By now we’ve all watched the Breaking Dawn Pt 2 teaser trailer like 30942390424 times and we have like 2309483094234 theories as to how it’s all going to play out. BUT in the mean time UC and I decided to break down the latest crop of vampires from what we could see of them in the trailers.
UC: This image, It’s Either Justin Chon mid-orgasm OR that guy from Twilight at the restaurant who says something about cats and sex
UC: money. sex. money cat
Moon: its one of justin chon‘s daily toilet pics from instagram (if you’re not following JC (just made that up) on instragram, DON’T start now, this is a real thing)
Moon: this i like CANT EVEN
Moon: they took a HOT dude ……..
UC: and turned him into a PORN star
Moon: No, they turned him into a homeless Nickleback fan
UC: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA. you win.
Moon: thats probably an Ed Hardy tank top under there
Moon: the man jewelry, the eye liner. he’s like a frying pan and a yellow douchey lamborghini away from being Guy Fieri
Moon: whatever middle aged mom from the wardrobe dept was put in charge of him and this look should be shot and buried under an Oakley’s store in the mall
UC: he for SURE found every dive bar in vancouver
Moon: Also look, Jerry is in the background
UC: and that albino!
Moon: and that other dude we met who had the bad cell phone camera (According to HIM at dinner Tues. night but that’s a whole other post)!
Moon: they should have premiere swag bags with phones in them. for that guy and toni trucks (beep) alone.
UC: Speaking of Guyliner….. This is the son from 7th heaven right? Just in goth wear:
Moon: thats the prospector/mountain man version of Michael Sheen/Aro. That’s his disguise for spying on BellER and Edward
Moon: It says Joe Anderson as Allistair. I wonder if he has a better cell phone camera…
UC: Ohhhh Joe Anderson. OF coURse. how could I NOT realize
Moon: IMDB tells me he was in a lot of good movies and that he is another semi hot dude made to look like a crazy person
UC: oh WOW
Moon: he’s also like my age
UC: you’re right. pretty attractive made to look UNattractive… b/c apparently that’s what we do to vamps these days
Moon: and allistair looks about 50 and grizzled in that pic
Moon: OH hey it’s that Rascal Flatts guy
UC: oh yhea– in the far left… look like he’s about to break into a song about the small working class town of Forks. A power ballad
Moon: GOD BLESS THE BROKEN ROOOOAD THAT LED ME STRAAAIGHT TO FOOOORKS
ohhhh oohhhhh oooooo
UC: “WHAT HURTSSSS THE MOST. IS WHEN I GIVE BIRTTHHH TO A HALF VAMP….”
Moon: LIFE IS A VOLVOOOO I WANNA DRIVE IT ALL NIGHT LONG
UC: you googled them too for lyrics, right?
Moon: hahahaha oh yea… totally googled them… didn’t know those at all. not.at.all.
Moon: FINALLY some rami malek up in this piece!
UC: oh finalllyyyy
Moon: using the force to stop that waterfall
UC: even though I was fairly confident that was Jacob at first look but dangggg…. he’s like Moses up in this piece
UC: oh you already said up in this piece
Moon: HAHAAH. Yes, it’s getting very gangsta in here. The Malek brings it out in us.
Ok, so we know we Tweeted about our super secret meeting but as you probably saw on the twitters UC and I were invited to an Edit Bay visit with Bill Condon along with some of the other Twilight sites/blogs. We can’t tell you much YET about it but it involved watching two clips, a little q&a about Breaking Dawn Pt 2 and maybe a little trophy with a lamb on top. We’ll have more from that soon. AKA whenever we won’t be sued over talking about it.
Love ya like Garrett loves Ed Hardy, Jeigermeister and a bleach blond,
Moon & UC
Thanks to the Lexicon for letting us jack these screenshots from them.
SOOOOOOO whatdddya think of the new vampires. Will you be able to watch without thinking of country music or 7th Heaven or Canadian rockers now? Yea, we didn’t think so!
Tags: , Breaking Dawn, Ed Hardy, Guy Fieri, Nickleback, Part 1, Pt 2, teaser, trailer, vampires