My favorite part of the Twilight fandom: Clueless guys!

The latest uniform required for all nurses who work on the psych ward at the local hospital

The latest uniform required for all nurses who work on the psych ward at the local hospital

Dear LTTers- aka “expert” Twilight fans,

One of my favorite things is people who know nothing or very little about Twilight yet think they’re experts.  It is, of course, funny to laugh at their cute little mistakes “That Robert Patterson is so cute” and “I love that scene in the 4th book New Eclipse when Jasper, the wolf, shows up at their wedding,” but mostly I like to be 2nd-hand embarrassed at their lack of knowledge on proper Twi-etiquette (Twitiquette). True2Twilight recently sent us an observation she had while browsing at her local bookstore that perfectly explains my fascination with the less informed:

It seems that ever since Twilight has been a success there are tons of series’ about vamps (The Vampire Diaries, Vampire Kisses, Evermore, Blue Moon…wonder where that name came from). It’s really quite annoying. I refuse to read any of these series’ and stay loyal to Twilight. As I was leaving the bookstore an employee said “Have a nice day” to me and I almost burst out laughing because she had an Edward shirt on. Normally this wouldn’t be funny but she had to be at least fifty.

I don’t care if she was 19, that’s NOT proper Twitiquette. Clearly she was just a casual fan. No fan in the know with a true, deep obsession would actually wear their Edward shirt in public, let alone to work (Well, not unless it was ‘wear your most embarrassing shirt to work day’ or they were BEGGING to be posted on LetterstoTwilight as a featured 2nd-hand embarrassment!) It’s like how I threaten to dress up as Moaning Myrtle for every Harry Potter premiere. I’d do it. I’d embarrass those who sit on Harry Potter fansites 24/7. I’d star as THEIR 2nd-hand embarrassment, but you couldn’t PAY me to dress up like Bella or Alice or Mrs. Cope. And I’d never even ADMIT to owning a “I love boys who sparkle” pin, let alone wear it to see the movie. (I keep it close to my heart- pinned to my bra)

Nice Try hunny.... it's not the same with your gut hanging out though...

Nice Try hunny…. it’s not the same with your gut hanging out though…

Even more than people with bad Twitiquette, I love men who try to get it, but just don’t. You know the type. They ask you what “Twilight Zone” book is your favorite and come to bed wearing fake fangs, thinking it’s the teeth that turn you on- not realizing that it’s actually a 108 year old vampire- Edward Cullen (and of course the guy who played him flawlessly- Robert Pattinson) I love these recent stories sent to me by LTT readers:

Jen shared:

So I went to see Transformers on Sat night with my friend Phil. And one of the previews was for New Moon. So of course I made some sort of sigh noise when shirtless Jacob came on screen. So at the end he morphs into the wolf and Phil leans over and asks, “Are you going to carry around a furry wolf doll in your purse too?” HAHA. I lost it!

Lisa told us:

On my Facebook homepage there was a “Which Twilight character are you?” quiz, so I casually asked my husband which character he thought I would be…his response? “The little Indian boy who turns into a fox” I about died laughing…but the funniest part? He was dead serious and thought that was an accurate description. Apparently my “turn your man into a unicorn” skills are lacking and I need to take the course again.

And a “mom who once had a life” e-mailed us, a little upset that we’ve kept her from going back to her life & sucked her into our LTT/LTR world, but also shared what her husband really thinks she’s up to:

I’m sorry ladies but I’m also one who has to keep you a secret guilty pleasure. Yes I’ve watched every video out there with the words Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart. I’ve analyzed the expressions and the body language of said stars. I hunt for terms like RPatz, Robward, Robsten and curse the paps when they crowd my obsessions. When my husband tries to sit by me, I try to make it look innocent when I close my laptop. He thinks I’m secretly addicted to porn sites. In reality, I’m hunting through your archives for more things to make me LMAO. It’s getting difficult hiding my guilty giggles from the family. So I have to peek when no one’s home. Ughh. I’ve now become a LTR/LTT crack addict. I’m sending my rehab bill to you.

Will it ever get old? I’ll still laugh hysterically when I think of the first thing my husband ever said about Rob After explaining to him that Sam Bradley was a good friend of Robs, he said, in all seriousness, “I thought Victor Krum was his best friend?”

