Kellan’s gonna Punk us all!

You're about to get Punk'd

Dear Anyone who’s ever known Kellan,

Cast members
Friends
Family
Bible Study friends
Accountability Partners
Anna Lynne
The Wig Anna Lynne wore

This will serve as your warning, Kellan is going to be hosting an episode of Punk’d this season when they launch the reboot. Along with other celebs he will host an episode where he pulls a prank that supposed to be funny on SOMEONE… who that person(s) will be, we don’t know. So OF COURSE, I’ve come up with some scenarios…

Kellan bursts in on his weekly bible study in Hollywood as they’re studying a particularly tricky passage… “HAHA! You guys just got Punk’d! While everyone was giving one armed side hugs and trying out the casserole potluck I switched all the bible’s from NIV translation to King James! You’ve been studying from the least accurate translation of the bible!!! HAHAHAHA SUCKAHS!!!!” Kellan steals some leftovers and exits as everyone continues to look confused.

You just got... no wait, maybe I got Punk'd in this one

Kellan bursts in on his mom’s yearly mammogram appointment at the gynocologist’s office. “You just got Punk’d Mom!!!! HAHAHA!!! Remember when I asked to see your phone because I wanted to install my new Kellan Lutz app? Well guess what, there is no Kellan Luta app and instead I changed your appointment to today! You didn’t have to get your boob smashed for another six months! HAHAAHAHA! SUCKS TO BE YOU MOM!” Turns to camera “Ladies, don’t forget your yearly mammograms and monthly self exams” Demonstrates on himself and then exits while his mom stands shirtless next to the radiologist behind him.

Kellan jumps on stage after the 100 Monkeys finish an improvised song “We’re all gay for each other.” “HAHAHAHAHA YOU JUST GOT PUNK’D Jackson and Monkey dudes who’s names I don’t know! I was the dude who yelled “We’re all gay for each other” when you asked for audience suggestions for your improvised song. GOTCHA ALL!!! You just unknowingly came out on national television! HHAAHHAAH!” Kellan runs off stage laughing at Jackson and his guyliner. Too bad the joke’s on Kellan because the 100 Monkeys will go on to sell 38 copies of the song on iTunes. It was a reverse punking! On us all…

Kellan shows up to the Breaking Dawn Pt 1 tent city with dozens upon dozens of doughnuts for tired, hungry crazed Twifans sleeping in tents with his face on the side. As the fans attempt to grab his butt a doughnut Kellan throws the doughnuts on the ground and yells “YOU JUST GOT PUNK’D Twilight fans!!! HAHAHAHA I care too much about your health to let you eat these sugary, diabetes inducing, high fructose corn syrup bombs. Now go back to your tents!! HAHAHAA!” Kellan runs off to his limo but not without first picking up a half smashed doughnut from the ground then shoving it into his mouth before jumping into the backseat as Twihards stand, mouths agap, staring.

Little did you know Ashley... you just got Punk'd!

Kellan bursts into Ashley Green’s room as she’s changing, half naked she asks his opinion on an outfit. “Whatever shows the most T&A cause guess what you just got Punk’d Ashley! I’m actually not gay, I’m straight so all this time you’ve been thinking our cuddle sessions were totally platonic, they weren’t… and all the times I suggest we play Truth or Dare on game night and dared you to kiss me it’s because I totally like women not men! HAHAHAHAA! Now I’m off to the FEMALE strip club!” Cut back to Ashley half naked as she turns to the camera and mouths “I knew all along” HIT IT!

Yea, I pretty much imagine it to be something along these lines… only time will tell. So be vigilant and be on your toes friends and foes of Kellan! He’s on the Punk’d prowl.

If you see something, say something!
Themoonisdown

What will lil Kell bell do for his Punk’d episode? Anyone we missed?
Source

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63 Commented

Breaking Dawn is trying to sell us something else

Dear Breaking Dawn Promo stuff,

Sometimes I get the feeling you are trying to sell me more than just the movie. Like when I look at the promo pictures it feels like there’s really an underlying message or brand I’m being sold. It’s as if the Summit Marketing team got together to come up with some ideas for “brand partnerships” to create “film and corporate synergy.” Yea, I’m pretty sure the word “synergy” was used a lot… So when I saw this latest batch of promo headshots from Breaking Dawn I knew I had to be onto something…
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Poor dude who plays Caius, with every movie he loks progressively more and more like Fabio. They might as well just give him a tub of butter to hold while he’s sitting behind Aro in the Voltera, Italy scenes and help make some extra money with product placement.

Charley Bewley is like one faux hawk and guy liner fueled make up and hair session away from his own Ed Hardy ad campaign. Poor guy, it’s not like he wants a rhinestrone tiger havng sex with a Koi fish on his chest, give the guy a break folks.
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Carlisle’s not just the president, he’s also a member!

