Jessica Stanley: Get the HALE out of Forks

I sat down to write a letter to some of the “lost” characters of Twilight- you know.. the ones that got attention in the books & either DON’T exist in the movies or exist very limitedly. But then I realized it’s been so long since I’ve read the books that that would require more research than I’m able to give it on a Sunday evening. But while I was searching for ideas, I discovered that out of the 3,726 words we have “tagged” in our posts over the past 2+ years, Jessica Stanley has been tagged exactly SIX times. SIX! That’s it!! The girl playing her almost won an Oscar! Her character is HILARIOUS in the movies & pretty prevalent in the books! This is a major LTT oversight! Thankfully, my long-lost friend who I reconnected with through LTT, The Plane Friend, wrote Jessica a letter awhile ago. Today, Jessica gets her SEVENTH tag! (and you know how we love SEVEN around here!)

Smile- you're gonna almost win an Oscar someday!

Dear Jessica,

You are one of the oddest Twilight characters for me. I don’t really like you, but I feel like you’re a necessary part of the story, both as an essential part of helping the plot along and as a needed high school stereotype. However, on successive re-readings, I have started to feel a little bit of pity for you, which brings me to a piece of advice:  Girl, you need to get the heck out of Forks.

Why?

Well, first off, since your town is so small, it’s hard to get away from people. You spent your last year-and-a-half in high school constantly in Bella’s shadow. While I readily admit that I have much more of an affinity for Bella than lots of readers, I do get your exasperation when she moved to Forks and everyone went crazy over her. You’d think she’d have to do something to earn all the admiration she got. Very rarely have I seen quiet, shy girls—even pretty ones—get that popular. Usually, in high school, it’s the girls who are nasty, prey on other girls’ insecurities, and stroke the egos of cute-but-very-unworthy boys (just in case you didn’t catch it, that would be Lauren and you).

We promise. Life gets better outside of Forks

Secondly, you seem to be having the same problem my friends and I did in high school: not enough dateable boys to go around. Of course, you have an Edward Cullen, Emmet Cullen, and Jasper Hale (and we didn’t), but as they’re all taken, the rest of you seem to be stuck with Mike, Tyler, some guys named Connor and Lee we barely hear about, so we can probably assume are not realistic options, and Eric—who, even when he was an option…well, wasn’t.

I totally get that despite his stand-offish-ness, you had a rough time getting over your hang-up on Edward. He is Edward. However, he doesn’t think much of you. How do I know? Well, I can attest to that as one of those who wasted time trudging through TERRIBLE drivel that we hope NEVER, EVER gets finished (Ahem, Midnight Sun) and was privy to some of his thoughts. He didn’t waste many on you.  It’s good you refocused elsewhere.

Mike seems like the kind of guy who is a perfect high school boyfriend—in other words, a reality check. You pursue him when he’s obviously not that into you. You manage to snag him, but there’s likely that insecurity that he’s still hung up on Bella floating around in your mind (and trust us, honey, he was). The problem? Once he broke up with you, you should have cut your losses and MOVED ON, not started dating him again after he found out that Bella was getting married! You need to go to college, girl, and find a guy who isn’t secretly hankering after your frenemy.  I might not like you that much, but no one deserves to be second runner up with her own boyfriend.

But seriously.. it would help if you'd stop being such a Biatch

I do worry about what you would do in college, though. You seem like the type who might spend way too much time at parties, hook up with the wrong boys, and very likely not learn much about becoming a responsible adult. (Behavior I am sure your creator would join me in shaking our heads at).

So if you do jump off the party deep end in California, you might want to keep in email contact with Bella. She might not tell you too many details about her married life (rumor has it there’s a five-year-old who looks a lot like her and Edward running around Forks, but he’s very close-lipped about it [a niece?] and she has only been seen around town through very darkly tinted car windows lately). If she does fill you in on the details of what some of us call the “fade-to-black” part of her honeymoon, however, forward that email over to LTT. We’re all dying to read it.

