Twilight Breaking Dawn Pt. 2 – Movie Review! You hear it first, here!

Get ready – we’re coming for you!

Dear Twilighters –

So here’s something exciting: we get to be one of the first people to bring you a review of Breaking Dawn Pt. 2! Nope, not the movie critics, not the BIG TV outlets, not MTV, not E! But little ‘ol us… and the other fan-run sites and blogs!!

So, I want to really break it down for you but I also don’t want to give ANY spoilers away cause you have to go see it Thursday/Friday at midnight. YOU HAVE TO! So I will keep my REAL REAAAAAL review for after the 16th. BUT in the meantime, let’s chat…

We are dumped directly into the Twilight action post vampire c-section/imprinting/open red eyes and we’re immediately back in the thick of things with the new vampire Bella. After many scenes of Bella learning about jumping small rivers, scaling sheer cliff faces and yes, arm-wrestling Emmett we FIIIINALLY get to the action.

Get Ready For:
-All the scenes Michael Sheen/Aro steals (every one he’s in). And yes, Beller is in fact, ALIVE!
-The wall to wall music (TURN IT DOWN, Music Editor!)
-The new vamps looking various shades of crazypants to awesome (Do we expect anything less at this point?).
-Some migrating hairlines. (WIGS!!!).
-Rob. (Duh).
-Taylor (fulfills his last contractual gratuitous, totally unnecessary, yet awesome (who are we kidding?) shirt removal scene).
-Bella finally coming full circle. (single tear).

Spoiler: He loses!

And for those wondering… yes, there is Edward/Bella vampire sex. But in a very tasteful, Sade-type-music-playing-in-the-background, angles-that-leave-out-just-enough, Stephenie-Meyer-is -the-mom-of-three-boys-kind-of-way. You’ll still feel a little uncomfortable watching it with your Grandma but hey, at least it’s not an ordinary scene from Game of Thrones (hmmmm Kit Harrington…). So don’t get too excited about any “Fade to Sad” moments.

The first family

Guys, you know when we wrote that post called “Accept It Now” where we reminded people that the film won’t always follow the book version of the storyline EXACTLY to a tee? You know, the cupboards may not be yellow and Bella may jump on a motorcycle with Jacob, in front of Edward? Well, it’s time to reread that post because BD 2 does NOT follow the written word exxxxactly. BUUUUTTTT guys, don’t leave just yet! Here take my hand, squeeze it hard but DO NOT run out of the theater screaming, it’s going to be alright. IN FACT, it’s going to be AWWWWEEESOME! I promise. Your head will be spinning. And because I love you, and because I don’t want to be sued, I won’t tell you any more. I will tell you, however, that you should bring tissues and a friend’s (preferably a Twilight buddy’s) hand to hold. My last piece of advice is, after you read this and after you watch all of our premiere coverage (cause it’ll be GOOD), you need to get off the interwebs and avoid all the spoilers you can. You want to enjoy this and not know what’s about to happen. Trust me.

We’ll see you back here after the 16th for the FULL, REAL review of The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part Two.

Accept it Now!
Moon

18 Commented


Guess what!!

Heeeey yaaaalll, we’re baaaaack!

Dear LTT-ers,

The Twilight Gods have smiled on us again this year as we will once again be on the red/black/khaki carpet to represent Letters to Twilight ask all the stars (read: Mike Welch and Justin Chon if he decides to stop taking instagram pics on the toilet long enough to join us) all the best questions (see us in action last year). We know some of you will be there with us screaming obscene things at Rob and some of you will be at home following the tweets. Since this is our one last hurrah we want to ask the best questions, the questions you’ve always wanted answered but never get asked. So since we’ve already asked Taylor about that hideous wig, we want to hear your ideas on what we should ask at the premiere.

We’ve come up with a few of the questions we still haven’t been able to get answers to. So let’s get the creative juices flowing. Since freakin’ Josh Horowitz at MTV beat us to asking if Stephenie Meyer is a pervert we gotta think of something better cause we CANNOT be bested by Josh Horowitz.

