Weekend at Oregano’s

Dear Micheal (I won’t call you Oregano for this one)-

We saw some pictures on Lainey (where else?) today and just wanted to thank you for making Kristen smile! It seems like a long time since that ol sour puss has seemed genuinely happy and excited to doing something, even walking down the street with you! I looked at these pictures and thought, wow, she’s really pretty and having a great time with you! Unlike my usual reaction of annoyance with her.

So I was thinking what was the big deal about this weekend? Why are it so great? And I came up with these ideas… Cause this is what I sit around doing Michael, making up shiz like this… my life rules. Obviously… BUT back to the list!

01. Kristen is now 19 and you guys can party in Canada. I’m sure you two kids need a little liquid courage to get the good times rolling

02. Kristen spends all week staring at a buffed out Taylor and the Wolfpack and was ready to pounce when you showed up

03. Rob was outta town! And so was Nikki! For once you had her all to yourself, no conspiracies theories, no fake on screen vampire boyfriends, no fake lesbian lovers… just the two of you!

04. You brought up Kristen’s special bong for a visit. My how she’s missed it!

05.You two watched all the episodes of Will & Grace that you play Jack’s son. JUST ELLIOT! (does the *just jack hands*) Who could keep a straight face when Megan Mullally and Sean Hawes are on screen?!

And all those add up to create a recipe for a GREAT weekend! Am I right, Kristen? Am I right? (nudge nudge, wink wink!)

I mean Micheal, you must have some special motion in your ocean ifyouknowwhatimsayin’ to make her smile THIS much! I underestimated you Arangano… never again!

Nothings gonna rain on your parade!
Themoonisdown

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Monday Funnies – A dash of Oregano

Dear Micheal Aragano (AKA Oregano)-

Sometimes I feel really bad for you in this whole third wheel KStew/Rob  scenario. I totally loved you in both Almost Famous and on Will & Grace, you’re such a great young actor. But as much as I feel bad for your sometimes the below comic made me laugh my face off!

Happy Monday Everyone!
Themoonisdown

Clicky for maximum LOL's

Clicky for maximum LOL's

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Lainey Gossip & I just may become friends…

Dear Lainey,
a
I think we need to be friends. I know, I know, why in the WORLD would you want to be friends with a Twilight/Rob “Open Mouth” Pattinson lover like me, (and more importantly why the H would I want to be friends with a smut-hound, Twi-hater like you?) but hear me out.
a
I think we’re a lot alike. Sure you’re bitchier than me and pretty rude to Twilight fans and make your living writing gossip that no one really needs to hear about (and if I weren’t running a Twilight/Rob site myself, I would NEVER read you or have even heard of you- gossip ain’t my thang), but you’re also snarky and write with an “i don’t give a shit” attitude and are pretty spot-on about the whole of the Twi-dom most of the time. Plus you’re using Twilight/New Moon news to self-promote and like Sam Bradley, I kinda gotta give you some credit. Plus I secretly think you’re a Twifan yourself deep down.  (But it’s okay, I can keep a secret.)
a
My girls and I (we call ourselves “the quad”- go ahead, make fun) like to break things down Vanity-Fair Style (It’s a LTT/LTR thing, you wouldn’t understand) and today via e-mail we broke down your latest post about Nikki, Kristen & Oregano out and about in Vancouver:
Me: Did you see Lainey’s post today? I hate her, but I also love her snarkiness b/c she’s so right
Friend #1: She’s a nutjob, for the record.  I’d LOVE to see what she looks like.  Ten to one says the 4 of us are way more fabulouser than she is.  Fo’ sho.
a
Via Lainey: Nikki was spotted heading over to Rob’s. She stayed at his place a few hours, then they went out and hooked up with some friends… Next question, I know it’s coming: Are they dating? Doubtful. Are they f-cking? Probable.
 

