Ye Rustic Inn and Denim Cut Offs and Public Reconciliation

Yes, those are icicle Christmas lights! Klassy!

Dear Rob and Kristen,

So we’re 30 days out from the last movie and you two decided to get back together. Sure you’re not even living together which pretty much tells us everything we need to know about this reunion. I do want to say, however, that I appreciate that you choose Ye Rustic Inn for your first (totally not staged) reunion in public for so many reasons.

First off Ye Rustic is about a block from my first apt in LA and was the site of so many dumb crazy nights. Second the Rustic is a dirty greasy shit hole with a loud ass juke box and gross carpet and old dudes. I appreciate that you chose this dump to show the world your rekindled love because really what could better represent your relationship at this point them a greasy dump? Yup, nothing.

Palace of love!

I spent about 2 minutes wondering if you ordered a basket of their wings and if you got beer or a crappy mixed drink. And is Kristen 21 yet? When did that happen and how did I forget? Also Did you sit in one of those circular booths and feed quarters into the joke box so that the entire AC/DC discography would play? And then later did you stumble across the street to play darts at (the equally fabulous shit hole) The Drawing Room and complete the journey from sober paparazzi outing to totally shit faced illusion of love?

I’m only sad I wasn’t there to see the looks on the faces of the regulars as they sat on their bar stools and gave you the side eye. But I’m glad you included a famous local dive in your tour de love you’ve had over the last few days. I’m sure they’re gonna get a ton of business in a few weeks! BMC (before Mini Cooper) you guys were hardly seen out together so many times in one week but not now! But I guess with 30 days left… ain’t no time to lose!

Forgot something?

Also lunch out the next day? You two are working this public reconciliation thing hard! Nice try yall! Oh and KStew? Button your freaking pants up. It might have been hot the past few days here in LA, but this isn’t MTV Spring Break 1995 and you don’t have one of those sun/dolphin tattoos circling your belly button. Thanks.

Off to get some wings!
Moon

24 Commented


Twilight News: So much, so little time (And by that we mean there are 4 new things)

Dear LTTers,

Did you see the BIG TWILIGHT NEWS?

Moon & I were together in Philadephia this weekend:

This could be an ad for Toms

(apologies to @brookelockart for cutting you out!)

We had such a fun weekend exploring all the sites & eating all the food in Philadelphia. ALL of it. And we BARELY talked about Twilight! I mean, we discussed our excitement for our LAST (sniff) LTT party (11/11/2012 Downtown LA location TBD) and Mr. Choice gave us another 1/2 hour to discuss Team Jacob vs. Team Edward (we’re still undecided) oh and DUH we watched Twilight late one night because… WHY NOT!? But other than that we discussed our excitement for That’s Normal (TN- officially launching SOON) and vikings.

And turns out we missed a TON of Twilight news:

WE HAVE CAMPERS

Camping Registration began & closed without any major hitches. Now you are to spend 24-7 in prayer until you get the e-mail confirmation that YOU’RE IN! Start collecting all the Twilight paraphernalia you can to decorate your campsite because you’re ALMOST THERE. (and hey if you’re an LTTer and WILL be camping, you better represent! we want to see pictures and the most 2nd-hand embarrassing stuff EVER!)

ROBSTEN IS FOREVER

GUYS: Even though we heard ROBSTEN was official WEEKS ago it’s just NOW that they are OFFICIALLY OFFICIAL because of a photo that ET gotwhich proves that they are TOTALLY a thing and NOT just doing it for the press. I MEAN They are TOTALLY in LOVE. SO MUCH love I keep CAPSING and unCAPsing STUFF because I CAN’T believe THIS is a THING that WE ARE STILL TALKING ABOUT.

Bear-skin rugs are also forever

ALSO DO YOU THINK THEY HAD TO GET A NEW BEAR-SKIN RUG SINCE ROB THREW OUT THE FIRST ONE AFTER KRISTEN DID PUBLIC GRINDING WITH THAT DUDE?

NIKKI REED BLOGS

We totallllly missed this blog-story that Nikki Reed shared a few weeks back about how she & her husband performed “Their song” which I assume is the song on the BD2 soundtrack in front of no one in Hawaii. Story here. Am I the only one who thinks this is SUPER awkward?

ASHLEY GREEN LOVES HAVING THE SEX

Ashley Green recently told Marie Claire:

“You go on a couple of dates, and then someone ships off to do a movie. It’s not like you’re going to fly out and see them, because it’s not serious enough for that.”

