Well when you put it that way…

Dear Twilight,

We love you. A lot. Like A-LOT A-LOT. You know this and we’ve accepted your idiosyncrasies and your quirks and like any good, mature relationship, they only make us love you more. Especially when the movie versions add in totally dumb ones. (shhhh those are our favorites!) But as you know people like to make fun of you and even though we try sometimes it’s hard to explain why you’re so great when people like to focus on the absurd. But they do make great videos. Like this…

“Jacob” kinda has that alpaca look about him, no?

David Slade blew the roof off Eclipse and made even some of the crazy stuff seem totally plausible so what about Breaking Dawn? We KNOW Bill Condon’s got his work cut out for him. Renesmee, births, cottages by the creek, yada yada yada I wonder if he got the cliff’s notes version like this…

Weeeellll when you put it like that…

Plasma TV and AWESOME DVD collection. Maybe these folks should write the script? They know the important stuff.

Oh Twilight, we still love you! Even besides your incessant talk of glowering and Bella’s pregnant foods being eggs and cups of blood instead of ice cream and pickles. We wouldn’t trade you for anything, for realz.

Happy Labor Day!

Happy Labor Day to all the folks in the states. Yes, another holiday where we grill stuff and hang out in pools and what not trying to hold on to the last bit of summer. So enjoy your day off and we’ll see you back here this week!

Special Thanks to Mandy and Bea for sending us the videos!Have an idea and want to write a letter while we’re grilling today? Saw a video, a picture, or a news story we need to see? Send it in! DO IT!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

32 Commented

Taylor gets a Trailer

Dear Taylor,

We were sent this story on the gossip site TMZ and just could not pass up commenting… I mean….. really?

Taylor Lautner’s Emotional Distress Over Trailer

Taylor Lautner claims he’s suffering from “emotional distress” and “annoyance” … because his RV trailer wasn’t delivered on time.

In a new lawsuit obtained by TMZ, Lautner claims he made a deal with McMahon’s RV to purchase a personal trailer for around $300,000 … a trailer he could use while shooting his new movie, “Abduction.”

According to the suit, the deal was that the trailer would be tricked out and delivered by no later than June 21 … but it wasn’t.

Lautner claims breach of contract and fraud and wants unspecified damages.

The only thing that felt appropriate to do was…. well, role play that conversation between you and your lawyer, of course:

Ring ring ring
Secretary: Hello offices of Jocoby and Meyers
Taylor: I need Jacoby pronto. Don’t put me on hold- I need him now- it’s an emergency
Secretary– Okay, Mr. Lautner, I’ll get Mr Jacoby for you. One second- he’s on the line with a Mike Welch who’s suing weight watcher (in the distance) Mr. Jacoby? it’s Taylor Lautner. Something bad must’ve happened. perhaps Chris Hansen finally had his way with him or maybe he was bitten by a wolf

paper your walls with THIS

Mr. Jacoby: Hello Taylor, how are you this fine day?
Taylor: Mr. Jacoby I need to file a suit
Mr. Jacoby: Ok Taylor, whats going on? Another rancid meat patty?
Taylor: No no, against 1800-Mobile-Home. I’m being Screwed. I’m being PLAYED. I ordered a tricked out trailer- you know- 30″ rims with five foot lifts and a cool, purple color and papered with Taylor Swift & selena Gomez wall paper
Mr. Jacoby: Mobile Home? Taylor you’re a movie star what are you doing buying manufactured homes?
Mr. Jacoby: And they make Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez wallpaper?
Taylor: Yes- children are specially printing it in a factory in China for me. It even has a bow flex 3000 in the living room. Dude, they don’t even sell the 3000 to civilians! But they made an exception after I sent them pictures of me from New Moon and Eclipse
Taylor: And don’t knock the mobile home till you’ve tried it- you don’t know what kind of conditions they expect me to live in while on set…. they use standard-issue WHITE small TRAILERS. no one would call them a home- even hurricane survivors would reject them from FEMA
Taylor: This trailer has a special fridge with a meat patty, sweet potato and protein powder dispenser- a walk in closet that can hold all 57 of my gray suits PLUS Big Daddy’s suit and polo shirt and all 920,000 of my leather jackets.
Mr. Jacoby: Well Taylor I’m sure Hurricane survivors would love even a Fema trailer or your standard issue Star Wagon but it sounds like you’ve got a case on your hands.

