Dares for Stephenie Meyer

I’m too busy, LTT

Dear Stephenie Meyer,

In keeping with our refusal to admit you’re too busy being a producer on the set of a hit film for the next 6 months to read LTT every day like you used to, we’d like to continue to pretend we have any influence over your life at all. Cool? Cool.

We just want you to pretend like we don’t know you once admitted to reading LTT and we’ll all act normal. We’ll just continue making you laugh, making fun of something you poured your heart into (that we love almost as much as you do) and we won’t try to influence you at all to get the Breaking Dawn we want. (PUT RAY-BANS ON ROB) It’s more important for you to stay focused on Isle Esme right now so that we all get the most perfect Honeymoon possible (MAKE THE SEX SCENE LIKE THE NOTEBOOK). And then once you’re back in Louisiana on set, focusing on how not to creep the audience out with a half-vampire baby chewing its way out of Kristen’s tummy (PUT EDWARD BACK IN THE CAFETERIA) There are no subliminal messages here. There’s nothing were trying to say in between the lines. We’re offering nothing more than encouragement from the LTT family. (MAKE THE WOLFPACK CALL THEM ‘JORTS’)

But just in case you are bored on set or looking for something to do with your assistant with the cool sweater, Meghan, we’ve come up with a list of activities to pass the time- or maybe we can call them dares. You MADE these actors’ careers- the least you can do is have a little fun with them!

We dare you one day to wear a knot in your tee-shirt for a full day of shooting. Never even look twice when Kristen glares at you for stealing her style. Around lunchtime, on the day he’s visiting the set, ask Big Daddy if the local Olive Garden offers take out & if he knows their number by heart.

We dare you to call Rob, Ron at least 3 times one day. And don’t even be afraid to use the LTT water bottle we gave you back in June. How about next week you work “Tweed serious” into a conversation with Bill Condon. And sigh & shake your head every time you see the girl playing Renesemee, while muttering “Not a newborn child. How hard is it to get a newborn around here?”

We dare you to bring out the Mormon Bible & try to convert Kellan. Or ask him to be accountability partners. Try to see if he wants to start a Wednesday AM Bible Study by the breakfast trailer. I’m sure there’s another gaffer on set who reads the Good Word. Or if you’re really feeling daring, tell Jackson you really dig the 100 Monkeys. Ask about their upcoming album. And try to keep a straight face. Or ask Jackson if he’s heard that catering is serving catfish on Thursday night for dinner.

We dare you to say to Ashley Greene, “You’re dating Joe Jonas, right? But he has a purity ring…*blank stare.* And one day when you’re around Taylor Lautner, we dare you to put on headphones and sing outlaid to “Back to December” by Taylor Swift off key & really loudly.

And on the day the wolfpack is due to shoot their first scene, show up wearing jorts & name one of the pups “The Situation.” Give no explanation. Just start calling him “Sitch” and ask him if he’s found out if any of the new girl hires are DTF.

And while you’re shooting Isle Esme, how about for one day, we dare you to refer to Rob & Kristen as one person: Robsten. For example: “What time is Robsten due to set?” or “Robsten- they’re ready for you!” or “Robsten, I really feel like you need a little more passion in this scene” and “Robsten, you should shake the bed more.”

And while you’re way too busy to be reading LTT patiently waiting for the next LTT to be posted, try not to laugh when you see the wolfpack run around in their shorts, think of a fish with whiskers when you see Jackson on set, get at least one Taylor Swift song stuck in your head every time you’re around Taylor Lautner or crave endless breadsticks when Taylor’s family is around. We dare you.

Love,
UnintendedChoice (and Brookelockart who helped out tremendously with the dares!)

6 months filming is a LONG time! What other stuff should we dare Stephenie Meyer to do while on set!?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

160 Commented


On “Getting” Rob Pattinson: A Follow-Up

Warning: Today’s LTT is Rob centric. That’s because Team Seth, after admitting she doesn’t get Rob Pattinson, took some advice & sat down with Rob interviews to see what all the fuss was about.

Dear LTT,

I put in the hours and interviews. I did my duty to Queen and country. I came to know precisely what “the Rob” means. And I also fell for Steve Jones, but come on, who wouldn’t?

But let’s break it down, shall we [Jane]?

My Favourite Colour? I don’t know, grey maybe?

Laura Culpepper gets a run for her contest win in this interview for MTV.

