Questions about Twilight

Questions about Twilight: We still have them. We love to ask them, and today TeamJacobEdward has some good questions!

Dear Twilight,

Well, it’s been more than two years now since I was a Twilight Virgin. Don’t worry! I’m very happy with you still Twilight, you still do it for me. I haven’t tired of you yet, and thanks to “Twilight 101” posted the other day, I now have a urge to read you all over again (for the bajillionth time). But the thing is, I still have questions about about you and I thought that maybe I should start asking you the questions instead of just wondering about them.

Scars

I remember in Eclipse when Jasper shows Bella all his bite marks that he’d said, “the venom is the only thing that leaves a scar.”

So does that mean that ALL scars are wiped away? (So like with Bella, is she only left with scars from the bite from James and the bites Edward did to transform her?) Does venom work like the magic eraser that is photo touch-up, but on the live subject as the venom seeps through scorching the skin from simple scars to ragged ones? Does the venom erase away all the wicked stretch marks Bella had to have been the recipient of growing baby Nessie in record time? Does it remove all scars obtained throughout your life, so you no longer have “that scar from the time you decided to try riding your bike ‘no handed?’” Does that mean when Carlisle stitched up Bella from having Renesmee ripped out of her, she’d have no “c-section” scar (or possibly tummy tuck scar getting rid of all that extra skin)?

Forever as you are… including hair?

Like, what would this dude look like as a vamp?

I understood it as your hair is the length it is at the time of transformation… forever. So if say a person happened to be sporting a mullet coif at the time of transformation they’d kind of be stuck with that. Or can vampire hair be cut? So at least you could lop off the “party in the back.” In my mind, it would seem that since vampires are virtually indestructible, so would be their hair… I envision a scissors looking all bent and twisted after encountering a try at cutting vampire hair even if it is soft and pliable and hair-like.

Which also brings to mind leg and armpit hair. What if you were between shaves or waxings? We all know Bella wasn’t bending over to shave those legs while her midsection was growing by epic proportions. Did Alice shave her legs and armpits (and bikini line) while she was lying on that table getting scorched by the venom before it was too late? Or would Bella (Edward) stuck with those sharp little leg pricklies for eternity if Alice wasn’t so on top of all those details because a razor would twist and crumple trying to shave vampire body hair?

What about dyed hair? These days, more women than not generally have SOME color added to their hair (look at me, a natural blonde, who’d just went dark brunette simply because I was bored with blonde the other night). Does that mean if you happened to be transformed with a bad hair dye job, or you were in desperate need to re-touch your roots but hadn’t made it in to the salon, that you would FOREVER be stuck with unsightly roots or a horrible dye job? Or can vampire hair be dyed?

Eyes

Why IS it that animal blood, which is EVERY BIT as red as human blood turn vampire eyes golden versus red? Is there a certain chemical that is present or absent in animal blood that differs from human and that’s what colors the eyes? Does it have to do with DNA and Chromosomal pairs? Or was it just one of those things, “just because” so you could tell the “good” vampires from the “bad” vampires, and I should just drop it?

Beautiful People

Like what would becoming a vampire do here?

Vampire venom is said to make one inhumanly beautiful. So, does that mean that it sucks in loose skin (for instance all that extra loose skin that Bella’d acquired from being a host Nessie)? Does it make a double-chin a single? Would it nip and tuck and lift things to make them look “new” again? How far does it go? Straightens crooked noses? Straightens and whitens teeth? Strengthens weak chins? Reduces body parts that are too big? Enhances body parts that are too small? (I’m talking both women and men here… ahem) Does it lift, even-out, straighten out, shrink/grow….

Who needs “The Swan” when there’s vampire venom, right? No more beer gut, no more wonder bras, just a few days of burning at the stake and voila!

Artificial Body Parts

The last set of questions brings me to this group. What if someone who was transformed had some sort of foreign object in their body. Say a metal plate, screws, tooth fillings, breast implants… what would the venom do with that foreign matter? Would it just reject the material and spit it out during the process, so you see random objects being ejected from the person in transformation and then proceed to properly “heal” that item? Say a person had a total knee replacement… what would the venom do with that? I’m guessing the comical spitting out of foreign object from the body isn’t the answer, so would the venom turn the objects into vampire, or eat it up? My money is on “eating it up” but that leaves the question as to what the venom does with that space, does it grow a whole new knee? What about breast implants? Would the venom turn the implant into rock-hard vampire, or would it eat it up? If it eats up the implant, then what? does the venom replace it with vampirized created breast tissue or is the poor vampire stuck with shriveled up kumquats for all eternity?

Schmexy-time

like... what's it like down below?

Okay, I know everyone who’s read the books has probably wondered this (whether they will admit it or not), so I’m going to bring it up. It has been brought up on LTT before. What about guys? How does that work? Does it work similarly like human men, with blood? And I of course don’t mean their own blood because vampires don’t have any any longer. But the way it seems to me, when vampires drink blood, it doesn’t go to their stomachs like a human, it infiltrates through their entire being (right or no?)…. so does that mean boy vamps use the blood they’ve sucked off prey to make “it” work? And therefore, if said vampire hasn’t fed… does that mean he doesn’t get sexy time because he doesn’t have the blood in his system to make it work?

Okay Twilight, that was a lot, so I’ll leave it at that for today. But know that my mind is constantly turning and posing questions, so I have a feeling I’ll be back with more.

Thank you for the last couple years, Twilight. I look forward to many more with you even if/when all my questions about you are answered.

TeamJacobEdward

Every time I have a question about Twilight, someone reading knows the answer. Mostly because I’m a bad fan and haven’t read everything Stephenie has said about the Saga. Fan Fail. So….. does anyone know an answer to the questions TeamJacobEdward and now I have!?

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