1. What’s the best photoshop/fan manip you’ve ever seen of yourself. (leave your faves of ANY cast member in the comments)
2. What was it like to wear those contacts???? JUST KIDDING WE ALL KNOW.
3. Does anyone really believe Rob and Kristen are back together?
4. So is it essentially off limits to talk about Mini Coopers, SWATH, British directors with wives named Liberty in KStew’s presence… or just frowned upon?
5. Who would you cast in the Twilight reboot? Yes, we’re already thinking about it.
6. What’s worse, the 405 on a Thursday or the 10 on a nice weekend?
7. How much money will you get reselling your comp. copies of 100 Monkeys/Sam Bradley/Bobby Long/Sage and the Dills?
8. To Rob: Does a Sam Bradley CD make a good coaster? Does Sam still have Google alerts set up for his name? Is Sam still an avid LTR reader and commenter?

9. How many eggrolls do you think Dick Pattinson can fit in his mouth tonight at the afterparty? 10?
10.  How quickly do we think the Jacob/Renesmee story will be written/produced for film/tv?
11. To Rob: which fanfic is your fave? The Office? MOTU? or Edward Wallbanger? Do you giggle every time you read the words “Edward Wallbanger?”
12. Which cast member is most excited that marijuana is now legal in Colorado? Who’s already started looking for real estate there?
13.  Do you think King’s of Leon’s Caleb Followill’s trip to rehab was caused by Robsten?

An awesome use of free Fed Ex supplies!

These are only a sampling of the AMAZING questions we’ll totally (not) be asking at the premiere on Monday! If you want to follow along with us this weekend and at the premiere, we along with our red carpet buddies Twilightish will be using the hashtag #RIPTwilight because after all it is the end. Forever…. or until they do a reboot.

Leave questions in the comments or tweet us using #RIPTwilight. We’ll do our darndest to make you proud again!
Moon

PS Don’t forget if you’re going to be in Los Angeles, Sunday night before the premiere we’re going to be co-hosting a get together with Google Local and would LOVE to hang out with you. Please join us if at all possible. More info here!

8 Commented


Rob’s New Fragrance!

Smells like… how do you say… ah yes, SEXY.

Hey Guys!

Rob is the new spokeswhore (TM Dlisted) for Dior Men’s Fragrances. I know, right??!?! I guess people think he smells like stuff other than stale cheetos and the inside of a second hand clothing shop. Shocking. So clearly, Rob needed a way to pay for his new pad since he dumped the old love nest (too many memories. And stains). So enter Christian Dior and their office full of Robsessed ladies and here we are: Robert Pattinson face of Men’s Dior Fragrances.

So I got to thinking if Rob’s the new face of these fragrances, what would they smell like? Well, have no fear people I’m here and I have a warped creative imagination!

Dior Italiano – It smells like a pizza rolled up and stuffed in a sweaty men’s Italian leather shoe, that’s been worn through a dirty puddle behind Ye Rustic Inn.

Dior Angeleno – It smells like an old gym sock worn to a PF Chang’s Rock N Roll Marathon after a trip to the dog park where it accidentally stepped in dog poop.

Dior Robbe – It smells like an ’86 BMW full of greasy old In-N-Out bags on fire in the number 4 lane on the 405 North.

Dior Unbroken – It smells like adolescent tears drying on a copy of “Forever” by Judy Blume loaned out from the public library.

In light of the recent Brad Pitt Chanel Fragrance commercials there is one thing for sure: I CAN’T WAIT to see the commercials/print ads Rob’ll do for Dior. We need Rob talking about scents, and men, and life and love and he has to use the word “essence” a lot. We’d also like him to look super hot. Come on Dior DON’T LET US DOWN!!!

Smell ya later!
Moon

 

8 Commented


A sincere (about 97%) letter to Taylor Lautner

Dear Taylor,

Can I do a thing we never do with you? No no no not take you down to Chris Hansen’s office & turn ourselves in. I mean talk to you girl to man for a sec without bringing up Olive Garden [except to say that Mr. Choice went there last week because he was wooed by their “two entrees for $12.95″ special and was pretty disappointed to learn that the Tuscan Training every chef goes through is actually a conference room rented in a strip mall off a highway in Italy that a regional manager gets to go to every 5 years.] And I won’t even bring up Big Daddy Lautner (but where ARE you Daniel?)

