Twilight Breaking Dawn Pt. 2 – Movie Review! You hear it first, here!

Get ready – we’re coming for you!

Dear Twilighters -

So here’s something exciting: we get to be one of the first people to bring you a review of Breaking Dawn Pt. 2! Nope, not the movie critics, not the BIG TV outlets, not MTV, not E! But little ‘ol us… and the other fan-run sites and blogs!!

So, I want to really break it down for you but I also don’t want to give ANY spoilers away cause you have to go see it Thursday/Friday at midnight. YOU HAVE TO! So I will keep my REAL REAAAAAL review for after the 16th. BUT in the meantime, let’s chat…

We are dumped directly into the Twilight action post vampire c-section/imprinting/open red eyes and we’re immediately back in the thick of things with the new vampire Bella. After many scenes of Bella learning about jumping small rivers, scaling sheer cliff faces and yes, arm-wrestling Emmett we FIIIINALLY get to the action.

Get Ready For:
-All the scenes Michael Sheen/Aro steals (every one he’s in). And yes, Beller is in fact, ALIVE!
-The wall to wall music (TURN IT DOWN, Music Editor!)
-The new vamps looking various shades of crazypants to awesome (Do we expect anything less at this point?).
-Some migrating hairlines. (WIGS!!!).
-Rob. (Duh).
-Taylor (fulfills his last contractual gratuitous, totally unnecessary, yet awesome (who are we kidding?) shirt removal scene).
-Bella finally coming full circle. (single tear).

Spoiler: He loses!

And for those wondering… yes, there is Edward/Bella vampire sex. But in a very tasteful, Sade-type-music-playing-in-the-background, angles-that-leave-out-just-enough, Stephenie-Meyer-is -the-mom-of-three-boys-kind-of-way. You’ll still feel a little uncomfortable watching it with your Grandma but hey, at least it’s not an ordinary scene from Game of Thrones (hmmmm Kit Harrington…). So don’t get too excited about any “Fade to Sad” moments.

The first family

Guys, you know when we wrote that post called “Accept It Now” where we reminded people that the film won’t always follow the book version of the storyline EXACTLY to a tee? You know, the cupboards may not be yellow and Bella may jump on a motorcycle with Jacob, in front of Edward? Well, it’s time to reread that post because BD 2 does NOT follow the written word exxxxactly. BUUUUTTTT guys, don’t leave just yet! Here take my hand, squeeze it hard but DO NOT run out of the theater screaming, it’s going to be alright. IN FACT, it’s going to be AWWWWEEESOME! I promise. Your head will be spinning. And because I love you, and because I don’t want to be sued, I won’t tell you any more. I will tell you, however, that you should bring tissues and a friend’s (preferably a Twilight buddy’s) hand to hold. My last piece of advice is, after you read this and after you watch all of our premiere coverage (cause it’ll be GOOD), you need to get off the interwebs and avoid all the spoilers you can. You want to enjoy this and not know what’s about to happen. Trust me.

We’ll see you back here after the 16th for the FULL, REAL review of The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part Two.

Accept it Now!
Moon

18 Commented


Give us your Twilight virgins!

Dear Twilight,

Who knew outting our embarrassing first times on here would bring out so many other laughable, sweet hilarious, pathetic and down right embarrassing virgin moments from your other fans and our readers?! Everything from gchat conversations about DVD releases

me: I am totally going to a twilight DVD release party…wanna come? borders across the states are hosting these events
Friend: hahaha when?
me: and I am going and I am excited… 10:00pm-12:00am March 20  its the midnight release of the DVD which I’ve already preordered. well I’m actually pissed because there are lots of versions out there and I settled on the borders version like yesterday, target came out with one that I want more its got more extra features, and now I’m pissed
Friend: wait, that is spring break friday right?
Me: yes it is spring break friday night so I am going to be so happy on that day!!
- Heidi

 

Raise your hand if you've sent or made something like this

to becoming the friend you and your other friends make fun of

March 28, 2009
TheBFF: You’re going to kill me. My sister rented Twilight tonight.
Me: Don’t do it.
TheBFF: She wants to watch it.
Me: You’re dead to me.
.
April 7, 2009
Me: I have a confession to make, and you may never be my friend after this.
TheBFF: Doubtful.
Me: I have just spent the past 10 hours READING TWILIGHT (and I’m going back for more).
TheBFF: I do not believe you.
Me: I’m serious. [My husband] rented it this weekend, and I caved and watched it with him. Then when he went to work yesterday, I WATCHED IT AGAIN.
Me: THEN I went to WalMart and bought the book (and the dvd). OMG.
Me: I even went to WalMart so my regular bookstore lady wouldn’t see me buying it, and I could hide it under a box of Capri-Suns.
TheBFF: YOU ARE [random mutual Twihard acquaintance] !!
Me: I hate myself.
Me: But God help me, I love Edward.

