The Lautner Family Christmas letter

Today, we’re bringing you a very special family Christmas letter:

December 2009                     Issue 19, Vol 4

Family trip to the jersey shore in 06

To our Family, friends, and all the folks over at BigDaddyFan.net,

Been a big year for the Lautner family. May have heard about all the successes young Taylor has had. It’s been great having a lot of young beauties hanging around. I can get lonely ever since Debbie left. I’ve been trying to get back out on the dating scene. When Debbie split I thought I’d just hit a couple hockey games with the son, maybe hop a plane over to ol’ Pari’, breakout the handheld and find a companion, but it seems Taylor has more luck in that department. Not that I’m complaining. This blonde that has been hanging around lately is a real cutie. We have this inside joke where I goose her every time she walks by. She gets a kick out of that. Haven’t seen her in awhile come to think… They seem to be spending a lot of time over at her place. Hmm.. I’ll have to cook her up my world famous “Big Daddy triple pounder, double fried burger with pepperjack, mozzarella & swiss cheese burgers” to entice her to come around more.

You may have heard that I’ve taken some time away from the airline industry. The company no longer felt it safe for me to hook two seatbelts together to stay in the pilot seat and there wasn’t room in the budget for a bigger belt. Just need to drop another 40-50 and I can retake my tests and hopefully get back up there in the air

News from the around the Valley: I’ve been really busy volunteering for city council. You might remember me mentioning last year I started the one-man restaurant team. We lobby for the best eats to be brought into the neighborhood and try to keep In-N-Out from growing their territory. What kind of restaurant only has 4 things on their menu? I don’t care what kind of secret menu you might find if you use the world wide web, I like having options when I go out to dine. Plus, I’d never set foot into an establishment without a fish sandwich on the menu. Why wouldn’t you have a fish sandwich, In-N-Out? Don’t you know some people like a change from the triple pounder from time to time? Anyway, we had great success this year protesting a local independent theater that was showing Super-Size-Me. That’s just propaganda no one needs to hear.

I’d include some recent pictures or a video of the kids, but I’ve been a little busy using the camcorder to film all the hot European chicks Taylor and I ran across during his press tour. I also ran out of memory on my digital camera after taking a picture of every Fish-o-Filet I’ve eaten in the last year (for a promotional video on the restaurant team section of the city council website. It’ll be up here real soon: valleycitycouncil.web.us.gov/team/misc/citizenoutreach.html/fishsandwiches.webs) I gotta get over to the Radio Shack to figure out how to add more memory to this camera. But if you really care to know what Taylor looks like, just peek at the posters on every bus stop- he pretty much looks like that in real life. Makena is growing up nicely. I think she looks more and more like her ol’ pop every day! Continue…

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Taylor Lautner Appreciation Sunday

IllegalWolfLover has never hid the fact that she’s a MAJOR, MAJOR Taylor Lautner fan! She does it again with a great letter for Taylor Lautner Appreciation Sunday!

Dear Taylor Lautner,

It’s me again. Surprised? (No, please take your finger off the speed dial to Dateline, it’s not that kind of letter…it will be after February, but that’s another story altogether)

I read on Ace Showbiz that you wanted to be considered a serious actor rather than a piece of meat and that you don’t want to take your shirt off ever again. I totally agree. We should look at you the same way we do Rob, as a well-rounded actor, singer and athlete (ok so maybe Rob doesn’t do that…). So in order to respect your wishes, I will hereby only look at you with your clothes on (this also may change in February). In keeping with my oath and also to spread the love of Taylor Re-clothed, I decided to share from my personal stash of Taycob Porn  random pics I found on the internet of you in all your clothed glory.

We appreciate you trying hard to be hobo-Tay and failing…miserably

We appreciate you being part of the holy threesome…

We appreciate the shout-out to Edward….way to rock the pea-coat…

(Now if only Rob would return the favour )

We appreciate you making the sour-puss smile….(urgh..snake skin)

We appreciate how you can make us believe we’re right there with you… even though it’s wrong and we’re all going to hell….

We appreciate your dedication to the role…

We appreciate you holding your own next to his holy hotness…

And finally

We appreciate that you clean up nice…REEEAAL NIICE!!!

Oh and before I forget

We appreciate you for giving us the wonder that is Big Daddy…(or vice versa…)

I think I defeated my purpose of appreciating you in the right way, but at least we didn’t ask you take your shirt off….

p.s.  stop talking about your body altogether…every time a reporter asks you about it…whistle, walk away, say “have mercy”, do the “cut-it-out” sign or make Rob take his shirt off…instant dodge! And never under any circumstance say things like “I did it for the fans”, “it’s cold in Vancouver when you’ve got no clothes on” or “I hope you guys like it”.

What? You already said that? Well then….good luck keeping your shirt buddy…

Wondering why there are cops at my door,
Me (Illegalwolflover)

Look at us! We can appreciate Taylor even when he has his shirt ON!

