We saw Breaking Dawn and we are Fade to Sad-isfieid

*REMINDER: You can mute the sound from the ads on the sidebar AND at the bottom of the page. They will stay muted forever. YAY! Now read in blessed silence*

**BREAKING DAWN REVIEW COMPLETE WITH SPOILERS DUH!!! DON’T READ IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN BD AND DON’T WANT TO BE SPOILED!**

Forever is only the beginning

Dear Breaking Dawn,

Remember when we said Eclipse was a real movie last July? Well we hadn’t seen you yet. That’s right, just like fine wine and George Clooney, Twilight keeps getting better with age. And with age comes wisdom… here’s what we’ve learned from Breaking Dawn

Things we learned from Breaking Dawn:

  • If we hold hands in public it’s for two reasons: we are either 2nd hand embarrassed at all the Robsten fans squeeling at any kiss/hand hold/dadward/sex scene or we were genuinely scared or grossed out. Cause that happens in this. BD is NOT for the faint of heart.
  • Forget Bella, Edward and Jacob the REAL love triangle of Breaking Dawn is Sue, Charlie and Billy. Cause for realzzzz yall something is going on with the parents. Breaking Dawn has something for every age… There’s still hope after 40!
  • Becoming a vampire means instant boob job, shiny shiny Ashley Greene type hair and a permanent smoky eye. Oh and not to mention the blood red crazy eyes. You think someone will ask for this on Dr. 90210 next season?
  • Twilight movies can be funny for the RIGHT reasons no longer are Bella and Edward going on a drug trip in the Pacific ocean or slow-mo forest running in Anne of Avonlea clothes, there are moments like the wedding toasts which make you LOL because it’s really funny or when BooBoo Stewart and Taylor Lautner have actual funny Big Brother/Little Brother interaction.

His name's BooBoo... yea I know I don't get it either

  • Speaking of BooBoo Stewart, he had more lines in Breaking Dawn than Kellan has had in all the Twilight movies combined. And his name is BOOBOO. Time to get a new agent Kellan.
  • The CGI team used to create the wolfpack earned overtime concealing Kristen’s buttcrack because her gorgeous dress was cut so low in the back. Who knew butt cleavage would be the new IT thing in wedding fashions? Thanks Carolina!
    .
  • Give Jackson ANY word it doesn’t matter he will throw that faux Texas accent on it and add the Elvis lip curl and make it into a one word stand up comedy routine. We’re still trying to figure out if this is an intentional choice by him or just dumb luck.

Peter sucks at Rock, Paper, Scissors

  • Someone will ALWAYS get shafted and be wearing some sort of heinous wig on their head. Unfortunately, Peter Facinelli drew the short straw this time and to make matters worse, I’m pretty sure his hair line changed in every scene as if the bleached dead animal on his head was taking it last gasps of air before it gave in to it’s inevitable future: lying on top of Mike Dexter’s head.
  • Taylor deserves an award for making the imprinting scene less creepy than we thought it would come off and thank you Bill for showing Renesmee as an adult so everyone else would get it and Chris Hansen could stop hiding in the movie theater broom closet and sit down and enjoy the movie like the rest of us.

Can you not read my lips?! LISTEN CAREFULLY!!

  • Wolves fighting with each other via mind reading is confusing and weird for people not in the know maybe they could have had a fist fight on First Beach or an angry G-chat session instead so I didn’t have to explain what was going on to the super confused couple next to me.
  • Housekeepers in Brazil are super rude and stare a lot… especially when they think their employer is a blood sucking demon. However, the blood sucking demon offers great benefits and a 401k so they keep their mouths shut and keep bringing the eggs.
  • Critics may pan you and haters may hate but ya know what? This ain’t for them. They don’t KNOW Bella and Edward like we do, they aren’t invested like we are. These movies are for us… and the boyfriends and unicorns we drag along with us.
  • The heardboard scene still makes me laugh. HARD.

Babe, let's sleep in tomorrow and go to the 2nd service

  • You know what makes losing your virginity to a preternaturally strong vampire better? Losing it while a song fit for the contemporary service on a Sunday morning plays in the background! For reals though, best song and best scene. Sleeping at Last gets a big HALE YES from us.
  • Speaking of Breaking Hymen, REALLY Bella losing your virginity to a 107 year old virgin was the best night of your life? Maybe the best 50 seconds of your life. Or maybe you’ve got your rose colored glasses on and are romanticizing it a bit.