-allryans

to writing quotable lines like (it did NOT disappoint! and KICK ASS!)

I know that I cannot have my way and have the book depicted word for word, so I think overall it was great. There were some silly changes, but that is to be expected of Hollywood. They rarely leave perfection alone. – Sadie

to writing impassioned essays titled “In the Defense of Bella” depending the feminist qualities in Twilight and reviews called “Fangs for the Memories”… ON YOUR FACEBOOK!

“Thanks to my obsessive reading, I finished the fourth and final book in the series two days ago (and then the unpublished, unfinished Midnight Sun, if you’re wondering). I thought I’d be relieved to have rid myself of a world so thick with hormones. Glad to not have to wonder what happens next.

Turns out that place in life is harder to say goodbye to the second time around.” – Laurel

to posting pictures of yourself you would never have taken in your “former life”

So we now know if we did it and all these girls did it… EVERYONE has their embarrassing and funny and poignant (but mostly funny) Twilight newbie stories. SO SPILL and you too could win an LTT/LTR tshirt from the store to further your public admission of your love for the Cullens and that Rob guy.

do NOT disappoint!
Themoonisdown

There’s still time! You can still send in your funny emails, letters, aim/gchats and be entered to win an LTT/LTR tshirt from our store! Email us!!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

 

41 Commented


Storytime with Moon: Twilight in Kenya

Wait, people know about you outside of my bubble?

Dear Twilight,

I left roughly three weeks ago to run to the other side of the world to Nairobi, Kenya and more specifically the slum of Kibera, the largest slum in Africa, roughly the size of Central Park and houses 1-4 million people. Kibera is the home to many many beautiful wonderful people who live in extreme poverty, disease and human rights atrocities. Not quite the place I thought I’d be able to find you in, Twilight.

But I was wrong. Now don’t misunderstand me I didn’t meet any LTT-ers or Twihards or see any Edward Cullen posters but I was surprised at how you were known even in such a dire situation but then I guess I should have known you’d have been there. How many stories (including our own) have we heard about how Twilight has provided an escape and a new perspective on life?

So to tell my story of finding you in Kibera. While I was in Kenya I was part of a team that put on camps for kids and teens from Kibera. The first week I found myself a sweet, tough, fun young lady named Adelaide (they have the best names!) and one afternoon we were taking pictures and I happened to have some old pictures still on the camera so I sat down to show them my friends and family and where I lived. It just so happens that some of the Eclipse premiere / Leghitch2010 pictures were still on and camera. When they asked what was happening in the pictures I wondered “would they know Twilight, if I asked?” “What if they’re Robsten/Nonsten? Will I kick them off my team?” Ok, ok I didn’t wonder about the Robsten/Nonsten thing. I knew Adelaide was too cool for such things, after all she plays Rugby and she’s 12. She could kick any one of our Robsten/Nonsten arse’s if it came to blows. No need for Twitter drama, take it to the pitch people!

Future LTT/LTR girls?

So I told them these are pictures from a movie premiere I went to. And I thought that would be sufficient enough and we could go back to talking pictures and braiding hair. But no, Adelaide grabbed the camera and said “what movie?” and so I asked, “Do you know what Twilight is? The books and movies?” and she answered “Yes…” a little bit excited I grabbed the camera and told her I was going to find a picture of some of the stars she might recognize. So i flipped quickly to a picture of Rob and told her “This is Robert Pattinson, the guy who plays Edward Cullen, the vampire.” (The dude I write a blog about and have seen more times than I need to tell people, the guy I’ve made up insane stories and situations about, the guy I spend more time talking about then I should, that’s normal, right?). Of course, by then the few boys who were looking on over my shoulder had disappeared. TYPICAL. Adelaide grabbed the camera back and looked at Rob and I asked if she knew who he was and she turned to me and smiled and did the Kenya eye blink think which is their code for “yes” and she handed back the camera and took off. Because of course more important things awaited, jump rope, football, rugby, hanging out with friends. As it should. Who needs Twilight when you have such things?

