There’s an (Twilight) app for that!

(Today Freya gets all tech-y on us and talks about her iphone and Twilight… there’s a post for that! xo, moon)

none of the above!

Dear Twilight:

I’m a total iPhone fangirl. I’ve had my 3GS for over a year now, and I am an app whore. I love the fact that iPhone advertises that “there’s an app for that.” Because it’s so true. And as we recently discovered (and UC discussed on Letters to Rob), there’s even an app for stalking Rob! So you can conveniently know where Rob is two days after he appears there. And so you can also get incensed and start your “Respect Rob” campaign afresh (or whip out your jazzhands and “Disrespect Rob Nice and Slow” with me).

Anywhoodle, it got me thinking about what kind of apps the rest of the Twilight cast might have, if they were so popular. What kind of things are being slaved over by the application developers of the world RIGHT NOW? Without further ado, here are some of my ideas. (If you decide to develop these, bitches, I want a cut!)

  • Justin Chon’s Disco Double Pack!
    In an excellent value for your money, the people behind Justin Chon, AKA “Gaysian Eric”, are offering two applications for the price of one, both marketed to the ladies. The first app is The Gaysiandar. Most women have to rely on their intuition to figure out if a guy is on her side of the fence, or on the other side. This app, which mysteriously uses the landscape and portrait orientation function to identify another kind of orientation, is to help those clueless girls out, and to save them the heartache of falling for just another fabulous face.
    The companion app is entitled “How to Hag”. For all you aspiring hags out there, you, too, can walk in the footsteps of Angela…ummm…anyone who wants to have a gay boyfriend. Some tips include “don’t be too attractive; if you are, cover it with nerdish glasses” and “be slightly taller than your gay boyfriend, so if you’re ever tempted to kiss him, it will be extremely awkward.” Words to live by, ladies.

    There's an app for that

  • Kristen Stewart’s Bitchface!
    A photo editing app, this one will slap a mildly uncomfortable grimace or a wryly sardonic raised eyebrow on the faces of your family and friends. Imagine the hilarity of showing off your family reunion photos, with everyone from Aunt Gladys to cousin Earl to Granny Marie with matching bitchfaces! Or the fun of sending a sexy bitchface photo to your Stew-lovin’ boyfriend or husband! You can also buy bonus effects from the app store, such as “awkward feet” and “flipping the bird.” You can also buy the “Copstache” effect for an additional .99 cents. Fun for the whole family!
  • Kellan Lutz’s Protein Calculator and Modeling Tips
    How much protein is in a ziplock bag of hard-boiled eggs? Kellan Lutz knows! And now he’s bringing those secrets to you! Just type in the name of the food you’re going to eat and the calculator lets you know how much protein is in your meal! This app also offers tips on how to look your best at a photoshoot (“Take off your shirt, but not if you’re flabby,” “Oil up your muscles, maybe even with real crude oil,” “carry a manly prop, like an axe or a wrench” “use a sock”). Kellan’s voice offers encouraging phrases when you fall behind on protein consumption. Hear him say “You can do it!” “No, really dude, you can do it!” “For real, you’re awesome, and can do it!”
    (Side note: I think my gay boyfriend has already downloaded this app. But he uses the encouraging phrases for “recreational” use, if you know what I mean.)

    There's an app for this

  • Dress Me Up Taylor Lautner
    In the style of virtual paper dolls, you can dress Taylor up, or dress him down! With a plethora of black suits and skinny ties, he’s ready for a premiere, night on the town, a press junket, an awards show, or just a quiet night at home. Also included: track pants, basketball shorts, karate outfit, and a variety of pop and Disney stars for accessories.
  • Nikki Reed’s Does the Carpet Match the Drapes?
    Well, we all know the eyebrows didn’t match the hair. In this fun matching game, make Nikki’s sartorial selections for her! Match curly red with long straight blonde. Black and bald? Or bald and black? You make the call! Points for the most attractive coiffure, both north and south, will win you bragging rights with your friends!
  • Michael Sheen’s Intimidating Evil Laugh
    Much like the vuvuzela app, this app doesn’t do much. It just repeats Michael Sheen’s amazing New Moon laugh over and over again. Frighten pets, annoy your friends!
  • Xavier Samuel is Hot
    This app offers a daily photo of Xavier Samuel to remind us of his hotness. That’s all. Do you really need more?

    There's an app to remind you!

  • Solomon Trimble was in Twilight
    This app synchs with your calendar. Once a day, every day, at a randomly chosen time, an alert will pop up to remind you that once upon a time, Solomon Trimble was in Twilight. Seriously. He was an original Wolfpack member. And don’t you forget it!
  • Buttcrack Santa Sings the Blues
    Since he couldn’t get an album deal, Buttcrack Santa now does a podcast. Accompanied only by his lonely blues guitar, he sings his original tunes with such catchy names as Animal Attack!, Hot Girls Suck (Your Blood, Not Anything Good), and Don’t Rock the Boat (There are Vampires Inside).
  • Dakota Fanning Countdown Clock (AKA “The New Legal In Georgia”)
    Most Twi-related crap is marketed for the females; this one is for the gentlemen. As advertised, this app will count down until February 23, 2012. The Runaways was very confusing for some gentlemen, thanks to Dakota and Kristen and their kissing, so in case a reminder is needed, this app is here to help!

