Usually I agree with everything you say & do. Especially when it comes to making Steve Inskeep belly laugh at 7:45 in the morning.* But THIS:
“The Associated Press Stylebook is the media’s go-to guide for things like grammar and punctuation, and it’s often revised to keep up with vernacular. Its 2012 edition includes a chapter on fashion, and in a Twitter chat this week the AP declared “jeggings” an OK word for the trendy hybrid of leggings and jeans. It added that “jorts” is not an OK term for jean shorts.“
I know it seems like Moon & I don’t care, but we do. We really do. We spend at least a good 5 minutes a day complaining to each other about how much we miss you & the fun we’ve had. And GET THIS– we have to schedule time to talk to each other. Really. Moon sends me a Google invite to schedule a meeting. I tell her all the time I really only like BING invites (brainwashed by The CW) but she keeps sending them from Google. I have no idea why.
I miss this
Anyway, I just wanted to pop in & give you an update on what I’ve been up to. Besides my week of sickness resulting in an eye infection, ear infection & possible sinus infection (yes I’m a 4 year old). I cleaned my closet. And realized that the big box of crap that Stephenie Meyer sent us after the epic meeting in 2010 STILL has crap left in it (ps: it’s the crappiest crap left, of course) and it’s taking up room in my closest, and I’m OVER it. So please comment with something that makes me laugh & I’ll send a random commenter something crappy (no you’ll love it! promise!)
Anyway, I want to tell you some REALLY exciting news: I’m writing a BOOK! Yes!!! I know! About time, right? It’s still in the works, but here’s a quick synopsis:
Kathy & Peter are from the same rural territory. Every year a young boy & girl are chosen from each territory and taken to the big city where they are televised and forced to prove their sexual prowess in something called “The Sexual Games,” created for the enjoyment of the residents of the city. Kathy is strong. In the beginning when all participants are meeting each other in a sort-of “speed dating” called “speed flirting” where you show off your skills to each other, she impresses the guys with her impeccable skill at darts. And Peter is incredible in the kitchen. Woman get woozy just by smelling his cinnamon buns.
As the games are set to begin, the participants are standing in a circle waiting for the gunshot to let them know it’s time. In the center of the partipants are “tools” they’ll need for the games. After the shot is fired, everyone runs towards the gear– they have to pick up tools like sexy lingerie, whips, chains, cartons of lube, condoms, dildos and a few surprises I won’t share here!
Kathy & Peter aren’t the best match. Kathy wasn’t ready for the games– she had a potential mate back home (Dale) and Peter just isn’t confident. But throughout my story you’ll see Kathy & Peter come together for the games (pun intended)– knowing that if they are going to win “The Sexual Games” they had better have the hottest sex in front of the cameras they can possible have. And through their fight, they might just find love. You’ll just have to wait & see!
What do you think? If my first printing goes well, I think I’m going to sell the movie rights! Oh and before you ask– yes, I have the same lawyer as E.L. James!
In other news, someone marvelous got this tattoo:
Yes. It’s a tattoo of jorts. On a guy. A guy with a lot of tattoos. Who I’m pretty sure isn’t actually part of “Team Jacob.” But it has jorts GUYS! I’m pretty sure I’m in love with him for doing this. Thanks Sianna for sending it to us!
So that’s what’s new with me. Now make me laugh so I can send you some crap
That’s right. They had 71 ideas. I read about 10 of them before I got bored (no offense, it’s just that… well, 71 is a lot of ideas.) But I particularly loved the image the included (left) and #53:
53. Consider how the title of Breaking Dawn includes all of the letters for “Edward.” Get chills.
But I thought it was a good idea. So now there are 66 days until Breaking Dawn Appears, and that is basically TEN weeks until it’s Breaking Dawn week. So here are my 8 ideas of what you can do while you wait for Breaking Dawn to FINALLY be out in theaters, because coming up with 10 was too hard:
Hellooo Joe Anderson, aka Alistair (who...?)
