Where’s Daniel "Big Daddy" Lautner?

Dear Taylor,

Where the HALE is your dad?! Every time a new photo of you comes out of you at an airport or running around town I hold my breath as I scroll through each image just waiting to see Bid Daddy’s face among them. Preferably off to the side, holding a to-go box wearing an XXXL polo shirt and some dad pants but alas he’s no where to be found. He’s been missing in action for weeks, maybe even a month since we last saw the man we’ve all come to know and love and refer to affectionately as Big Daddy.

bigdaddydreams

Hmmmm filet o fish

Where could be be? Did he get stuck in Rob’s old hotel room jail cell? Was Summit jealous of the coverage Big Daddy was getting from paps so they threw him in the same cell Rob was in for almost a month? Is Big Daddy jealous of Taylor Swift and all the face time she’s been getting with YOU? I mean, you took her to Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse and didn’t take Big Daddy? That’s blasphemy! They serve red meat there! I would be hurt too. I’ve even started searching every McDonald’s in the Los Angeles area looking for a cuddly dad in a corner self soothing with a Filet-o-Fish while you’re out on the town with the other half of Swiftner, but he’s no where to be found! It’s as if he never existed! Tell him to stop taking Edward’s words so literally. I can’t take this anymore!

And now you’re off gallivanting through foreign countries with KStew with NO parental guidance? Is Big Daddy sitting at home in his easy chair when the newscaster says “It’s 10PM do you know when your children are?” and NOT KNOW where you are?! I shudder to think.

I’m worried Taylor! Please tell me Daniel “Big Daddy” Lautner is ok.

It’s 10PM do you know where your Big Daddy is?
Themoonisdown

Oh and Dear Kristen,

Nice outfits! No, I’m serious, I swear!

kristentaySAkstewSAgunshirt

Thank god for press tours! Oh and wanna share shoes?

<3 sometimes,
moon

What say you? is Big Daddy MIA? Where is he? And do you heart or hate KStew’s look in Mexico?

Find Big Daddy at The Forum
Rob’s doing something over at LTR
November’s a crazy month TV wise, Jena has put together a handy dandy viewing guide over the at forum! Set your DVR’s now!

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Breaking Down Swiftner aka we heart Taylor Lautner and Taylor Swift HARD!

Dear LTT-ers and Robsteners,

We so get it now! After the pictures of the Taylors (aka Swiftner) came out this week and the ensuing letters I wrote to them UC and I fangirled out (it was mostly a lot of high pitched “oh-em-geeing) half the day about Swiftner and how much we loved them. I started watching the clips commenters posted in the letters to the Taylors post and I knew I had a new addiction. Here’s UC and I breaking it down…

The one where I “come out”
Moon:
I officially sound like the Swiftner version of a robsten fan*
UC hahahahahahha and i like it SO much more!
Moon Yes, it’s not nearly as annoying or annoying at ALL
UC RIGHT! just cute!
Moon dude ive SO watched like 2 videos of him at her concert in Chicago. Stop me
UC: hahahahahhahaha love it!
Moon: people are posting them in the comments. She sings 15 in the audience in front of Taylor and then comes to hug the folks where he’s sitting and when she hugs him and the crowd goes nuts. its SOOO embarrassing. im embarrassed for them. and then they do that lingering hand holding thing as she walks away. Swiftner lives folks! hahahaha
UC: awwwww!!!! sooo cute!!!!
Moon its super cute
UC dude.. that’s amazing. Send me the link to the video

Moon: OMG!!! HAHAHA its even more embarrassing from this other angle
UC: Watching! Awwww!
Moon SO CUTE!
UC he’s like “i love you” SOO cute! what if he sang? i’d die if he started singing along with her!
Moon: HAHAHAH they need to do a duet. I hope taylor has seen taylors crappy student video

Follow the cut to see us have an epiphany and plot our Swiftner love blog
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Young love is Taylor-made

Dear Taylors,

Awwww, ain’t young love grand?! It’s not even spring and we get to enjoy a little bit of love blossoming in the fall as we watch you two meet up all over the country. I’m going to write each of you a letter and you can figure out which one is to who…

XO,
Moon

PS Can we come up with a better couple name that Tay-tay or Taylor squared for you guys? Those just don’t have the right ring to them

Dear Taylor,

Don’t screw this up!!! If it’s true and you are playing the hanky panky at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel with Taylor than you’re a lucky SOB cause this girl is 19, you are 17 and in boy/girls maturity levels that’s a lot. And besides that, she’s a young musician who not only plays an instrument but also writes her own music! This girls got it going on, and has the songs to prove it. Which you can learn a lot from, by the way! If we know anything about Taylor we know she likes Romeo and Juliet, love stories, flowers, screen doors slamming, Tim McGraw, castles, tear drops, glitter,  that stupid old pick up truck, burning shit, white horses, hates cheer captains and loves being fearless. Oh and she hates the JoBros. But who doesn’t?