We do have to say though: Stephenie, thank you (from the bottom of our easily 2nd hand embarassed hearts) for stepping in and not letting them make a Robsten Porno out of the honeymoon sex scenes. THANK YOU!!! It was just right, not too much and not too little… it was perfectly executed so consider us fade to sad-isfied!

Really we loved it… and can’t wait to see it again (and again… and probably again with 10 other people) and then we’ll do some more in depth reviews.

GO SEE BREAKING DAWN! NOW!
Moon & UC

PS See more Breaking Dawn Black Carpet coverage at LTR today! I get Rob-blocked by a certain someone!

PPS Go visit VH1’s Fablife to see yours truly featured as their Super Fans! And Comment!!!

So did you see it?!  WHAT DID YOU THINK!? Favorite scene? Any laughable moments?

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215 Commented


Reading Between the lines on the Breaking Dawn Premiere Camping Rules

Missed the message about the ads the other day? Click here to read it

Rule #1: The Cheesier the Sign, the closer to the front you can be

Dear Summit,

We got your “rules” for Breaking Dawn premiere camping & we hear you LOUD & clear. By now we know that you may say one thing, but you ALWAYS mean another. So we’re sharing the rules BEHIND the rules of Breaking Dawn Premiere Camping 2011: (Summit Rules Bolded, LTT’s interpretation not)

TWILIGHT Fans are allowed to begin lining up for camping in Tent City at NOKIA PLAZA L.A. LIVE at 6:00am PT on Thursday, November 10, 2011. No fans are allowed to line-up prior to that time.

So arrive to Nokia Plaza about a week prior, November 3rd, but make no sort of “official” line. Just meander around the plaza for a week, throwing dirty glances at anyone who may “meander” closer to the potential front of the line

The location and start of the official fan camp line will be set by Summit Event Security and all other non-official lines will not be recognized.

But if you do end up at the front of a non-official line that is 150 people deep & we break it up and you end up 75 people in, throw a huge temper tantrum & yell at the top of your lungs how you’ve been unofficially in line for over a week & you’ll be sure to get on TV and/or annoy a security so much they find you one of those “special” bands that guarantees you into the premiere.

Rule #2: Only ugly Twilight blankets allowed. Your down comforter is not welcome here

Fans will be asked to change location as Premiere set up begins in the Nokia Plaza on Monday morning November 14 at 6:00am PT. This will be the only relocation during the camping event.

At this time you may pee. For the first time in 4 days. We will hand out wristbands for the bathroom & if you don’t get one you’re out of luck. But if you pee your pants you can’t come in to the red carpet line. Last year Rob complained about the smell of urine. And we’re pretty sure he wasn’t talking about Tomstu

ONLY Standard Sized Pop Tents will be allowed (4’x4′ [16 sq. ft.] or less. No oversized tents, staked tents, etc., due to limited space)

You can forget about the tent you saved from your daughters wedding in your backyard this summer. Even if you promise to use the included dance floor for all-night MUSE dance-parties, it’s not gonna fly

ABSOLUTELY No Drugs or Alcohol allowed on premises

Yes, this rule was enacted so that Cathy Hardi can’t come & bother you all while you’re trying to sleep. You’re welcome.

Rule #3: Your reading material must be 88% or more Twilight-related

No horseplay. If anyone dumps food or beverages on another camper, they will be subject for removal

So the Slutty PJ Party-Food Fight you had planned & coordinated with the “Girl’s Gone Wild” producers for their newest featured “Twilight Fans Gone Wild” can’t happen. Sorry.

No amplified music. All music devices must be used with headset or earphone

So no, 100 Monkeys, you may not have an impromptu “gig” at Nokia Plaza and/or write a song about a “Sleepy-looking girl in a Team Jacob shirt who just wants to dance”

Smoking in Designated Areas Only outside of the NOKIA Plaza boundaries

Again, put into effect to keep Cathy Hardi at bay. Unfortunately that also means the rest of the Twilight cast may not visit.

Please only use the restrooms designated for fans and respect the other area businesses

So whoever took a shit on the sidewalk last year– you can’t do that this year.

Twilight fans will be given wristbands starting at 6:00am PT on Thursday, November 10 2011. Wristbands MUST be worn until the premiere is over. Any wristband that has been tampered with or removed will NOT be considered valid. Any fan arriving without wearing the original wristband they were provided will not be allowed into the viewing area.