Okay, probably wasn’t the best one to start me on, maybe I’ll watch it again now that I’ve been… broken in to ‘the Rob’. But basically this immediately reminded me of a guy I had a crush on in college who was a total douche. It was an insta-trip down memory lane to those awful nights when I’d try to make conversation with him and he’d just ignore what I’d asked and give me another answer. Something bogus or ridiculous. Potentially true, but completely unrelated. Like that his most recent accomplishment was clipping his nails. Or that he’d just finished up the project of buying underpants.  I didn’t ask you this, Mike C., I don’t care! If you don’t want to talk to me, just stop doing it. (And stop wearing the same beige Gap corduroys I own, buy men’s clothing! It was one of those What The Hale Was I Thinking crushes. Where 2.5 weeks later you realize that the ipod on-the-go list you’ve concocted sounds so much like your tenth grade Emo Is Awesome playlist that you should just go take Elliot Smith lessons and end the drama.)

With that in mind, I wasn’t a big fan of Rob in this interview. But I moved on and things did improve!

I’m not good at when you have to look scared. What, you mean acting?

All eyes and Coke-drinking close-ups are on Rob in this Artist on Artist myspace special with Hayley from Paramore.
(can they not rename this show?)

This was a fun interview, and Hayley seemed pretty cool. The “here” segment was hilarious! And I say “here” just like her! Rob likes the way I say “here”! (zomg!)  I did enjoy Rob’s paranoia of childhood. It somewhat reminded me of my Mancunian friend who is Rob’s age, though he’s slightly less insecure. Anyway, good interview! And it enabled me to understand the meaning of ‘the Rob’.  Plus we have the gem of each time he drinks from his coke. Which immediately made me think of MADtv’s Bon Qui Qui skit. “No, you can have a coke.”

My favorite part of the interview was the editing! I felt like I was watching Curb Your Enthusiasm or Peep Show!  But let’s get down to the gritty, and I do mean Rob’s hair. It just stays put. I mean, I knew this. I do read LTT after all, but really. Ew. Just ew. Mike C. had hair like that and it took him 25 minutes to do his hair. I think I like the Twi bouffant better than Rob’s RL hair. Or I like his hair when he doesn’t touch it and demonstrate the situation that it is.

More after the jump! Continue…

142 Commented


I just don’t “get” Rob Pattinson

Today Team Seth leads us in a conversation about those who GET Rob Pattinson & those who do not:

Dear LTT,

I know we just had our anniversary last month, but I need to let you know that I’m feeling guilty. Just a little bit. It’s not about something that I’ve DONE, don’t worry, I would never, ever hurt you, but rather about something that I HAVEN’T done. And I’m not talking about the dishes–but I will finish those up, so quit nagging!  Okay, it’s best just to say it: I feel guilty that I don’t know anything about Rob and that I never go to LTR.

I know what you’re thinking, “What is Rob compared to rocks and mountains?”  I know right! Seriously! That’s what I was thinking too, but, one time when I was talking to UC on gchat, she said something about Rob and I had no clue what she was talking about. She replied, “Wait, you don’t like Rob?” and I felt SO BAD, but I couldn’t lie–not to UC!–so I softened my actual opinion by saying, “Well, he’s not my favorite.”  She replied, “Oh, I just assumed everyone who reads the blogs did.”

Record scratch.

Is there something wrong with me?

This is how I imagine a conversation between a Normal LTRer and myself might go:

TeamSeth: So, what, you… you can’t see anyone?
NormalLTRer: I can’t see anyone in this room apart from Rob. There’s… Plaid shirt. Sex hair. Salvation army clothes. Sex jaw. Cat. And then you, nothing. You don’t see Rob. That’s very frustrating.
TeamSeth: Is there something wrong with me?
NormalLTRer: See, I tell you that I can only see Rob, and you think there’s something wrong with you.

I’m so Bella in this situation! Confused guilt! I don’t Robsess. I never did. I never will. I cannot be “converted” to “the Rob“.  I am lost on all things Rob. Sure he’s hot, but so what! What is it about him that I just don’t get? That I just don’t see that everyone else seems to see?  What is so spectacular about Rob?  I thought he acted better in Harry Potter! At least we could hear him speak as if he didn’t have a retainer in his mouth. (“We have to leave Forks.”) And I DID watch Little Ashes but that was because I studied that era of Spanish literature and art. I won’t pretend I didn’t enjoy the masturbation by the radiator scene, but otherwise, Marina Gatell made that film. She was brilliant.