Be watching your App Store for these and other fabulous Twilight releases, coming soon! Remember: TWILIGHT: There’s an app for that!

Love,
Freya

There’s an app for how awesome our vacation letter writers are! Make sure you’re following them and show your love!

What app would Big Daddy have? How about David Slade? What kind of app do WE here at LTT/LTR need?

And don’t forget to participate in While Moon was Gone!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

114 Commented


Open weekend post: Hosted by the unscripted Twilight actors

Dear Twilight actors,

Once Breaking Dawns 1&2 are out and a few years have passed and Summit re-releases the DVD’s into some huge boxed set can we get some extra special features. One I pray for is the outtake from when Rob pulled his groin trying to lift Kristen off the ground in Twilight and how about you make a few others up like a special featurette on Rob’s American accent couch teaching him how to say “Nachos” and “sidewalk.” Can it come with extras like a ziplock baggy of air captured in Catherine Hardwicke’s bedroom where the audition took place and how about have Kellan write an Emmett fanfic since he seems to have really thought about the backstory for Emmett that we know NOTHING about. And then as the extra extra special feature release the tapes of the Volturi doing their scenes nude. We all know Jamie Campbell Bower was telling the truth when he said they were nude for New Moon.

Stop lying and give us what we want! I’ll be more willing to fork out a couple hundred bucks in 5 years for the DVD’s I already own if these are the special features. Think about it!

Nachos!
Themoonisdown

What special features do you want on a box set of the Twilight saga?

HELP UC OUT WITH A SPECIAL FEATURE WHILE MOON IS AWAY! (Yes I just yelled!)

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

29 Commented


Open Weekend Post: Hosted by Ashley and Kellan… let’s not make this awkward

Oh hey Jackson, we're just going to play board games...

Dear Ashley and Kellan,

I was just perusing the pictures of you two in Women’s Health Magazine. Besides the fact that I love how much you love women Kellan: the Twicons, the Mammogram videos, shoots for WOMEN’S Health Magazine, it just seems like Ashley called you up and asked you to come “help out” and hang with her for the afternoon because someone else wasn’t available or she was bored. I do just love you and Ashley together but I have one question… does it ever get awkward? I mean between you two… you both say you’re such great friends and you hang out and have board game nights (people after my own heart!) and whatever but what happens when you’re on these shoots and your hand’s like right near the “kill zone” and what do you say when you know Ashley tells people if she was stranded on a deserted island with only one cast member she’d choose JACKSON. The catfish, Jackson and not super hot, Jesus lovin’ Kellan? And Ashley why are you waiting around for super whore Jackson? He’s too busy touring in a band with a dude in a banana costume to come to game night! Stop waiting by the phone!

So are you guys friends… friends with benefits… beards (ahem)… or maybe it’s just you’re both who you call when the one you really want isn’t available. AnnaLynn’s sluttin’ it up around town doing whatever she does and Jackson sluttin’ it up around the US “on tour” with the 100 Monkeys or pushing Airbender and trying not to get killed in a protest about how it’s racist. I know UC and I almost were outside the Arclight last week.

I mean look at these…

Wait, we’re just friends right?


“I love Jesus and Ashley… I mean AnnaLynn… and Jesus”


Hey Kellan, can you wheel that thing over here faster I gotta meet up with Jackson in like an hour.


You wanna be on a deserted island with WHO?

Now I definitely know you can just be friends with someone but if either of you ever suggests spin the bottle or 7 minutes in heaven or hid the salami at the next friendly board game night it might be time to DTR. Just Sayin’.

Your friend with no benefits,
Themoonisdown

So what IS with these two? Sure they say they’re friends but I don’t know if that’s the vibe I get. And HOT DAMN Kellan! Whew. Happy weekend to us all!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

58 Commented


Caught in the act, the real Twilight stars stealing from the set!

Dear In Style Magazine,

I just happened to be reading a little something in your magazine  In Style about the Twilight cast and if you had to chance to gank something from the set what would it be…

Robert Pattinson – “I keep everything from the set. I’ve stolen all of Edward’s clothes.”

Elizabeth Reaser – “My original Esme bracelet. I’ve seen reproductions of it in stores, but I want to keep the one that I wear once we finish [filming]. It’s mine!”

Taylor Lautner – “All my character wears is jean shorts, so I’ll have to go with those. That’s my only option!”

Julia Jones – “Leah’s cut-offs!”

Kellan Lutz – “Emmett’s Jeep! I’ve wanted it since we shot the first movie. I keep saying that, but nothing’s happened. I’m still waiting!”

By our powers combined he is Captain Compassion!