With love,
The Plane Friend

What do you think about Jessica? Is she the perfect example of a typical highschooler? Was she too hard on Bella? But Seriously- that always bugged me- what WAS it about Bella that all the guys gravitated toward?!

Do you “Like” LTT on Facebook? Why not? What’s not to Like? Our profile pic is STILL Christmas-themed! Do it now! Like LTT on Facebook

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

138 Commented


We wish you a Cullen Christmas

Dear LTTers,

Merry Christmas Eve! If you don’t celebrate Christmas, merry time of year when everyone says “Merry Christmas” to you and you look at them and say, “But I don’t celebrate Christmas” and they stare back at you, not understanding, in a santa hat!

Moon and I have objected ourselves to 2nd-hand embarrassment, yet again, to wish you a very Merry Christmas.

Love,

UC & Moon

After the jump, read all the wonderful lyrics penned by @Brookelockart, Moon & myself. Print them out and have a family sing-a-long around the dinner table tomorrow! Continue…

Add Comments


New Moon Trailer – Breaking it Down! And ordering a Sleep Number Bed

Dear LTT-ers,

You know one of our favorite things to do is ramble on about Twilight and Rob and have extended chats about everything in the twi-world which we dubbed “Breaking it down Vanity Fair style” in homage to our very first chat of this nature that spurred the creation of this blog. SOOOO when the new trailer came out Sunday night and after many folks requested we break it down, here we are BREAKIN’ IT DOWN for you! And as usual it devolves into a chat about something completely different but yet oddly related to Twilight. So since this is a loooong one… grab a cocktail (or a diet coke) and settle in as UC, Calli and I break this shiz down!

UGGGGhhh uuhhh AHHH!!
Themoonisdown


(refresh yo memory… as if you need it)

bellwaitwhat

Wait, Carlisle is HOW old??

The one where Bella second guesses this whole thing…
Moon:
ok burning daylight, lets hit it
Moon: i love that because cathy was so fail and didn’t include some of the volturi legend they have to do all this backtracking… “the volturi?! who’s that?! they have LAWS??” Yea you should have known that from the last book Bella.
UC: wasting chris weitz’ precious time
Calliope: she’s all like HOLD UP BACKUP
UC: and while youre at it.. who is buttcrack santa again? This changes EVERYTHING!
Calliope: wtf didn’t you tell me about this LAST TIME
UC: I wouldn’t’ have fallen in love with you had I known about the Volturi! Carlisle is HOW OLD? Dude? I’m crushing on you’re 300something year old dad?
Moon: I’m not sure I wanna date you now Edward, is that Newton kid still down?
Calliope: I bet Edward says.. “Second thoughts bella?” all assholey on her like “TOLD YOU SO”
Calliope: she’s like … hold up… you’ve been celibate for HOW LONG
Moon: HAHAHA FOR THIS?!
UC: wait.. you eat MOUNTAIN LIONS? Ew
Moon: this changes everything! Trailer fades to black. The end
Calliope: yeah though granted, it makes more sense to discuss the volturi now, for the non-readers (all 10 of them) to have movie flow
UC: good job cathy the cougar
Calliope: but seriously. Bella needed this info LAST movie
UC: right… we really do need to worry about the 10 ppl left in the world who haven’t read
Moon: and dont forget they still have to touch on jaspers special power
UC: and they did NOTHING with the Alice story
Calliope: “wait a second,… jasper controls my emotions?!?! WTF edward… i trusted you!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
UC: So it’s Jasper that’s been making me feel that tingly feeling down there? I thought you were skilled!
Moon: so my first unicorn was all a ruse by you and your emotion altering BROTHER?! What kind of sick family is this?!
Calliope: Oh edward… clearly this is his first relationship. Edward is suck a fail boyfriend… just tells her what he wants her to hear.