Now, before you blow both my freakin’ heads off, please hear me out. This is a tweed serious situation for me.

What don’t you buy? That’s how I feel.

I took the quiz- The Robsessed quiz to determine what level you are. I know I’m an outsider to LTR, so I don’t really count, but hell, I needed to know!  I’m a level 2.  TWO!  I felt ashamed. As an active member of the LTT “online book club”, shouldn’t I at least be level 3 by osmosis?  But then in my ashamed comment about it, which sparked this whole letter, I realized that I’m a level-5 Burke obsession and a level-6 Bewley/Cudmore (they come as a twin-pack for me, sorry, that’s how I met them).  So, what does that mean?  Rob’s just not my type?

I mean, some girls are into Rob, not ALL girls apparently… Though I’m surprised you even went to LTR at all.

It’s just hard–isolating–to not like Rob.  Have you ever google image searched Daniel Cudmore?! I mean, go try it right now, I’m serious. Go try it.  Yeah. Exactly. And in 1 week when you google image search him again, I promise, those same 10 pictures will pop up, just in different image sizes.  You remember when I used to post Billy Burke and Charlie Bewley pics every day?  That was me challenging myself to find a unique image of those guys every day. There are less photos of the Charlies combined than there are scandals of Rob right now (see! I really did go read LTR!)

All I’m saying is, you Rob people, you are so darn lucky! Robp0rn EVERYWHERE! New Robporn ALL the time! Lucky lucky lucky! It’s like that song should be changed to “It’s raining Rob! Hallelujah it’s raining Rob!”  Because really, I can google image search Rob and then 10 seconds later do it again and there’s NEW pictures! It’s astonishing really.

I used to be a good kid, but not anymore.

RPattz has nothing on JJacks

Well, I decided to take a long, hard look at this situation and figure out why I’m not into Rob, but am into Bewley, Cuddley, and Burke.  I had to trek all the way down memory lane back to when Eckerds was still a company and it was where I spent most of my weekly allowance on Bop magazine. I never liked JTT and hardly liked Devon Sawa*, but I was totally into Jonathan Jackson. Like hardcore. To the point that I wrote him a letter in my 10 year old bubbly scribble. I even got a response in postcard form with an obviously fake signature (which pissed me off). Each Bop magazine had usually 1 pic of Jackson, and like 5 of JTT and 3 of Sawa. So unfair! Then, as time progressed, I began to have a huge crush on Ethan Embry. Who?  Precisely. If he hadn’t starred in Can’t Hardly Wait, I’m not sure what I would’ve done to decorate my closet door.

The point is, I’ve never crushed on the popular guy. Maybe I have this sick idea that the least famous he is, the more likely I’ll be able to meet him? I don’t know. But even in middle school and high school, my sister can attest to this, the guys I picked to crush on weren’t really the cream of the crop. I mean, if you’re gonna go for it, at least pick a hot guy, right? But, no. And it wasn’t like, “Oh, he’s got an awesome personality and is so funny.” thing, I wouldn’t even KNOW the guy! I’d just assign him as “hot” in my mind and then write about him obsessively for a week in my diary. Then the next week I’d hate him and say how “butt-ugly he was anyway”. Ah, seventh grade.

So, what’s my deal?  Why can’t I just be normal and like the guy everyone else does? Why can’t I just like Rob?
And furthermore, who the hell is TomStu? Not quite Rob, but always around? Sounds like he might just be who I ought to have been crushing on all along…

With Kind Regards,
TeamSeth

*tuesdaymidnight–what’s up with Sawa these days? I know this is your specialty.

Follow-up:
I finally google image searched TomStu. Holy crap! He sort of has this Matt Smith thing going on in a few of the pics. I can’t even decide what to do now. Is it weird to have a crush on TomStu?  Do other people do this? Is it the cool thing to do?   If I’m crushing on TomStu, and he’s Rob’s bestie, does that make a Rob-crushing person my bestie? Should I even effort this at all? Is he even straight?! Is he of legal age? Is he too ‘mainstream’ for me? Maybe I’ll just dive on in… GERONIMOOOOO!!! (yes Stacey, that last reference was for you, oh, and you, Sj)

Team Seth: Is it safe to assume you’re not the biggest Edward Cullen fan? If so, is THAT maybe why you don’t get Rob?

LTT Update

The Forum is still down, but some of the Rob’s Flat regulars started a Google Group. Request to join to continue in the fun while we figure out how to fix what the Russian spies broke when they tried to steal our secrets on the creation of a successful photo- manip of Big Daddy consuming a fried fish sandwich.  Rob’s Flat Google Group

Otherwise you can find us on Twitter & on LTR where we talk about “That Rob Guy!”