Friend#1: Rob and Nikki are totally using each other for booty calls.  I know y’all don’t want to hear that, but it’s true.  They’ve done it before…they’ll probably do it again.  And the thing is, Rob knows it’s just friends with benefits.  But Nikki wants it to be more. Nikki needs it to be more…
So that’s the real deal.  I feel it in my bones.
And if it’s not, he and Kristen are banging and this whole “holding hands with Oregano while skipping through the streets of Vancouver” thing was a total set up.  KStew was completely looking at the cameras–making sure everyone saw her face, while holding his hand.
It was a set up.  Big time.  And NReed was there to ease the tension/awkwardness.
a
Via Lainey: Am told RP was approached repeatedly, some girls doing the usual super loser twi-hard gushy flappy arms thing and others trying to front like they were too cool to obsess over a movie hunk and starting up a conversation with him anyway, because he can totally tell between super loser twi-hard hysterics and closet super loser twi-hard hystericsd. It’s a huge difference.

Friend #1: Finally, bitch that she is, Lainey is fairly correct in her assessment of Twi-fans.

And do we think that Oregano was trying too hard to look like Rob?  Yes.  We do.
Moon: PS: Lainey is probably a Twi-fan herself but like us can be funny about it and knows how to keep “the crazy” inside her brain instead of embarrassing the whole of the Twi-Dom. (aka the fans at the “how to be” screening this weekend.)
a
Girl, we’d hate you less if you’d just come out of the closet. You love Twilight. You even loved Breaking Dawn and probably sleep with it under your pillow every night. Everyone is wondering who you’re blowing to get all this New Moon ‘smut,’ and we know that you’re getting it first hand. YOU’re stalking the set, YOU’re taking all the pics, YOU’re going up to Rob and pretending not to know who he is. Just admit it so we can all have a good ol’ laugh and become bffs.  Too ashamed that you were bit by the Twi-bug? Make fun of yourself… that’s what we do.. we can even make fun of you for you, if you’d like. Get over yourself so we can come up and visit and all stalk the Wolf-pack together. I’ve got dibs on the dorky wolf!
a
Love,
UnintendedChoice
a
All pics and quotes from Lainey Gossip (our new bff- in consideration for the 5th member of “the quad”)
a
I also realized after posting this that the 4th member of the quad wasn’t involved- whoops. We missed you Friend #2!
a
Update: Just spoke with Friend #2 who said:
I can’t believe I missed the Lainey Breakdown. Here are my thoughts:
  • Nikki/Rob shagging most def
  • Rob/Kstew shagging most def
  • Nikki/Kstew wishing they would shag, most def

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Okay.. we gotta discuss it.. it's time

Meet me in room 618 at 11:43pm. Bring the cheap wine

Meet me in room 618 at 11:43pm. Bring the cheap wine

Dear those in denial,

I’m 99.7% certain that Rob and Kristen hooked up while filming, despite the whole Michael Oregano situation.

I recently informed a dear friend of my opinion on the matter and she responded:

“Yes. Dude…I said it all along…from that very first Larry Carroll vid… “there were TWO nights that were…productive…” He probably had wine in his room…and offered her 17 year old ass some…which she took, of course. And smoked the night away. (Figuratively and literally.)”
a
This topic is of so much utter importance that I decided to bring in my reinforcements and “break it down vanity-fair style” (see this post if you don’t know what the H I’m talking about). I know many of you don’t want to believe me. You want to continue thinking Rob & Kristen were nothing more than close friends and that Kristen stayed true to Michael. If you are one of those in denial, you will hate the following conversation because we are going to PROVE it to you. Feel free to offer your rebuttle in the comments, but just so you know, you’re wrong. XOXO UnintendedChoice

Last Tango in Paris

UC: can we talk about the PROOF that we know that rob & kristen hooked up? They watched that MOVIE….
Moon: I’m gonna play devils advocate and say NO. she seems like a total prude who’s WAY too into NReed and her BF
Friend #1: wrong- they’ve done it.
UC: how do you watch (what’s the movie again?) and not have sex after it and JOKE about mirroring your characters after it
Friend #1: LAST TANGO IN PARIS. No-strings attached sex…. they watched that shizzzzz…. and she was 17…. and he hit it. but then they will deny it ’til the death, ’cause she was underage.
UC: and i’m confident Michael knows. she told him. she was so upset at herself. and he forgave her. they worked through it
Moon: they watched last tango in paris?
UC: YES. Omg, Friend #1, she hasn’t seen the interview
Moon: god how old are they?
Friend #1: of course. ’cause he got a freebie out of it, too. GIRL…. ok, you have to watch THE interview that first came out last year….
UC: THAT’s the interview that makes us KNOW they did it
Friend #1: april of last year. it’s the PROOF!
UC: it’s SOOO obvious. MTV. They’re SO flirty
Moon: link please
(literally 3 seconds later b/c Friend #1 is awesome like that)