Which our LTT code reader reads as “I love to have one night stands with super hot rich older guys”

Check out the article on Marie Claire and watch the video below. I have to say…. she looks pretty hot. PLUS she likes to cook with butternut squash which means we’re basically fake lesbians. The butternut squash is my favorite of all the phallic vegetables. (side note: Since I JUST watched Twilight this weekend I can confirm that homegirl has lost TON of weight she did not need to lose)

Oh– the most fascinating thing I learned from this article was, “The studio [Summit] is rumored to have put a gag order on all the Twilight stars [regarding gossip about ROBSTEN]” Oh REALLLY???

Any bets on WHO will break that gag order first? Have they gagged Cathy Hardi… ’cause they’re gonna need to…..

I MISS MOON ALREADY,

UnintendedChoice

Did you sign up to camp? Are you excited? Who is in for the LTT partayyy?

23 Commented


A letter to Robsten from a (sorta) outsider

When I read this letter from LTT (and real life friend) Plane Friend I thought “HOW INTERESTING!” Here is the Plane Friend– an LTT reader, a Twilight fan and yet such an outsider to the Robsten-Nonsten drama. She is aware that it exists, of course. She is aware of the “scandal” (how can you MISS it?) but it kinda ends there. She is actually under the impression that no one cares. Like… a normal person.. GASP! And so today I share a letter about Robsten from someone with an outsiders perspective:

I don’t care about this AMAZING fanart

Dear Robsten,

Let me be perfectly clear about something before I begin: I DON’T care about your personal lives. Truly. Unless one of you had died before the last movie had been made, no news about the two of you would have ever made it high on my radar. (Ok, that’s not completely true. Kristen, if you’d been openly dating Rob and then you’d ditched him for Taylor and his gorgeous muscles…that would have made me laugh over the irony).

That said, being a Twilight fan (who loves LTT and misses the days when we were all more frequent posters/commenters etc.), I couldn’t help but be aware of this latest scandal. And it’s amused me a lot. Trampire? Hilarious! (Uncalled for, of course, because it’s a rare Hollywood-type who isn’t cheating, divorcing, or generally being a whore, but still, hilarious).

I know that way back in 2010, UC & Moon speculated that your relationship was a publicity stunt. I have to admit that now that I’m thinking of the two of you at all, here in 2012, I’m convinced that’s what it is.

I don’t think Robsten actually exists—or ever existed. I think the two of you, a horny Cathi Hardi, a brilliant publicist, or just a drunken Buttcrack Santa came up with the idea during the filming of the first movie. It struck everyone as the best way to promote the movies and propel you both into stardom. I mean, seriously, it was smart play. Teenage girls already loved Twilight. You could easily get them in an uproar over two attractive actors dating each other. And after all the media hype when Suri Cruise was born without a picture of her anywhere to be had, someone latched onto the idea of how easy that would be to replicate in a dating situation. Are they dating? Aren’t they dating? Did someone spot you together? Will you kiss at the MTV awards or not? And so, I speculate, the “relationship” began.

Unfortunately for both of you, it’s lasted a looooong time. You were kinda trapped into continuing it, because it was tied to the success of your careers as well as the whole Twilight franchise. And, I hypothesize, you just got used to it. It didn’t hurt that you were both getting paid butt-loads of money to continue the whole ruse.

And then, I think, something truly horrifying happened. The hype died out. Suddenly, most people didn’t care if you were together or not. Twilight fervor has started to wane in favor of The Hunger Games (and, for the teens/20-30somethings who actually read as well as watch movies, for Divergent, Matched, and other great YA series).

So you tried to come out of the non-gay closet. You got spotted together, kissing!

I also don’t care about THIS normal fan art

Still, no one really cared. You’d gotten used to the publicity, Rob had a movie coming out, you want a good showing for the last movie, so everyone started scheming about how to get the media to pay attention to you both again.

So, of course, the best way to do that was to have someone cheat. Rob couldn’t do it—after all, too many crazies are convinced he really is Edward (who would NEVER cheat). And since Bella had her moment of being an unfaithful hussy in Eclipse, that task fell to Kristen.

Now KStew, I don’t know if you actually were involved in any sort of fling with the married director or if he, too, just wanted his moment in the spotlight. Either way, I’d advise against messing with married men. The “trampire” label isn’t entirely unfair, after all. And, you know, we’d all like to see you get married and pregnant someday—if only to get the vision of you as Bella knocked up with the life sucking monster out of our heads. (And because we’d love to see you weigh more than 10 pounds. It would make all of us mothers feel better about ourselves).

Personally, I have to say that the best part about being a non-believer/carer of whether or not Robsten exists AND being firmly rooted in a reality in which I don’t equate your relationship with Bella and Edward’s is a good place to be. Bookward and Bookella will live forever happily ever after in my head, and I’ll enjoy watching that play out on the big screen in November. And whatever publicity stunt the two of you pull from now on probably barely merit a passing glance from me when I see the tabloids in the grocery store.