So that beautiful “BREAKING-HEADBOARDS-2011″ Friendship bracelet you were making for you & all your Twilight friends with all the feathers that climb up the entire length of your arm will have to wait to be worn at your Breaking Dawn Premiere re-cap party where you share how You got to see EVERYONE and Even though YOu looked like you slept on the sidewalk for a WEEK it was worth it because Rob looked AT YOU and you’re pretty sure it was because he was in love with you and not because that girl next to you ignored the bathroom rule!

Happy Camping!!!

Love,
UnintendedChoice

So… are you doing it!?? Come on! You can admit it!! I can’t make fun of you because MOON even camped out for Comic Con! So spill! What are your Breaking Dawn Camping Premiere plans!?

Speaking of Breaking Dawn- are you going to be in LA (Camping or not) that week? I AM!! (I don’t live there.. remember?) Mr. Choice & I are making the big trip west (it’s a “business trip” for him. Shhhh) and crashing with Moon, again, for the week. We’re planning to throw some sort of shin-dig again this year, despite the fact that many of the LTT originals aren’t going to be there this year (SNIFF!) We’re thinking that might be Sunday the 13th (so if you ARE camping out, sorry) So if you want to be kept in the loop because you’re coming into the area and/or live in the area, shoot us an email! EVen if you are planning to camp out but still want to meet up, e-mail us anyway- we’ll see what we can work out!

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91 Commented


My Twilight Timeline

Dear Summit,

For the first time ever, you’ve done something that doesn’t suck. I’m not just saying this because we really hope you invite us to the red carpet next month (but we do. We’re going either way. We’d just prefer our time there to not be marked by 5 seconds of fun PLUS an overnight in jail cuz we snuck in the trunk of Kellan’s limo)

But you created this fanspace timeline  called The Twilight Time Capsule that captures all the “moments” that fans have had with Twilight. AW!!! That’s so sweet & cute! And I immediately got to work, adding my own moments.

Of course, I couldn’t actually upload any images or comments or videos. That would make today’s letter WAY TOO EASY, right? So maybe I take it back… You had a great IDEA, but since it’s not working in the moment i need it to, it still kinda sucks. Go Figures.

(I mean we love you & would proudly represent you & your movie on November 14th, 2011 at the (Insert name of theater- don’t worry I’ll find out exactly where it is before I drug Rob’s limo driver & put on my driving cap to escort him to the premiere))

Anyway, what I WOULD have done today had it worked was bore you once again with MY Twilight moments. You’ve heard them all by now. But this time I tried to be creative & pick some of our lesser known Twilight moments:

August, 2008:
I read Twilight on the beach and my family hates me because I am not present the entire vacation.

LTT REading Twilight 2008

Thats me with the book that looks like Twilight (It's Eclipse, actually)

I see Twilight opening night November, 2008 & am the ONLY one at PF Changs afterwards who doesn’t agree when the topic of “Movie Edward is not as hot as Book Edward” is brought to the table. Movie Edward was hot

December 2008: Moon & I, casual internet friends who occasionally talk about how “The OC was the greatest show ever,” both discover we can’t stop watching this badly recorded behind the scenes 1 hour long video from a cast Vanity Fair photoshoot. And so….

December 8, 2008

LetterstoTwilight.com was born (or rather letterstotwilight.wordpress.com was born & Letterstotwilight.com was bought on December 23rd!)

Then some stuff happens (including a BUNCH of people finding LTT in January 2009) which leads to Mr. Choice & I flying to LA in March 2009 and Moon & I taking this 2nd-hand embarrassing photo:

And also making this video

(You know you love that)

Then some other stuff happened including Moon’s outing of Robsten in August, 2009 the same week that Stephenie Meyer outed US on her blog which gave us a Cullen Smile & made us fake-change our header for about 30 seconds to THIS:

(Re-read that letter- it’s hilarious, if Im allowed to say that about something I wrote (I am))

Then in November, 2009 we decided we didn’t do enough 2nd-hand embarrassing stuff together in March, so we did this in the Premiere camp-out line:

A bunch of other stuff happened including & not limited to:

UC's birthday LTT- TammyO (oh how we miss you!)
– Falling in love with Big Daddy (Wait, we’re sneaking in HIS limo in November- forget Kellan!)
– Blog redesign that was about 1 year and 1/2 in the works
– I think Moon & I probably had one disagreement. Just 1 though. She’s the least difficult person to work with in the universe. Seriously. Everyone needs a Moon in their life. AWWWWW I’m CROSSTICHING THAT FOR HER BIRTHDAY
– Moon threw me an EPIC online birthday party with a fairly accurate picture of my drunkest most FIRST-HAND embarrassing night ever:
– We found out we were picked out of a Twilight Cup to interview Stephenie

Then on June 18th, 2010 we leg hitched Stephenie Meyer while I made the weirdest face known to man:

Then I gazed longingly at Jackson while wearing a dress that looked more flattering in the mirror than in reality in my hipster neighborhood of Philadelphia (I had JUST moved in. I couldn’t get away with this now. Too 2nd-hand embarrassing. Even I have limits!!)