Remember when you looked like this?

and sounded like Kermit the frog when you said “Scary Story?”

Well….. something changed. You almost lost your job. And then you fought to earn your place. Armed with little baggies of meat

And did you ever.

The awkward kid with the boy voice & karate-chop moves turned into a ripped man with terribly guido-esque gelled hair. (Who seems to still hold on to those Karate Chop moves…)

But it was a start. After the baggies of body enhancing drugs meat did their thing & you solidified your role as THE Jacob Black, you continued to blossom.

You started drinking more water without your shirt:

And now you wear shirts with polarizing messages:

(pretty sure that’s photoshopped FYI)

And you landed the cover of GQ

Probably the first virgin ever to do so

You could’ve looked like this:

But instead you look like this:

 

TAYLOR WITH A WOLF! I GET IT!

You know you’ve made it when you are the butt of everyone’s joke:

And someone carves the fat version of you into a pumpkin:

What I’m trying to say is, Taylor: I’m glad you ate those baggies of meat-roids. I’m glad you fought for your right to be dumped by the girl you love and fall in love with her half-human child when it was still a baby. I’m glad you mentioned liking the Olive Garden one time so that we could make it out to be the only place you ever eat (it is, right?) And I’m glad your dad could beat up any Edward-Cullen sized guy who tried to steal the girl you love in real life. All while eating the entire stock of his local McDonald’s breakfast menu. You did it. You ARE Jacob Black. And I’m not sure I ever told you I thought so. I’m not sure I ever really admitted it until now.

Warm fuzzies forever,
UnintendedChoice

Something I learned while doing research for something other than pictures of Taylor & Olive Garden is that there are Jacob & Bella Fan Vids:

Try not to cry during this one kids.. and cry over the emotion, not just his terrible DEP-gel filled hair:

When did you realize Taylor WAS Jacob Black?

Thanks to our pals at Adventures in Twilighting for finding that fat Taylor pumpkin! Hilarious

10 Commented


Ye Rustic Inn and Denim Cut Offs and Public Reconciliation

Yes, those are icicle Christmas lights! Klassy!

Dear Rob and Kristen,

So we’re 30 days out from the last movie and you two decided to get back together. Sure you’re not even living together which pretty much tells us everything we need to know about this reunion. I do want to say, however, that I appreciate that you choose Ye Rustic Inn for your first (totally not staged) reunion in public for so many reasons.

First off Ye Rustic is about a block from my first apt in LA and was the site of so many dumb crazy nights. Second the Rustic is a dirty greasy shit hole with a loud ass juke box and gross carpet and old dudes. I appreciate that you chose this dump to show the world your rekindled love because really what could better represent your relationship at this point them a greasy dump? Yup, nothing.

Palace of love!

I spent about 2 minutes wondering if you ordered a basket of their wings and if you got beer or a crappy mixed drink. And is Kristen 21 yet? When did that happen and how did I forget? Also Did you sit in one of those circular booths and feed quarters into the joke box so that the entire AC/DC discography would play? And then later did you stumble across the street to play darts at (the equally fabulous shit hole) The Drawing Room and complete the journey from sober paparazzi outing to totally shit faced illusion of love?

I’m only sad I wasn’t there to see the looks on the faces of the regulars as they sat on their bar stools and gave you the side eye. But I’m glad you included a famous local dive in your tour de love you’ve had over the last few days. I’m sure they’re gonna get a ton of business in a few weeks! BMC (before Mini Cooper) you guys were hardly seen out together so many times in one week but not now! But I guess with 30 days left… ain’t no time to lose!

Forgot something?

Also lunch out the next day? You two are working this public reconciliation thing hard! Nice try yall! Oh and KStew? Button your freaking pants up. It might have been hot the past few days here in LA, but this isn’t MTV Spring Break 1995 and you don’t have one of those sun/dolphin tattoos circling your belly button. Thanks.

Off to get some wings!
Moon

24 Commented


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