Besides my team mates randomly asking me stuff about blogging or Twilight, that was my one and only discussion about anything Twilight related while in Kenya. It was nice to be away and to see other cultures, meet new people and still have a small connection to Twilight. But it’s also nice to be back with you all! I look forward to jumping back in with both feet. Thank you all for the funny and sweet messages you left me while I was gone and for helping UC chronicle all the stuff I missed in the “While Moon was gone” posts. I’m definitely filled in now and fat taytay will forever haunt my thoughts! Thank you for that!

Asante Sana! (the extent of my Kiswahili)
Themoonisdown

What’s the last place you thought you’d find a Twilight fan? Or someone who knows what Twilight is? Did you out yourself?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

51 Commented


Breaking Dawn, can we just not and say we did?

Dear Breaking Dawn producers-

Can we just NOT and say we did? Or actually we don’t even have to say we did. Let’s just use some sort of flashback or dream sequence and call it a day. What am I asking that we avoid you ask? The birth scene… yup, I’m just gonna ask that we don’t. I was just reading an interview with Wyck Godrey, producer of the Twilight franchise where he explained that he wife was an OB-GYN and that they may need her on set to make sure Edward is making the proper incision for an “oral c-section.” SERIOUSLY? Let’s just not. Please? As if I didn’t already take enough flack for the scene in the book and various other Twilight shenanigans that need explaining to civilians. I just can’t shoulder this one. I’m sorry. I’ll explain sparkling vampires, hot and cold body temperatures, celebacy, mind reading, vegetarian vampirism, bad wigs and anything else about Twilight but I just can’t handle explaining why Edward is tearing into Bella’s womb on a 60 foot screen at midnight.

Can I offer some suggestions or even ideas for how to get around this one so you’ll have more time to focus on how you’re going to make Jacob imprinting on Renesmee NOT weird for the outsider? Oh and nice job side stepping the Jared and Claire imprinting business in Eclipse. Don’t think we didn’t notice!

But anyhooozle, maybe since the story is told from Bella’s perspective we can go inside her mind again a la Twilight the movie after she was biten by James and Edward sucked the venom out. We saw a very abstract, beautiful montage of scenes from the movie, future, past, present, scenery, etc all set to music (sung by Robert Pattinson… oh heeeeey!). Just a thought and then we could see Renesemee lifted up Simba on Pride Rock style and CUT TO BLACK, end of Breaking Dawn Part 1, meet us back here in 2012 same Cullen time, same Cullen channel. OR we see Jacob headed down to kill off the demon spawn yet he’s oddly drawn to her and he doesn’t know why and then BOOM CUT. Multiple options people! I’ve thought about this a lot. Clearly.

Then of course, because I love the idea, let’s make part 2 of Breaking Dawn in 3-D because really it’s just a cool idea. Think about how Stephenie Meyer describes Bella’s first moments as a vampire. She sees light reflection off particles in the air, everyone looks so much different and more beautiful… imagine when she takes that first leap off a rock and over the creek behind the Cullen house IN 3D! It’s like we can experience Bella’s new vampirism right along with her. Sure 3D the cool thing to do in movies now and it can be hella lame but it works right along with the story line. LET’S DO THIS!

True luv

And theeeeeennn there’s that whole Jacob imprinting on Renesmee business. We all know you’re gonna get slaughtered in the critiques for it, we know there’s gonna be jokes EVERYWHERE about it. Let’s just take this next few years to ACCEPT IT NOW. But can I suggest a few things? The way Stephenie describes their imprinting is just so interesting and beautiful…

“Everything inside me came undone as I stared at the tiny porcelain face of the half-vampire, half-human baby. All the lines that held me to my life were sliced apart in swift cuts, like clipping the strings to a bunch of balloons. Everything that made me who I was – my love for the dead girl upstairs, my love for my father, my loyalty to my new pack, the love for my other brothers, my hatred for my enemies, my home, my name, my self – disconnected from me in that second – snip, snip, snip – and floated up into space. I was not left drifting. A new string held me where I was.

The gravity of the earth no longer tied me to the place where I stood. It was the baby girl in the blond vampire’s arms that held me here now. Renesmee.”

Jacob Black, Breaking Dawn, Chapter 18, p.360

Yup, pretty much how I see it

So can we just preserve what little personal pride we’re going to have left when all the vultures and civilians start making this the joke on all the late night chat shows and SNL. Can we do another Bella montage type idea but instead with Jacob where as he’s imprinting we see an OLDER, GROWN UP version of Renesmee and not a kid strapped to Taylor Lautner in a Baby Bjorn! PLEASE! Please.

