Nikki Reed invites me to write a story with her

Let's write a TOTALLY FICTIONAL story together!!

Dear Nikki Reed,

When you (or Seventeen Magazine, whatever… pesky details!) invited me to write a story with you I just KNEW I had to… I mean we all know I’m no stranger to writing FanFic.*** Not to toot my own horn but I think we all remember the Palatial Pad fic rather well. The rules state that we would write alternating chapters with you writing the first one and back and forth from there. After reading your first chapter I knew EXACTLY where this was headed, I MEAN COME OOOONNNN!!! This is essentially your ALLEGED life story circa Twilight and New Moon. So trust me when I say… I GOT THIS!

Ok, so everyone go read Nikki’s Chapter first

A lexicon for your reading…
He = Rob Pattinson
Friends = cast mates
School = film set / real life
Lunch Room = the fabled hotel room jam sessions in Portland

… I knew I loved him, and that’s all that mattered. Sure I wasn’t the prettiest girl in the world, but he always said he liked me for that very reason, so I felt content with that. Most of the time that is. One time, I gathered the courage to sing a song in front of him in the lunch room (I had always loved singing), and he laughed and said “…that’s what’s so great about you; even though you aren’t a good singer, you’re not afraid to try.” That’s a compliment right?

This stuff is SO awkward to look at now

My Chapter-
As his words sunk in I hit him back with “That’s what’s so great about you Rob, even though you aren’t very charming, you’re not afraid to mumble your way to the top.” It had seemed mean spirited at the time especially when the entire lunch room laughed along with him including my best friend Christine. But that’s not how your bestie is supposed to treat you, right? After all she became homecoming queen because her boyfriend knew the principal who counted the ballots because of ME, she was my aunt! Christine never would have known her if not for me. What was also perplexing was Christine’s sudden interest in my secret boyfriend while she had her own and knew how much I was in love with him even though we had decided to keep it private. Oh, she was good at playing the innocent role luring him in with blinking doe eyes and stumbling over her words around him… or anyone really.

One day he finally noticed her. I could tell because he tried to use his charms and tell her stories and she quickly fell for it and all our class mates began to whisper and asked me questions… What was going on?

Oh Christine!

I couldn’t take it anymore I had to let her know this wasn’t alright. So one day while she was delivering her speech on equal rights for all couples and the legalization of pot in speech class, I’d had enough. Sure, I caused a scene and made our teachers and fellow classmates uncomfortable and it definitely alienated him because I was no longer alright with their facade of privacy. It was time I finally shouted it from the rooftops… or at least my desk. Everyone knows!

Oh, Nikki I can’t wait to see where you take this next chapter. And no, I really don’t think you care about this crap anymore cause you’re happily married and writing songs and being nice to us sites/blogs at the premiere but I defs think you should have gone with a different storyline because this just gives the crazies ammo against you and we all know they don’t need more.

Until the next chapter.. to be continued!

PS You can actually enter this contest! Someone go do it and WIN!!

**I have NEVER written fanfic… unless it was for this blog. Though I totally enjoyed every minute***
*** I didn’t ****
****I did.

Source: Seventeen Mag via JodieO

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37 Commented

The Inevitable New Merchandise for New Moon

Dear Twi-hards,

With the release of New Moon fast approaching (146 days!), it was only a matter of time before the machine started rolling out new merchandise for fans to buy. After all Hot Topic almost single handedly saved the economy back in February. And we really can’t be losing anymore mall stores. Where else will I find my neon green tutu’s, Mario Brothers shirts and gothic parasols?  I mean, there goes my whole wardrobe, right? But never fear we’re just now getting a glimpse of the goodies to come that might just save the entire United States economy. Fingers crossed.


WOOOOOWWW just in case you wanted to go hunting and be camouflaged but also show how much you love Twilight, we have this lovely shirt. To our country friends, this will look nice while you’re out hunting deer with Jethro and the boys and if you’re lucky enough you’ll be wearing this on the next season of Red Neck Weddings!

Don’t you hate it when you’re at work and just about to close the BIG deal and can’t remember what date it is? I know I do! But after I get this handy little desk calender I can look confidently at the client and say, why yes it IS exactly one month and 3 days till my life is complete and New Moon comes out October 17th! Thank God I had this calendar or we couldn’t have made this million dollar deal! Great doing business with you!

So Barbie Bella and Ken Edward dolls are like the complete antithesis of Malibu Barbie and Ken. Instead of tans they have pale, sparkly skin. Instead of the pink corvette Bella has the broke down beater truck. Instead of skin bearing bikini’s and swim trunks it’s coverage from head to toe. And instead of a Dream House on the beaches of Malibu, it’s a middle class house in rainy Forks, Washington. My only question is: what about the Bob Mackie designed raincoats and the Quielute addition to the “Barbies Around the World” collection? Mattel, you totally dropped the ball on this one!

Lip Venom, guys really? I remember this stuff from like Seventeen Magazine in the 90s. It was supposed to plump up your lips to give it that “bee stung” look. The whole concept is off, first of all who wants to be stung when putting on lip gloss? And not surprisingly the product failed and went away. But now that Vampires are the hip thing, why not trot this little diddy out again but with a new spin: Plump your lips up with the venom of a vampire! Close your eyes, dream a little dream, click your heels together and say “there’s no place like Forks” and wait for the magic of the venom to turn you into an immortal. Then you and Edward can be together forever, cause we know that’s what you dream about. Seriously, we know. We watched the movie.

When are we gonna get a Jacob action figure? Or a temporary vampire bite tattoo? Or an official Charlie Swan stick on Mustache?

Would you buy any of this?

Don’t forget to vote in the Wanna Tappa Vampa (our fake sorority) and the Twi Sisterhood’s PORN OFF! EVERY VOTE COUNTS!! Yes we can!

Read our review of Rob in The Bad Mother’s Handbook at LTR
Chat about it in The Forum!

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