Although if it’s been a few more years and you’re looking for ideas that would create another frenzy, I suggest this: fall completely off the face of the earth for 6-9 months. Reappear with stories of spending time on your own private island. And get an accessory: a daughter (biological or adopted) that you’ve named Renesmee.

Love from the amused,

Plane Friend

So…. are you “in the dark” like Plane friend? What do you think? 

[Robsten Fan art 1 Robsten Fan art 2]

15 Commented


Twilosophy: Are Edward & Bella Broken?

Dear LTT,

It shouldn’t come as a surprise to any long-time LTT reader that Moon & I were never pro-Robsten. There are many reason for this including:

1. I think it’s kinda weird to “ship” celebrity couples (except for the one true love of McGosling RIP 2005-2007)

2. Reality isn’t that much fun to speculate about it. We enjoyed the “OF COURSE THEY ARE EFF BUDDIES” phase of 2008-2009 and then the “NAH ITS S PUBLICITY STUNT” of 2010. We’d throw in an occasional “No she’s a REAL Fake Lesbian” and “HE’S BANGING NIKKI REED” throughout 2008-2010 for good measure. And who couldn’t forget the “WOW THEY ARE THE MOST BORING COUPLE OF ALL TIME” that has existing since 2011. Speculation is much more interesting. Or straight up making crap up is the best (remember when Moon invited you into the ROBSTEN home?)

The reality is…. ROBSTEN is/was real and real people did REAL things and have REAL feelings about those things and none of that is really any of our business. What IS our business is pondering if Kristen has spent her days indoors turning all of Rob’s shirts into knotted t-shirts she refuses to give back or if Rob has gained 27 pounds after 2 weeks of binge drinking and eating through California’s supply of microwavable fried sandwich pockets.

Who made that our business? God, I think. I think that was on the 8th day of creation. Right after he created wine.

So back to not being pro-Robsten. My feelings about the BIG SCANDAL have been all over the map.

-SHOCK (this really happened?)
-LAUGHTER (cause you saw the fandom implode, right?)
-SADNESS (I mean, really, fandom? Did we just implode?)
-WONDER (“what does it MEAN” said in my best double rainbow voice)
-FIST PUMPING THAT WE’RE COOL FOR ONCE (Even WILL FERRELL cares! (and, of course I mean “cool” in major quotes))
-TIRED (can we move on yet?)
-IMPATIENCE (cuz Moon left for Africa TWO DAYS after this came out and there’s SO MUCH to talk about. I mean. I don’t want to discuss it at all. I’m cool, I’m cool…)
-LAUGHTER (did I mention that already?)
-SECOND HAND EMBARRASSMENT (cuz.. I mean)

But what I didn’t expect was what happened on Friday when, from my beach chair gazing at the ocean, I was browsing my Facebook feed and I saw this:

And I felt sad.
Or mad
Or just… different

Remember what I said about: I was never pro-Robsten. Seeing happy Bella & Edward did nothing for me on the Robsten front. But it did a lot for me on the Bella & Edward front. Yay! My fav fictional couple next to Mary & Matthew and Damon & Elena and Rose & Jack (okay they’re like 7th on the list) is happy & in love! She’s a vamp now so they an do it for real, a lot! They made a cute baby- life is good! Yay yay yay!

So why did I feel sad/mad/different when seeing their latest couples photo from their local Sears’ photography department?

Are Bella & Edward broken because (gulp) ROBSTEN is now broken?

Have all these years of speculation and distraction from the REAL heart & soul of LTT (Bella & Edward and, duh, Twilight (Hey- remember THE BOOKS!?) finally taken their toll? Can I no longer see Bella & Edward for who they are in real (fictional) life and have I reduced them to…gulp ROBSTEN?

Am I alone in this? Does anyone else feel weird? Did you see Edward & Bella before and now just see a human-turned vampire who left her perfect man for a married guy? And if Bella were to leave Edward for a married guy… who would it be? Someone from the Res? Mr. Molina? Mike Newton’s dad? Couldn’t resist the coupons he kept throwing at her for 20% off at Newton’s outfitters?

WHAT DOES IT MEAN

What does it MEAN?

Love,
UnintendedChoice

No seriously.. am I weird? Alone in this one?

New Bella/Eddie pic from Twilight Examiner

93 Commented


Will Ferrell on the “Robsten Scandal”

Dear LTTers,

Stop what you’re doing immediately to watch this:

I love it when the rest of the world stops for a second to care about the things we’ve cared about for years. It’s like they’re saying “THAT’S NORMAL” (<—- Click That) and I’m oh so glad!

Happy Friday!

Love,
UC

23 Commented


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