Shiz happens: I catch up on Twilight stuff

Dear LTTers,

Dudes, So much happened while I was away… I was off having tea with the Queen and Clare (they have tea together every Tuesday. DUH), trying to rescue the lost squirrel in TomStu’s beard, trying to figure out which dumb picture Jackson would tweet of himself next and then the second I got back Ron Ron and Tay Tay decided to make out on national tv… so really I’m just now catching up. This is what I found out happened while I was away…

  • Kristen Stewart ‘s facial paralysis was miraculously healed and she is now able to use her smiling muscles. Miracles happen folks! In our time! See: nearly every picture from the last week.
  • Jackson filmed a movie in the state that birthed me called Cowgirls and Angels. So this is either a FanFic turned film or it’s a p0rn, right?

I dare you not to

  • I’m not ashamed to say that I Googled the Cullen’s address 420 Woodcroft Ave Forks, WA (420, heh) and can report back that some vampire trickery is afoot because Google says to try again later because it’s having trouble loading it. UH HUH!!!! RIGHT! WHAT aren’t they telling us?!!?! I need door-to-door directions to the Cullen’s stat! We’re onto you Cullens!

JACKson of hearts… GETS IT??!! GET IT?!

  • Jackson got beat up by a pack of wild monkeys while I was gone. They were pissed off he was disgracing the sacred a name of the monkey species with his bands music. They also thought him holding a “JACK” of hearts cards was super cheese ball. So they showed him who’s boss

Some Shiz Never Changes:

Kellan runs around the city of Los Angeles topless

Awwww Kellan thanks for making me feel like I didn’t miss too much and it was a pleasant surprise to come back and see Kristen at least acting like she was enjoying herself a bit more. And yes, I did have tea with the Queen and Clare… in totally unrelated news my mom and sister-in-law have asked me to stop calling them The Queen and Clare. Party poopers.

Moon is back ALLLRRIIIGHT! (sung to the tune of Backstreet’s Back)
Themoonisdown

Are you happy I’m back? I’m happy to be back… and it’s nice to see all the fun comments and new commenters we got from the break down of the trailer. Welcome! What else happened whilst I was gone? Has anyone seen Jackson “perform” recently… should I stop being so harsh? No. Ok.

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

 

152 Commented


Stop the presses: some mini letters to some Twilight people

Land of no cameras!

Dear Baton Rouge,

OMG stop the presses and hand me my heart meds because apparently there IS one person in Baton Rouge with a camera!!!!! I know this is shocking for you all too since no one’s seen an outsider since the town was established hundreds of years ago and so of course new fangeled technology like a camera must be frightening. But come here, I’ll hold you while we get over our surprise and shock and fear.

Sure it may be Jackson Rathbone with a fan near a See’s Candy Store but STILL it is SOMETHING! This gives me hope for your city and that maybe this little fan moment is a turning point. Maybe Jackson and his weird hat and Jasper-esque jacket (you are not on set Jacky!) broke down the walls for everyone to start snapping those shutters and maybe we’ll just be in a deluge of pictures till they leave… Or maybe I’m entranced by Jackson’s awkward facial expression in this picture and Vancouver and their paps will wipe the floor with your silly town.

xoxo,
Moon

PS I still love you Baton Rouge, but hire some girl scouts with cameras or out of work mall Santas to take some pictures.

Who’s ready for some premarrital counseling?!

Dear Kellan,

OK, SOMEONE call up Beyonce cause someone put a ring on it! Fess up Kellan, was it AnnaLynn? Was she tired of dodging in and out of that shady no-tell motel in Studio City or did you finally throw the ultimatum down: If she didn’t watch the entire McGee & Me series with you, it was done-zo, am I right?

No? It’s for a new film you’re in? Damn….
xoxo,
Moon

Dear Nikki and Kristen,

WAIT HOLD THE PHONE, someone grab my meds (again) are the fake lesbians back on?!!!!

You, Nikki Reed were quoted in something called Zink, talking about going to a party…
“I went with Kristen [Stewart, her Twilight co-star], who happens to be, like, my best friend now…”

Wait, squeeze me one second. Happens to be your best friend now? Operative word being “NOW.” Did we bury the hatchet ladies? Is this why the Fake Lesbian section in the LTT merch store mysteriously sold out? I gotta say I’m happy for you gals and for the fodder you HOPEFULLY will give us: sharing clothes, fights over ugly Nike’s, hand-in-hand jaunts through Vancouver, shopping trips where Taylor holds you purses while you’re in the dressing room! Or will it be smoothies and working out like you and Elizabeth Reaser in Vancouver during Eclipse filming, now? And this brings up another question, “What about Elizabeth?!” This is a bittersweet happiness. I am glad you two love birds are back together again.

