Buttcrack Werewolf – 4 Letters in 1

Pics and stories at JustJaredJR and LaineyGossip

Letter One

Dear Taylor-

Besides lookin like a total pimp… I’m worried about you! If these girls are trying to make you the new partner in their fake lesbian relationship please RUN AWAY. Run far, far away. Next thing you know you’re going to be standing outside a liquor store with KStew while Nikki Reed is inside buying you guys booze and cigarettes.

Oh wait, that already happened. Way to be totally high school Nikki Reed, keepin’ it classy!

Then they’re gonna drag you back to the hotel and you’ll get lit off one Zima and end up playing 7 minutes in Heaven with Kellan while the girls laugh from outside the closet.

Trust me it’s a slippery slope, tell those bitches to keep themselves warm next time. You have Wolfgirl to think of now!

Don’t make me call your Dad!!

Love your matchmaker,
Themoonisdown

 

Letter Two

Dear NReed-

Seriously girl? Seriously?? Buying alcohol for two underage kids? Woooooow is all I have to say. Now this isn’t my first time to the rodeo but COME ON don’t be so freaking public about it. Do what normal people do: ORDER that shiz to your hotel room and charge it back to the studio.

DUH.
Themoonisdown

Letter Three

Dear Kristen-

Now, hun I’m sure you guys are trying to “bond” before shooting starts. Trying to get the whole Bella/Jacob chemistry thing going and I totes love ya for it cause I ain’t gonna lie it’s terribly cute… but can ya tell your BFF to stay home or go bug Robbie or something? This is starting to look like some weird codependent relationship.

Trying to like you, I really am!
Themoonisdown

PS where’s Oregano?

 

Letter Four

Dear Creepy Photographer who took this pic-

This is hilarious.

Please come to my house to show me more of these. Also bring the iced tea and Dateline crew!

Thanks!
Themoonisdown

 

PS who’s freaking PUMPED about the motorcycle scenes after seeing Taylor in those biking pics?? He’s TOTALLY Jacob!

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OH HALE NAH!

Dear Kristen Stewart’s Dad: John Stewart

Today our lovely friend Leigh Anne sent us a post about why Kristen Stewart didn’t present at the Oscars and you said this:

Access’ Billy Bush got the answer on the red carpet, when he asked Kristen’s father, John Stewart, why she wasn’t presenting with Robert Pattinson.

John responded that Kristen would present at the Oscars, “When it’s a great movie, not just one that makes a lot of money.”

And now JOHN my resulting RANT…

You, my dear long-haired-hippie-stoner daughter-supporting-dad, are a jerkoff and as the wise Poet Laureate of Dogwood Lane, Drum Eatenton, once said:

An ounce of pretension is worth a pound of manure

What a load of garbage you people are! At this point I wish Summit would just recast your daughter to teach you all a lesson and get it done with cause she’s bologna and this only proves it. Because even BIG stars (which you are NOT my dear Kristen) understand the need to balance both types of movies. You gotta do your little indie flicks but you also gotta do your big blockbusters too.

What you’ve said John, is a slap in the face to NOT ONLY her costar Robert (who understands the importance and presented!) but also to people like: MERYL freaking STREEP, Philip Seymore Hoffman, Sean Penn, Amy Adams, and flipping Mickey Rourke. COME ON! You and Kristen aren’t even good enough to be those people’s seat fillers during the commercials.

This really got me:

“When it’s a great movie, not just one that makes a lot of money.”

UH you folks only have yourselves to blame because kstews acting was a majority of the problem! Stuttering, blinking and looking uncomfortable does not equal acting… unless you’re playing a psych ward patient. And that you weren’t!

Since you and your wife work in the film industry you should know first hand how EVERYONE knows EVERYONE. Hollywood is a very small town and you should probably watch what you say to people like BILLY BUSH on ACCESS HOLLYWOOD. Never bite the hand that feeds you John.

And to think UC and I were feeling like being nice girls and posting Kristen’s NYLON pics. YEA RIGHT, not anymore! Saying crap like this just pisses me off and if you think I was being mean in those other KStew posts, I’ve got news for you folks: you ain’t seen nothin’ yet!

Save us the hassle and piss off!
Themoonisdown

PS Apparently Perez isn’t impressed either

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My very own (crappy) Edward

one of these legs is not like the others

one of these legs is not like the other

Dear Twilight Merchandise Manufacturers (NECA/Reel Toys)-

Imagine my surprise when I walked into Borders this afternoon on a mission for a non-Twilight related book I needed (ps Borders, who doesn’t stock CS Lewis?!) and found out the Edward action figure was on the shelves! So, of course I grab one cause I am both a nerd and in need of some easily portable material for our “Where in the world is the Rob pillow/action figure” category over at Letters to Rob. After I get it home and opened, I start noticing the MAJOR flaws and can totally now tell why these weren’t out for Christmas: they’re a total rush job!

First off, the packaging has a misspelling! It lists his “special abilities” as “MING reading.” Now wtf is a “Ming?” You mean MIND?? Oh yes… who was on proofreading duty that day?