One Year later and our internet game is still ridiculous (and our Kung Fu is STILL strong): The Forum, LTR, Twitter

46 Commented


Amanduh is back and her sex is on fire (among other things)!

Dear LTT-ers,

A few months ago UC and I mourned the lose of AmanDUH’s YouTube channel after she deleted all her videos and we thought she was forever gone from our lives. I mean what were we going to do now without her beautiful musical stylings, without her reenactments of Twilight, without her choreography, withouth slightly special faked Edward? Die, that’s what. A world without Amanduh is not one I want to live in!
c
I always thought Ashley Greene’s portrayal of Alice was missing something and I think Amanduh NAILED it!

c

Covering one of the best songs of 2008 AND 2009…

(I’m pretty sure even listening to this is blasphemous)

Seriously, ALL music videos should be made by Amanaduh and ALL songs should be sung by her… come to think of it all MOVIES she be made by her too. It’s Saturday so you might as well go over to her YouTube profile and enjoy the rest of her musical stylings and show her some love.

YEAAAAAAAA her sex is on fiiirrrreeee!
Themoonisdown

One Year later and our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

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Time for a Newsdump: Everything NOT Twilight related aka Kellan shows us his Calvins!

Yo, it's about that time to bring forth the rhythm and the rhyme. I'm gonna get mine so get yours, I wanna see sweat comin' out ya pores!

Dear LTT-ers

I was just lamenting (yes it was quite sorrowful) on Twitter that there was simply NO news about Twilight out right now and that makes things awfully boring… but then I started researching and there’s TONS of non-Twilight specific news that our favorite friends are in… so let’s get to it!

  • The trailer for “The Runaways” comes out and I can’t help but think two things-  ONE: they look like little girls playing dress up and TWO: I hope Dakota gets to punch someone


Che-Che-Che-Cherry BOMB!!!

Wait, this isn't the Maxim cover shoot!

  • This is the prom dress you see on the rack at Goodwill and think, dude that would be perfect for my prom scene in “Can’t Buy Me Love” Halloween Costume (just right for doing the African Anteater dance in!)

Follow the cut for more news, less catfish, more abage for the cabbage and one special tatt00
Continue…

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Something's Different: No more new Twilight fans?

This is my Monday night date. You should SEE who I get on Thursdays..

Dear LTTers,

Something feels different. No, I don’t mean it’s been awhile since Ashley Greene was caught with some sort of Hollywood party boy (although it has been) nor do I mean that I haven’t cracked a joke about KStew’s mullet in awhile (although that’s true too). I just mean that this year, with the recent release of New Moon, feels quite different than last year after the release of Twilight. I can’t really put my finger on it exactly, but so far I’ve come up with this: Everyone is already a Twilight fan! Yes, my friends, Twilight has saturated the market. There are no new fans to be found. There is no one left who hasn’t tried out the books/movies and hated it (let’s burn them) or devoured the books in 36 hours and spent the next few months watching every clip ever mentioning “The Twilight Saga” online. It’s gotten as big as it’s going to get. Or…… has it? We received this letter the other day that had me questioning why I think something feels different:

Dear Twilight,

It’s been just over a month since that fateful Thursday, November 12, when I picked up my reserved copy of Twilight at my local library and finally started reading the first book of your saga. I was merely curious as to what was causing all of the hype and why my sister-in-law’s ideal man was named Edward Cullen. I figured with the movie, New Moon, coming out in a couple of weeks, now would be a good time to read this curiously popular book. I didn’t expect to stay up until 2am reading the first 375 pages, only forcing myself to bed because of work obligations the next morning. As I drifted off to sleep that night, my mind swirled with thoughts of Edward, Bella and the rest of the intriguing inhabitants of Forks, WA. The next day at work I was thankful that it was a Friday, but even more so I was excited to go (rush) home and finish the remaining pages of Twilight. I cracked open a bottle of red wine, broke off a piece of Ghirardelli’s Twilight Delight dark chocolate (I couldn’t resist!) and finished reading the remaining pages of Twilight. And so it began…

In all truth, I didn’t expect to like you. I didn’t expect to love you so much, re-reading you multiple times while awaiting my hold for New Moon to be filled at the library. Like so many others before me (apparently), I voraciously read the remainder of the saga in the next two weeks (only taking so long due to the wait at the library).

I can’t quite explain my new infatuation with you, and to be honest, my husband, at first, was a bit confounded, fearing that he would come home one day to find me all gothed-out and wearing white makeup. I assured him I had no desire to be a vampire. I don’t want to be Bella. I just love the characters and the inexplicable way it makes me feel when I read their story.

The saga is now #1 on my Christmas list this year, along with the special edition DVD.

Does her story sound familiar? Just maybe a year after yours? Read on after the jump! Continue…

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