xoxo,
Moon

As you can see there’s been some surprising news in the Twidom. What’s the best? A actual picture from Baton Rouge, Kellan with a ring or the FL’s back together again or whatever they are…

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

71 Commented


What (should have) happened in the Twilight world in 2010

Dear Twilight,

Since it’s that time of year when we start to wrap up 2010 and think about 2011, I was thinking about recapping the past year of Twilight. But then I thought to myself, “Wow… how incredibly boring, UC. Anyone who is a reader of LTT knows exactly what happened in the world of Twilight in 2010 and exactly when it happened (and probably what they were wearing at the time).” So I thought, why don’t I recap what should have happened in 2010? We’re all about the fanatical fantasy here at LTT, so why stop now? I give you: Twilight in 2010: What should have happened!

The 100 Monkeys broke up. As a result the Goodwill received an onslaught of “Monkey bags,” and past concert goers stopped fleeing to their Doctors complaining of ‘bleeding ears”

Kellan came out of the closet. Then went to Christian Gay camp & learned how to resist the urge. Then was caught at the Eco-lodge with a man. Coincidentally it was his counselor from Christian Gay camp.

Swiftner became a bigger celeb couple than Robsten. A Karate video was produced to a country music soundtrack, selling more than Justin Bieber’s latest album. A pre-teen war ensued. A lot of Jonas Brothers sleeping bags were destroyed. I think. Do tweens still like the JoBros?

BigDaddy realized that the Olive Garden is much better when UC & Moon are there to share his breadsticks. TWSS.

Midnight Sun was finished and as a result, for a full 12 hours, not a woman over the age of 10 was seen in public.

The media & public realized Robsten are a really boring couple (Is it “Robsten are?” or “Robsten is”? Is this in the dictionary somewhere? “How do you properly formulate a sentence using the plural form of Robsten?” Does anyone know? Do you think Summit knows? Do you think they have a guy in their office just to grammatically correct all the “Robsten” sentences they write? Most importantly, how does the CEO address Robsten when he makes photo-shopped manips of the two of them to send to his wife on humpday?

“TwiPorn” and “RobPorn” went back to their original meanings: Pictures of Twilight male characters doing chores around the house. Much more boring, much more safe for work, plus you feel better about yourself after seeing Peter Fach vacuuming instead of opening an email attachment to see Kellan holding a huge scholong with the caption “Bite this.”

Catherine Hardwicke made a movie that looked nothing like Twilight

DILF mustard pants chris weitz

These pants will be EVERYWHERE this spring

Chris Weitz showed up in public again to introduce his men’s fashion line called “DILF,” featuring a limited edition mustard-colored pant

Rob’s head was not photo-shopped onto the bodies of any men who also do gay porn.

Stephenie called Pancho “Nacho” in public. Coincidentally they were eating Mexican at the time.

Someone finally admitted visiting Forks is actually kinda boring.

Ashley Greene hooked up with Ian Somerhalder reminding us that what she does best is sleep with men we could never get and bringing more pretty into our lives & giving us (more) excuses to write about Ian.

I mean, is it just me or was 2010 a pretty boring year for the cast? We had a little Swiftner. I think Nikki Reed probably slept with a douche bag. Kellan hooked up with Anna-Lynne again. Jackson fell in love with me, the Twilight Superfan, in Philadelphia & Boo-Boo Stewart’s voice dropped 3 whole notes, but I think that’s it. No one even cares about Ashley & Joe Jonas. Catherine barely tried to remind us that she created Robsten. For as much shit as he talked on Twi before he got the Eclipse directing gig, David Slade turned out to be really boring. Solomon Trimble’s life is kinda too sad to even make fun of anymore, and Chris Hansen and Boo-Boo Stewart jokes just aren’t as funny as they were with Taylor Lautner. Come on Twilight in 2011, you BETTER give us SOMETHING good!

Love,
UnintendedChoice

What did I miss? What else (should have) happened in the world of Twilight in 2010!?

Oh- We don’t want to forget to tell you, starting January 3rd the Biggest Loser challenge on the Forum (renamed “Resolutionary Challenge 2011″) is kicking off: Make sure you join everyone if you’re looking for fun, encouragement & healthy living in 2011!!! Resolutionary Challenge 2011

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

53 Commented


Do we miss Cathy the Cougar?

I even chose to post this gorg picture of you. Dang, what is wrong with me!?