Then LegHitch2010 Happened. And it was Epic. And somehow Moon & I found time to make some videos. Some previously unpublished videos, some that Moon has totally forgotten about, and one clip that I’m sharing with you today:

(watch it again. I watched it about 20 times last night. And I wasn’t even drunk)

And during all that time THREE movies were released, another book was published, we fell in & out of love with actors (RIP Rachelle, Bryce Dallas & Xavier), made a couple (!) new friends (and a couple enemies- oops) and all together had a pretty good time.

So…. here’s to you Breaking Dawn.. You kinda have a lot to live up to. Think you’re up for the challenge? I sure hope so because these past 2 years and 10 months have been SO DANG FUN.

Love,
UnintendedChoice

So what did I miss? And what would YOUR Timeline say? What do you think? Did Summit actually do something GOOD? (assuming the website works at press time?). How 2nd-hand embarrassed are you after watching that last video? And doesn’t Moon look HOT as Elvis?

PS: Hear ads? There are 4 that sometimes talk. If you mute them once they’ll be muted for eternity (at least that’s how it works for my computer!)

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

55 Commented


Seriously, Access Hollywood? Jennifer Love Hewitt to report from the Breaking Dawn Red Carpet?

Dear Access Hollywood and Jennifer Love Hewitt,

Really, J Love?

Seriously, girlfriend? And while we’re at it, SERIOUSLY Access Hollywood and Billy Bush? You asked Jennifer Love Hewitt to hit the Breaking Dawn red carpet with you this coming November? I mean sure, we weren’t on Party of Five and sure we don’t whisper to ghosts and ok, maybe we weren’t in a John Mayer video and we definitely weren’t engaged to Jamie Kennedy but COME ON we can do this!!! If that’s the kinda background and experience you’re looking for in a journalist to cover the Breaking Dawn Red Carpet than I’m sure we can make that stuff happen… I’m sure Fox will rehire that dude from Lost, and the rest of the Party of Five cast… the baby might be a bit old now but we can make Bailey love us! And I’m sure if I took a stroll down Sunset I could find Jamie Kennedy somewhere and make him fall madly in love with us. The ghost whispering thing might be a bit hard but DUDE we’re ready. Put us in the game coach! You need EXPERIENCED people on the carpet not starry eyed actresses with big racks. Heck, I’ve got a decent rack but I’ve also got GOOD QUESTIONS! We’ve got stuff Jennifer Love Hewitt’s never even thought to ask. She’ll be too busy asking Mike Welch where “Edward” is when we’d be asking him if TrimSpa (baby!) really works.

Would you rather have J Love, who at best has been on a couple tv shows and has access to Billy Bush (apparently) or us? Two girls who have interviewed Stephenie Meyer, Jackson Rathboner, appeared in an MSN series, stalked seen the cast at a billion events, AND been on TV ourselves and interviewed for mags tons of times ABOUT Twilight? We’ve got what you’re looking for and it’s NOT questions like “Team Edward or Team Jacob?” Clearly, the correct answer there is Team Billy Bush (wink wink!!). We’ve got questions like…

Yes, that's us... the old lady with a mic

(to everyone)

  • What do you do during the time when McDonald’s takes the McRib off their menu?
  • (to: Solomon Trimble, Taylor Lautner’s dad, Chris Hansen, the wig lady (defs on the red carpet))

Be honest, do you have Google alerts for your name and did you turn them off after we clogged you inbox?

  • (to the underage actors) Are you going to actually stay and watch the movie or will you head straight of the open bar at the after party? Follow up question: What’s your poison?
  • (to Stephenie Meyer) Have you ever called your husband Pancho, “Nacho” in the heat of the moment? Follow up: wanna go get margs after this and gossip! We swear we won’t tell!
  • (to BooBoo Stewart) If you had the gift of Xray vision instead of the Werewolf gene tonight- whose dress do you wish you could see thorugh right now and don’t say J Love Hewitt!

We'll gladly let Taylor hold an umbrella while we hold a bedazzeled AH mic on the carpet!

