Twilight 101: Twilight (the book)

Dear Twilight,

I get a lot of people whom I refer to as “civilians” ask me what you are. “What’s this Twilight thing about?” they say.  Seems like a simple enough question, right? But I’d say it’s isn’t so simple. How do you even begin to explain the intricacies and the idiosyncrasies and the “holy crow’s?” With this new series I aim to explain Twilight to beginners and give your fans an easier way to share their love of all things sparkly vampires and the humans they love.

And with that I get you the first installment in Twilight 101: Twilight (the book)

Dear Twilight Newbie-

You may know this as that book with the apple on the cover that made grown women go crazy, your wife disappear for hours on end, your internet bill surge and teens declare sides in the Team Edward vs Team Jacob war that will play out over the following 3 books and subsequent films. Or you may know it as that mega Times best seller than spawned major block buster movies. Or you may know it as that book with the sprarkly vampires. But what’s this book REALLY about? I’m here to share…

Bella, the stumbling accident-prone mousey girl from Phoenix, Arizona moves to Forks, Washington to live with her Dad (coincidentally the town’s Police Chief) because her absentee Mom has married a stud minor league baseball player she met after a spring training game at a TGIFridays and now wants to travel the farm league circuit with him to glamorous places like: Jacksonville, Florida. So Bella takes the hint and moves in with dear, old oblivious Dad: Charlie. Then hijinks ensue. Thinking she’s doomed to live a deary, boring life in Forks, Bella is surprised to find herself the talk of the high school from the nerds to the jocks. But being a girl Bella isn’t interested in safe, boring people who are interested in HER. She can only think about the mysterious boy from biology class and his weird adoptive yet not related beautiful  siblings who oddly enough never go to school on sunny days. But never mind the underlying danger… everything about him draws HER in!

So who are these people you ask…

The Humans-

Stop trying to make fetch happen!

Bella and her school friends and unintended (heh) suitors make up the majority of the sleepy and oblivious unsuspecting town. They include school heartthrob Mike Newton whom Bella describes as a golden retriever and whom mostly reminds us of a Jonas Brother with blond hair or Kirk Cameron AFTER he found Jesus. Pretty much the guy no girl with Daria-like tendencies would want to go out with. In a million-gabillion years. Then there are the girlfriends like Angela. Pretty much that sweet girl who was nice to everyone and befriended the new girl even when she was the flavor of the week who stole all the boys from the girls who has put in hard time. Then we have the “Mean Girls…” Jessica Stanley and Lauren Mallory, who combined are essentially the Regina George of Forks High School to Bella’s Cady Heron. These are the bitches who could be your best friend or worst enemy depending on the day.

The Vampires-

Just your typical neighbor in the Pacific Northwest

These aren’t your Grandma’s traditional vamps or your Anne Rice vamps or your bodice ripping (we wish) vamps. The Cullen family are the Brady Bunch of the Stephenie Meyer vampire world. Sure, they have their dark and tortured pasts but they’ve given all that up in exchange for a few years in rainy weather towns surviving on, what they refer to as, “a vegetarian diet.” Meaning they don’t take a little sip from humans anymore. They hunt down animals and make a bloody mary cocktail that will last them a few weeks, thus making it easier to sit through their 2394294th time as a high schooler. Monotonous you say? Why, yes. Yes it is. And that’s where we find out sparkly protagonist, Edward when he first encounters Bella in Biology class. And barely able to control himself runs out of class to save her and himself and not to mention the 30 other kids in the class from certain death. But of course like a typical dude, Edward is taken by the new girl just as much as Bella, being a total girl is intrigued and pissed off by the mysterious boy. And as they say the rest is history.

Like I said these aren’t your typical vampires, Stephenie Meyer has given her vamps all kinds of special characteristics that set them apart and leave her readers with difficult situations like trying to explain to a vampire lover or even a regular dude why vampires sparkle. And yes, they do sparkle. Why? well who really knows other than it’s a plot device used to differentiate them in the sunlight instead of bursting into flames in like old school vamps. Rather these guys look more like a diamonte choker from the Joan Collins for QVS jewelry collection in the sun.

They also have special powers: mind reading, mood altering, future telling, extreme sexiness and the ability to ‘glower’ at a moments notice. They also appear to have super human control over sexual temptation because there’s enough tension in this book it leaves the Twimoms (we’ll cover them eventually) and the tweens quivering (ew) for years. You wanna know why girls disappeared into their rooms for days on end reading these books? THAT is your answer. That sweet, delicious tension. And his name is Edward Cullen.