1. Re-watch Twilight and be reminded that no one will ever be as loved as much as Buttcrack Santa
2. Learn who the heck the new vampires are and which are the cutest so you’re prepared for the crush you’ll inevitably develop on one of them (wait…. are we going to see new vamps in Part 1?)
3. Listen to the Twilight soundtrack while at work and TRY NOT to get all gooey inside during Iron & Wine’s “Flightless Bird, American Mouth” (aka the “Prom song.”) And I DARE YOU not to sing along to Paramore’s “Decode” or think about Rob making fun of how Hayley sings “Here”
4. Re-read your favorite fan fic version of Isle Esme & remind yourself that the movie won’t be like that because we don’t WANT Breaking Dawn Porn (Here is one Isle Esme fic I found after searching through the 334 messages that include the phrase “Isle Esme” in my gmail inbox (seriously))
One of the many things Action Figure Edwad has done over the years with Moon & Myself (um THAT sentence could be taken the wrong way...)
5. Start throwing LTT jokes into every day conversation with random people to see if anyone “gets” it. “Look at that guy’s jorts. He could be a member of the wolfpack,” or “Hold me back, Chris Hansen” when you see a cute, younger guy (but, uh, not young enough that Chris Hansen should actually hold you back.)
6. Plan your voyage to “Mecca” (aka LA around November 18-22. You ARE coming right? I’ll be there with Moon! Get excited for something fun for LTT readers. Hopefully it involves Paramore Karoke)
7. Dust off Action-Figure Edward and have an adventure with him. Did you get a new job in the last 2 years? I’m pretty sure Edward needs to visit your office & be “accidentally” left in the kitchen so you can see how long it is until someone comments about him.
8. Re-watch some of our famous LTT videos & be reminded about how much fun we’ve had over the years:
and my personal favorite:
Is it November yet!?
10 weeks!!! Can you believe it? What else can we do to fill our time & prepare our hearts & minds for November’s craziness!
So….Eclipse? Did you watch it? I am well-aware that Eclipse didn’t release this weekend everywhere in the world and that just sucks. Seriously, move to America. Not only do you not have Thanksgiving & you have to like soccer but you don’t even get movies at the same time we do! Not-Cool-rest of the world! (No really, stay in your country. I’m sure it’s great, I WISH more people liked soccer, and I’d really like to visit you in your country).
Anyway, I watched Eclipse at 9 pm Saturday night with @Brookelockart & pals. Let me set the scene: Fishtown Pennsylvania: I park under a bridge, think I’m gonna die but survive my 2 block walk to Brooke’s new house. I almost catch my scarf on fire making my world-famous stove-top popcorn, then I almost kill us with heart attacks using an entire ocean-filled with salt on my world-famous popcorn. Oops. But the time comes and we pop in the DVD (after figuring out how to use the DVD & watching Comcast On Demand Eclipse Extras in HD where Edward looks more like a dying ghost instead of a hot vampire because his make-up is so white). We watch the first 15 mintues. Then stop & re-start the first 15 minutes because some more people decided to join (semi-Twi virgins, which was HILARIOUS to experience with)
I’ll be honest, I wasn’t much looking forward to the movie. I don’t really know why- I just don’t think I was in a Twi-mood. But as soon as the drum kick sounded & the line “An innocent child in new orleans” sung by the Black Keys came through the TV speakers, I remembered…. and got the butterflies inside. It was interesting that I didn’t think about the 2nd time I saw the movie with my Philly Twi pals- no… it was the first Eclipse experience. I remember sitting next to Moon, squeezing her hand in anticipation.. and that first “Oh heyyyyyy” Moon said when Riley appeared on screen. Dang I forgot how hot that kid was but Oh Heyyyyy, Xavier, still!
(Oh, yes: You’re welcome)
But let’s recap what Moon & I thought about Eclipse almost 6 months ago when we penned you a letter at 4:30 am and see if our thoughts still stick. I just re-read Oh heyyyy we just saw Eclipse” and had a big chuckle. Which generally means it’s only funny to me! But overall, I thought or said out loud some of the exact same thoughts Saturday Night without remembering I had said them before. Here I thought I was being original when it turns out I was just ripping off myself from 6 months ago:
Original Thought: “Let’s talk about how we love Howard Shore for including the Sia & Metric songs throughout his score.”
