Do we miss Cathy the Cougar?

I even chose to post this gorg picture of you. Dang, what is wrong with me!?

Dear Cathy the Cougar,

I have something to confess. I said something nice about you. I don’t know what came over me, but…. I stuck up for you. Moon likes to play devil’s advocate most of the time, but I don’t even think she was doing that when we chatted. I think her anger/bitterness/hate was real. And I normally agree, but… but…..I didn’t this time. You should do something to get on Moon’s good side- maybe send Ned Bellamy (aka Buttcrack Santa) her way with a basket of different Margarita mixes for the holidays.

Here’s how it went down: Yesterday in the comments, LTT reader Ish had a random thought:

I was thinking about how poor Cathy the cougemaster gets a rough deal from us and I suddenly realized – She actually cracked it the most. I mean, the undercurrent of sexuality (puts on tweed petticoat) but seriously, yes, NM and Eclipse were better in most things but didn’t have me getting all hot and bothered and having to sort myself afterwards. Bring back Cath! (actually not really but maybe they could ask her advice on a few things…)

and an email conversation ensued…. then I figured out how to make iTunes work again on my work computer & it happened- you know- it’s happened to all Twilight fans: We’re just minding our own business- projecting our budgets for First Quarter 2011, and we hear it- and visions of Edward Cullen come dancing in our heads:

UC: Ohhhhhhh- The Black Ghosts song from Twilight just came on my iTunes! GOSH. WHY does this movie bring up different emotions in me than the others? like.. I just got gooey in my belly
Moon: Seriously. when I watched Twilight on Thanksgiving I was like REALLY HAPPY

I barely even miss these two

UC: Moon, is it possible that we want Cathy the cougar back? Did the guys (the DILF & the short one) who did the next two movies not capture the same emotion? Like.. I want to watch Twilight again. Right now. At 3 pm in the afternoon on my work computer- think if I close my door I can download a bootleg & get away with it? I don’t feel the same way about the other movies. I don’t want to watch New Moon- I’m not even excited to watch Eclipse this weekend.. WHY!? Twilight is the WORST made- the worst acted, it had the worst wigs, but yet…. I love it more. Do I actually have to thank Cathy!?
Moon: NO. God no!! Never say that!!! And I’m actually kinda excited to finally see Eclipse again
UC: but WHYYYYY Moon? Why do we feel that way about Twilight!? And not the other movies? Wait- you’re excited to see Eclipse? I’m not. Why aren’t we exactly the same? We can’t be different. We’re UC & Moon. That’s like Bert & Ernie, Simon & Garfunkel, Lennon & McCartney or Bella & Edward……
Moon: I just am excited! I seriously can’t remember most of it. Does Chris Hansen have a cameo?
UC: I mean….maybe I’m excited.. let me see…. (thinking)…. No. Nope…I’m not….. but dang.. I’m in a Twi-gushy mood listening to this song…..
Moon: It’ll be like seeing Eclipse again for the first time
UC: Like you’re an Eclipse-virgin- A Born again virgin!!!!
Moon: I am!
UC: Ish just wrote this in an email:

“Twilight was so sensual without anything happening except for a few chaste kisses, and I bet many ladies went home from the cinema and had the need to ravish someone, even if it was the taxI driver on their way home! I didn’t get that feeling with NM or Eclipse. “

UC: I think that’s SO interesting and true- like THAT KISS!!!!! on the bed… SIGH…I think that’s why I was a little disappointed with leg hitch- even though technically it was all one could dream of in a leg hitch scene- I mean the leg was CLEARLY hitched…What else could you want? It’s exactly what we asked for….
Moon: Right.. it was hot…
UC: but… it was just…. a lot…. and sometimes.. too much- or even “just enough” is not as hot as holding back- or sexual tension. It’s expected- it’s so much hotter when it’s unexpected- or unfulfilled.
Moon: I really think it all goes back to the newness of Twilight. It wasn’t a big deal to anyone but its fans. No one knew what Rob and Kristen were like as Edward and Bella. We didn’t know how it would all look (Blue!)

I could be your new mommy, UC!