Mr. Jacoby: So Taylor what went wrong with the trailer? No meat patty holder? Can you not fit all the leather jackets in the closet
Taylor: You think I have a case? I’m also hoping to get some extra for emotional… what do you call it depress? duress? Distress? I mean.. I’m ANNOYED. THEY DID NOT DELIVER BY JUNE 21st as promised! It would be one thing if they’d accidentally misspell BIG PIMPING on the side with TWO M’s or something- I’d eventually heal from that horror, but I don’t Even HAVE The Pimp-Mobile misspelled to be horrified about.
Mr. Jacoby: Where are you staying between takes? In the porta potties? Because that’s definitely duress, especially after taco day
Taylor: NO Worse. I’m in a HOTEL in PITTSBURGH
Mr. Jacoby: ohhh Pittsburgh home of the Steelers eh?
Taylor: don’t REMIND ME. I’m supposed to be in a tricked out mobile home from McMahon’s RVs, but noooooooo
Mr. Jacoby: Maybe we can have them throw in some sideline tickets in the lawsuit
Taylor: They’ve beeched my contract
Mr. Jacoby: You mean Breached. What if they gave you a personal dance from the Steeler’s cheerleaders… or quarter back whatever you prefer?
Taylor: NO. They are FRAUDULENT. I want an unspecified amount of damages- I don’t know what that means, but I know that’s what all those rich celebrities ex wives get when they get divorced. I want to be like Elin Woods

Not even this will make him laugh

Mr. Jacoby: Ok Taylor maybe we should slow down… we can rent you something from Cruise America
Taylor: Explain this cruise america…..does it float? Can I take it on Lake Erie? I could work with that… there’s a duck pond behind the school where we’re filming next week…
Mr. Jacoby: Well I’m pretty sure we’d put McMahon’s RV out of business suing them for 75 billion dollars so how about we figure out a better undisclosed amount?
Taylor: 25 billion? I’m really distressed and also annoyed. If it showed up tomorrow, I wouldn’t even laugh at the picture of me & my dad on the side where my face is covered with a fish-o-filet sandwich.
Mr. Jacoby: How about a VW bus from the 70s with the camper top, a lifetime supply of Muscle Milk, a sponsorship from Yam Association of America and a new pair of those black oxfords from Payless you wear all the time? That seems like a fair amount to me’
Taylor: Can we paint “Big Pimping’ on the side? And get 35” rims?
Mr. Jacoby: Definitely. I’ll get the local hoodlums to bring over some spray paint. 35 or maybe 16in, ya know it’s an older model- VINTAGE Taylor, Vintage

Taylor: I just really wanted McMahon’s to suffer as much as I have this summer, sleeping my nights in the Steel city alone, without Taylor or Selena on my walls, in their glow-in the dark sequined skirts
Mr. Jacoby: Well what about we “leak” this lawsuit to the team taylor folks and accidentally leave the email address of the president of McMan RV’s, their phone number and their address in the documents. Hell hath no fury like a Twilight fan scorned
Taylor: Done. We could even get the Robsten Stalker people to photograph the inside of Mr McMan’s personal trailer……that’ll teach him
Mr. Jacoby: or a Team Jacob fan trying to compete with Team Edward fans
Taylor: you don’t f*ck with a wolf
Mr. Jacoby: No you don’t. Shit just got real real for McMahons. Lord have mercy on their souls and their email servers

Shit just got real,

Mr. Jacoby (played by MOon & occasionally UC) and Taylor Lautner (played by UC & occasionally Moon)

What do you think? Did the media blow this out of proportion? Or is this a sort-of protocol thing that they followed when Taylor’s trailer really wasn’t delivered? What do you think a “Tricked-out” Taylor-trailer looks like!?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

70 Commented

The Best of Twilight in 2009! Part 2

Dear LTT-ers and Twihards,

Yesterday, we started our Best of Twilight in 2009 list cause well, who doesn’t love those end-of-the year lists? I know I do. Were you worried we’d miss some of your best of 2009’s in the Twi-dom? Well, have no fear cause we’re back to finish out the list…

Review 10-6 in our countdown of the Best of Twilight in 2009…

10. Oscars
09. Britpack
08. HB/Vanity fair
07. Vancouver
06. Remember Me

Now let's really make every Twilight fan faint as if shirtless Tay wasn't enough

05. MTV Music Video Awards – May 31st 2009 will live in infamy for many reasons. Not only were we treated to the very first mini trailer for New Moon in which we got to see Jacob with his shirt off, Jacob looking hot and Jacob fursploding for the very first time then we got to see Kristen pull a Bella and drop her award on the ground but Rob and Kristen won best kiss. And oh how the fandom died a little inside when they faked us all out with their cockblock of a kiss. Of course this spiraled out of control and took the whole “are they or aren’t they”/Robsten vs Nonsten speculation to  meteoric levels. Oh and UC and Moon got the honor of live blogging the event for almost 50,000 folks with our fave blogger pals New Moon Movie, Twicrack Addict and Lauren’s Bite.

