Everything I need to know about life I learned from New Moon

Life lessons learned here

Dear LTT-ers and TwiHards,

Remember when we gathered together some of the lessons we had learned from Twilight last year? Well, it’s time we hit up New Moon since the film version is out and we’ve (sorta) reread it again (and again) and there are a slew of lessons to be learned that I wouldn’t have known otherwise…

  • If your new best guy friend starts running around in the woods in just a pair of jean shorts and some sneakers, he will NOT catch a cold. He will run a temperature of 108 but don’t worry, this is normal. He may also turn into a werewolf.
  • If a man with a pair of orange pants and hiking boots is directing the sequel to a movie adaptation of one of your favorite books: TRUST HIM. Perhaps with your life. He will NOT screw you over. And you just may find yourself drawn to orange pants and man purses (murses)
  • Trust me, I'm a director!

  • I know you will be anxious when the lead actor in the first movie leaves for 2/3rds of the second movie but take a deep breath and let the underage boy taking his place worm his way into your heart. You will NOT miss the first boy and it will truly be “as if he never existed.”
  • Mike Newton may have gained like 30ish something pounds but he still has some of the best lines and can act the HALE out of the flu!
  • Just like in Twilight it is perfectly normal to expect your best friend to be the boy next door who suddenly morphs into a hit piece with a 12 pack, a penchant for fixing up broke down cars and motorcycles, and will love you more than your whiny ass deserves even when you can’t get over the hot vampire boyfriend who dumped you in the woods months ago and moved away.
  • I learned that if you are depressed and you sit in a recliner for 3 months, you will not get bed sores, a flat “shelf ass” or muscle atrophy…seriously how did she do that?

Follow the cut to see what else we learned from New Moon

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What's a DILF? Chris Weitz knows!

Dear Chris Weitz,

There’s probably more we want to tell you than any letter here could ever contain about how much we love you for New Moon and finally giving the fandom a film version worthy of the saga. While watching New Moon Thursday night it all finally clicked into place that there was one HUGE difference between the Twilight movie and New Moon movie and that is YOU! Yes, you!

Our pal Jen from MyRobPattinson was lucky enough to get to be on the red carpet as the stars walked by. She got to see Kellan and Taylor and Kristen and those volturi dudes and some wolves and that guy named Rob but most importantly she got to see YOU and ask you a few of the most important questions in the world… you know stuff like what was with those orange pants at the London premiere and if you knew what a “DILF” was and since you directed the American Pie series which pretty much originated the term “MILF” I think you do! And here’s your answer……….

Oh you shudder to think! HA!

Hearts your face,

Video: Thanks Jen!! Visit her site: My Robert Pattinson

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