Aww! They’re so cute. Almost as cute as Twi-virgins, don’t you think? So cough it up- we know your guys have said the most insane things about Twilight. Share with all of us (and by “share” I mean save your second best story for the comments and e-mail us with the best ones so we can use them in a future post!)


Do you like Rob? Yeah, we thought so. Go read letters to him over on LettersToRob

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The things we do for Twilight

Dear Twilight,

You’ve made me crazy. Yep. Crazy. There I was- a perfectly normal 25 year old girl with a slight love of subway sandwiches, Harry Potter, Facebook, kittens (okay I’m obsessed with kittens) and music. Suddenly, after being quite bored on a family vacation, I’m obsessed with vampires. VAMPIRES! And then after seeing a movie with a few friends in November (a movie that wasn’t actually that good, by the way) I’m suddenly obsessed with a BOY (who, coincidentally was IN Harry Potter.. so WIN for me!) I’m married! I love my husband! A lot! And this BOY is younger than the geeky cousin- EW!

I’ve done the craziest things for you:

-I took a 5 hour flight to visit a friend and then stood outside a HOT TOPIC to meet Ashley Greene and buy a DVD that I just ended up selling on ebay. Let me repeat. I went to Hot Topic (multiple times actually) And stood in a line. Until 5am (eastern time.) I forgot to mention above, I’m obsessed with sleep

-I went to a 100Monkey’s concert. And I’m a music snob. And they’re not good

-I talk DAILY to friends I made on the internet. How do I know you aren’t 54-year old men who play with themselves while looking at pics I text you, EastFriend & WestFriend? (uh, note to self, stop sending EastFriend & WestFriend half dressed phone pics of myself.. just in case)


I got picked up by Vickyb at the San Diego train station & we met Mrs.P for lunch downtown. I just trusted that Vickyb wasn’t gonna kill me.  And how did I know that Mrs.P’s teeny daughter wasn’t a cute ploy to get me to let down my guard so they could rob me of my millions?

If you're wondering if Mini Edward greeted me in San Diego, he did...

If you're wondering if Mini Edward greeted me in San Diego, he did...

Please say hi to my gangsta booty

Please say hi to my gangsta booty

-I went BY MYSELF to Philly to a Jewish-Southern fusion brunch place and met AmourPSU. First of all, what the freak is Jewish-Southern fusion? Do you think AmourPSU made it up and staged a brunch place so she could drug me, insert something into my brain and steal all my creative ideas?

-The other night I was at a loud, crowded bar with some friends. I could barely hear my friend Ray say, “That’s what she said” after everything my husband said (he says it so often I’ve changed it to: “That’s what Ray says”). But don’t worry, I heard the girl at the next table explain to her date how she likes the series “Twilight,” and I swung my head around so hard my neck muscles STILL hurt.  No one else noticed. And I wasn’t even the closest person to her.

twilightpartyOne day I was just minding my own business driving home when, going 45 m.p.h. I pass a road sign that I SWEAR says “Twilight Party 5/30.” I SWERVE into the parking lot and drive to the other entrance to see if my eyes deceived me or not. They did not. The mudshack pottery studio is having a Twilight Party on Saturday. What are they gonna do? Make clay figurines of Edward? How gay. Oh, and you know I’ll be there…

What happened? How did I, a perfectly sane girl who occasionally did crazy things like dress up like Moaning Myrtle for the Harry Potter opening movie night become the: meets internet friends in person without a second thought, stays up till 5am at a HOT TOPIC to meet a girl from a movie that wasn’t that good, looks awkward in public places, almost gets into accidents, makes a fool out of herself-type girl over a book ABOUT VAMPIRES…… Oh, I also have given up all hobbies, all real life friends and spend Friday nights at home…. all to run 2 blogs….

FML? or…no.. I love my life…

You’re worth it. Friends, vampires, Rob, the Internets, Twilight…. I <3 you enough to go crazy for you

*omg… I’m KNOWN by a fake name from a MUSE song..! ugh!

I love all my internet friends more than you’ll ever know. And EastFriend/WestFriend if you DO turn out to be old dudes, well, I think you’ll be the best old dude friends I’ll ever have… you can’t get rid of me!

Concerned about the hos and dbags that will be surrounding our precious Rob on Sunday at the MTV Movie awards? Check out what Moon has to say at LTR

What has Twi made YOU DO? Leave us a comment then chat it up over at The Forum

We have some FUN stuff planned for the MTV movie awards so check back this weekend on The Forum our Twitter & the Blogs!

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