So seriously don’t screw this up cause you KNOW Taylor will turn your relationship in her next number one album if you break her heart! And don’t think we won’t know who’s she’s referring to when she sings about “that stupid dog.”  I will also warn you know that Big Daddy told me he’s getting ready to sit you down and have “the talk” with you! So if Big Daddy asks to take you to McDee’s for some “one-on-one time” he’s not refering to private time with a certain fried fish sammy, he’s talking about emabarassing birds and the bees, this is where babies come from, true love waits, keep it in your pants shiz! Prepare yourself! And tape it, so we can listen later cause it will be epically 2nd hand embarrassing! Oh and if Kanye gets any funny ideas at this years Grammy’s you better come prepared to throw down. I’m talking “don’t get me upset” Jacob style throw down.

Ok now go send this girls some flowers and do a back flip for her while you recite a poem you wrote called “Taylor + Taylor, we can make it not a failure” So, clearly you’ll help you with your writing skills (and mine).

It’s a love story Taylor, just say yes!
Moon

PS If something happens and you have to break up with her don’t do it via phone like that loser Jonas Brother did. You’re a classy fellow have the balls and do that ish in person!

Follow the cut to see my letter to the other Taylor! And some other goodies…
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And even MORE Imma contest entries!

Dear Imma contest entrants and LTT-ers,

I know what you’re thinking “Wow, UC & Moon are SO lazy. They took advantage of the “Imma enter a Twilight contest contest” entries & have now posted them THREE days in a row as an excuse for a break from blogging.” And you would be right. We did this. Because bloggers are people too. And sometimes we get busy & need a break. Plus we’re lazy.

Since there were SO many good entries and since only two special folks could win AND since  we just happened to create fake categories that just happen to fit perfectly with some of the entries we’ve created fake prizes to show you just how much we love you. Cause we care. Sometimes.

Time for the funny…

Best entry featuring an American more popular in Germany than his home country

Kendall – You win the complete series of Baywatch on DVD and a private performance of “Hooked on a Feeling” by the Hoff himself! Lucky.

Best entry featuring an infomercial host who’s now in jail


JodieO – you win a free palm reading session with Jackson. He may not really be able to read palms but he definitely see’s a 100 Monkeys concert in your future

Follow the cut to see more entries!
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IMMA WINNER!! Contest winners announced!

*EDIT: if we did not post your entry YET please don’t post it in the comments, we will be featuring entries ALL weekend! THX!*

Dear Imma Contest participants and LTT-ers,

UC: Remember last week when we announced that we’d be hosting a contest for our readers with awesome prizes from Bella Bejeweled?
Moon: Totes, I almost entered under my pseudonym: TheButtcrackisDown cause I wanted to be just like Alice and Bella and wear jewelery like theirs, but I figured you’d know it was me when that email came through. And I don’t lie so well- my non-poker face gives it away.
UC: Yea, you never did know how to make a kitty meow, but you love those little bottles.
Moon: Truth.
UC: ANYWAY all week we received a TON of entries on Twitter and to our email address from you funny gals making us both laugh till we cried and making it SO hard (that’s what she said) to pick only TWO winners so-
Moon: *grabs the mic keyboard out of UC’s hand* Hey, Sorry I gotta interrupt here! UC you’re a great blogger and winner announcer and all and imma let you finish but our readers are the best in the whole blogosphere and we need to reveal the winners right now!
UC: Ok, Ok… and the winners are:

Submitted via Twitter

Winner: @Chelseaheptig !!!!!
You slayed us with your use of the 100 Monkeys and the worst band in the world: Creed! You deserve a medal for bravery in laughs and some earplugs!

Submitted via Email

Winner: Beth!!!
You interrupted Martha Stewart to let her know she had nothing on Rob’s sewing skills. I mean after all he did resurrect both the old stoli shirt AND those heinous pants with probably nothing more than a hotel sewing kit. He should get a girlscout badge or something!

Congratulations Chelsea and Beth you gals are the winners of some beautiful jewelry courtesy of Bella Bejeweled!

Let’s give a HUGE round of applause to our winners and to ALL (there were a ton) the participants! And because there were SO many good entries we simply couldn’t NOT show you some of the best so this weekend we’ll be showcasing all our favorite entries… starting with the runner’s up. Follow the cut to see the one who ALMOST won

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