My favorite part of the Twilight fandom: Clueless guys!

The latest uniform required for all nurses who work on the psych ward at the local hospital

The latest uniform required for all nurses who work on the psych ward at the local hospital

Dear LTTers- aka “expert” Twilight fans,

One of my favorite things is people who know nothing or very little about Twilight yet think they’re experts.  It is, of course, funny to laugh at their cute little mistakes “That Robert Patterson is so cute” and “I love that scene in the 4th book New Eclipse when Jasper, the wolf, shows up at their wedding,” but mostly I like to be 2nd-hand embarrassed at their lack of knowledge on proper Twi-etiquette (Twitiquette). True2Twilight recently sent us an observation she had while browsing at her local bookstore that perfectly explains my fascination with the less informed:

It seems that ever since Twilight has been a success there are tons of series’ about vamps (The Vampire Diaries, Vampire Kisses, Evermore, Blue Moon…wonder where that name came from). It’s really quite annoying. I refuse to read any of these series’ and stay loyal to Twilight. As I was leaving the bookstore an employee said “Have a nice day” to me and I almost burst out laughing because she had an Edward shirt on. Normally this wouldn’t be funny but she had to be at least fifty.

I don’t care if she was 19, that’s NOT proper Twitiquette. Clearly she was just a casual fan. No fan in the know with a true, deep obsession would actually wear their Edward shirt in public, let alone to work (Well, not unless it was ‘wear your most embarrassing shirt to work day’ or they were BEGGING to be posted on LetterstoTwilight as a featured 2nd-hand embarrassment!) It’s like how I threaten to dress up as Moaning Myrtle for every Harry Potter premiere. I’d do it. I’d embarrass those who sit on Harry Potter fansites 24/7. I’d star as THEIR 2nd-hand embarrassment, but you couldn’t PAY me to dress up like Bella or Alice or Mrs. Cope. And I’d never even ADMIT to owning a “I love boys who sparkle” pin, let alone wear it to see the movie. (I keep it close to my heart- pinned to my bra)

Nice Try hunny.... it's not the same with your gut hanging out though...

Nice Try hunny…. it’s not the same with your gut hanging out though…

Even more than people with bad Twitiquette, I love men who try to get it, but just don’t. You know the type. They ask you what “Twilight Zone” book is your favorite and come to bed wearing fake fangs, thinking it’s the teeth that turn you on- not realizing that it’s actually a 108 year old vampire- Edward Cullen (and of course the guy who played him flawlessly- Robert Pattinson) I love these recent stories sent to me by LTT readers:

Jen shared:

So I went to see Transformers on Sat night with my friend Phil. And one of the previews was for New Moon. So of course I made some sort of sigh noise when shirtless Jacob came on screen. So at the end he morphs into the wolf and Phil leans over and asks, “Are you going to carry around a furry wolf doll in your purse too?” HAHA. I lost it!

Lisa told us:

On my Facebook homepage there was a “Which Twilight character are you?” quiz, so I casually asked my husband which character he thought I would be…his response? “The little Indian boy who turns into a fox” I about died laughing…but the funniest part? He was dead serious and thought that was an accurate description. Apparently my “turn your man into a unicorn” skills are lacking and I need to take the course again.

And a “mom who once had a life” e-mailed us, a little upset that we’ve kept her from going back to her life & sucked her into our LTT/LTR world, but also shared what her husband really thinks she’s up to:

I’m sorry ladies but I’m also one who has to keep you a secret guilty pleasure. Yes I’ve watched every video out there with the words Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart. I’ve analyzed the expressions and the body language of said stars. I hunt for terms like RPatz, Robward, Robsten and curse the paps when they crowd my obsessions. When my husband tries to sit by me, I try to make it look innocent when I close my laptop. He thinks I’m secretly addicted to porn sites. In reality, I’m hunting through your archives for more things to make me LMAO. It’s getting difficult hiding my guilty giggles from the family. So I have to peek when no one’s home. Ughh. I’ve now become a LTR/LTT crack addict. I’m sending my rehab bill to you.

Will it ever get old? I’ll still laugh hysterically when I think of the first thing my husband ever said about Rob After explaining to him that Sam Bradley was a good friend of Robs, he said, in all seriousness, “I thought Victor Krum was his best friend?”

Aww! They’re so cute. Almost as cute as Twi-virgins, don’t you think? So cough it up- we know your guys have said the most insane things about Twilight. Share with all of us (and by “share” I mean save your second best story for the comments and e-mail us with the best ones so we can use them in a future post!)