UC: there it is proof
Friend #2: OK, I missed a lot because of the phone call. BUT, I must say… Rob and Kris most DEF hooked up. I am positive of it
Friend #1: yay Friend #2! she agrees! she has seen the interview, clearly.
Moon: dude is this the one where she scrapes that crap out of his mouth?! sick
Friend #1: yes.
Moon: hey im just being devils advocate
Friend #1: “bonding.” is when they talk about it.
Moon: THATS it?! That’s what you base this off???
UC: YES
Friend #1: have you SEEN last tango in paris, moon? there is no reason those 2 would’ve been watching that if they didn’t have ulterior motives.

Be further convinced after the jump

Continue…

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Told you all they weren’t in Vancouver yet

Dear people in the media who jump to conclusions instead of doing research like you were taught in your 2nd day of undergrad,

I told you the cast wasn’t in Vancouver yet.  (Okay, I didn’t tell you- but I can provide e-mail PROOF where I wrote it to many friends in the past few days.. and I meant to post something yesterday about the “crazies” believing the “lies,” but I got busy.. I am a busy gal, what with all the making out I do with my Edward Cullen pillowcase Robert Pattinson.)

When I first read what Melissa Rosenberg said, I immediately knew it was taken out of context or her words were mixed around. Here is what she supposedly said:

“I can tell you the original cast will all be coming back. They’re on set right now, in Vancouver! They’re all up there prepping the movie to start shooting very soon.”

My guess, from the first moment I read this, was that she said “I can tell you the original cast will all be coming back,” and then the interviewer said- “Yeah- I hear Taylor is too! Awesome. He’s looking smokin’ hot and a little like Adam Brody. I bet everyone is itchin’ to start filming” to which Melissa said “They’re on set right now, in Vancouver! They’re all up there prepping…”

Immediately I said… duh- the crew is in Vancouver.. prepping. B/c last I checked, “big” stars like KStew and Rob aren’t setting up mics, lighting and staging. I mean, maybe I’m wrong.. maybe Rob signed up to be on catering crew this time around b/c of his love for making tuna melts. Yeah, that must be it. You’re right, I’m wrong. Rob IS in Vancouver.

Also, I’ve actually some posts on blogs “Congratulating” Rob and Kristen for getting to Vancouver without being filmed and/or photographed. OMG! THAT IS NOT POSSIBLE! Those days are OVER! If Kristen gets filmed at the VET (which she did yesterday, in case you’ve been living under a rock- and if you are living under a rock and still read this blog, please e-mail us, I want to give you a prize), do you think it’s actually possible for her to go to LAX or Rob to Heathrow without anyone catching them? NO WAY JOSE!

A hilarious friend and I were discussing the absurdity of this  “Twilight news” today and she said she’s praying that the psycho crazies who don’t do their research (or just DON’T think logically) already made the trip up to Vancouver, expecting to see Rob, but instead have found nothing but gaffers, Best Boys and 3rd assistant directors. SUCKERS!

Plus, unless you live in a small tiny box in the middle of the words with no friends or internet connection, everyone has heard about all the snow in London.  There’s been no buses running and over 800 flights were canceled.  Rob’s ass is at home, staying out ’til 3 am, sleeping ’til noon and only waking when his mama tells him to come down and eat his Wheatbix. Rob is in the SNOW. Just like me! I feel connected to him already.

So seriously, media people and bloggers who believe the absurdity, just take a second and think it through… the cast is NOT in Vancouver. (and I’m really pissed about it because my plane ticket here was NOT cheap.. plus I’ve been laying naked on my hotel bed for the past 24 hours, covered in rose petals waiting for Rob to get the note & room key I left on the beat-up BMW I saw outside of the hotel, and I really have to pee)

Kristen is PISSED cuz Michael told her she CANNOT have a tuna melt if Rob had any part in making it. And she REALLY loves Tuna melts

Love,
UnintendedChoice xo

How about your put your dissapointment about Rob still being in the UK* into a poem or something for our Twi-alentines day contest!

*dissapointment does not apply to fans in UK who never want him to leave.

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