UC: Awwww- I even miss the blue!
Moon: and the fandom wasn’t full on coocoo bananas like they are now
UC: Totally true. So does Cathy the Cougar get ANY of the credit?
Moon: Sure, she gets some, I mean, she made the movie. Like she (with the help of a lot of people) got it ON the screen
UC: Why do I sound like I have some sort of sympathy for her? I need to look at some pictures- remember that she reminds me of my dad’s ex fiancee
Moon: yea you need to watch ONE interview with her and get the hate back

But I didn’t. In fact, I did the opposite. Well, if you consider the opposite to be: leaving work, going home, going to yoga class & thinking about YOUR original Twilight anytime the instruction said “say your mantra to get through the pain.” So it’s not a video montage featuring your epic hairstyles. It’s not a proclamation to the Twilight world that YOU are the originator of Robsten, but it’s a close second. I thought of you during the downward dog. And if that’s not a 180 from my usual dreams of secretly videotaping getting you drunk on watermelon margs while getting you to spill about Nikki Reed/Mike Arangano/K Stew gossip, then I don’t know what is!

Love,
UnintendedChoice

So what do you think? Do you feel a different connection to Twilight than you do the other movies? Do you think it’s Cathy the Cougar’s craziness? Do you wish you could knock one or 12 back with her at a neighborhood Applebees? How much does “Little Red Riding Hood” look exactly like Twilight? Did I get off topic?

Ps: We know change is hard, but we changed our comments. And the change is here to stay b/c Moon & I love it & we’re the bosses :) Best thing to do is register yourself a Disqus account (the second option on the left when you sign in to comment) and use the same email address you used before- it will either automatically pick your own avatar (if you uploaded one before) or give you the option to do so. Otherwise you get an apple. And yes, it looks as though Disqus does NOT have an option for thumbsdowning. Which is sadtimes for the haters & janetrigs. :(

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

178 Commented


Speculation Wednesday

Today is Speculation Wednesday which is just like Speculation Thursday but on a Wednesday. I know, I’m brilliant. We’re gonna speculate about a few things today. And all of these things will lead to one big speculation. It’s gonna rule:

Dear Michael Oregano,

I did some research about you. I found a fan site so I could be better informed. First off, you were in Almost Famous and on Will & Grace? Dude! I just thought you were a guy that dated Kristen- maybe her next door neighbor or something! Turns out you really are an actor- I thought you just said that so you could feel cooler next to Robert Pattinson.

Anyway, your fan site isn’t updated as much as some other sites out there (say, any one of the gazillion Rob sites!), but I found no evidence to suggest you are currently off filming a moving picture anywhere. I also checked out IMDB and it looks like from the 4 things you’ve done with your life since 2007, 2 are completed and 2 are in post-production. This evidence brings me to conclude that you are at home, in LA. So…

  • Why weren’t you at the MTV awards? Did you hear your girlfriend was up for a few things? In fact… she won.
  • Why didn’t you join Rob, Kristen & 3 others for dinner after the MTV awards if you were told to stay away by Summit and/or Kristen’s management?
  • Why did Kristen supposedly stay at a hotel the night of the MTV awards when she could’ve stayed at your place, instead of a hotel or driving home to the valley?

In fact…. where are you? Why has there been no sign of you since those pictures surfaced of you and Kristen happily skipping down the street, holding hands in Vancity?

I’m gonna speculate that the rumors are true and you and Kristen are no longer together.

Dear Nikki Reed,

I’m concerned. Where were you Sunday night? How in the world was Mike Newton  at the MTV awards to accept the award for best picture and Rosalie Hale wasn’t? Were you off pretending to be in college somewhere? I, too, preformed some research on you and found no evidence to suggest that you are off filming anywhere. Being the Los Angeles resident you are, you should have been there.

All this confusion over Sunday night is forcing me to admit something I haven’t wanted to… Because by admitting this, I might as well shoot Moon & myself in the feet. It discredits us. It truly does. You see, for so long we have shared with the world, no PROVED to the world that you and Kristen are fake lesbians. But I am now being forced to speculate that you and Kristen are not only no longer fake lesbians, but you’re no longer even friends. Moon & I might as well pack up our computers and call it quits right now.

The sudden appearance of your new bff from that band Sage and the Dills arosed my suspicions long ago. But the lack of hand-holding, “we’re just friends,” googly-eyed (possible nipple tweeking) photos emerging of you and Kristen has forced me to speculate that your friendship with Kristen has ended.

All this speculation must be leading to something, right? Of course. Find out after the jump! Continue…

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