Love,
UnintendedChoice

Do you like Rob? Yeah, we thought so. Go read letters to him over on LettersToRob

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How do people know I like Twilight?

Dear Twilight,

I might be a little paranoid.  My Facebook quote has said for awhile:

Sometimes I go into a store, and try to be as casual as possible… but I just have this major fear that… they know…

twilight-book-coverI do! I fear that when I’m browsing the books at Target, not even LOOKING for Twi-stuff, everyone STARES at me when my eye catches the black cover of one of the books. When I’m in line at the checkout counter at the grocery store, and I casually pick up the latest Cosmo mag to see if they’re still trying to convince people that guys like hot/cold “down there” (they don’t…) and I notice a teeny tiny pic of Rob, I feel like people hear my heart skip a beat and STARE. I’m paranoid. Clearly

A friend recently wrote on my facebook wall, “UC! I haven’t talked to you in forever. I’m reading the Twilight books by Stephenie Meyer (you know they’re a new fan when they give you too much info as if you wouldn’t know what series they were talking about) and my husband told me about your blog! I LOVE it!” Okay #1) How the H does your husband know about my little secret blog? #2) NOT ON MY FACEBOOK WALL! I know I act all uber open & passionate about Twilight on LTT & LTR, but I do not talk about it in person. It kills me not to correct someone when they call him “Robert Patterson” or say the series takes place in “Forks, Oregon,” but I don’t do it. I’m smoothe, I’m cool… I’m not outing myself for Twilight.

Recently Moon & I received an e-mail from a wonderful LTT/LTR reader named “K.” It said:

You found me on facebook!?  What?! I kinda felt like you guys do when people randomly mention your blog to you and you panic that people know.  I don’t mind reading hilarious blogs and sharing hot, goofy, or hilarious pics and other such things to people I’ve never met but share the same infatuation, but I need to salvage my dignity and reputation as a sane human being by pretending I don’t know what people are talking about when they mention sparkling men or naughty dumpster fantasies.

I’m the kind of person, that when asked if I’ve read/like Twilight, I respond, “yeah, I read the books a while ago (also last week) and thought they were pretty good.” Minor downplaying, you know, just so I’m still credible in the eyes of the rest of the human race.

Anyways, so I’m sure you can imagine my momentary dilemma when I got this friend request: to-be-friend or not-to-be-friend. As tempting as it was, I just had to click ignore.

So, I guess this is just my letter to you, apologizing for being that kid in high school who would myspace all weekend but pretend they’ve never seen you before come math class monday morning.

Anywho, I love you both though I’ll never publicly admit it. <3 K

We weren’t hurt! I would never be friends with us on Facebook if I wasn’t actually us. (Actually, neither one of us ARE friends with LTT on facebook… ha!)

Every ticket comes with a free pair of earplugs

Every ticket comes with a free pair of earplugs

So, I’ve been thinking about why I won’t “out” myself and really confess to my “real” world how big of a fan I am. Besides the obvious reasons of the crazy fan-girl lusty moments I have over Robert Pattinson, I think it’s because Twilight isn’t “okay” for adults to like. Don’t get me wrong- WE think it’s ‘okay’ because we GET IT. But I’d say the majority of people judge it as young adult/teenage-nonsense/MTV garbage. We’ve all read the interviews with Stephenie- she never set out to write Young Adult fiction…. I’m gonna argue that I don’t think she did write young adult fiction. I just think that’s the genre her publisher put her in.

Crap. Darn that Little brown bear. Or little Bear Brown… Whatever… Darn Steph’s publishing company for making me live a secret life. And while I’m ‘darning’ people (yes, I say darning, please love it), Darn Robert Pattinson for being so damn hot and making me get so lusty online that I have to hide in this virtual bubble where I spent the majority of my time. So much time that often when I come out of my bubble into the ‘real’ world I answer people by saying “That’s Normal,” introducing myself as “UC,” referring so often to my friend “Moon” in Los Angeles that I joke people must think we’re becoming “fake lesbians.” Yes, I get strange looks.

Maybe it’s not such a crazy idea to think that people are staring at me….Maybe I’m not as normal as I think…..

Nah, “That’s Normal”
UnintendedChoice

Be Normal in The Forum
Lust over Rob on LTR
Read more Twilosophy here

So what is it? Why do most of us hide our obsession from our ‘real’ lives!?


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