Yes. I still love that. I haven’t listened to the Eclipse soundtrack for awhile (but New Moon has been playing daily in my office again!) so it all seemed new to me again! And when Edward was working Bella up only to let her down BIG TIME, I remembered the Sia song that was building up in the background- and then during the Leg hitch it explodes into beautifulness (the explosion is music beautifulness, much to Bella’s dismay) At which point I leaned over to Brookelockart and whispered “You know what? Edward could just go down on her & it would be fine. Win Win” Then we had a conversation entirely too inappropriate to share.
And DUDE where are all the Twilight fans with way too much time on their hands ripping these legit Eclipse scenes to You Tube for our viewing pleasure this weekend? Sorry for this crappy quality of an illegal video:
The score has always been lacking in my mind- Mr. Choice (a music composer himself) has always been a bit confused as to what exactly happened there- because we’re pretty sure that’s not the original score Howard Shore wrote- but the use of Metric & Sia throughout the entire theme is beautiful.
Original thought “Let’s apologize to Edward for liking the Jacob & Bella kiss a litttttle bit too much”
Hmmmm….. I remember thinking even then that Taycob needs to calm down the head movements, but it was WAY distracting this time. I know for awhile there it seemed like I was riding the “Team Jacob” line, and I’m not sure where my head was, but I’m definitely back on Edward’s side. So I think I was just too pissed to enjoy Bella’s lucky day- with two boys who want her. PLUS the Twi-virgins we were with (who were ALL ABOUT Jacob- evidenced by the “oh shitttttss” that were moaned every time he appeared with his shirt off) REALLY couldn’t stand Bella’s wishy-washy-ness. Maybe it’s been so long since I’ve read the books & gotten so annoyed with Bella that I forgot. But I was reminded during that scene. And was thinking too strongly that “Bella’s a Bitch” to enjoy the kiss.
Original Thought “Let’s get Jake some blotting tissues for that last scene when he looks like he’s dying of yellow fever.”
Dude! I already used that Yellow Fever joke!? I seriously thought the same thing Saturday night and planned to use it again today. I get it- he’s in pain- he’s sick- but dudeeeee. At least let Bella wipe him down a bit. I felt like I was looking at “The Situation” after he fell asleep in the tanning bed & stayed in for an hour or two too long (new joke- boom)
Original Thought “Let’s put a call into L.A. Looks, and after thanking them for sponsoring Twilight with their donations of tubs of hair gel, ask them to move some of the allotted product for Taylor & pass it on to Rob to fix his floppy bangs.”
Move over L.A. Looks
I was getting a D.E.P. vibe Saturday night. And I think I was so happy to see Rob for an extended period of time without a big bushy beard & maintained sideburns (sorta) that I didn’t mind the floppy bangs! I’ll take what I can get!
Original Thought “Let’s close our eyes and picture OURSELVES as Bella in a world where the guy on the bed is so hot that the gold brocade bedding he’s laying on doesn’t even matter.”
I mean…. can gold brocade ever not really matter? If Chuck Bass, Damon Salvatore & Edward Cullen wanted to have a foursome, but the condition was that it had to be on gold brocade bedding, I’d really try to convince them to pull out that air mattress they keep in the closet at the Salvatore mansion for when unexpected Vamp visitors swing by. Or see if we can borrow Rob Pattinson’s Hot Pocket Fort.
Original Thought“Let’s be grateful that most of the Bella/Edward getting-it-on scenes didn’t make us feel like we were watching Robsten preparing for an evening of licking cheese-whiz off each other”
I know! I mean, I’d say that none of the scenes made me feel that way this time. And I was worried- I mean, we’ve had Moantreal since Eclipse came out. But I got no Robsteny-vibes. I still think the Bella/Edward dialogue is semi-awkward with these long, drawn-out pauses in the beginning, but it picks up as it goes on.
