Today Team Seth leads us in a conversation about those who GET Rob Pattinson & those who do not:
I know we just had our anniversary last month, but I need to let you know that I’m feeling guilty. Just a little bit. It’s not about something that I’ve DONE, don’t worry, I would never, ever hurt you, but rather about something that I HAVEN’T done. And I’m not talking about the dishes–but I will finish those up, so quit nagging! Okay, it’s best just to say it: I feel guilty that I don’t know anything about Rob and that I never go to LTR.
I know what you’re thinking, “What is Rob compared to rocks and mountains?” I know right! Seriously! That’s what I was thinking too, but, one time when I was talking to UC on gchat, she said something about Rob and I had no clue what she was talking about. She replied, “Wait, you don’t like Rob?” and I felt SO BAD, but I couldn’t lie–not to UC!–so I softened my actual opinion by saying, “Well, he’s not my favorite.” She replied, “Oh, I just assumed everyone who reads the blogs did.”
Is there something wrong with me?
This is how I imagine a conversation between a Normal LTRer and myself might go:
TeamSeth: So, what, you… you can’t see anyone?
NormalLTRer: I can’t see anyone in this room apart from Rob. There’s… Plaid shirt. Sex hair. Salvation army clothes. Sex jaw. Cat. And then you, nothing. You don’t see Rob. That’s very frustrating.
TeamSeth: Is there something wrong with me?
NormalLTRer: See, I tell you that I can only see Rob, and you think there’s something wrong with you.
I’m so Bella in this situation! Confused guilt! I don’t Robsess. I never did. I never will. I cannot be “converted” to “the Rob“. I am lost on all things Rob. Sure he’s hot, but so what! What is it about him that I just don’t get? That I just don’t see that everyone else seems to see? What is so spectacular about Rob? I thought he acted better in Harry Potter! At least we could hear him speak as if he didn’t have a retainer in his mouth. (“We have to leave Forks.”) And I DID watch Little Ashes but that was because I studied that era of Spanish literature and art. I won’t pretend I didn’t enjoy the masturbation by the radiator scene, but otherwise, Marina Gatell made that film. She was brilliant.
Now, before you blow both my freakin’ heads off, please hear me out. This is a tweed serious situation for me.
What don’t you buy? That’s how I feel.
I took the quiz- The Robsessed quiz to determine what level you are. I know I’m an outsider to LTR, so I don’t really count, but hell, I needed to know! I’m a level 2. TWO! I felt ashamed. As an active member of the LTT “online book club”, shouldn’t I at least be level 3 by osmosis? But then in my ashamed comment about it, which sparked this whole letter, I realized that I’m a level-5 Burke obsession and a level-6 Bewley/Cudmore (they come as a twin-pack for me, sorry, that’s how I met them). So, what does that mean? Rob’s just not my type?
I mean, some girls are into Rob, not ALL girls apparently… Though I’m surprised you even went to LTR at all.
It’s just hard–isolating–to not like Rob. Have you ever google image searched Daniel Cudmore?! I mean, go try it right now, I’m serious. Go try it. Yeah. Exactly. And in 1 week when you google image search him again, I promise, those same 10 pictures will pop up, just in different image sizes. You remember when I used to post Billy Burke and Charlie Bewley pics every day? That was me challenging myself to find a unique image of those guys every day. There are less photos of the Charlies combined than there are scandals of Rob right now (see! I really did go read LTR!)
All I’m saying is, you Rob people, you are so darn lucky! Robp0rn EVERYWHERE! New Robporn ALL the time! Lucky lucky lucky! It’s like that song should be changed to “It’s raining Rob! Hallelujah it’s raining Rob!“ Because really, I can google image search Rob and then 10 seconds later do it again and there’s NEW pictures! It’s astonishing really.
I used to be a good kid, but not anymore.
Well, I decided to take a long, hard look at this situation and figure out why I’m not into Rob, but am into Bewley, Cuddley, and Burke. I had to trek all the way down memory lane back to when Eckerds was still a company and it was where I spent most of my weekly allowance on Bop magazine. I never liked JTT and hardly liked Devon Sawa*, but I was totally into Jonathan Jackson. Like hardcore. To the point that I wrote him a letter in my 10 year old bubbly scribble. I even got a response in postcard form with an obviously fake signature (which pissed me off). Each Bop magazine had usually 1 pic of Jackson, and like 5 of JTT and 3 of Sawa. So unfair! Then, as time progressed, I began to have a huge crush on Ethan Embry. Who? Precisely. If he hadn’t starred in Can’t Hardly Wait, I’m not sure what I would’ve done to decorate my closet door.
The point is, I’ve never crushed on the popular guy. Maybe I have this sick idea that the least famous he is, the more likely I’ll be able to meet him? I don’t know. But even in middle school and high school, my sister can attest to this, the guys I picked to crush on weren’t really the cream of the crop. I mean, if you’re gonna go for it, at least pick a hot guy, right? But, no. And it wasn’t like, “Oh, he’s got an awesome personality and is so funny.” thing, I wouldn’t even KNOW the guy! I’d just assign him as “hot” in my mind and then write about him obsessively for a week in my diary. Then the next week I’d hate him and say how “butt-ugly he was anyway”. Ah, seventh grade.
So, what’s my deal? Why can’t I just be normal and like the guy everyone else does? Why can’t I just like Rob?
And furthermore, who the hell is TomStu? Not quite Rob, but always around? Sounds like he might just be who I ought to have been crushing on all along…
With Kind Regards,
*tuesdaymidnight–what’s up with Sawa these days? I know this is your specialty.
I finally google image searched TomStu. Holy crap! He sort of has this Matt Smith thing going on in a few of the pics. I can’t even decide what to do now. Is it weird to have a crush on TomStu? Do other people do this? Is it the cool thing to do? If I’m crushing on TomStu, and he’s Rob’s bestie, does that make a Rob-crushing person my bestie? Should I even effort this at all? Is he even straight?! Is he of legal age? Is he too ‘mainstream’ for me? Maybe I’ll just dive on in… GERONIMOOOOO!!! (yes Stacey, that last reference was for you, oh, and you, Sj)
Team Seth: Is it safe to assume you’re not the biggest Edward Cullen fan? If so, is THAT maybe why you don’t get Rob?
The Forum is still down, but some of the Rob’s Flat regulars started a Google Group. Request to join to continue in the fun while we figure out how to fix what the Russian spies broke when they tried to steal our secrets on the creation of a successful photo- manip of Big Daddy consuming a fried fish sandwich. Rob’s Flat Google Group
Tags: , edward cullen, fan letter, LTR, Rob Pattinson, Robert Pattinson, Team Seth