My plea to Kristen Stewart: Please bone Robert Pattinson

doin' it and doin' it and doin' it well...

doin' it and doin' it and doin' it well...

Dear Kristen-

I’m writing you two days in a row… I know- check my pulse, I may be ill, but after yesterday when we were treated to the images of you and Rob SHIRTLESS in Italy (aka the day the earth stood still), I knew I needed to talk to you again. I’m ‘unconditionally and irrevocably’ jealous of you. I’m openly admitting this to you on a very public blog in which I usually give you a lot of crap because, you see, to kiss a man like this and not do anything else would simply be a tragedy to the entire human race, female and male. I can’t live in a world where someone isn’t enjoying Mr. Pattinson… oh and uh Rob.

I don't see nothin' wrong with a little bump n grind...

I don't see nothin' wrong with a little bump n grind...

Now I know you and Oregano are an item and swear up and down every day that you’re happily together and whatever… but COME ON! You’re in a foreign country! People do stupid stuff when they’re in foreign countries, like buy leather jackets they don’t need and rub shoulders with the locals ifyouknowwhatimsaying. You should let loose one night and blame it on the goose, blame it on the henney, blame it on whatever but PLEASE PLEASE don’t waste such a great opportunity.

Ok if you’d like to keep denying yourself, Kristen, I’m gonna open this letter up to the following… any takers?

my FAVE pic... that butt slot is just begging me to put a quarter in it

my FAVE pic... that butt slot is just begging me to put a quarter in it

01. Ashley Greene (seriously girl)
02. Anna Kendrick (we already know he was in St. Louis with you, why not Italy?)
03. Elizabeth Reaser
04. Rachelle LeFevre
05. the actress that played Ms. Cope
06. Whoever will play Mrs. Newton
07. The craft services chick
08. The gay dudes from hair and make up
09. the camera man
10. Nikki Reed (you know I’m serious now)
11. Stephanie Ritz
12. Stephenie Meyer (make your dreams come true girl!)
13. The Plumber at the hotel
14. Random Italian grandmas in the piazza they’re shooting in
15. Chris Weitz
16. Dakota Fanning (whats the age of consent in Italy?!)
17. Kellan Lutz, when you guys are spooning in Rob’s hotel room!
18. SOMEONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ANYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, ok I’ll just have to fly over to Italy and DO IT myself! Like they say, if you want something done right you have to do it yourself!

On my way! Oh and get that gladiator costume ready…

PS Don’t forget to check out the inevitable breaking down of these pictures over at Letters to Rob!
Daily chat over at the forum along with a TON of other goodies

Pictures: from EVERYWHERE! Popsugar, Lainey, Robert Pattinson Unlimited, and whoever else helped make this the best day ever!

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This is how you found us? Vol. 3

f-a-k-e l-e-s-b-i-a-n-s

f-a-k-e l-e-s-b-i-a-n-s

Dear LTT-ers and lost Googlers-

April is drawing to a close so it’s once again time to crack into our vaults of search terms. I know, I know! It’s just like (buttcrack) Santa came last night and left us all kinds of fun gifts.  So for the uninitiated, wordpress has this handy dandy feature that shows us every day what terms people google to find us. It’s generally the stuff you’d expect: Rob, Twilight, Filet o Fish (of course!) and for some odd reason Muse is one of our biggest terms, but then there are the othesr! And boy, are they off the wall! So we thought man, this is funny stuff- we really have to share it with everyone… and well here we are again with another round of “THIS IS HOW YOU FOUND US?!”

Top searches:
These are terms people used to find both LTT and LTR

  • Adam Brody – be still my heart… our secret secret blog? Yup, that’s right:
  • we were fine. i have not left my boyfriend – is that you Kristen Stewart? Are you trying to tell us something? You can email us, ya know!
  • i gotta discuss – WHAT? What do you have to discuss with us?? Maybe you should head to the forum?
  • He loves me... he loves me not

    He loves me... he loves me not

    stephenie meyer +rob pattinson – equals true love 4ever? She wishes! You can stop googling you and Rob’s name Stephenie, it ain’t gonna change anything! Maybe you should read some fanfic instead

  • taylor lautner with his mom – Seriously, right?! We love and adore Papa Filet o Fish but what about Mama Lautner? Is she a Mama Yogurt Parfait? Where is she? Cooking Taylor’s eggwhites? So many questions…
  • what would taylor lautner want for a birthday gift? – I don’t know, how about a year membership to 24 Hour Fitness? A copy of season one of Wizards of Waverly Place? Or maybe a My Little Pony comb for his beautimus flowing wig?

Check out more crazy Googles after the cut!

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