Original thought “Let’s talk about when we can burn down the jewelry store that created Bella’s engagement ring.”
THIS! Why have we not planned an LTT arson-day yet? I think one of the Twi-virgins’ exact words were “What the hell is that thing?”
We don’t know, Twi virgin. It’s either a cheese grater for when they make “Italiano” or is a rock powerful enough to kill all the Cullen men with one blow. The jury is still out on that one.
And there is no original thought to accompany this one but JORTS!. I think it’s because I know that Stephenie mentions it in the commentary that I was looking out for how often they are worn, but DANG! They are EVERYWHERE. I like to think LTT can take some credit for that since we “Have much love for Jorts” or however Stephenie phrased it in the commentary (again- DUDE with the Twilight fans with a lot of extra time! Where is your screen shot transcription of the entire commentary!?) But sadly, no, we did not come up with the term. We have to thank the hipster neighborhoods both Moon & I reside in in Philadelphia & Los Angeles and the rednecks from which the hipsters stole their jorts-look.
All-in-all, my thoughts didn’t change much from my original viewing back in June. But I enjoyed this time around much more than expected. My only complaint is that they still weren’t able to figure out a way to keep Riley alive. Who cares about book to movie continuity? We want Xavier Samuel to stare at!!
What did you think? Did you watch the movie with some pals this weekend? Did you love it more or less than when you saw it months ago? Any new thoughts come to mind? Any new ah-ha moments or lines that were funny THIS time around!??
You’ve learned that Stephenie actually reads LTT; you’ve seen our EPIC picture of the LEGHITCH with the creator of the LEGHITCH; you’ve heard about Midnight Sun- the book we hope she loses the manuscript for so no one has to read that piece of crap; you’ve heard us hint that there’s much more to share. We thought we were already pretty generous, but apparently sharing 3 pieces of our 4 hour conversation wasn’t enough for you all. Sheesh. So demanding.
Anyway, this week we had a chance to listen to some of the audio we took *sniff* 4 weeks ago today, and let me tell you: Re-listening to this stuff was pretty awesome. While it was only 4 weeks ago, so much has happened in both of our lives that it seems like it was FOREVER ago. So getting to hear Stephenie’s voice again nice & loud and clear (because Moon had the microphone all up in her personal space- she was basically sitting on her lap she was so close to her) was a great reminder of the amazing experience & how blessed we still feel for getting picked to be a part of the day!
Aww! The whole gang
Sappiness over. Let’s get real. Here’s what was really going through our heads during the interview:
Leg hitch, Hunt, Imprint
UC: I’m offended Moon: ME too UC: WHY does Stephenie immediately think we’d ask something that might make her blush? As if!
Moon: Which one is Fred again? UC: He’s not Xavier! I know that…! Is he “The red head?” Moon: No.. that’s Edward…Ohhh he’s the one who smells UC: hahahaha (I totally read his “gift” as a smell thing- sorry Steph)
Vampires aren’t Stephenie’s “thing”
UC: Did Stephenie imply she and Michael Sheen were talking about how Stephen King is lovely? Moon: Yeah I think so…. Do you think she knows? UC: About the awful things he said about her!? Of course she knows. My grandma even knows! She cut out a newspaper clipping and mailed it to me when she read about that! Moon: And yet.. she still called him lovely… UC: Stephenie Meyer 1, Stephen King, 0
Oh heeeyyyyy Stephenie likes Xavier too
UC: So it’s official.. Cathy Hardi never got Stephenie high by telling her it was an herbal sleep aid? Moon: I was so sure it happened at least once UC: We’re still convinced though that Stephenie had a few sips of the Ultimate Cougarita (the drink named after Cathy at TGIFridays, in case you’ve forgotten) because Cathy told her it was a special virgin cocktail made especially for her? Moon: Oh for SURE that happened. Cathy wasn’t going to try to sneak into Rob’s room without a partner!
More tidbits and maybe a picture or two, after the jump!Continue…