The reason I had to prop him up against some of my cameras is because he is top heavy and unable to STAND UP… this probably also majorly has to do with the fact that ONE LEG IS SHORTER THAN THE OTHER. Really? Did you think we wouldn’t want to take this out of the package and do dumb stuff with it? I could overlook the short leg/standing issue if he was able to sit down. But alas, SURPRISE, he can’t bend at the waist or sit down either! So, you’re stuck with propping him up against stuff. Moving further down, surprise again, his knees don’t bend! It’s like they spent all their time on the upper half getting his hair just right and making his jacket all rubbery feeling and slightly movable (but not fully removable) to worry about actually making the “action figure” work-able.

Read my 'MING' Edward, read it!

Read my 'MING' Edward, read it!

This leads me to the most worthless part of the doll: the Cullen Family crest. We discussed what we thought it’s double usage could be over at LTR but sadly it is NONE of those. It’s a cheap, flimsy piece of rubber which when I tried, his feeble little hand couldn’t even hold onto. So the best usage I could find for it was shoving it under his semi movable jacket. Never know when he’ll need to whip that thing out in some fang-to-fang battle against another crazy vampire. Just think if Irina had had a Denali family crest she could have whipped it out and used it to deflect Caius and not died. Oh well, guess SMeyer never thought about that, but these merch people sure did!! Never mind something that is actually Edward or Twilight oriented.

Could Summit Ent. not hire the folks who do the Marvel/DC action figures? Or even the Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter ones? Apparently not, and it shows. Summit should have hired us as their merch idea gals! We could have come up with way better ideas than the perfume or body glitter.

All that said, I’ll still have a good time with it and use it in all sorts of inappropriate and funny ways. He’ll just be propped up doing them now.

Annoyed,
Me (themoonisdown)

PS has anyone else gotten one yet?

Check out “Where in the world is Edward” over at Letters to Rob

29 Commented


A penny saved is a penny earned!

movieposterDear Twilight Fans-

Summit’s running a fun little contest over on the official myspace where you can win a completely canned phone call from Rob to be delivered on New Years Eve, cause we know Rob won’t actually be calling you on NYE, hopefully he’ll be banging some hot chick (me). The catch is, you have to tell them how many times you’ve seen Twilight, the movie. Ok, so I thought three times was normal… uh, apparently not here’s a glimpse at some of the comments:

Gal#1
Dec 17 2008 6:41 AM
i have seen this movie like 26 or more times. i watch it every day i get home from school. it is sooo… awesome!!! i could basically recite it! [internet sites are awesome!]……=]

Gal #2
Dec 17 2008 6:40 AM
i have seeen this movie 39 timess :] i love it i can watch it over and over again.

and the kicker…

Gal #3
Dec 17 2008 6:41 AM
Ive literally seen it like 50 times Ive spent almost a whole paycheck on tickets…(i need intervention bad)lol i even ditched class to wait to wait outside in the cold twice so i could see it lol its a shame

Ok, REALLY?? Let’s for one second believe this is real and break this down… we’ll split the difference and say you’ve seen it 30 times…

30 screenings x $9.00 ticket = $270!!! and that’s not even counting popcorn… so let’s say…

$270 x $10.00 concessions = $2700.00!!!!!!!!

Holy crap. It’s great and all to be a fan and/or the one person to bankroll the next three movies by yourself, but COME ON. May I suggest what you could have done with that 2700.00?

1. Get a new handbag? Louis Vuitton has a great gray bag im dying for… or maybe a chloe?
2. get a trainer, move to LA and actually MEET these boys?
3. donate to a good cause? give to your local BLOOD bank? or CWA (Carlisle Would Approve)?

4. Seek psychiatric evaluation immediately!

Love you freaks!
Me

PS more from me later on twi-fans!

5 Commented


Wolfpack Pride

jacobbillyDear Team Jacob-

As much as we love to rag on Taylor Lautner here (i mean he IS 16 after all), we simply couldn’t imagine someone else playing Bella’s trusty BFF in New Moon. Especially if that someone else is Micheal Copon.  Gross. In recent days rumors have been running as rampant as baby vampires in the south (HA) about the possibility of Summit recasting the role of Jacob Black. Though we all know that Jacob needs to, uh, TRANSFORM into a big dude in the next installment, the rumored names that have been on the internet simply WILL not do. Perez reported yesterday about Micheal Copon (a major toolbag and crappy actor from Scorpian King TWO).

michaelcopon

First off, this dude’s not even native american! Ok, so maybe Taylor Lautner isn’t fully but if you really must recast go all the way, pick a hot native american guy! COME ON! I mean there’s even an entire site devoted to them! This latin/asian whatever he is dude does NOT fly with us

A good thing to remember is that both the guys featured in these rumor posts are repped by the same agent and apparently have a great publicist because this stuff is spreading like wildfire. Team Jacob, remember that this could all simply be a huge publicity stunt to try to get these two actors into the next movie.

Putting some validity behind these rumors, however, People posted a poll today asking if Taylor should return as Jacob Black… so mobilize yourselves Team Jacob and let them know what you want!

Vote for Taylor or Michael here: People.com but know if you do vote for Michael we’ll probably be writing a letter about YOU!

XO and some Wolfy love,
Me

See more rumors here on MTV.com

2 Commented


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