That Bree book

Read me.. Or else I'll turn creepier

Dear Stephenie,

I feel really weird writing you about That Bree book since I’m going to be talking to you about it in person next week (AH) By the way, did you just hear that? That was the sound of thousands of LTT readers remembering “That Bree book” came out this weekend. Pretend you didn’t hear that and that all of them were at their favorite book store at the butt crack of dawn Saturday morning.

Anyway, my overall observation about That Bree book (I’ll be honest, I have no idea what the real title is and I totally don’t feel like looking it up at this current moment) is that all fans of Twilight should read it. When talking to a friend who hasn’t read it, she said:

Friend: UC, I’m not one of your blog readers, so don’t be diplomatic with me. Should I really read it?

to which I responded

UC: Yes! I mean it. You’re a Twilight fan & it’s an entertaining read. Do it.

I’m not getting paid to say that. Unless you plan to hand me a check when I see you next week (AH). By the way, when I told my dad aka boss that I was skipping town for 2 days just one week before leaving for a week to go to LA for Eclipse craziness he said, “Well, honey, that sounds like a great opportunity. Are they paying you?” To which I laughed. I mean, hello?!! I’d pay YOU to interview you (wait- maybe not. Don’t take me seriously and ask for a check when I see you next week (AH)) So I politely said, “No- the opportunity to meet a hero is enough payment.” And he responded, “You should call them back & say you’ll only do that if they give you $100,000.” He was serious.

Sigh.. remember when I wasn't a vampire and was just a regular, boring girl?

Anyway, your fans SHOULD read That Bree book because it’s great to read something new from you after such a long time. Plus it’s an easy read. I blew through it in 2 sittings- took me 3 hours tops. Not to mention the introduction you include is just win. It really made me excited to meet you. Like, you actually care still. And that’s super refreshing after the rumors & gossip we’ve heard surrounding Eclipse. We thought Kristen was the only one left who cared so much.

Without giving anything away (though there’s not much to give away- Bree dies, guys) here are some of my thoughts on the book.

  • It feels so young. Maybe that’s your ability to be in the shoes of a 15 year old & think and write as she would, but Twilight never felt this young. In fact it wasn’t until I was done the saga that I even knew it was a Young Adult series. (Finding the books on the shelf next to The Goosebumps Series wasn’t a dead giveaway to me, apparently) Or maybe it’s the lack of Edward as that character we want so badly we don’t care if an 8 year old made him up.
  • Diego, a vampire friendly with Bree, who prefers the flavor of the humans living south of the border (that is, until he comes across Tequila Tomas in Forks) said “Let’s DO THIS” on page 56! Was that borrowed from Mel Mel Rosenberg? Or was that a shout out to us LTTers? Either way, High-five for that brilliant line!
  • Once, somewhere on a page I forgot to save, you said “organism.” It took me 3 reads through the sentence before I realized Bree was not, in fact, having an orgasm. Did you put that in there to remind us that we’ve been reading too much fanfic in your writing absence?
  • Um, Fred? Really? A vampire named Fred? And then there’s Diego!? Who are THEY named after? Did you and Nacho get a fight one night & to get back at him you named him after your first two boyfriends at BYU? Were all the good vampire names taken? PLUS the characters were teenage runaways in their human days. Last time I was on the streets and a Philadelphia flash mob passed me by, I didn’t hear any 16 year olds yelling for “Fred” to come help them snatch a pocket book from a Granny. Just sayin.’ “Spencer” may have been a better choice for the American while “Jose” is always a safe spanish choice.
  • Hey! I'm Ed- I mean Fred

    Gah- I miss the Cullens. There I was, just enjoying a little story about a vampire I forgot existed and BAM- suddenly the Cullens appear! I must’ve had the biggest, goofiest smile on my face. The gang was all back together again! There was Carlisle, Alice, Jasper with all his scars and the Red Head- wait what? The RED HEAD? I know that Edward is described as having reddish-brown hair by Bella, but Bree kept calling Edward THE RED HEAD. I didn’t know who she meant until the ending when Bree thought,

    “Little did the Cullens know, I had a vampire super power of my own. I knew the future- the WHOLE future- even more than Alice. If they had saved me from the Volturi, I can promise you I would’ve helped Alice pack Bella’s & the RED HEAD’s honeymoon bags- and I would’ve thrown in PLENTY of condoms with hand-drawn instructions from Carlisle. But, oh well, they killed me.”

    Okay that didn’t happen, but it wasn’t until Edward spoke to Bella that I realized it was him. I know we all have our own picture of Edward in our minds (Rob) plus my first kiss, first boyfriend and first (and only) husband were all red-heads, but Edward? Described as a RED HEAD? I felt that description was more fitting for a vampire named Fred…

So… do I buy the whole “I’ve been thinking about Bree’s story ever since I wrote Eclipse & wanted to share it with all my devoted fans” story? No (but most people will, don’t worry!) And I still maintain that you were pressured by your publishing company to put out something new. Not to mention your friends must be nagging you ever other day to finish something about their favorite characters- I don’t blame you wanting to get them ALL off your back. And for the devoted Twilight fan, That Bree Story is a quick, easy fun read that will make any true fan crack a big ol’ Cullen Smile once the Cullens appear! I’ll admit- I kinda wish you hadn’t killed off Bree too. It would’ve been intresting to see her adapt to the vegetarian lifestyle. Not to mention maybe she could have tracked down her friend “Fred” and we’d have an excuse to make a lot of “Fredward” jokes.

R.I.P. Bree,

Haven’t read the book yet but my enthralling review really makes you want to get to know “Fred?” You can read it online here!

After the jump, answer some questions to see where we all stand with Bree! Continue…

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