So producers can we just take these ideas or some other phenominal one you have that does NOT include an on call OB-GYN for authenticity’s sake in the “oral cesarian” and run with them? Please? Cause I really don’t want to have to say you did, when you didn’t have to.

The Lock-NESS-blog-monster, 
Themoonisdown

What ideas do you have to make some of the Breaking Dawn moment a little more palletable for the movie go-ing audience. What can we do for the people who just DON’T KNOW?
 
Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

198 Commented


Eclipse, It’s FINALLY HERE!!! But first it all begins with a choice!

It all begins with the choice to use this image one more time

Dear LTT-ers

We’re finally here… tonight we will see Eclipse for the first time and we’ll get to see if it’s everything we thought it would be, if the drama was worth it, if the wigs inch down their foreheads during fight scenes, if Jacob really is 108 in that sleeping bag and most importantly we get to find out what the new stuff is we’ll be talking about till the next movie. Who’s the new Buttcrack Santa? Will there be any “little bottles” or “They’re not bears?”

But before we get to all that we have to make some choices… you won’t get it all and we’re remembering to “accept it now” but there are a few things you can control like how much butter you put on your popcorn or whether you wear your LTT/LTR shirt or your Bella costume to the movie… let’s take a look at the choices you can control

It all begins with a choice… what will you choose?

  • To see Eclipse OR not (DUH)
  • Small OR Extra Large Popcorn (with refills?)
  • Scream out loud when Edward makes his 1st appearance OR silently clutch your Eclipse themed popcorn container (you got the Extra Large special edition container, duh) holding on to that last shred of dignity?
  • When the Leghitch scene happens will your leg raise of it’s own volition in a mock leg hitching motion OR will you come prepared with a Team Switzerland sweatshirt you will tie to each armrest to fashion a seat belt or sorts to restrain yourself from making any hitching movements?

After you've finished the popcorn this can be used to relieve your bladder

  • Leave in the middle of the tent scene to hit the potty because in addition to that special edition popcorn container you’re also double fisting Diet Coke (with a splash of rum from your LTT flask) in special edition cups  OR use your new found bladder control because of the Kegel exercises you’ve been practicing in your office chair for the last 7 months since you had the same problem during the Volturi show down in New Moon?
  • Decide whether you’re going to stay up after the midnight screening to write us a letter begging us to start LTX: Letters to Xavier OR will you compose your own first letter to Xavier on your blackberry/iphone/toilet paper with Eclipse pen while staying for your 2nd screening of Eclipse at 3AM?
  • If your theater does not have assigned seating will you mentally choose which 13 year old Team Jacob fans you’ll be most likely to elbow in the face to get past them and into the theater first OR which Twimoms you can trick by yelling “EDWARD’S HERE!” while pointing to the front door to cause a diversion so you can run into the theater first all in a quest for those coveted middle-of-the-theater seats?

To burn OR use as a device to trip Twihards?

You see getting to the theater is the easy choice, you already bought those tickets months ago, but it’s after you get there that the real decisions need to be made. What WILL you choose when that annoying Radio DJ, sent by his bosses at the station to interview “crazy Twihards,” asks you whether you’re Team Jacob or Team Edward. Will you slap him with your Eclipse handbag from Etsy or will you punch him in the throat and pirate the airwaves playing only Robert Pattinson’s music till someone from the theater comes and drags you away with promises of a free Eclipse in IMAX tshirt in XXXXXXXXL? See these are the things you need to think through before you get to the theater tonight.

Happy Eclipse Day!!!!
Themoonisdown & UnintendedChoice

What choices will you be making tonight? Add your answers and other choices we should be prepared for tonight as we watch Eclipse FOR THE FIRST TIME!!! Ok, so I’m getting really excited now!

BUSINESS TIME!

Guesstimate Opening Weekend – Just like with New Moon we’re making another guess for opening weekend box office totals. And just like last time whoever loses has to write a special love letter to a person of YOUR choosing…  Whoever guesses the closest without going over will win reprieve from writing a love letter and bragging rights till Breaking Dawn 1 (can you believe we’re saying that?) comes out and the LOSER will be shamed in public and forced to gush on the blog to your chosen love letter recipient. WHO will it be this time? Since UC lost lost time and had to write a love letter to Cathy Hardi we’ll take her out of the running…

UC’s Guess- 134 million
Moon’s Guess – 155 million

It all begins with a choice…

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

156 Commented


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