See, I told you so!

Notable Quotables-

  • “And so the lion fell in love with the lamb” – THE Twilight quote. Suitable for Etsy crafts, regrettable tattoos and quoting to your resigned boyfriend
  • “About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was a part of him-and I didn’t know how potent that part might be-that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him..” – Teaching teens and grown ups alike the word “irrevocable”
  • “You are exactly my brand of heroin” – Stephenie Meyer’s pro-drug PSA. High Schoolers need more excuses to think up new and exciting non-traditional drugs. A hit of your girlfriends blood? Why not!
  • “Holy Crow” – aka OHHHH SSSHHHEEEEETTT!

Follow the cut for more on the villians, the conflict and some business time
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Rereading New Moon Chapters 3-6

newmooncoverDear LTT-ers,

I wrote last week about rereading New Moon to “prepare myself” to the premiere THIS WEEK (crazy we can say that now) and last time I wrote about Carlisle’s icicle hands but this time I think I wanna talk a little bit about fate.

After I finally made it through that wretched “The End” chapter, cried (yup, again) at “the months” and made it through “Waking Up” chapter we finally make it to “The Cheater” aka Bella wants to be Evil Knievel. I was anxious to get through it because I knew the next chapter was “Friends” and Jacob finally comes back into the picture to rescue us from this emo-fest we’ve been in for the last 4 chapters but I was struck by a simple sentence Stephenie wrote right as Bella sees the motorcycles in the Markses yard. She writes:

“Sometimes, kismet happens.”

And of course I got to thinking about kismet and how it plays out in not only the books but my life outside of the books. So if we believe Merriam-Webster and their slutty cousin Dictionary.com than Kismet means “fate or destiny” that this was meant to happen. Edward leaving Bella had to be part of the master plan, she needed to do some growing on her own apart from their all-encompassing relationship. And without Edward leaving Bella wouldn’t have turned into a reclusive hermet girl making Charlie yell at her to go out and see friends and Bella wouldn’t have been out driving aimlessly if he hadn’t. Bella finding those bikes was meant to be because it leads her to Jacob and rekindling their friendship that ultimately helps bring her out of the pits of depression and eventually becomes a more rounded, better equipped person for when Edward finally shows back up at the end of the story.

Then me being me I took it a step further thinking about kismet in my own life, it was kismet that my coworker lent me her Twilight book which I become addicted to which led me to seek out other people who had been reading them which led me to see a Facebook status post UC had written around the same time which made us strike up a Twilight conversation. And well if it wasn’t kismet that made us start Letters to Twilight and Letters to Rob than truly I don’t know what is because without these blogs tons of people who never knew each other people would never have met otherwise. It still blows my mind to think about all the people that not only UC and I have met but all the people around the world who have met each other because one day we decided, or perhaps it was fated that we start these blogs.

So yes, I really do believe that sometimes kismet happens. What about you?

MTB,
Moon

PS Speaking of people we’ve met because of these blogs, today a bunch of you are flying into LA for a week of New Moon mania and I can’t wait to see all your faces and hug your necks and say a little thanks for kismet

Take the jump so we can get a little business outta the way……

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This Cosmic Love – Edward and Bella

Dear Edward and Bella,

Sometimes words can adequately explain why your love story is so great. So words like cosmic seem like the only thing that can come near to explaining something so big, so strong and all encompassing. When Calli sent this video over I knew somehow someone had tapped into just a little once of truth regarding you two. The video features the song “Cosmic Love” by Florence and the Machine and I really can’t think of a better way to state the good, the bad and the lovely about you two. I was so intrigued by the term cosmic that I wanted to see the full extent of the term and here’s what good ol Merriam Webster had to say on the subject:

Cosmic
1 a
: of or relating to the cosmos, the extraterrestrial vastness, or the universe in contrast to the earth alone b : of, relating to, or concerned with abstract spiritual or metaphysical ideas
2 : characterized by greatness especially in extent, intensity, or comprehensiveness

Yea, I think that about sums it up…
Themoonisdown

PS big thanks to the lovely, radical, funny Calli

What words would you use to describe Bella and Edward?

Follow the cut to read the lyrics
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