  • (to Taylor Lautner) Have you thought about opening up any Red Lobsters or McDonald’s franchises with all this money you’ve been making? It’s all about diversifying your portfolio!
  • (to Rob) True or False – when you and TomStu went underwear shopping last year you never actually bought the pack, did you? You just made it look that way so people would stop talking about your hygiene. You’re actually currently wearing a pair from 2001.
  • (to Kristen) Does it creep you out that people fantasize about your love life? Follow up question: how DOES the bearskin rug feel?

Ok, ok calm down Summit (or Access Hollywood) we’d never actually ask these questions… well maybe the X-Ray vision one but they’d be this fun we can promise that. So screw you Access Hollywood, you couldn’t handle our kind of awesome, keep your C-list actress correspondent and we’ll head straight to the top (aka behind the barricades with the confused homeless people). It’ll be YOUR lose. Besides, we clean up well!

This has been Moon direct from the office chair red carpet,
Themoonisdown

PS Jennifer Love Hewiit, we get it, you’re a fangirl like the rest of us… but trust us leave this to the professionals!

Can you guys believe this ish?! J Love is up before us?! UGH! The humanity, the unfairness of it all! What questions would you asked if you got on the BD red carpet?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store


101 Commented


The Crystal Ball of Twilight – What does the future hold?

In the year 2000000000

Dear Twilight,

I was just reading this lovely Hollywood Reporter post yesterday about your movie studio, Summit’s money woes in trying to get their business refinanced. Now, of course we don’t know anything about how this all works and how money is made and spent and financiers but UC and I got to talking after I sent her the link. She asked me if, after all this Twilight stuff, after all it’s success, after all the clams it made and after all the stuff we went through, if I could imagine if Summit folded. I honestly laughed thinking it might just be the best ending for this whole thing. Of course I don’t wish any ill will and hope they keep on making shiz, but it made me laugh and also made me think about the future of the rest of the cast, people involved and Stephenie herself . Our conversation made me think of one of my favorite Conan O’Brien skits called “In the Year 2000” where he and a guest would dress up in weird futuristic space capes and talk about what will happen in the future while they held flashlights pointed at their chin. Amazing. Of course.

So let’s fast forward to the year 2000 and see what happens after Summit folds and Twilight the movies are no more…

Rob quits acting and moves into into a hovel with TomStu where they form a Jackson Rathbone/100 Monkey’s-esque performance troupe and tour the country side of small eastern block european countries. They are begged by the Russian government to be specimens in a body odor experiment

Kristen moves to the the way west valleto take over her mom’s wolf hybrid breeding business with her life partner

After being dumped by every goodie two shoes in Hollywood, Taylor Lautner vows to a life of celibacy and becomes the Christian Tom Cruise

Catherine Hardwicke is finally blackballed from every major media outlet after continuing to rant on about the Robsten audition tape long after no gave a crapsten anymore. She moves to Puerto Vallerta to meet some groovy Mexican beach bums and films her passion project: a documentary about the creator of the Margarita

Stephenie Meyer lets loose and bares her shoulders while on a weekend wine tasting trip WITH US to Napa. Oh yes, she starts drinking. Who wouldn’t after all this?

Ashley Greene will become the next Jennifer Aniston complete with wildly popular tv series, a string of movies where she plays the same character (herself), a failed marriage to Joe Jonas/Kellan Lutz/whoever and spends her days jetting to Mexico thinking about her cats and “the one that got away” (Spoiler: Jackson Rathbone).

Tips welcome!

Jackson Rathbone runs away to join the circus as a one-man-band after he learns that Ashley Greene (aka “The one that got away) is marrying Joe Jonas/Kellan Lutz/Whoever.

Justin Chon becomes the biggest movie star in the world!

Big Daddy – After becoming a contestant on The Biggest Loser and getting his butt kicked by new trainer and LTT reader Olivia he becomes the Subway/Jared-esque spokesperson for McDonalds new GRILLED fish sandwich.

Solomon Trimble – Yea, I just don’t think I can make a manager at the Home Depot joke. He ran away to Puerto Vallerta with Cathi to be her pool boy / key grip / Margarite pour-er.

Xavier Samuel will still be hot.

Dakota Fanning will win her 239th consecutive Homecoming Queen title even thought she will have graduted decades prior.

So what started out as an innocent convo about what the hale is happening with this refinancing turned into something we just had to share. Because really WHAT will they be doing after Twilight is all over… your guess is as good as ours!

In the year two thouuuuusaaaaaand!
Themoonisdown

66 Commented


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