I can paint with all the colors of the wind

new-moon-cover1Dear Vancouver, British Columbia,

Hello. My name is UnintendedChoice, and I wanted to introduce myself because I am coming to visit you really soon. Actually, it’s a good idea for us to become bff’s because you’ll be seeing a lot of me in the upcoming months, starting on Sunday, February 8, from 9am-12pm at the Second Ave Studios.

You see, I have what we call an acute fondness for Robert Pattinson (not to mention a sorta unhealthy obsession of looking at this picture of Taylor Lautner),

and I will do whatever it takes to be in his next film (Yes, I’ll even miss my grandfather’s 90th birthday party- but shh, I’ll be feigning a migraine that day)

There is a mysterious casting call that has popped up all over the web, and this is the reason for my visit. I know, I know, you see a few problems with my reasoning, right? Well, let me assure you, I know what I am doing:

  1. You don’t even know that this audition is for New Moon. Oh yeah? Do YOU know of another major motion picture being filmed in your city from mid-March to the end of May requiring the expertise of “First Nation” actors? Yeah, didn’t think so.
  2. Okay. You’re not a First Nation/Aboriginal actress. That’s why they call it ACTING, people. I can do it. Pocahontas was my favorite movie as a child. One of my best friends is 1/32nd Native American. I live in Pennsylvania near the Skukyll and Delaware rivers. I threw up in Lake Lenape when I was 7 years old. Another friend went to Susquehanna University, and my high school’s mascot was an INDIAN for God’s sakes! UPDATE: theMoonisDown just informed me her grandpa is 1/4 NA and she grew up in the state with the MOST reservation land in the country. This makes me even more qualified!
  3. …You have pale white skin… Ugh, such minor details! I will hit up the Tantopia every day until the audition. Did I forget to mention I think John Smith is the most smokin’ of all the Disney male characters? That’s gotta help me, right?

On second thought.. I do really have pale white skin. I wonder…. you know how there’s all this spectulation going around about what Edward/Rob will be doing during New Moon and how they’re going to make sure he’s still a “main part” of the movie without ruining the integrity of the book?  Well, he visits Tanya in Alaska, right? And Tanya loves Eddie….and they need more Eddie in the movie… and Tanya probably attempts to kiss Eddie while he’s visiting and/or bite his neck and/or wrestle him to the ground/snow while possibly sticking her hand down his pants to distract him from missing Bella..and Tanya has pale white skin.. and so do I.. OMG! GET CHRIS WEITZ ON THE PHONE RIGHT NOW.  I am a GENIUS!

See you soon,
UnintendedChoice aka Emily, err, Tanya xoxo

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