168 Commented


Twilosophy: Eclipse vs. New Moon

TwilosophyDear Twilosophy class,

Remember Eclipse? That movie that came out in June? And then was re-released this weekend to “celebrate” Bella’s birthday- aka Summit was disappointed with their box office results because they expected to blow New Moon out of the water and they didn’t? Oh yeah….. That movie.

I’ve been thinking about Eclipse a lot lately. Well, since I heard about the re-released in theaters for Bella’s birthday. I considered going to see it again. By “considered” I mean I laid in bed with my phone right after reading the news in my email & thought, “Maybe I should go” before falling back to sleep, never considering it again.

There’s been some talk around town (aka this 1 blog I read) about why Breaking Dawn Part 1 and Part 2 are releasing a year apart. And I think it’s pretty obvious: There was a year between Twilight & New Moon. And New Moon kicked ASSSSSSSSSS money-wise. When Eclipse came out 7 months later? The opening weekend was down almost HALF (and kids were out of school!) and while it hasn’t been out as long as New Moon, it hasn’t grossed as much. And it probably should have grossed more seeing as the popularity of the saga has only grown. Not that $672,498,560 world-wide gross is a bad thing. I mean I’d take that if I had to.

But the lack of Eclipse “success” makes me feel either worse or better about what I’m about to confess.  I am part of the reason for Eclipse not doing as well as New Moon. Yes, dear LTT readers, I only saw Eclipse two times. I feel bad because because of me, they lost $42.00 ($10.50 x 4). My waist is happy because I consumed 2,520 less calories in the form of popcorn (630 x 4- that’s for real. for a SMALL. I looked it up. BLOG RESEARCH RULES!) But I also feel good because it wasn’t just me who saw Eclipse less. Obviously due to the smaller numbers, the fandom overall did too.

I got thinking about why I didn’t see Eclipse 4 times like I did Twilight and 6 times like I did New Moon. This is what I came up with:

My Kung Fu isn't as strong as I let you think...

Harry Clearwater’s Kung Fu really isn’t that strong

And what I mean is…. the jokes weren’t as funny. Sure, sure – that’s a good thing for Mel Mel Rosenburg who finally wrote a semi not 2nd-hand embarrassing script, but it’s a sad thing for my funny bone- and for yours. I mean- you know what I’m talking about. How many times can we make Mike Newton fat jokes & talk about Charlie Swan’s obvious new-found virginity? If I make one more crack about the eyebrows in this film I think someone might murder me.

There’s such a thing as too much Rob

GASP! I know! I said it. And I don’t really mean it. I could never have too much of that Motha Truckn’ Brit, but it is possible that the Twilight saga, the actors & the story were just too overexposed. Despite the fact that we HATE waiting for the next installment in our beloved story, maybe not waiting as long means we’re not as engaged. We went from New Moon filming to Remember Me filming to movies about Mullets & lesbians to Eclipse filming to NEW MOON then LET DOWN after New Moon then Bel Ami, whatever teen drama/chick flick Taylor filmed once or twice and then ANTICIPATION of Eclipse then finally, ECLIPSE!

The Leg Hitch really wasn’t that good

But when I re-read Eclipse & read that scene, it’s good once again. Why? Because in the book it’s the Bella & Edward of my mind- before I knew who the actors playing them were. And, well, if I’m honest, I’m Bella. And Edward is leg hitching ME. When I watch the scene in the movie, it’s so glaringly obvious that Rob Pattinson aka Edward Cullen is not Leg Hitching ME. Sadface.

You call this boring!?

The minute Tay-Tay turned 18, he got boring

It’s not funny to joke about Chris Hansen anymore- unless we talk about Boo-Boo Stewart and that’s just BLEH. I wish Taylor was forever 17! He was so much more interesting then. At least not be legally allowed to like him gave me a reason to try. And now that I could jump his bones all I want if I had a desire (bleh), I have no interest. So love triangle between Edward, Bella & Taylor Lautner? No thanks.

That’s all I can come up with. And I know I’m not alone. Moon is worse than me- she saw Eclipse 1 and 3/4 times (missed the first bit of her second showing!) and obviously someone else hasn’t seen Eclipse as much as they did New Moon since the box office numbers don’t lie. What is it!? Why is a movie that was so obviously better made, and not to mention my favorite book, so much less desirable than the others?

