Kellan’s Love is Louder

Dear Kellan,

Moon & I heard your message to us through your Love is Louder video:

(Out of the US & can’t see the vid? Go here and read the transcript)

Here are our thoughts:

UC: THIS IS THE DAY THAT THE LORD HAS MADE. WE WILL REJOICE AND BE GLAD because KELLAN LUTZ made a video JUST FOR US. There is NO other explanation
Moon: seriously
UC: No explanation except that he is SEEKING approval. OUR APPROVAL and LTT’s approval
Moon: He wants us to break this down….. for LTT……
UC: and his JOY for Jesus- Sharing it with the world. The ONLY thing that would have made that better, was if his shirt was off
Moon: UC, Jesus is love and love is louder
UC: I feel happier than the day we interviewed Stephenie. This is like if Big Daddy wore a Tshirt with a picture of a breadstick on it
Moon: HAHAHAA
UC: this is like if….. Michael Welsh did a weight watchers campaign
Moon: HAHAHA
UC: or just wore a shirt that said “I REALLY DO like Boobs” or “Save the tatas”
Moon: Like if Taylor told the press he was starting an alpaca rescue farm
UC: Or if it’s really TomStu & Kristen who are dating
Moon: Or if Rob is being sponsored as the new brawny man
UC: hahaha
Moon: or he buys a home on the east side & stops going out in Weho
UC: yes! Like if Rob is seen at Chango- that hipster coffee shop in your neighborhood where everyone smokes pot.
Moon: It’s like they might be finally listening to us! Or just confirming the stuff we’ve thought all along
UC: I mean…. Moon…our VERY FIRST POST was about Kellan and his love for the big man upstairs
Moon: it was
UC: And we always knew it
Moon: That thought came to me while I was peeing
UC: I mean.. who else reads the Purpose driven life besides lovers of the Big man [Not Big Daddy- the other one] It wasn’t too hard to deduce.
Moon: You’re preaching to the choir sister
UC: and here it is.. confirmed …. for all to see
Moon: I may have to take Kellan to Kenya with me next summer
UC: I think this is Kellan’s cry for you to hear:
He wants to go
He wanted to go
He was hurt
Jesus healed him
but the pain is still there
Moon: It is. KELLAN since you’re reading this and we know you are. I will pick you up this Sunday and take you with me to church!
UC: THEY ARE SHOWING YOUR KENYA VIDEO!!! It’s perfect
Moon: It is!
UC: Jesus is love. Kenya is love. Moon is love
Moon: And Kellan is loving it all

Don’t be tempted

UC: It’s also possible he wants us to ignore the rumor that AnnaLynne moved in which I want to ignore- but kinda also want to talk about because I wonder how Jesus feels about his living in sin
Moon: WHAT?!
UC: Do you think they’re “just friends”
Moon: When did this happen?
UC: On a day he was “Straying” of course. No- some legit gossip rag mentioned it. And by legit I mean, not at all, but let’s ignore that fact.
Moon: AnnaLynne is trying to make us pay for all the times we’ve mentioned her
UC: I bet they have separate rooms, and he is SO close to Jesus that he just likes to really test his temptations. It’s easy to say WWJD when your girlfriend lives 10 miles away, but it’s MUCH harder when she’s in the room next door. He’s testing his faith. He’s showing us his strength as a follower
Moon: Maybe they both turned celibate and have created their own nunnery/priesthood in the valley?
UC: I bet they did- I think Jackson will be moving in soon too- there’s those rumors (that I think we started? Based on some hard-core googling stalking of his past??) that he grew up as a missionary kid
Moon: I just want to give Kellan a hug and then see what he REALLY believes. Also- I read a comment on his video that said “Nice Hair Plugs”
UC: Oh NO!
Moon: true or false? Sometimes his hair looks especially lustrous and other times it looks a little thin…
UC: you’re right. it looks VERY lustrous there
Moon: could this explain the comb forward caesar cut on Emmett?? He really has a receding hair line??
UC: it totally looks like he’s pulling a donald trump
that looks like a rug. WWJD? Not wear a rug.