Dude, Carlisle is already winning the race for worst wig in Breaking Dawn and we haven’t even seen the film yet. YIKES.
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Sure, most of Kellan’s life has been spent looking like an outtake from International Male Catalogue but we don’t need the official promo shots reminding everyone! Though I’m pretty sure Emmett did some Internantional Male Modeling in the 80s, I don’t want to see his mesh shirt collection any times soon.

(For a good time google image search “International Male Catalogue”)
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Why does Edward ALWAYS end up looking like an Insurance salesmen/Real Estate broker/Weatherman/Boringest Person In the World??? How is it possible to make Robert Pattinson look like the dad across the street? Stop trying so hard Wardrobe Dept! We know he’s 107 years old, we’re supposed to be tricking the dumb Forks, WA townspeople not making a neon sign pointing to this guy saying “This guy could be your great grandpa not your son’s classmate!”
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Sorry Alice… Sorry Twimoms but COME ON! Though I feel this latest incarnation of Alice’s hair is probably closeted to how Stephenie describes it, it still looks like she should be loading up orange slices and Capri Suns into the mini van.
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While Emmett was busy modeling for International Male in the 80s, Jasper deciding to make some extra dough moonlighting at the local Chippendale’s club. Doing that face the entire time. Just that face, some cuffs and a g string. All night long. Try not to laugh. When Chippendale’s went belly up because of a Bachlorette party done awry Jasper made the move to modeling heinous man jewelry for Hot Topic. They already have replica Bella saint bracelets, the wedding ring and Alice’s velvet choker (!!!) why not take the next step and offer the small male contingency who loves Twilight some Jasper jewelry? I know what I’m getting The Font and White Yorkie for Christmas! Terrible  jewelry!!!

Am I the only one who feels this way about some of these promo’s? Maybe I should be hired by Summit to oversee Brand Synergy! Clearly, I have a knack for what’s happening.

Off to Chipendales!
Themoonisdown

Why do they always look so crazy? Do you guys feel the same way?

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25 Commented

Breaking News!!

Breaking News LTT-ers,

Kellan wore a shirt to work out at the beach!

Which should be noted for two reasons. 1. This has gotta be like the first time ever. 2. And probably the last time ever because it is balls hot in LA right now. He probably fainted after this picture was taken.

Also, in Breaking News Taylor Lautner loves Solomon Trimble and that other Native American dude who got fired after Twilight that he carries around a picture of them in every movie he does… witness:

Awwww he carries a flame for the OGW the original wolfpack…

I like that I live in a world where Taylor Lautner, international movie star and heart throb carries around a picture of him in an awful wig, that one guy and Solomon in a horse blanket coat. It’s like the only soldier who made it through a battle carrying around his fallen comrades dog tags in remembrance.

Sadly, Taylor Lautner and the props people of Abduction don’t live in the same world. And THAT is a sadness.

BUUUTTT We ALL live in a world when you google image search “Solomon Trimble” a ton of the top images are from LTT. SUCCESS!!!!

Breaking News…. I need a life,
Themoonisdown

Srsly, did anyone else think that when they saw this still from Abduction? Also, can we pass a law making it illegal for Kellan to be wearing a shirt within 500 feet of a body of water of a 24 Hour Fitness??

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6 Commented

Twilight stuff happens while you’re busy having fun!

Wedgie's happened while I was gone

Dear LTT,

A lot of shiz has happened in the like 4 weeks since I checked in on Twilight. Well, let’s be honest I saw two Twi related news items in my FB feed whilst I was busy spreading good will and Robsten cheer in Kenya. One was a picture of Rob holding a surfboard with his sideways toupee hairdo and the other was a picture of Kristen who clearly used a cranium sized bump-it and a bike pump to achieve this kind of volume on the cover of a magazine. So I take it Rob won an award and Kristen was on a magazine cover. But what REALLY happened while I was gone?

I took to the Twilight news blogs (BreakingDawnMovie.org, of course) to see what I missed…

• Rob picks up groceries in shower shoes while Sam Bradley picks a wedgie. God, I (haven’t) missed so much. (Thx Lili for the tip and awful visual).
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• The maker of everyone’s Prom dress in the 90s, Alfred Angelo, is creating a replica Bella’s wedding dress that will actually be sold in real stores. I think the bigger news here is someone willing to wear a REPLICA BELLA’S WEDDING DRESS has found someone to marry her! WTF?
  .

G'Day Big Daddy! Let's throw another filet o fish on the barbie!