Wanna see what else we talked about? Hint: Matlock, Mattresses and Afros… YUP follow the cut
Continue…

Add Comments


Our top ten favorite moments in Twilight, the movie

Dear LTT/LTR-ers and Twihards, lovers and haters of this site,

Today is another big day in the life of us here at LTT. Yes, you might have guessed it but today marks our TEN MONTH anniversary. Now not to get all high school relationship on you but we think blogging solid for ten months is a big deal. Countless hours, love, conversations, text messages, good ideas, really bad ideas (trust me, there are tons), blood sweat and tears have gone into these ten months so UC and I want to celebrate this week. In honor of our ten month anniversary we are going to be bringing you a new top ten list every day this week to celebrate and look towards the next ten!

So to kick off our top tens I’m gonna start us off with Top Ten Favorite Twilight Movie Moments! All the little things, the good and the sometimes cheesy things that we loved and couldn’t imagine living without. All the moments that we wanted to see make it in, the ones we didn’t know and the ones that made us fall in love with the story all over again… here they are

10. The Cullen’s enter the Cafeteria

The set up for the whole movie: who are those kids and why are they different and most importantly WHO IS THAT BOY? Why yes, it’s only the hottest boy to ever grace the United States public school system, that’s who. And he just happens to be a Vampire. Ok wait, she’ll learn that later… let’s not get ahead of ourselves now!

09. Animal Attack

Oh Carlisle you kill us with the delivery of that line coupled with the totally obvious stare down you give Edward. Yup, it was totally an animal that killed Buttcrack Santa and not some crazy psycho nomadic vampire that’s going to develop some weirdo fascination with Bella and stop at nothing to kill her. Yup, totes an animal.

Wanna find out what else made our top ten list of favorite Twilight Movie Moments? Follow the cut…
Continue…

Add Comments


The tassle’s worth the hassle! Twilight stars graduate

Seniors Rule, underclassmen drool! FORKS SENIORS YALL!!!

Seniors Rule, underclassmen drool! FORKS SENIORS YALL!!!

Dear Graduating Vampires, Humans and I’m sure some of the Werewolves,

We break for the weekend and you all decide to go and graduate on us. I’m a little disappointed I didn’t receive an invitation to commencement but I’ll just assume mine is lost in the mail and head over to Hallmark asap to get you all a bunch of shiz that says “Class of 2009″ that you will eventually find 5 years later when you’re cleaning out our old bedroom at your parents house. Return it NOW for cash. Trust me.

Seeing the caps and gowns and fake diplomas got me thinking about when I graduated and how I loved those cheesy quotes that people used in their commencement speeches, on graduation announcements, and as the class motto so I got to thinking about which quote you guys would choose for your graduation. And here’s what I came up with…

 

Bella Swan - biggest tease

Mike Newton
What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us  (burritos).  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Bella Swan
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did….  (so TURN me already, Edward!! GEEZ!!) ~Attributed to Mark Twain, unconfirmed

Angela Weber
Wherever you go, no matter what the weather, always bring your own sunshine. (Cause it always freaking rains in freaking Forks, Washington)  ~Anthony J. D’Angelo, The College Blue Book

 

Eric Yorkie
Excellence is not a skill.  It is an attitude  (So CHILLAX!). ~Ralph Marston

Edward Cullen
The important thing is not to stop questioning (But I hope you enjoy disappointment). ~Albert Einstein

Alice Cullen
If you think education is expensive, try ignorance! Manolo Blahniks ~Andy McIntyre

(I know, I know they didn’t graduate the same year, but just go with it…)

 

Rosalie Hale
Education is the best provision for old age. (So it becoming an Vampire)  ~Aristotle

Jasper Hale
There is a good reason they call these ceremonies ‘commencement exercises’. Graduation is not the end, it’s the beginning (trust me, I’ve done this like 50 times) – Orrin Hatch

Emmett Cullen
Do not follow where the path may lead.  Go, instead, where there is no path and leave a trail (but hopefully no scent for any murderous nomadic vampires).  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Happy Graduation!

Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world (so is blogging about Vampires),
Themoonisdown

UC brings the awesome over at Letters to Rob
Sign Edwards yearbook in the forum!

Add Comments


Previous Entries

Creative Commons License


This work is licensed under a Creative Commons
Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0
United States License
.

LTT Privacy Policy



Sponsored by