Peter Facinelli - “Carlisle’s ring! It has the Cullen crest, the symbol of the whole family, on it. I’d like to take it home and keep it in a drawer somewhere. Once, I couldn’t get it off my finger, so it did go home with me.”

Tinsel Korey – “My relationship with everybody from set. We get along like a real family. Our relationship is special.”

Xavier Samuel – “Vampires dress really well, so it would have to be Riley’s jacket. When you run it’s a bit flamboyant, but it looks good. I recommend running in those jackets.”

Alex Meraz – “The shorts are all I’ve got! We keep using the same shorts but I keep getting bigger for each film, so the shorts keep getting tighter. By the end of the series, they’re going to be torn. Hey, sex sells and I’m glad to sell it!”

Sure, the main cast is important, we all know Rob is clepto or just super cheap and hates shopping, and of course the wolves want their jorts, who doesn’t?  And someone had to give the cheesy answer about friends (Tinsel!) but what about the real people in these movies! What about the people that REALLY matter in the Twilight world, what would THEY keep from the set?

  • Dean – One of Jacob or Bella’s wigs. It’d be much easier to hide Rob in some of those shiteous wigs then a baseball cap and dirty clothes. Everyone’s looking for a dude in a hat and dirty clothes. No one’s looking for a dude with My Little Pony on his head.
  • Big Daddy – that greasy bag of leftover Harry Clearwater Fish Fry from Twilight. I don’t even care if it’s a little moldy. That stuff looked good, it’s the whole reason I made Taylor bulk up and do the 2nd movie so I could have a chance at that famous fish fry.
  • David Slade – “The step ladder from props”
  • Solomon Trimble – “The name of that gaffer he met on set who worked part time at Subway. Solomon Trimble, Sandwich Artist. Has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?”
  • Billy Burke – “Charlie handcuffs. Heh… heh… you know why.”
  • Cathi Hardi - (said in the most creepy Cathi voice you can imagine) “That audition tape of Rob and Kristen from my bedroom where they kiss and we really see their hot, hot chemistry… OH WAIT I already have that! HA! Just thought I’d say it again in a national publication, it’s been at least a week since I last talked about it.”

I’ll trade you, Esme’s bracelet for 5 lbs

  • Mike Welch – “I’m actually trying to lose something I gained from the set. Those 5 extra pounds around my face. Maybe I can give them to Christian Serratos, she needs some meat on her chicken bones.”

So as much as we love the main characters, can we not forget about the little people? The actors and people who REALLY made Twilight what it is today? Do we have to continue to blog for year about the genius of Eric Yorkie till someone like your magazine will know what we care what they’d steal from a set? Who cares from Rob or Taylor have to say about the inner works of their characters or who Kristen draws inspiration from. Give us crap answers from the folks that really matter.

Stealing the keys to Rob’s trailer,
Themoonisdown

What would you take from the set if you could? What would Buttcrack Santa take? Any other minor characters we need to know about?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

151 Commented


Open Weekend Post: Hosted by Kellan & his mom talking about mammograms!

Dear Kellan-

Oh sweet heavens. I can’t make it through 5 seconds without having to stop the video because I’m laughing or cringing so hard. This is like watching you and your mom talk about the “birds and the bees” for the first time back in grade school, or junior high or whatever your sensible christian parents thought was a proper age. Of course it was started, interjected and ended with “but you should wait for the mate that’s right from God” (I don’t want it, want it, I don’t want it! sing it with me!). Only this time it’s like you’re the parent telling your lovely mother about breast self exams and then when you say “have you gotten tested lately?” It sounds like your mom may be a bit of a good times gal who’s in need of services from the free clinic.

Then there was talk of pap smears and yearly exams and I had to run screaming from the room because my parent embarrassment level was higher than when my mom used to drop me off at my friends and yell “make good choices” out the window as she drove away. But luckily I made it back in time for you to say you ‘did it’ with you mom and we should all ‘do it’ with our moms and ‘do it’ with other moms! Cause I’m a mother lover, you’re a mother lover we should ef each other’s mothers… ok, maybe that last part was an SNL Digital Short but STILL. KELLAN, COME ON!!! Stop with the PBS After School Specialness of this PSA.

2nd hand embarrassed but love your boobs!
Themoonisdown

PS But seriously folks, all joking aside Kellan and his mom are totes right, feel yourself up regularly and get felt up by a professional regularly! Love your boobs, because Kellan and his mom said so!! Hey, just think of Kellan telling you to ‘do it’ while you’re getting your boob smashed in the mammogram machine, it’ll make it almost half enjoyable. Not.

PPS I (moon) will be at TwiCon/Eclipse Con today so I will be live tweeting all the craziness from what I’ve already dubbed #CrazyCon so make sure you’re following me as I 2nd hand embarrass myself and see the nuttiness. Oh and the holy trinity… ya know, those guys.

More info on Kellan’s boob group: Men for Women Now

Did you make it through the video without hitting pause? Big ups to Kellan for not laughing TOO hard through this. And feel your boobs up cause it’s important!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

31 Commented


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