Moon: I wonder what AnnaLynn thinks of all this
UC: yeah… she doesn’t seem like the type…. I’ve seen what she can do to a banana. Jesus doesn’t approve.
Moon: I mean she’s been traipsing around the world with him on this good will trips
UC: Has she been following Kellan around!? I’m behind on the AnnaLynne gossip, clearly.
Moon: yea she’s gone on a couple things with him- Haiti or whatever.. New Orleans
UC: dang- they are the new couple in Christendom. Like Bill & Gloria Gaither or Amy Grant & Vince Gill… or
Moon: Joshua Harris and his lady friend
UC: I know one thing WWJD: Not AnnaLynne is pretty dang clear.
Moon: The day Kellan dumps her and tells MTV they were “unequally yoked” we’ll know he really reads LTT

Love,
UC & Moon

While Kellan’s namedropping Jesus both shocks & pleases us, we did want to point out that “Love is Louder” is a great idea & we encourage you to check it out. Plus Vinny from The Jersey Shore does a video, and he’s our favorite.

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

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Kellan visits the Holy Land

"wild child" visits Israel

Dear Kellan-

Does Anna Lynn McCord understand the irony between calling you a “wild child” and saying you’re on a trip to Israel in the same interview? Because I do, and I love it. I really really reeeeeeallly hope some day I can confirm all these crazies ideas I have about you being some wild and crazy party kid but down home good ol Christian boy who goes on mission trips, loves his momma and does mammogram videos with her. Because shiz like this only makes me wish for it harder.

Of the few news items I read about twi people today, this interview were AnnaLynn mentions you going to Israel was the only one that made me laugh. You, on a tour of Israel, or as my grandparents like to call it: The Holy Land! All I can picture is you getting baptized in the Jordan river by Jackson Rathbone, then taking a float in the Dead Sea in your Calvin manties, after a drunken night of trying to turn water into wine you run to the beach telling your tour group you’re going to show that Peter dummy how that whole ‘walking on water’ thing works. Spoiler alert: you make more splashing sounds then a drowning victim.

So really the only answer as to why you could be in Israel is because you must be on a goodwill tour of the middle east because I can’t think about you on a tour of the Holy Land without laughing really hard. It’s good though since you’re now into giving back and charity and such because if anyone can bring peace to the middle east, it’s you with some Calvin Kleins under your caftan.

Kellan is my Shepherd, I shall not want,
Themoonisdown

So I guess the VMA’s happened last night. But if the trinity wasn’t there to make it awkward or present a clip from their home videos from their summer vacay them I’m not interested. Anything I missed? But really, why is Kellan in Israel? Ideas?

Thanks EclipseMovie.org via GossipCop

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

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Kellan.Spiders.Over-priced tshirts.

af01Dear Kellan -

Why am I not surprised to find out you were an Abercrombie and Fitch model? I always thought you looked like one but to see these confirms just about everything I’ve ever thought about you.

You’re the boy of my innocent, Jesus loving, pom pom waving, 15 yr old fantasies. But then I found rock n roll and grew up and you are quite the opposite of most boys I would even look at now… but your personality will always get me. Just from my one quasi run-in with you I know you’re good peoples.

But what the crap is that fake spider on your arm?!

And I MUST ask what did your parents think about this? Great opportunity and all but don’t you remember the big backlash A&F got for their pseudo porn-o content? They even had to bag the mail catalogs because they were supposedly so “risque.” HA. Oh late ’90s you crack me up now. I bet this sent your youth group into a tizzy. And all the girls hyperventilating into their “Footprints” bible carriers.

Well guess this means I’ll be looking through my old A&F stuff when I go home next time. Maybe I’ll find some long lost gems of you!

<3
Me and my 15 yr old self

PS I still wanna be your accountability partner… how’s about it?

MORE MORE MORE Kellan Abercrombie goodness after the cut

Continue…

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