Dear Cathy the Cougar,

I have something to confess. I said something nice about you. I don’t know what came over me, but…. I stuck up for you. Moon likes to play devil’s advocate most of the time, but I don’t even think she was doing that when we chatted. I think her anger/bitterness/hate was real. And I normally agree, but… but…..I didn’t this time. You should do something to get on Moon’s good side- maybe send Ned Bellamy (aka Buttcrack Santa) her way with a basket of different Margarita mixes for the holidays.

Here’s how it went down: Yesterday in the comments, LTT reader Ish had a random thought:

I was thinking about how poor Cathy the cougemaster gets a rough deal from us and I suddenly realized – She actually cracked it the most. I mean, the undercurrent of sexuality (puts on tweed petticoat) but seriously, yes, NM and Eclipse were better in most things but didn’t have me getting all hot and bothered and having to sort myself afterwards. Bring back Cath! (actually not really but maybe they could ask her advice on a few things…)

and an email conversation ensued…. then I figured out how to make iTunes work again on my work computer & it happened- you know- it’s happened to all Twilight fans: We’re just minding our own business- projecting our budgets for First Quarter 2011, and we hear it- and visions of Edward Cullen come dancing in our heads:

UC: Ohhhhhhh- The Black Ghosts song from Twilight just came on my iTunes! GOSH. WHY does this movie bring up different emotions in me than the others? like.. I just got gooey in my belly
Moon: Seriously. when I watched Twilight on Thanksgiving I was like REALLY HAPPY

I barely even miss these two

UC: Moon, is it possible that we want Cathy the cougar back? Did the guys (the DILF & the short one) who did the next two movies not capture the same emotion? Like.. I want to watch Twilight again. Right now. At 3 pm in the afternoon on my work computer- think if I close my door I can download a bootleg & get away with it? I don’t feel the same way about the other movies. I don’t want to watch New Moon- I’m not even excited to watch Eclipse this weekend.. WHY!? Twilight is the WORST made- the worst acted, it had the worst wigs, but yet…. I love it more. Do I actually have to thank Cathy!?
Moon: NO. God no!! Never say that!!! And I’m actually kinda excited to finally see Eclipse again
UC: but WHYYYYY Moon? Why do we feel that way about Twilight!? And not the other movies? Wait- you’re excited to see Eclipse? I’m not. Why aren’t we exactly the same? We can’t be different. We’re UC & Moon. That’s like Bert & Ernie, Simon & Garfunkel, Lennon & McCartney or Bella & Edward……
Moon: I just am excited! I seriously can’t remember most of it. Does Chris Hansen have a cameo?
UC: I mean….maybe I’m excited.. let me see…. (thinking)…. No. Nope…I’m not….. but dang.. I’m in a Twi-gushy mood listening to this song…..
Moon: It’ll be like seeing Eclipse again for the first time
UC: Like you’re an Eclipse-virgin- A Born again virgin!!!!
Moon: I am!
UC: Ish just wrote this in an email:

“Twilight was so sensual without anything happening except for a few chaste kisses, and I bet many ladies went home from the cinema and had the need to ravish someone, even if it was the taxI driver on their way home! I didn’t get that feeling with NM or Eclipse. “

UC: I think that’s SO interesting and true- like THAT KISS!!!!! on the bed… SIGH…I think that’s why I was a little disappointed with leg hitch- even though technically it was all one could dream of in a leg hitch scene- I mean the leg was CLEARLY hitched…What else could you want? It’s exactly what we asked for….
Moon: Right.. it was hot…
UC: but… it was just…. a lot…. and sometimes.. too much- or even “just enough” is not as hot as holding back- or sexual tension. It’s expected- it’s so much hotter when it’s unexpected- or unfulfilled.
Moon: I really think it all goes back to the newness of Twilight. It wasn’t a big deal to anyone but its fans. No one knew what Rob and Kristen were like as Edward and Bella. We didn’t know how it would all look (Blue!)

I could be your new mommy, UC!

UC: Awwww- I even miss the blue!
Moon: and the fandom wasn’t full on coocoo bananas like they are now
UC: Totally true. So does Cathy the Cougar get ANY of the credit?
Moon: Sure, she gets some, I mean, she made the movie. Like she (with the help of a lot of people) got it ON the screen
UC: Why do I sound like I have some sort of sympathy for her? I need to look at some pictures- remember that she reminds me of my dad’s ex fiancee
Moon: yea you need to watch ONE interview with her and get the hate back

But I didn’t. In fact, I did the opposite. Well, if you consider the opposite to be: leaving work, going home, going to yoga class & thinking about YOUR original Twilight anytime the instruction said “say your mantra to get through the pain.” So it’s not a video montage featuring your epic hairstyles. It’s not a proclamation to the Twilight world that YOU are the originator of Robsten, but it’s a close second. I thought of you during the downward dog. And if that’s not a 180 from my usual dreams of secretly videotaping getting you drunk on watermelon margs while getting you to spill about Nikki Reed/Mike Arangano/K Stew gossip, then I don’t know what is!

