn promo cards given out at Comic Con (Moon? Are you reading this in Africa? Did you get these). They were horrific.

We’ve seen the pictures before. They are gracing us on the pages of the 2011/2012 Breaking Dawn Calendar. I think they’re supposed to get us excited for Breaking Dawn. Instead….. well, MarbleNutSlut though they looked more like bad business cards:

I jumped in on the fun with my own interpretations:

Looking forward to doing business with these 3!

Love,
UnintendedChoice (and MarbleNutSlut!)

Why are these promo pictures so horrible? What other occupations could the Twicast be involved with?

No updates from Moon to report so they must be busy running their camp for kids this week in Kenya! But if she gets a few moments to show her Kenyan friends LTT (Ha!) here is another picture to show how much we miss her!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

37 Commented


A Jacob even I’d get it on with

Dear Twilight,

It’s been awhile since I considered another actor who could play Jacob. I never really cared about the drama way back when before Taylor had the job for New Moon for sure. Except that it was fun to see what other meat-head guido dudes wanted the role. I liked Taylor. He was a cute kid & I felt kinda bad that his job was up in the air for awhile.

Try and tell me you're not wowed

Then he proved everyone wrong & ate his little baggies filled with meat (< — read that and reminisce (ps there’s a video)) and wowed us with his abs. And despite his goofy smile & kinda little-boy voice, he is completely believable as Jacob. So much, in fact, that Mr. Choice thinks he’s “So much better than that Paddleston guy.”

I was never on Team Jacob. Not when I read the books, and definitely not after I saw Rob Pattinson as Edward. But a conversation with LTT-turned-Real Life Friends Lula  & CalliopeBlabs yesterday made me realized I could have been Team Jacob, if the right guy was playing him.

Let me introduce you to Caleb from Pretty Little Liars (Surprised? Did you think my obsession with teen things stopped at Twilight? Heck no! I watch this drama-mystery on ABC Family every week!)

He’s Hot:

He’s Native American I actually have no idea- but he looks it:

He could have been Jacob (He’s skinny, yes, but he could have easily bulked up. I think Taylor Lautner could’ve let him in on his ‘roids meat in baggies secret)

I could be your Jacob

What do you MEAN you didn't want to bang me? I'll let you pull my hair...

And if he was…. I would’ve been in a tricky place. I’m used to thinking Taylor is a cute Jacob and loving the chemistry between him & Bella, but that’s it. It’s not enough- it doesn’t make me question my allegiance to Edward. And I thought that’s because I was a “True twilight Fan” always dedicated to the REAL love of Bella’s life…. (Or something like that. I don’t actually sit around and think about my allegiance to the series too often, surprisingly) But.. it’s possible that I feel that way because, in the beginning I never read Jacob as the more attractive of the two characters. And then when the movie came out, Taylor didn’t change my mind. But what if someone had? What if CALEB (oh yeah- his real name is Tyler Blackburn) was Jacob & I was JUST as attracted to him as I was Edward? WHAT WOULD HAPPEN THEN??? WOULD THE WORLD END? WOULD STEPHENIE MEYER CRY? WOULD I WEAR A TEAM JACOB SHIRT TO BED INSTEAD OF MY TEAM EDWARD SHIRT? WHAT WOULD ROBSTEN DO? WOULD THEY BE UPSET WITH ME?

Okay I'm shirtless now... let the rescuing commence

I don’t know- but I know that instead of laughing when Jacob rips off his shirt anytime he gets mad or rescues Bella happens I’d drool instead. And I wouldn’t cover my face during this scenes when Jacob kisses Bella & would instead stand up & cheer in the audience. And possibly throw my panties at the screen. That depends on if I brought a flask to the movies that day. Ya know….

I guess I have to confess:

Hi, I’m UC. I’m Team Edward, but only because I’m not really attracted to Jacob, because he’s a lot younger than me and has really white teeth. But if he was a different guy, I’d probably be Team Jacob. Or Team Both. Or Team Confused. Thank you for listening.

Love,
UnintendedChoice

Watch this & try to tell me you don’t see the potential: (stupid You tube wouldn’t let me embed the original but you get the point. Hot)

Does this surprise you? Have you thought of another guy that might have worked as Jacob? And does that change how you FEEL about him? ALSO, is it possible I need to read the books again to be better reminded why I’m Team Edward since the movies try to confuse us in thinking Bella actually considered Jake for one second??

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

70 Commented


Breaking it down: The Font and I talk Taylor, bare feet and DOWN THERE!

Dear Taylor,

Sometimes I end up talking to my guy friends about you and not because they want to but because I commandeer the conversation and we go there. I apologize in advance for talking about some sensitive subjects for both you, Jacob and whatever’s going on beneath the Jorts.

(suck it Chris Hanson!)

A first… breaking it down with me and The Font

Take this invite and shove it!

The one where I totally commandeer the convo
The Font: Moon
Moon: The Font…..
*lots of time passes*
Moon: i take it you saw the new jacob picture but you’re too shy to bring it up?? do you want me to start??
………………
Moon: ok… running barefoot?! wtf? am i right??? just because white bread vanilla snoozville bella and edward sent you an F You! wedding invite doesnt mean you need to risk a cold or worse yet needing a tetanus booster when you inevitably step on a nail from running without shoes.
Moon: you send them a F You! gift from their registry and by gift from their registry i mean a flaming bag of crap thrown onto the cullens front porch!!

What should really happen at Edward & Bella's wedding

Moon: or you streak the wedding, dump a bucket of blood on bella a la “carrie” then yell “they’re all vampires you idiots” at the crowd of dumbass townies who couldnt recognize a werewolf if it phased in front of them……
(it’s your turn to jump in…. anytime now….)
.

The one where he finally gives in and jumps in
The Font: i go get a hot pocket and come back, and this is what happens?!
The Font: why is he BAREFOOT? is that a werewolf thing? or he does not have the twenty seconds to put on shoes?
Moon: i guess when you’re a werewolf in love with a vampire’s girl, pithy things like footwear doesnt matter. if he gets hurt it heals within minutes anyway so i guess he thinks fuck it, try to kill me tetanus!!!

Not exactly the Sports Authority

The Font: still. just for COMFORT’S sake
Moon: well maybe he’s realized it’s not worth it to lose another pair of shoes, because he’ll just get more pissed off, phase and the shoes will shread to pieces anyway. it’s a shitty economy still. he’s being economical and im sure new running shoes arent exactly cheap at newtons outfitters. its not like sports authority. they gotta put mike through community college somehow.
.

The one where we discuss Jorts vs Stretchy Pants and modesty

Official uniform of the wolfpack and everyone in our neighborhood

The Font: aren’t there stretch shoes for these kinds of things? the hulk always has stretch pants
Moon: you’d think thatd be the way they’d go, but they like the denim jorts. hipster wolves?
The Font: let’s talk about THAT! if they have JEANS on, how are those not ripping? jeans are not exactly known for their give
Moon: ok, here it is… (twi nerd of the day award) they either take them off and stash them into the woods before the phase, or they shread off their bodies. thats pretty much how the explain it in the books and movies. in the books, apparently, they tie an extra pair of shorts or whatever around their legs, in the movies they stash them in the woods
The Font: so concerned with modesty, these wolves

Dude follow the cut, we talk about naked Jacob and SO much more after this
Continue…

121 Commented


Previous Entries Next Entries

Creative Commons License


This work is licensed under a Creative Commons
Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0
United States License
.

LTT Privacy Policy



Sponsored by