Dear Kellan Lutz,
Uh oh. You haven’t had the best week, have you? Not only did your limited-release (meaning 1 theater near your mom’s house plus DVD) movie, “Love, Wedding, Marriage” only make 1.4 million, but it currently has a 0% on Rotten Tomatoes. ZERO PERCENT.
I mean I saw the trailer:
(please don’t be surprised that there is a comment on this video from xXtwlight4evaXx who says “i want mandy moore and shane west to do another movie together!!! A walk to remember was amazing<3”)
While I love great films, I’m not really a movie snob. I love me a good romantic chick flick (hello I’m a Twilight blogger). But this DOES look pretty bad- I mean Jessica Szohr is in it (yuck), Mandy Moore hasn’t been good since “A Walk to Remember” and I’m pretty sure she wasn’t actually good then & I was just blinded by love for Shane West. And you playing a grown man in love is….. well, let’s just say you may still need a few years before that’s believable. I don’t care that you have an 8-pack.
Which is obviously why you were hired.
But again, it doesn’t look like it deserves 0% on Rotten Tomatoes. I mean, I MIGHT watch it on a long plane ride after taking a nap, reading a book & when the battery runs out on my iPad. I could possibly turn it on when it’s free On Demand and I’m sick on the couch. I might even click a link that says “Download Love and Marriage for free & win an Ipad” if the mood is right.
It definitely couldn’t deserve this review (could it?)
“If there is a special hell for film critics, it probably has movies like “Love, Wedding, Marriage” on continuous rotation.”
And taking pictures of Anthony Weiner apologizing & captioning them with quotes from reviewers about your movie is just mean (but pretty damn funny via buzzfeed)
Kellan, Kellan.. if only you had come to Moon or I before signing on to this movie. We would have warned you that out of the 16 films of Mandy Moore’s on Rotten Tomatoes, only 2 have gotten reviews over 50%. And that a Rotten Tomatoes rating of 0% means your movies is worse than: Battlefield Earth, Freddy Got Fingered, and Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (as told to us by EW Popwatch in a review attempting to be positive about Mandy Moore despite her horrible films (don’t worry- they didn’t mention you!))
And now you’re going to have to be nominated or even WIN a Razzie award and while that’s really good publicity, that shizz never leaves you! As if it’s not hard enough for you with all your muscles and Abercrombie background, the Twilight connection- that lacrosse movie with Ash Greene etc. to be taken seriously, this is just gonna make it all that harder.
Listen to me, Kellan. I don’t care how much Jane Seymour (Mandy’s mother in Love, Wedding, Marriage)
pays wants you as her boy toy, don’t pick any more projects that drag down all the amazing work you did with the Twilight saga. Oh wait.
Always here to help,
Do you ever feel really bad when a Twi cast member we love so much has a major flop of a movie like this one? 0% is HORRIBLE! Is this Kellan’s “100 Monkeys” moment? (Except that moment of Jackson’s doesn’t’ seem to be passing…) Will YOU see the movie? (assuming you live in the same town as his mom) Can you believe Ryan Adams married Mandy Moore? Can you tell I’m happy it’s FRIDAY FRIDAY
I failed & forgot to thank James for the heads-up on this amazing story!!
Tags: , Bad movies, Emmett Cullen, kellan lutz, Love Wedding Marriage, Mandy Moore, Poor Kellan, Rotten Tomatoes, trailer, Twilight