Love,
UnintendedChoice

So what do you think? Do you feel a different connection to Twilight than you do the other movies? Do you think it’s Cathy the Cougar’s craziness? Do you wish you could knock one or 12 back with her at a neighborhood Applebees? How much does “Little Red Riding Hood” look exactly like Twilight? Did I get off topic?

Ps: We know change is hard, but we changed our comments. And the change is here to stay b/c Moon & I love it & we’re the bosses :) Best thing to do is register yourself a Disqus account (the second option on the left when you sign in to comment) and use the same email address you used before- it will either automatically pick your own avatar (if you uploaded one before) or give you the option to do so. Otherwise you get an apple. And yes, it looks as though Disqus does NOT have an option for thumbsdowning. Which is sadtimes for the haters & janetrigs. :(

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

178 Commented


LTT Mailbag – The Crazies email us (again)

MAIL CALL!!!

Dear LTT-ers, Twilight cast members, characters and Stephenie Meyer,

Of course you guys know that we’re NOT you and we don’t answer emails written to characters or Rob (unless we’re bored and intern Rob needs busy work) but we definitely read them, pass them back and forth and then post them here for all of us to enjoy. You can’t get the crazy in your inbox and NOT share with your pals!

Dear Stephenie,

This letter is for you personally… I am a fan but I’m not obsessed with it… I just want to know why you didn’t have more go on with bella and jacob… I think it would have be better if you had edward leave for a reason and bella went to jacob… they go off to college to get away from it all and then….. edward make an appearance… bella think she’s thinks she is seeing things and doesn’t think to much… but than she starts seeing him more and more… then……………… jacob and edward start battling for bella because she can no longer choose between them… that book should have been between the thrid and fouth… Also in the fourth one you shouldn’t make jacob fall in love with a baby… I’m just saying this because people on my rez even agree with me

Love,
Britbrit

Dear Britbrit,

I’m glad you’re not one of “those fans.” You know, the kind that writes a letter to a random blog thinking it’s me, thinking I’m just looking for new story lines for my completed saga that doesn’t fit into the original story AT ALL. I’m thankful you’re not that kind of fan. Thanks for the ideas, I’ll consider them.

Oh and tell your rez to suck it. I like the baby.

Love and kisses,
SMeyer (not really)

hey catherine hardwicke

i was just wondering if you would consider reading a series for me and maybe start making the movies. i know its probably a really kinda dumb thing to do but i really like this book and i thinkk you could do some amazing stuff with it! it is called the house of night series and the books are called marked betrayed chosen untamed hunted and tempted. and i was also wondering if you took these books and made them in to movies if i could play a part in them i have always wanted to be an actress and maybe even some charicters from the twilight saga movies i think taylor lautner would be good in it and same with nikki reed and ashley greene! so i was just wondering if you would at least consider it thanx so much i really do want you to read the book i think you would enjoy them thanx. please reply back!!

tasyna

Dear Tasyna,

What about US?!

Love,
Robert and Kristen

PS Catherine Hardwicke wasn’t available to answer this email as it conflicted with her pre-scheduled ribbon cutting ceremony at the Anaheim TGIFridays. She sends her regards. We think.

I have this question for Kristen. Where did you go for acting classes? I have been thinking of starting up acting, but I don’t know where to start.

Peace,
Anna
92% of teens would be dead if Abercrombie and Fitch said breathing was uncool. If you are the  8% laughing, copy and paste this for your signature!!

Dear Anna,

Why the Kristen Stewart School of Acting, of course! I created my own method. It’s like breathing. You should try it.

Love,
Kristen

PS 92% of teens would be dead if Abercrombie and Fitch said breathing was uncool. If you are the  8% laughing, copy and paste this for your signature!!

Oh you crazies, you never fail to make our day… or at least make the 2 minutes it takes for us to read these missives of whackadoo. Please never stop and we’ll never stop NOT replying to you.

xoxo,
Moon

Who wants to volunteer to be our LTT intern to read all this mail? Should we make Rob the intern come over here and answer this mail as well? Are you one of “those fans?” And what about that Abercrombie line, are kids still wearing that stuff? I wore some of that in high school!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

57 Commented


Previous Entries Next Entries

Creative Commons License


This work is licensed under a Creative Commons
Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0
United States License
.

LTT Privacy Policy



Sponsored by