• Taylor went to Australia to promote his High School Bourne Identity movie a month before it premieres on September 22. But I think the real news here is that Big Daddy is alive and well and went with him to Australia probably to see the Kangaroos and Koala’s and whether the latest restaurant in the Olive Garden family has opened yet. He’s their (faux) celebrity ribbon cutter and taste tester on ALL OG’s (hahaha how did I not see that Olive Garden’s initials are OG before this?) locations.
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• Taylor ALSO began tweeting and started a Formspring which is basically just an excuse for us to ask him more about Big Daddy and if Taylor’s love of leather jackets comes from his fascination with leather daddies. True story. I really did ask that. He didn’t answer. Jerk.
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• In other Twitter news, Nikki Reeed started an accunt (*edit* typo and it stays!). Ohhhh Nikki… Nikki, Nikki, Nikki. I’m counting the days till ome crazy over zealous Robstener’s drive you from the social network with AWFUL tweets like Joe Jonas’s crazy fans did with Ashley Greene. *Sigh*
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Get these mother effing Somali Pirates out of my mother effing Arena!

• Kellan is in some direct-to-DVD shiz with Samuel BAMF Jackson called Arena. I know nothing about this other than the dvd cover shows Kellan in a leather jacket (leather daddy?!) fighting a somali pirate with an axe. NETFLIX this someone and report back.
  .

• While I was away I received an email from a legit concert promoter telling me 100 Monkeys were playing the El Rey (again) and tickets were on sale. Am I the crazy person? Do real, actual, live human beings like this music and it’s not just an excuse to stare at  Jackson in a weird hat and fantasize it’s really Jasper and they’re Alice living out a real life fan fic scenario? Cause really I’m starting to question reality.
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• Summit announced that Breaking Dawn Part 1: Regrettable Sexy Times (that’s really the tagline) will premiere 5 minutes from my house at Nokia Theater on November 14th. UC and I immediately began preparing our Red Carpet questions and dresses (Bella’s Replica Wedding Dress from Alfred Angelo OF COURSE) because we WILL be there. Oh yes, we WILL be there. This is your heads up Summit, hope you’ve added us to your “press” list. Anything we would ask will be a billion times better, more informative and enjoyable than that lady from access Hollywood or some other “fan sites” (yea I said it!) Just ask Stephenie Meyer! Forever and always our trump card.
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• You know you’ve become one of those married/engaged people when you do shiz like this. Sorry Nikki Reed but NO.

• AWKWARD!
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Oh Rupert! LA loves you too

• Do you think he tips off the paparazzi that he’ll be working out on Venice Beach shirtless or does God just love us that much?

• Sadly, this is what we call a “small penis required car.”

And with that… I think I may be caught up minus UC and I breaking down those new stills they released from Breaking Dawn Pt 1: Planned Parenthood Was Right! (The real tag line).

So happy to be back and I have some Twilight stories to share from Kenya another day.

Love to you all and mucho love-o to UC for holding down the fort while I was gone.

It’s Moon Bitches,
Themoonisdown

I know a ton of crap happend while I was gone that can’t be fit on BDmovie.org so what did I miss? Besides you guys, duh!

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100 Commented

The exact moment NONE of these things happened

Dear LTT-ers,

You know those moments you have an epiphany? It’s the exact moment you realize something that changes everything. Well I think we’ve caught some of our fave (or the one’s who showed their faces this week) cast members having epiphanies…

This is the exact moment Dakota realized her career was being eclipsed by her sister Elle’s…

Who needs Tom Cruise on speed dial when you used starred on a movie directed by JJ Abrams and produced by Spielberg? Suddenly that on screen kissy face time with Kristen Stewart doesn’t seem like a big deal when your sister is out taking over Hollywood.
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This is the exact moment Kellan knew he was on time to teach Sunday School on his local church

This week he’s going to teach them about Noah on the Flannelgram board. The kids love when he teaches because he does the “voices.” You should hear Noah’s wife.
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This was the exact moment Elizabeth Reaser realized her five head was best covered up with a side swooped bang

We agree.
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This was the exact moment Jackson saw his reflection in the mirror behind that girls head

And thought “WELCOME TO RATHERBONIA!!!!” ok ok maybe he thought: “Daaaaayyyyuuum playa. I look GOOD!”
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This was the exact moment the Holy Trinity realized they forgot to include “final approval on all movie images” to their contracts.

More on this gem later…
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We’ve all had those moments, haven’t we? Only ours haven’t been immortalized on a calendar for all over 2012.

Glad I don’t have the paparazzi following me,
Themoonisdown

Is anyone going to buy this calendar or is it actually the cover for the BD Halloween costumes we’ll be able to buy in October? Do you want Kellan teaching your children from a Flannel gram board? YES!!!

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78 Commented