So I was like grrrrrrrl just wait till he takes off that cream colored sweater to reveal that sleeveless button up... HMMM MMMM

04. Stephenie Meyer mentions LTTThe day Stephenie Meyer wrote her blog recounting her summer vacation will remain one of the best days in all of LTT history and one of the best moments of 2009 (and maybe in my life). Hidden amidst stories of her summer reading list and music she was currently listening to was a short blip about websites she had recently found where she cryptically mentioned adding “LTT” to her “stalk list” and thanked us for the “laugh lines.” At that moment we knew Stephenie “got it.” She got that we loved her stories, her characters and HER but that we also loved all funny little things too. Our work and time and obsession was worth it because the author of the books we were so in love with had apparently read us AND liked us enough to mention us on her site and add us to some sort of “stalk list.” Which I can only imagine is magically stored some place between the phone number for Robert Pattinson and the finished manuscript for Midnight Sun along with the outlines for post Breaking Dawn saga additions and the Alice and Jasper backstory. *crosses fingers and adds this to my prayer request list*

What will make the top three best of Twilight 2009 list? Follow the cut to see!

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Time for a Newsdump: Everything NOT Twilight related aka Kellan shows us his Calvins!

Yo, it's about that time to bring forth the rhythm and the rhyme. I'm gonna get mine so get yours, I wanna see sweat comin' out ya pores!

Dear LTT-ers

I was just lamenting (yes it was quite sorrowful) on Twitter that there was simply NO news about Twilight out right now and that makes things awfully boring… but then I started researching and there’s TONS of non-Twilight specific news that our favorite friends are in… so let’s get to it!

  • The trailer for “The Runaways” comes out and I can’t help but think two things-  ONE: they look like little girls playing dress up and TWO: I hope Dakota gets to punch someone

Che-Che-Che-Cherry BOMB!!!

Wait, this isn't the Maxim cover shoot!

  • This is the prom dress you see on the rack at Goodwill and think, dude that would be perfect for my prom scene in “Can’t Buy Me Love” Halloween Costume (just right for doing the African Anteater dance in!)

Follow the cut for more news, less catfish, more abage for the cabbage and one special tatt00

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That's it! No more New Moon spoilers!

Twilight New Moon teaser movie posterDear Twilight,

That’s it! I’ve officially drawn the line in the sand. I will watch no more trailers, no more clips on entertainment shows, no more leaked footage on the interwebs. This entire week has been a spoiler lovers dream. And while I love a good trailer, that’s ALL I want is a trailer! Twilight (Summit) You have to make us WANT IT! Make us BEG for it… like a good junky.

Last Saturday I saw the special footage from the Scream Awards (all previously unseen footage), Monday, I watched Bella punch Paul on Access Hollywood, Tuesday I watched the ITunes special clip with the Taylor Lautner intro, Wednesday night I watched the “event” clip and about peed my pants, and then Thursday it was as if the gates to spoiler heaven broke loose with both a Volturi clip AND the much anticipated “break up” scene. I sat in the chair at the salon getting my hairs did watching all the tweets fly by, with people giving our links to the vids, and I was torn. Of course I want to watch it but I also don’t. YET. I called UC because I needed to know I wasn’t alone. And just like usual our heads were in the same place. She didn’t want to see it either. We asked each other at what point do you draw the line? We both want to have “that moment” in the theater on opening night. And we also have have the to remember we blog about Twilight so we have to remain on top of all the news and the new stuff that comes out but what will be left for us to see on November 20th if you keep releasing this stuff?

Savin' me some Jorts for November 20th

Savin' me some Jorts for November 20th

It feels kinda like opening your Christmas presents before the big day. I’ve always been one of those freaks who enjoys delayed gratification. Much to my parents delight I never went snooping, looking for Christmas or birthday gifts when I was younger or even now. What’s the point in knowing weeks in advance what you’re going to get? There’s something to be said for enjoying the anticipation leading up to the big reveal. After all what will be left if they keep releasing clips at this rate? The closing credits or Buttcrack Santa rising from the dead to seek revenge on the Nomadic Vampires (please, God let it be so!!)? Which by the way would be the best gift you could EVER give me and UC. Just sayin’.

So just stop it already!! No more clips, no more spoilers, no more nuttin’. Laugh in my face a week from now when I’m begging for it. That’s what she said! But I’ll thank you come midnight on November 20th.

Now if only I can find some sort of “Twilight Nicorette” to hold me off till the big day… Hmmm maybe I’ll reread the book!

A reformed junky,

So am I crazy? Does anyone else feel that way? Who’s decided to wait and can we be accountability partners? Kellan will supervise.

Get your next fix at The Forum
UC says something funny on LTR

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