Dear UC and Moon,
Due to a recent development in my love life (thank goodness, right? I was getting a little bored with a lack of one) I think I’ve come to a realization, and that is this: I don’t want to date a unicorn. *gasp!* I know, right?!
- it’s a love story
- the fan base is undeniably, predominantly female and has a “tween” rep
- you here shrieks of glee when the title flashes across the screen
- the lead male is frequently referred to as “beautiful” on and off screen
- it inspires products like lip gloss and shimmer powder
- the lead male sparkles
- the lead female is fully clothed for over 95% of the movie.
- there’s a prom scene and no one dies (so close bella)
- the subjects discussed between characters include dresses, boobs, characters’ relationship status’, and the swim team’s peens.
- the dialogue includes words and terms like “irrevocably”, “matriculate”, “masochistic”, “Debussy”, and “spidermonkey”.
- there’s more silent, awkward turtle, moments then there is action
- the only weapons are mind powers which do not translate visually.
- fans constantly fight over who’s the dreamiest
- it takes place in a forest setting and there’s no sign of elves, dwarves, or an extra-terrestrial fought by a commando who states “If it bleeds, you can kill it.”
Follow the cut to see what boyfriends should NOT do!
Tags: , Bella, book, boyfriend, Chick Flick, DVD, Edward, fan, fan letter, fangirls, girlfriend, guys, husband, men, Merchandise, Movie, New Moon, Robert Pattinson, Twilight, unicorn, wife