Andddd Discuss!

Love,
UnintendedChoice

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

105 Commented


Twilight Rumors

Not a rumor- a dream

Dear Gossip hounds,

A few weeks back I got a frantic IM chat from a friend saying BREAKING NEWS: The Twilight saga ends on 11/16/2012. My immediate thought was, “Breaking? Didn’t that break months ago?” And as I thought more about it…. I don’t know. I definitely knew the Twilight Saga was wrapping in November of 2012- or maybe that was a rumor I heard once. Orrrr maybe someone in the know told me. Maybe Stephenie Meyer wrote it on a slip of paper & passed it to us under the table at the interview and we were like, “Seriously? We ask you for the Robsten audition tape so we can burn it and you give us this?” or maybe I actually didn’t know that date and just assumed that to be the case? Because that’s what Harry Potter did (and Summit realizes they should copy them since they’re kinda successful) or I’m just way too involved in this fandom that I have a sense about these kind of things. I get a tingly feeling & just know the Twi-future. Call me Alice.

Then I got to thinking- I don’t know what’s real, rumor or secretive anymore. I mean, IS it public knowledge that Ashley Greene & Joe Jonas are together? Or is that just still a rumor circulating among the gossip rags? And is it actually true or do I just want it to be true- a former Disney star with a purity ring giving it up to an up-and-coming star too beautiful to be already desperate enough to date someone born in the 90s (who just yesterday turned old enough to legally knock back a few shots before she shows him what’s underneath that painted on bathing suit)  And don’t even get me started on all the rumors we’ve been told about different Twi cast members being gay. (Some obvious, some not so obvious, some that we spent an entire weekend laughing over until we decided it couldn’t be true- or wait, could it!? Sorry- mums the word!) I mean unless it’s Rob- does anyone honestly really care? Well, maybe we’d care if we found out Taylor was too… because that would make so much sense.

So I started thinking about all the rumors I’ve heard over the past almost 2 years and I came up with quite a list…. mostly about Robsten… and people Ashley may or may not have slept with… Did I miss anything?

  • Why would you cheat on me? Do I look special or something?

    Rob & Nikki are together

  • Rob & Kristen are hooking up behind Oregano’s back
  • Kristen & Nikki are more than friends (I started that one, thank you very much)
  • Nikki sold out Rob & Kristen
  • Kristen is pregnant
  • Ashley’s hooked up with Kellan
  • Ashley’s hooked up with Jackson
  • Ashley’s dating Jared from Kings of Leon (and assumingly has hooked up with him)
  • Rob & Kristen are together
  • Rob & Kristen are no longer together
  • Rob & Kristen- BACK ON
  • No one likes Nikki Reed
  • Jackson hooks up with anyone & everyone
  • Rob & Kristen like to hold hands
  • Kellan is sticking his tongue down that Anna girl’s throat
  • Taylor is with Taylor Swift
  • Taylor is gay
  • Justin Chon is gay
  • David Slade is gay
  • People still don’t like Nikki Reed. And possibly don’t like Elizabeth Reeser either

    Why don't people like me!?

  • Peter & Jennie are swingers
  • Twi (male) cast member in Vancouver put ad in Craig’s list for Asian male companionship
  • Big Daddy Lautner wears a fat suit (he’s actually really in shape)
  • Chris Hansen likes little boys
  • Nikki Reed started a blog so that people like her
  • A cat will play Edward Cullen in Breaking Dawn parts 1 & 2
  • Buttcrack Santa: What does he really do with those little bottles?
  • UnintendedChoice to replace Kristen Stewart as Bella in Breaking Dawn Parts 1 & 2 (for this rumor to be true the Edward Cullen played by a cat is not true)
  • Rob & Kristen open mouth kiss before heading into house parties where dirty men’s sweatpants are considered appropriate attire.

Okay so maybe I took some creative liberties on a few rumors… but most of them I’ve honestly heard at one time or another… So all that to say, this is what I have to say about the BREAKING NEWS about Breaking Dawn Part 2 that I may or may not have already known:

“Holy Shit. I seriously have to talk about this every day for another effing 2 and 1/2 years?”

Hold me,

UnintendedChoice

Beg all you want, some rumors stay with me- but seriously… what have you heard that came true or was proved wrong? Any good rumors circulating out there right now? Was there an immaculate conception of the Robsten baby by the open mouth house party kiss? Fingers crossed!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

70 Commented


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